In The World Of "S" Words

School started... Sian and stressed because this module is sibei hard to understand. Story-telling and history fills up the lesson time, but what are we suppose to know, understand and be tested about? Sigh... Reading my text just puts me to sleep. Because I dun understand and dun like this module very much, I feel even more stressed as I have to clear this at one shot and don't want to even have to repeat this module again. Doesn't help that the lecturer is sibei strict and calls roll at 2pm sharp, the time when class is suppose to start. Late 5 minutes also count as absent. Sigh, machiam his POWs like that. Maybe really treats us this way because he thinks he still a veteran in Vietnam... Sigh... sian...

Record Breaking Day

It happened just a few days back, on Monday. It was considered record breaking in terms of number of celebrities/ known personalities I've seen in a day at the store.
First came Jean Danker. Then came Kym Ng (who is damn super friendly and no airs). Then came Dick Lee. Then came Vernetta Lopez.

Others I've seen so far within my 7 months of working at the store are Adrian Pang, Cynthia Koh, Felicia Chin, Fiona Xie, Utt, Dan Richmond (Mark Richmond's bro), Kelly Poon, Cheryl Fox, Jonathan Leong, Paul Twohill, Bryan Wong (or issit Brian, tt Star Idol winner), some SuperHost contestant, some Bollywood star (whom I din recognise till my visuals colleagues told me), a few SuperBand contestants n one of the Lee bros (dunno if its Wei Song or Si Song).

Others I've heard that shopped but I did not get to c them are Sun Yan Zi n some other Bollywood stars.

Some days are really fun, esp when u get to c these pple. So when will I get to c Ayumi Hamasaki, A*Mei, Jay Chou, Xiao Zhu, Kyoko Fukada, Goto Maki, FIR or Janice at the store?

Mystery Of The Right Lower Eyelid Twitch

Some people believe the twitching of the different eyelids represent something. Some say the twitching of the left side brings good luck, right brings bad luck. Some thinks its vice versa. Some even go to the extend to say how bad or how good the luck is based of the number of times it twitches or whether it's the upper eyelid or lower eyelid that's twitching.

If going by what's happening the past few days, then the twitching of right lower eyelid means bad luck and having it twitch for a few days in a row means super bad luck. First, I got a customer complaining against me, alleging that I had given him/her/it the wrong info. Then I quarrelled with Dear. Then today, my dept had a short meeting with the big boss due to another customer complaint alleging that we had missed out and racked up the CD we had ordered for him/her/it after letting him/her/it wait 6 weeks for the CD.

I feel sian, depressed, disillusioned, uneasy, pissed, annoyed, irritated, everything and anything but good. Doesn't help that it's the time of the month and I'm already putting up with womb churning cramps. It's worse when the twitching doesn't stops.

I shall comfort myself with common causes of eye twitches like stress, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc... Still, I don't feel that comfortable. F*** out twitch! Argh! Hope I can sleep the twitch away.

Now I Remembered What I Wanted To Blog About

Someone made my blood boil last Friday when I was on duty at Promo. A choronology of what happened.

We were streaming the HMV radio from HK and Janice's MTV came up.
While I was enjoying the sweet voice singing while clearing the queue of customers who are paying up, I overheard this guy commenting to his girlfriend something like, "not bad, don't know who is she".
So I replied, "Oh, she is Janice Wei Lan. She's very popular in Hong Kong now."
Guy asked, "Janice ah?"
I replied, "Yah!" and he nodded his head and smiled to himself.
The girlfriend then said, "Quite normal what."
I almost wanted to take off my uniform, walk out of the counter and slap her. But I thought, too much hassle, why don't I just reach over and slap her.
Then upon hearing the guy said, "Quite nice mah", my blood tempreture then came down.

In my heart I was thinking that after I had slapped her, I would asked her to look into the mirror and see if she was 1% as pretty as Janice. Since she thinks Janice's voice is "quite normal what" and thinks so highly of herself and that her voice is better, go join Hong Kong's EEG, Singapore's Superstar or Idol or other big singing competitions lah.

Before commenting on others, look and compare to yourself 1st. Especially when you are commenting on a voice that has won various singing competitions in Hong Kong and various Best Newcomer awards the past year.

F*** off biatch! Thinking of that now still make my blood boil...... Especially that f***ed up haughty, arrogant and sour face. Jealous that your boyfriend comment that someone's voice is nice never say yours nice, say lah! No need to say this kinda comments one...

Comments Moderation

Dear lovely ladies and getlemen, I hate to do this, but I say I would have to. And that's start to moderate the comments you post when you click on "post-it's". I fucking hate to do this, but I have no fucking choice. Cos when I logged on just now to discover that some fuckhead had left some advertisments on insurance on the comments section of my latest entry. I somehow managed to remove it by deleting the entry n re-posting it... And I shan't put myself thru this shit again...

Now, I've forgotten what I have initially logged on to write about... Seesh...

Whatever!

Another nite I can't fall asleep. It actually helps that I'm yawning, feeling tired, eyes droopin a little. But it does not help that when I lie in bed n close my eyes, I can't get to sleep and keep tossing and turning.

Issit radiotherapy or issit me? How come in the past, I can sleep easily at nite, even though I'm not tired. I would just lie in bed, blank out, zzz. Now, I lie in bed, blank out, mind active again (thinking about what to do tmr, whether alarm clock set, worry n panic about this and that, trying to recall whether I forget to do this and that) and just can't get to sleep. Did the x and gamma rays shoot my brain cells mad? sigh...

Nowhere

There but not there...
Here but not here...

I'm in the mood for blabbering again...

Sometimes, things happen when you least expect it. However, when you want it to happen, the chance/ fate/ opportunity/ timing just drifts away. When it does, it may or may not balances your life. So you try not to look back, face the road ahead, moving forwards, dumping the "whatever" behind bit by bit. But you need the "whatever", as a lesson or a reflecting moment, to learn from it. However, after learning from it, will you be able to leave it behind and move on?
Humans are weird creatures. When something is in front of you, you would take it for granted and not appreciate it. When it's gone, you will then start to wonder how come you have lost it and try to get it back. Sometimes, you are just in time to do that, sometimes, you're just too late.
What's love? To me, it means wanting to hug and embrace that fella every minute, every second and planting kisses all over his face. Even while talking on the phone, you would really want to reach into the phone and hold his hand if you could. That's me right now and it has got to a point where I would feel lost without him. I'm addicted to Dear. Appearance wise, he may not be that dream guy I envision since young, tall, good-looking, a bit of the bad-boy look (like David Beckham, Josh Hartnett, Luo Zhi Xiang) but he has the perfect character I want. There have been "ideal" guys, but the feelings I have for Dear is so deep, that's nowhere compared to those "ideal" guys.

I think I need a break, to stone, to get away, to whatever. The depressing feelings are sometimes a bit over-whelming and I blame it still on PMS although the "relative" has gone home. Hormones playing a fool again? I really don't know... 3 years ago, I was stuck in this deep dark hole for months and I don't want it to happen again!

I feel... stucked...

Things...

I really don't know what I want to write or type about, so bear with me while I blabber away...

- I'm going to write/ type properly. No "SMS-wordings".
- I can't get to sleep. Don't know if it's because of the teh-peng I had just now.
- I still think having cancer is more fortunate than having that particular muscular disease. Either I die or get cured. That, is just, die...
- I'm in a depressed mood. I just feel like crying and I just don't know why. This is the XXth time it's happening and I'll just blame it on the monthly "relative" visit.
- More than half of my MSN contacts are perpetually offline. I don't know if they just don't come online at all or they just don't switch on their MSN. Maybe they do come online, at the office during office hours, but some companies don't allow MSN-ing in the office. Having checked their personal email and surfing or doing whatever they need to do in the office, they need not even go online when they get home.
- Every working environment has its pros and cons. Take some, lose some. Ah, my dear colleagues of mine, if you're reading this, you can guess what I mean... If not, ask me at work lah. - There's this particular makan review of mine that I have not blogged yet. Will do it... Soon? Hopefully?
- For almost 2 months, I told myself to update my profile here and on Friendster. Finally been able to do it just now, because I can't get to sleep.
- Ruben Studdard's 3rd album, Return, has loads of fast-paced songs. Slower the better mah, can showcase his vocals. Tunes are catchy, but don't do much justice to his vocals. In case you're wondering if there was a 2nd album, there was, but it was a gospel album, thus not that "commercial".
- American Idol 2006: Kellie Pickler is officially the first alumni to release an album after the contest. (read: album, not single). Her album was released end of last month, so who's next? I've not heard it yet because the only copy in the store is a US import copy, slightly expensive so not within my budget to buy. (ok, I admit, I love Ruben Studdard, Kimberly Caldwell, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks, Kellie Pickler, Chris Daughtry from the American Idol franchise)
- I really fucking hate my fucking stinko breath. I can even smell it myself! Dr Khor calls this dried mucus thingy a "scab". So when can I fucking stop having this fucking stinko scab thingy?! It was so damn fucking bad that it smelt like fucking gross vomit the other day.
- At last, I yawned... K, a few more yawns and I'm ready for bed...
- I am still having a damn cold. Had a throbbing headache on the 3rd and when I woke up the next day, I was having a runny nose. Due to this stupid headache, I missed a friend's birthday party! Succumbed to fever finally on the 6th and got an MC. Till now, I'm still having the blardi runny nose. (Maybe my nose training for a marathon)
- 2nd yawn. K... Not so bad...
- 3rd one... K... But I still don't feel sleepy. 0313hrs, and I'm still typing away... I'm supposed to wake up at 0730hrs...
- 4th time I've yawned so far.
- EEKS! I smelt it! My breath stinks! Argh!
- England drew 1-1 with Holland in a friendly yesterday. Becks gave up the captain's armband after the World Cup a few months back. Till now, he has not been called up to the England squad...
- I just farted, and even my fart stinks! But I think my breath stinks more...
- I thought Myolie Wu would have won this year's TVB's Best Actress and/or Most Favourite Female Role. These 2 awards went to Charmaine Sheh instead, which is another of my favourite TVB actress. However, between the 2, I still would choose Myolie Wu.
- Yawned for the 5th time...
- 6 cartons of Jap stocks coming in. As of 1930hrs just now, none of it came in yet. Hopefully all very easy to rack...
- Before classes begin, our lecturers would always want us to read up our textbook. I was reading it on the bus to and from work. It's definately very boring to me. Politics, Economics and the Future of America, I wonder if I can even pass this module.
- In about 2 weeks time, I should be able to check online for my Advanced News Gathering and Writing results. Will my GPA stay or drop? I've got this stupid hunch that it would drop. Whatever! Stay tuned for results.
- Dear's JC friend, is getting married next Saturday. I had always thought I would only get to meet his girlfriend, or rather, would-be-wife, on the wedding day itself. It's just somehow me and her didn't managed to get to meet before. It was such a coincidence that they were shopping at HMV and I was working on that day. It was really nice spending that few minutes talking to the bride. Hehe... Oh, it happened on that day when I had the big headache.
- Actually not only 3 things happened on that "headache" day. Of couse besides having a headache, meeting the bride and groom and missing a friend's birthday, I also picked up a called from a customer who dropped his card. He called to check if he had dropped it in the store or somewhere else. Luckily, Security helped settled the matter.
- 6th yawn of the night.
- I'm getting better at spicy food. The spiciness level is getting higher and higher. Yay! I want to get back to the "standard" where I use french fries as a dip, rather than using the chilli sauce as a dip. ~Slurp~ Oh! And at least 3 packets of chilli sauce for a burger! Haha... As of June, it was less than half a packet. Now, it's three-quarters of a packet. Ganbatei!

Maybe I should try to sleep now... Yawn...

???

yes... ??? is the state of my life now...

rewind 2 years back. I gotta know a wonderful guy, someone I am spending the rest of my life with. 6 months later, a fucking pain in the ass called "cancer" came along n stuck with me. Not only did it stuck, it sucked in 2 ways too. It really sucks and gave me all kinda side effects n pains, n it sucked away about 5 decades of my lifespan away, leaving me with only 2 blardi months left. It also sucked me dry financially of all my little savings n sucked away a new job posting in a working environment which i really liked, the knowledge i would get from this job and the good prospects of getting a very good n stable job with these knowledge... along came 2 oncologist n killed cancer away. now i pray hard to whizz through the next 5 years smoothly n then get back the remaining 5 decades of lifespan back.

loss of lifespan settled... but something else not yet...

those very close to me would know i cant really get along with my family members. After the war ystday nite, i complained to Dear that the 3 other pple at home dun wana solve the problem. thy only know how to run away from it by asking each other to "shut up coz it's late at nite n its embarrassing to let the neighbours hear n dun wana risk getting having the matahs knocking on the door". Dear said, to solve it, is to move out... which i totally agree since 8 years ago.
since the age of 17, i told myself, once i have the moolah, i would move out n rent a place of my own. this arrangement would avoid having arguments n clashes with them. Although i love them, i really cant live with them. with that job, i had some savings already... with a new job posting, everything looked rosy, esp the finance n moving out part. then "friendly" cancer had to come knocking on the door of health. no job, no finances, no savings...

is there some way to finish my degree in less thn 2 years or get a part time job that pays at least $20 an hour? if these part time jobs include drinking, smoking, sexual realtions, mlm, sales, recruiting pple, drugs, pirated stuff or anything that break the laws, keep me outta them.

ah, might as well, gimme the $600K Toto jackpot... i'm not greedy... a 5+1 aso can...

One More Down

Al last, exam over and done with... Not another one in sight till at least about two months later! But today's paper is a KILLER! freak man... write so much till my hand tired! It was almost like doing my geography paper during O's.

After the paper, I met Dear for lunch and then we went home... He played DOTA on the comp while I watched 一公升眼泪 (1 litre of tears)。Its just the 1st 6 episodes, but i thk i already cried more than a litre of tears already... Its based on a true story of a Japanese girl who suffers from a muscular disease, the same one that scientist Hawkings is also suffering from.

I thought having cancer was bad enough. The pains from the growing tumours, the dropping hair due to chemo, the tiredness, etc... But this is worse. You just rot and wait for death literally. There are cures for cancer, but there's no cure for this disease. For cancer, when you are already dying and bedridden, you just die in a matter of months. In this disease's case, you may be bedridden and can't swallow your food, but you can't die yet. You would just lie there and pass time, more like a living dead. Its damn terrible.

Cancer cures are so successful nowadays, how about researching into this disease instead. Compared to this girl, what I went through is really nothing...

Brakes Switched On

For the entire week, i've been alienated from the online world. No blogging, no checking of mails, no this no that. I was working, rushing out the cross-stitch in time for Dear for our anniversary, sleeping and eating... For the entire week now, I'll be studying... And next week back to work and than, last few days of studying before exam on the 30th.

To celebrate our anniversary, Dear brought me to Coca at Ngee Ann City for lunch. Believe it or not, it as my first time eating Coca in my 25 years of life. Its just normal steamboat while the chilli sauce made the whole difference. My favourite item in the steamboat was the fish slices. What even made it even more worth it was getting a student price, so we didn't paid for 2 adults. Although the savings was just a mere $5, the $5 bought us gelato for dessert! This is really what I would say, making full use of the dollars...

Anyway, i really have no momentum to study. I'm getting a tad complacent about my perfect score, so it seems like slacking a bit does not matter at all. However, i know that if i did not give my all, I would not be able to score and thus end up dropping points for my GPA. And once my GPA drops, I would just "hack it" and lose momentum all the way. What should i do? Sigh... I just feel like relaxing n doing nothing at all for the next few days, but the gan cheong part of me tells me that I'm running outta time. Damn!

Maybe its time to switch off my brakes... Oh, covering 2 and a half chapters today just made me more complacent and slack and braindead and tired... It makes me think I can spare time out to relax. Argh! I need the "cheong ah" n "ganbatte" spirit!!! Knowing I don't have enough time, I can't relax!!!

God, grant me the energy, pls...

Dangerous Drivers

Be careful of these drivers...

Red Honda Fit. SFP83--K. After the 黄瓜不够 dinner, we were driving to my granny's place to pick up some stuff. We were at Eunos Link, turning towards Bedok Reservior at around 6.40pm. There was a yellow box in front of us. As the traffic light change, we were about to move off when the driver of the above mentioned car plate dangerously cut into the yellow box without even checking if we are moving off. Luckily my dad braked in time. But it was a traffic congested situation, the car behind us could have hit us!

Blue-greyish Mitsubishi van. GY63--R. After the Honda incident, at around 6.50pm along Bedok Reservior, this driver of the above mentioned van, cut into our path first without checking if there was space then switch on his signal light. he pratically squeezed into the lane. There was barely space between the car in front of the van, and between the van and us. Becos of the stupid van, there was almost a 4-vehical collision. The 3 of us, n with my dad slamming hard on the brake, the car at the back douls have been involved too.

Take these drivers off the road!!!

Cucumber No Enough

Well, my pleasant happy afternoon was spoiled by someone who told me 黄瓜不够 (cucumber no enough).

What happened was that my dad bought mum, me and Dear to Tanjong Katong to try the famous Punggol Nasi Lemak. It wasn't that freaking cheap afterall. I ordered ikan kerring, 1 chicken wing, sayur lodeh and stir-fried french beans. It came up to $4.80. I was thinking, k lah, famous maybe that's why they can jack up the price a little, never mind... The infurating, blood boiling moment was when the auntie place a slice, ONE slice of cucumber on my plate and placed the cucumber basket next to the 'self-service' chilli. So I helped myself by taking 2 more slices. All nasi lemak stalls let you help yourself to extra slices of cucumber. She told me that magical 4 words, 黄瓜不够.

I was complaining and sulking the entire dinner. I was thinking if that uncle sitting there could have 1/4 of his plate filled with cucumber, what is 2 pieces. It was worse when I saw 4 customers who later sat at tables around us with TWO slices of cucumber on each of their plates. The chicken wing was nice, but the 4 magical words were still echoing in my head. the 4 of us cracked jokes about bringing our own cucumbers, collecting the uneaten pieces of cucumbers back to give to the auntie or going to buy cucumbers for the auntie.

When we finished our dinner, the 4 customers who shared EIGHT slices of cucumbers only ate 2 slices in total. SIX slices WASTED. never mind, another table i saw on the way out, had TWO slices on 2 plates left. a total of EIGHT slices wasted.

If you freaking hellish know that your 黄瓜不够, ration it in the first place. As a nasi lemak stall, how can you say 黄瓜不够?!?!?! Ask every customer if they would want cucumbers. If they don't eat it, they would say no. Or you could leave it there, beside your chilli and let customer take. if they want, they would take, if they don't want it, they won't even bother putting it on their plate. Charging so expensive for your nasi lemak, what is TWO extra slices of cucumber!!! And also knowing your business is good and the cucumbers will definately be not enough for the entire night, go out and buy lah! duh...

If any of you wana try the nasi lemak next time, remember to bring your own cucumbers. cos for them, its not 钱不够(money no enough), its 黄瓜不够(cucumber no enough). Maybe money too enough already, that's why cucumber no enough. Wait till they money no enough, then they will tell you cucumber always enough. Stupid service attitude, to think you're a nasi lemak stall without cucumbers... seesh...

NED

The preparation for the PET scan yesterday was horrible. I had to take laxatives on Tuesday and ended up waking up thrice in the middle of the night to spend half an hour on each trip to the toilet with a tummyache. But, that not all. At the clinic, I had to drink 2 cups of contrast, somehting like a barium solution. Yucks! But the suffering and ordeal was worth it. At about 3pm, after collecting the results and seeing Dr Hwang, I was offically declared NED (No Evidence of Disease).

She still might wana put me on the drugs that would inhibit the epidermal growth factors of the cancer cells. However, she needs to discuss with my parents first. So this Saturday morning, we're gonna see her again.

So all my gastric pains are just plain gastric pains. The swelling on my neck is just stiff muscles n scarring due to radiotherapy. Phew...

From 2 months away from death to alive n kicking to NED. Thank God! Now I can really start counting the days of my remission period. Papa in heaven is the bestest! Amen!

Stiff Muscles

The above is what Dr Khor said when he examined my neck and the swelling there. He said I had very tight muscles as a result of IMRT radiotherapy. Not that worried, but still worried. Told him about the PET scan on Wednesday and he "assured" me that if there's anything, the PET scan would pick it up.

If all is true, all i need is a real damn freaking good pillow... :P

Working Is Fun!

Why do I say so?

1) The section I'm working in is on the same level as the movies section, thus, when there are new releases, we get to watch them!

2) You get to meet stupid people and you can lol at the stupid things they say. for example:
Customer (Holding the latest/ newest release by XX artiste): Do you have a newer one?
Me (On a slight intent of making fun of him): What do you mean by newer one? The album you are holding is the newest one for XX artiste already.
Customer: I mean another newer one.
Me: Another newer one?
Customer: Another piece of this.
Me: All our stocks are already displayed out. (Which is true)
The thing I'm getting at is, at a CD shop, you don't ask for a newer piece while holding the latest release cos the idea is that you'll be asking for the latest one. When shopping for clothes, you can definately ask for a new piece, which means untried n 'unopened'. At a CD shop, you should just ask if we have another piece in stock. All customers who approach any sales staff in a CD shop posing the question of a newer one, are 99.999999999% of the time asking for the latest release of that particular artiste cos they don't see it on the racks. Honestly, this is the one and only customer who did this to me in my whole retailing life... And he did it to me, yesterday...

3) You get to spew technical jargons and terms and 'chim-ilogies' at customers n look at their 'wow', impressed, confused, 'why-so-technical?' looks on their faces when they ask questions like...
"What do you mean by MV?"
"What is the difference between a DVD and a VCD?"
"What do you mean by region coding?"
"Why cannot order?" (eh, well, you can, provided you are willing to pay us extra moolah to send the DVD to the Board of Film Censors n willing to wait up till a year or so for the BFC to approve your obscure-Japanese-artiste-DVD)
"Why is (certain title) not released/ not found/ banned?" (sometimes I really feel like telling them to ask the BFC instead. Yes yes, no "Sex and the City", no "Sopranos", no "Birdcage", no "Football Hooligans", etc...)
After they ask the above question, usually this would follow...
"So you mean I can't get it anywhere in Singapore?" (When we tell them, they can risk ordering it online, they give us a shocked look like they have never heard of online shopping or internet before...)

"Bring It On" lastest installment, "All or Nothing" is a good chill out movie...

Penny Dai Pei Ni's (戴佩妮) new album is very relaxing. Most of the songs are "very her", with the exception of a few tracks.

Vivian Xu Ruo Xuan's (徐若瑄) new album a bit CMI (cannot make it). Boring, bad vocals, eeks... To me, its a bit painful to the ear...

Coco Lee's (李王文) new album not too bad. Some tracks are nice, some CMI. The hip hop ones are the nicer ones...

Sweet...

Mum is boiling one of my fave drinks... 南杏北杏 (North and South Almond) with white fungus. Its a very cooling drink, good for my slightly sore throat n high body heat. Dear keep complaining my body temperature very high, but its not fever... Maybe "heaty" lor, tt's y i keep drinking water. Although the almonds n white fungus can be eaten, I don't. That's y i say its a drink. Haha...

Chocolate Makes You Happy?

I was drinking Milo during dinner break while at work yesterday. Usually we wouldn't eat outside, but would make take-aways and go back to the corridor outside the security checkpoint to have our meals. It was the first day of the fasting month, so only 2 colleagues and me were etaing. A colleague finished her meal n left the table. The other colleague was finishing his meal n commented that I looked so contented and happy drinking my Milo. I replied, "Chocolate make you happy!" He said he agreed with me.

After he finished his meal, he left the table. While I was still there at the table alone, tackling the hot Milo. When I recalled what he said, tears welled up. Had to curb the urge to cry.

Why am I having so much food cravings nowdays? I had laksa for supper ystday n for today's lunch. I'm drinking Milo for 2 days straight. Do I really believe that chocolate makes one happy? If it really does, how come I don't feel it? After feeling the swell, I've been spending every nite with Dear. I admit. I'm freaked out, afraid. I want to eat what I like, drink what I like, do what I like and be with the person I love before I discover the truth about the swell. I'm scared of a truth that I might face.

Does not help that there a suspense about it since Dr Khor and Dr Hwang, my 2 lovely, trusty oncologists are away. Seeing a GP would not help in any way. I told Dear to just let me enjoy one week of my life because, in case, if anything happens, I'd be faced with a lot of "restrictions". I want my favourite, lovely, spicy Bee Hoon Kuah...

No Way... Please!!!

I can feel the right side of my neck, below my jaw, is swelling, just like last March... However, the swell now is slightly nearer to my shoulder, unlike last time, it was nearer to my jaw. I'm getting paranoid... Am i gonna have a relaspe? Now I start to wonder how come my hearing's a bit weird... Sometimes I feel like I'm on an airplane. But the only comforting point is that I have no nosebleeds...

Almighty God, please, I beg You, dun pull a fast one on me. Now that Dr Hwang is planning to stop my oral drugs, I should be counting down the days of remission left. Pls, not like the last time after i completed my radiotherapy, thn it was discovered that the cancer cells have spread n then I had to go for chemo... Not now when the whole cycle of treatment is complete, (choy, touch wood), i have to go thru everything again... Papa in Heaven, pls... You have answered my prayers n gave me another chance at life knowing I have only 2 months left. Pls let this be just a scare, a neck sprain, a tight muscle. In Jesus Holy name I pray, Amen!

If only that local hospital's machine did not break down, I could have gone for my PET scan n it would have been picked up n Dr Hwang could do something abt it... Now, I have to wait... Papa in Heaven, is this Your will?

Today's Toto Draw

Hmm... Good news n bad news...

Good: I sucessfully picked out 5 numbers. I chose them myself, not through quickpick... I chose 2 system 7, 2 ordinary entries, a total of 4 boards...

Bad: They are on different boards...

Damnit! I should have made other different combis with the 4 boards i had made... NB...

No "W"! Yay!

Was logging in to OKCU's student login the past few days to check reults for my 2nd module, Arts & Our World. Was intending to check it a little later or tomorrow will WL msn me n told me results are in already. I checked it immediately n at last, i got a proper grade!!! No "W"!!! No need to go thru anxious wait n shitty shit again for my results. Thanks God!

Called Dear immediately n proved to him that i did not need to get a "W" in order to get a perfect grade! Haha... He kept teasing me saying that that got a perfect grade for the 1st module cos it was a grading mistake, n maybe my exam script & assignment was somehow misplaced. Bleh...

PET Scan Rescheduled

Now, i have to wait for till 4 Oct to know if I can be taken off oral chemo drugs. This morning I got a call from the clinic to remind me of the scan tomorrow. Later in the afternoon, I got another call from them telling me thy have to postpone my scan because there was some trouble with the production of the radioactive thingy (used to inject patients with for the scan) at a local hospital. Apparently, this local hospital is the only place producing the radioactive thingy, and the WHOLE of Singapore is affected. Now, should the medical association do something about it? Maybe they should have another hospital or institute producing the radioactive thingy so when (choy, touch wood) the same damn thing happens, at least only part of Singapore is affected, not whole of Singapore.

I'm pissed. How can there be no backup kinda thing?! For an anxious patient like me, wanting to know if I'm "fully cured" n can live life without the support of oral chemo drugs, the postponement is killing me. Apparently, everything will be back to normal on Friday and I can actually go for the scan on Frday. But Dr Hwang's flying off on Thursday n only returning on the 3rd! Why do you think i purposely arrange for the scan to be done tomorrow while I finish my "final" dosage of oral drugs today!?

No supplies, no scan, no point cancelling driving or work to go for the scan as it takes half a day for the entire process and another half a day wait for the results. No point gog for the scan n getting the results, but no doc to tell me yes, no, need to continue with the drugs or not.

It doesn't help that I'm getting paranoid abt my gastric problems (my tummy's hurting again now and it did last night) and backaches on and off (like an electric jock/shock, luckily not like last time which is a constant pain hammering on my back that only painkillers would make me feel betta). This PET scan originally scheduled for tomorrow will at least gimme answers!!!

Why Like That?!

I'm getting too disillusioned. Everything seems to be a blur. A tornado just swept thru my mind and created a whirlpool, tempting to suck things into extinction. For a moment, what happened last April seems to be rosy, now, everything's falling apart. Why have we come to this kinda situation? What is God's will? Is it His will that such a close friendship for more than a decade will be blown apart due to certain different thinkings and priorities? 心寒...

Relief At Last

I received the hard copy of my results via post today, at last... Ok, I got a proper grade and at last, I feel relieved, at ease... No need to stop worrying or getting paranoid already...

And I Did Forget...

My gastric problems are coming back again... shoo... leave... Don't bother me!!!

How Can I Forget?

I got a brand new laptop, HP Pavilion dv2009, courtesy of daddy dearest! Got it at Comex slightly more than a week ago. Dear says I could have gotten more freebies or a better bargain if I got the similar model at Funan or Sim Lim. However, I quite satisfied. Its a 1.8G Intel Duo Centrino, 1G RAM, 80GB HDD, GeForce 7200 128MB, Altec Lansing bulit-in speakers, Widescreen, free TV Tuner, DVD writer, Bluetooth, Multi-card reader, Firewire, USB ports, blah blah, and a $50 off the purchase due to some promo.
So for the past few days, I've been busying myself "syncing" up the laptop with the desktop. Sharing the folders, copying & pasting my mp3s, documents, photos, bookmarks, blah blah, whatever that needs to be transferred so that the two looks the same...

I kinda love and hate the current module I'm taking. The module now is Advanced News Gathering & Writing. There's a bit of "occupational hazard" now, although I'm not a reporter or journalist. Everytime I read The Newpaper, magazines or writing things out, I pay attention to style n what kinda lead or structure the article is using. Damn...

Was so bothered with my results and busy "configuring" my laptop, i keep forgetting to blog about a certain thing, a certain thing that depresses me, and make me think what the hell is friendship. Why have the five of us come to this point? Is it marriage or just plain different priorities? Sometimes I can't help but think four of us are not as important as animals or money. Sigh... I shall write at full length another day when I have a longer time to blah about it...

Solved

The mystery of "W" is solved. I checked the webby just now and saw that I got a proper grade. However, I better wait till Tuesday because it's the estimated day I would get my result slip...

Mystery of "W"

I told my co-ordinator about my grade online during my break today. She said will help me check and will call me once she has got any news.

I got a call from her around 4pm just now. Apparently, my exam script and assignment was sent to the university in US, but it wasn't marked, hence the "W" for withdrawal. They are now investigating and pursuing a grade for me.

Still, I still don't quite well fucking understand... When you send out result slips, don't you check to make sure that you had printed out everyone's? If someone's was missing, don't you check why it was missing? If it was a "I" for incomplete or "W" for withdrawal, don't you double check with the student if he/she had indeed missed out certain stuff to get a "complete" grading?

Why only check when the student makes a big hoo-ha outta it? If I never bothered to double check or press for my results, am I gonna have the "W" all the way till when i come back from the US n find out that I can't graduate?

A, B, C, D, E or F but W?

95% of the class got their results thru mail for the 1st module we took, Researching & Writing In an Academic Community. I haven't got mine. So, like wht some of them had said n also according to our co-ordinator on campus, we can chk for the results using the uni's webby.

I checked, and got a freaking grade "W". According to the handbook and catalogue, "W" stands for withdrawal from the module. Fucking hell, since when did I withdraw, and if I did, why didn't I know about it? Even if I had failed in attendence, which many others would have too, it would be a "I" for incomplete or "F" for fail. I am so getting freakingly paranoid n trying to stay as calm as I can...

A classmate says she dun really trust the online one. Another told me it's some kinda mistake. Damn it... Armed with my official receipt of the installation paid for the degree course and the course subbmission receipt, I'm gonna get my co-ordinator to help me clarify.

Axiety... Don't think I'll be able to get a good night's sleep... Dear n mum says dun think so much, tmr thn settle. But how to sleep?! It just keeps nudging n nudging... Sian!!!

Semi-Celebration

After class today, i went for a scheduled checkup at Dr Hwang's. Good news is that after one dose of medication, she wants to stop my medication already. She actually wanted to put me on one whole year's worth of oral chemo drugs, but now she wants to stop already, which is good cos its earlier than expected! However, i need to go for another PET scan to confirm an all clear. So Dear suggested a semi-celebration. Went to 新旺, a HK-themed cafe on the 2nd flr of Cineleisure to try out the food.

I ordered the beef horfun (left). Not too bad, but a bit not worth the price cos as Dear had put it, can get similar tasting ones at half the price at zi char stalls. Dear ordered Shanghai vegetable rice with minced meat and egg (right). Not too bad, but the minced meat sauce a tad sweet. the vegetable rice tasted like any other fried rice. because the cafe is HK-themed, we had expected something more HK or special... but... a bit disappointed... we ordered one dimsum dish aso. its some beancurd skin thingy (right). at first i tot it was a steamed version. but it turned out to be fried. tasted so so lor, like any other ones at other dimsum places. redeeming factor was the drinks. i ordered a hot milk tea while dear ordered a ice "madarin duck" (鹰鸯 / ying yong lah)...

might try other foods in the menu if there's a chance to go there another time. give it another chance to impress me with HK-themed makan... hehe...

Ole Ole Ole Ole!!!

After being sidelined n plagued with knee injuries for almost 2 years, my dear baby-faced assasin Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is BACK!!! Being a Man Utd fan for a decade now, i had loved n supported Solskjaer the moment he stepped into the Theatre of Deams. Who can ever forget the goals he scored during the Champions League Finals and single-handily brought back the title to Old Trafford! During the time he could not play, i wished, hoped n prayed he would recover sonner n score in major games. End of last season he started his comback by playing for reserves, but the first team is really where he belong. Scoring goals in the EPL n other major tournaments is wht he should be doing, not just playing for the reserves game. I longed to c him score in a major tournament game n c his big wide smile on his face like what he always does.

In the EPL game against Charlton just now, he did not start, which is expected. All along, he was kinda like a super-sub for Man Utd. Put him in the starting eleven chances of him scoring is low. Put him on the bench n bring him out later, he will score for u. He came on n score. The moment i saw his big wide smile, i cried. I had waited for this day to c him score in a major tournament game for too long already! i was really damn happy for him. Although he replaced Giggs n took over the Capt's armband from him for that little short while, tt moment of seeing him in the armband scoring just brought too much joy to me. If only he was rite in front of me, i would rush over to hug him.

The scene of him scoring n celebrating is still playing over n over in my head. i wonder how i'm gonna sleep...

Ole Ole Ole Ole...

Gastric? Flu? Sick...

Sunday morning, Dear n i woke up early. We had breakfast b4 he had to go view a shop floor. after accompanying him to view the shop floor, i went home to zzz. i slept form 1+ till 7 in the evening. after sleeping for so long in the day, it was amazing to be able to sleep at nite.

I woke up with a slight headache. it just felt a bit head-heavy, not the pricking kinda headache. Actually on sunday morning when Dear n I woke up, we felt a bit funny. But we just shake it off as being "chilled by the fan" which was blowing straight at us, as it was blardi hot during the nite. i went to work n everything was quite ok. just that i wasn't having much concentration n felt a bit blur. after dinner, the heavy head slowly crept to become a pricking pain. i took a cab home, washed up, popped a panadol flu on empty stomach n zzz. but it was kinda hard falling asleep. my head kept thumping n i could hear the tv on n off. it was like drifting to sleep n then waking up, wide awake n drifting back to sleep again... at last i fell asleep but woke up at 1 plus. my tummy felt blotted n it was terrible. i burped a few times n vomitted.

luckily Dear haven't sleept yet, so he accompained me to the 24hrs clinic to c the doc. the doc cannot even tell if it was gastric or stomach flu! anyway, the consultation n medication came up to $114, a few dollars shy from my norm visits to Dr Khor. Got a 2 days MC too. slept over at Dear's place as it was a short walk n it's cheaper then taking a cab home.

Woke up at 7.30, had breakfast with Dear n he went to work while i went home to continue sleeping. b4 i slept, i called my manager to report sick for today n tmr. i fell asleep by 9.30, but only woke up at 1+ in the afternoon. Whole aftnn at home, watch vcds n rested then went out for dinner with my parents.

Nw, at Dear's place typing this... while he's already snoring... lol...

Strait's Cafe @ Hotel Rendezvous

Exam passed on Saturday. Paper was do-able, hopefully can score a avg B overall. After exam, met jie meis for shopping. haven't really been able to window shop, look at stuff slowly n shop till so shiok for a long time already. Bought a pair of sneakers and a tube top from Mango. Bought my first ever piece of Zara, which normally can't find my cutting/size, a tube top. Bought a bra from Una Cool, sister brand of Wacoal.

Later, we had dinner at Strait's Cafe at Hotel Rendezvous to celebrate PJ's bday. the spread was definately worth the money, considering the promotion of free dining for persons whose bday falls in august but must be accompained by one paying customer. Even at a norm rate of almost $35 per pax w/out promo, it was really worth it.

At the Jap corner was sashimi, sushi, cold tofu, soba.
Local corner had rice, pork, chicken, steamed fish, veg, black pepper mussels, laksa.
Cold dishes had DIY salad, potato salad, fruit salad, seafood salad, pasta salad, baby octupus, cold mussels, shrimps served in a soup spoon with dressing...
Desserts had chng teng, burbur hitam, sweet potato, nonya pastries, several cakes, chocolate fondue, fruits...
A special corner located just opposite the dessert's corner, which i call it delight's corner had drunken herbal prawns, kabab, pork loin, roast beef and baked potatos.
Must tries are the sashimi, soba, laksa, potato salad, cold mussels, shrimps in a soup spoon, and everything at the delight's corner. so so yummy!!! just thinking of it is making my mouth water...
After the wonderful dinner, we walked all the way to Tangs n found it closed for the day already. sigh... anyway, Dear slept over later...

As you Can See/Tell Part 2

Good, chinese text can be displayed. But i'm using windows text package thingy. so dunno if those comps w/out it can still c or not... next, I gonna try japanese... lol... another day perhaps... studeeeeeeeee....

As You Can See/Tell

1) I'm bored from studying for tmr's paper, hence, i'm online blogging

2) Judging from the 1st statement, u can really see/tell that i'm freaking bored n thus i make a senseless statement like the one above.

3) Tmr's an exciting day. after i finish my paper, i'll be free, so damn freaking free to start reading Frank McCourt's Teacher Man, at last... The book's laying seductively on my table, screaming n groaning, "read me, flip me open!!!" but paper's tmr, just less then 24hrs later, i can enjoy reading!!!

4) However, the next module starts on 4th Sept. So, can't do much reading too.

5) i'm sleepy...

6) Tmr have to remb to buy textbk for the next module. n it freakingly costs 98.95. kaoz... let's see how thick the blardi book is...

7) i'm trivia-ing for a while. cos dear took 富甲天下 (fu jia tian xia) home... its a monopoly game with elements of romance of the 3 kingdoms in it. graphics damn cute... damn fun...

8) I gotta studeeeeeeeeeeeee...

9) Let's c if chinese text can be displayed aft i publish post. n nope, i'm not gonna edit it if it doesn't show up. cos its an evidence to remind me i can't type chinese text in here...

Stone Day

For the longest time, i haven't been able to stone the whole day. I did nothing at all. i watched vcd, packed my room a bit n was online slacking... really slacking... after studying n working, studying n working for so many days, i really felt relaxed n charged up. But there's a price to pay... Have to start mugging agin tmr... Exam's on Saturday...

changed the blog's layout a bit n added a tag board... happy tagging!

Today's Toto Draw

5.5 million jackpot. i din even got a sniff of it. if only there's a prize for 2+1... Whn will it be my turn?

Blogging What I Left Out

After 2 weeks of not blogging, there's so many things u wana tok about, but simply u'll forget to.

gubra, the sequel to sepet came into the store the other day, i immediately grabbed one n reserved it. now, its sitting on my cupboard cos i din have the time to watch it. Forced dear to watch sepet the other day, but we din mange to finish cos his laptop threw tantrums.

FIR released a new album after so long! new album not so rock, more chill out, jazzy kind.

i booked my driving test date on 20th Oct. Hopefully i'll pass. if not, i'll most prob have to take my final theory exam again cos it would expire in Nov. Rite now, i'm trying to cramp as many lessons as possible. One infuriating thing is that although i passed my basic theory b4 i registered with the driving school, i still have to go for 2 classes of basic theory! damn, i only found out recently. so, although i had already passed all the theory test needed for driving, i still have to go for lessons... bo liao, waste my time only... haiz, but not much of a choice. if i don't go for the time wasting n money wasting classes, i can't take my driving test!

went ktv with dear the other day. at last, after sooooo long. i would usually sing the songs by my fave artists last. so i sang janice wei lan, a*mei, etc... everyone except FIR!!! it was only after we left the place for dinner thn dear asked me, "how come today never sing FIR ah?" then i realised that i had forgotten to choose their songs! damn!

hmm, wht else... another day mayb... need to study...

Rice Table @ International Bldg

went to rice table on saturday with the gals to celebrate yue's bday in advanced. not too bad a spread. 20 dishes for u to choose from for dinner. n its a ala-carte buffet style. some dishes were damn yummy, some were ok only...

satay could b better without the sauce.

tahu telor could b better if excess oil was drained properly.

ikan billis could b better if they are crispier.

achar damn got kick.

curried tofu was normal.

sayur lodeh was a disappoinment. not lemak enough.

prawns should have bigger serving. the size of the prawns were so damn small n each dishes was served with one slice/piece per pax.

kangkong ok lor.

fruit salad was unique.

perkedel was a tad salty, but damn sadap.

grilled chiken was damn good. only if eaten warm...

deep fried fish damn yummy. the fish was so soft... melts in your mouth.

fried chicken wing nothing different.

chilli chicken wing, din try cos looked a bit spicy.

i'm still missing 6... hmm...

soto ayam soup tasted like tom yum soup without chilli. the fragrance of the lemongrass was overwhelming.

otak, din try...

brinjal, din take cos i hate brinjals.

gado gado ok.

cuttlefish damn chewy but not tough. we joked that the cuttlefish was 4 small baby octopus sliced.

rendang damn smelly. worst rendang in my life i've ever eaten. n i love rendang lor...

there u go... 20 dishes...

rice was soft... very soft... my type of rice.... if u like hard rice, u'll be disappointed.

Weeks Of Withdrawal Symptoms

I haven't been blogging for 2 weeks cos i was working n too tired to. everytime i come across something, i tell myself to blog once i get home n touch the comp, but everytime, i preferred to play chess with "grandpa zhou" for 2 weeks, my fingers were itching to type something in here, but i was just simply too lazy n drained to do so...

Mango's new fall/winter collection is in, but i haven't been able to spare time to take a look.

i might get senile when i'm old cos i tend to forget things easily. i almost have to jot down everything i have to remb... either that, i'm too lazy to kill brain cells to remb these stuff. for eg: i would write everything down in my organiser in detail, whereas in the past, i just have it in my head. mayb the radiotherapy killed some grey matter, so i tend to b forgetful.

bought 2 books from borders sale. Frank McCourt Teacher Man n Derek Jeter's autobiography. will start reading them soon after i'm done with the upcoming exam for Arts n Our World.

was so fed up n angry with dear dear the other day i became disillusioned with our relationship. for that 24 hours i lost hope of being mrs wong, n was trying to mend n heal cracks in my heart. i had asked him, "2 mths more anniversary liao, u excited?" all i got was a freaking sian face n a "orh". i couldn't sleep tt nite n when i finally got to, it was a nightmare of dear telling me he dun want me already. i woke up, couldn't get back to sleep all the way till 5 in the morning. wasn't myself the entire day, i just felt sleepy, cranky, short-fused, grouchy n lost... a fucking irritating bastard customer just made my day worse n i sat down on the floor at the counter n cried. i just broke down. dear called me at nite, n asked if i was angry with him. i replied, "can't b bothered to. bring angry only give me wrinkles". told him my bad day n y he was the cause of it. although i know dear is joking, but i just can't help it but feel damn disappointed. but these few days, dear extra sweet to me. mayb he guilty... hehe...

EPL is starting at last! i was suffering for soccer-watching withdrawal symptoms. no soccer equals no life. life's boring with no soccer to watch. community shield just ended n england's vice capt's team won the capt's team. well done liverpui! so happy to c chealsea's sore loser face yet again... muahahaha...

mclaren should re-consider his choice of captain. gerrard is so much more influential n a better player thn terry! makelele just make terry n lmapard look good. yes, i'm repeating this again... but look at chealsea w/out makelele! terry really cannot make it.

yawn... even i'm getting bored at the things i'm typing out here... or mayb i'm jus sleepy...

And Then...

So, another week of not blogging. hardly come online too. after working, u just feel like slacking n not doing anything.

Dr Khor gave me something today to take to get rid of the smelly breath i have. hopefully it works. i cant help but feel sometimes pple are keeping a distance away from me becos of it. sigh... insecurity, as always...

and then, no and then. i guess that's all. just needed to type something out here...

WARNING:
MR STEVEN LIM HAS CHANGED LOCATION FROM TANGS/MARIOTT TO LUCKY PLAZA. targets changed to xiao mei mei's to filipinos? i have simply no idea. ladies, just be careful...

My Happenings

Haven't been blogging for slightly more then a week, but i guess no one misses me anyway. no classes, so have been working n working. next time i'm gog back to school will be for exams in mid aug... off days aso nvr blog, cos gotta run errands n go for doc's appts. so here i am, blogging, cos i can sacrifice a little sleep as i'm off on tuesday n am bent on staying home n slack out.

last monday, i went for my dental. Dr Andrea Khor is away cos her hubby got a posting to somewhere n she followed along. My new dentist is so so much more stricter. but strict is good, at least i know i'm in good hands. after that i went for my driving lesson after slightly more then one n a half years. when i sat in the driver's seat, adjusted my mirrors n seat, put on my seatbelt n placed my hands on the steering wheel, i almost cried! i 'm so so terrified of bwang-ing the damn car! thankfully it was an auto lesson! if it was a manual lesson, i thk my car will "stop fire". although i'm taking a manual license, i have to fulfill 2 auto lessons. anyway, the instructor saw that i have not driven for a long time, so he told me to circle round the circuit 1st. so i stepped on the accelerator n my fears started disappearing with each round i went. thank God i still could steer well n keep in my lane! as i drove on, i felt better n better. whn i went onto the roads, i felt so much more confident!

work work work n another off day on friday. but i had an appointment with Dr Hwang. She sent me for a ultrasound and all was good. no signs of tumors. no sign of my cyst enlarging. dinner was with Dear. We went to try pizza hut's new cheesy bites. yummy!!! cheeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... so damn shiok!

Woke up at 6.30am on Sat morning to have breakfast at clementi central's market b4 gog to work. haven woken up so damn early for so long. thn went to work. after work, stomach started calling for food. ate with Dear at west coast market. thn stomach pain pain. haven't had such bad gastric pains for so long already. took antacid to feel better.

Had brunch with Dear at mos burger b4 work today. cheeseburger plain... so so yummy...

cheese is the best thing invented on earth. so is LV n Hello Kitty. haha...

oh, abt the paranoia stuff abt pple talking behind my back n hating me cos i'm a bimbo n have bad breath, i still can't shake off tt feeling. damn! song of the moment: Akon's Lonely...

Childhood Silly Memories Part 2

Date: Can't remember. It's one of those primary school days.
Time: Afternoon
Venue: At home
Activity: Ice-cube making
Silly Me: It's one of those days when i played "pretending". This day, i pretended to be a chef, n i wanted to make pear flavoured ice-cubes. I decided not to use pear juice, but decided to slice the pear skin in smaller pieces n place them into the ice cubes. so, there i was slicing the skin off the pear, throwing the UNEATEN pear into the dustbin thn i realised that my mum told me there is wax on the skin of fruits n its not good to be eaten. so i acted smart n washed the pear skin in detergent, yes, detergent as in ma-ma-lemon... thn i carefully place each piece of skin that i carefully cut into each slot of the ice-cube tray. i then poured water into the ice-cube tray n placed the tray into the freezer. when my mum came back, she did not notice the pear skins nor that the ice-cubes were not fully formed yet. she emptied the entire tray into the ice-cube box! whn i heard the plonk plonk sound of the ice-cubes into the box n mum saying, "aiyoh, ice-cubes not formed yet", i screamed. i told her to throw everything away cos the ice had detergent in it. i got a scolding, n i told her, all i wanted was just pear flavoured ice-cubes.

ahahaha... silly me...

Childhood Silly Memories Part 1

Just in case i go senile one day, whtever i can remember of my childhood, i'm gonna record it down...

Date: Can't remember. It's one of those primary school days.
Time: Late morning
Venue: Public bus-stop
Activity: Waiting for school bus to pick me up to school.
Silly Me: Remember those old bus-stops with 2 bars of green coloured railings. pple usually sit on the top one, resting their foot on the bottom one. As kids, we love to imitate adults. I n my few other friends sat on the railing too. but i decided to do a small stunt. i flipped myself over the railing n landed beautifully. there were encores to do the little stunt again. however i denied by cracking up an excuse that the bus is coming soon... why? i banged my head on the bottom bar n was in a giddy state. but because my friends were cheering me on, i pretended nothing happen, but held on to the railing for support.

Hahaha... silly me...

Things I Left Out

Just the other day, i was passing by the outside of mariott hotel/tangs. Guess who approached me n offered to pluck eyebrows for me? yep... juding by the clues given, anyone could have guessed. I almost vomitted the subway turkey breast sandwich with extra cheese i had for lunch... i jus felt so damn fucking disgusted. look, i even left out the name, wht do u think. even thinking back gives me shivers... EEKS!!!

I thk i'm gonna flunk Researching n Writing exam. what in the world is a dangling modifier. dun even ask me wht's an adverb or adjective. i only construct sentences that make sense n sound rite. die... those i study nvr come out, those i din, came out... die... pls pls dun let me repeat the module! i wana grad asap!

i wana go ktv... so long nvr go liao...

watched sepet during class the other day. damn nice movie...

hmm... think tts all...

PMS? Paranoid? Feeling Depressed?

It's a period of time, again, when things bother you and you dunno if its real and you dunno why you r thinking like that n you dunno if it's becos of PMS or becos you are feeling depressed and down or becos you are just being plain paranoid.

I think some pple are gossiping behind my back. they are saying i'm very bimbotic and my breath stinks. i can't help it. i try to be optimistic and paint a nice picture that everything's fine but i just can't help it.

as a matter of fact, i don't think i'm pretty enough to be a bimbo. its just that i'm very naive and take n view things in a naive way. i say wht i feel, very blunt n straightfoward n dun bother to use my pea-sized brain to think if the things i say are diplomatic enough or not. for eg: when A tells me not so nice things about B, i'll try to neutralize things and help B to explain matters. then when B comes to tell me not so nice things about A, i'd do the same. i do that becos i like the "one big happy family" feeling. i believe if you're nice n treat others with respect, others will treat u like that too. i go round treating everyone nice without thinking if they are holding knives behind me, ready to just stab me at the back anytime, even if they are all smiles in front of me. i'm so naive to the point that if i got stabbed, bleeding badly with a major artery damaged, i still would not know n still treat that person as a friend.

which i guess is one of the reasons why someone actually treatened to beat me up during my secondary school days. also, that's a reason why i have never been able to score in politics, in school or at work. n of cos things would be different during bitching sessions with a common target "enemy" in mind.

i can't help it if my breath sthinks. i hate it too! if it stinks my whole life, i really have no choice. if you know why, you might sympatise with me too. i had nose cancer n this stinko breath is a side effect due to the recovering wound.

another thing i'm paranoid abt is my relationship with Dear. I love him so so much that I really can't bear the thought of losing him, which was why i told myself i have to win over the cancer cells n survive. Our love for each other is a major pillar of strength that is keeping me going to recover fully. however, as we're nearing our 2nd year anniversary, i can't help but think that things might happen. My longest previous relationship was 1 year 11 months. Dear was 2 years 3 months. our longest pervious relationships all ended around 2 years. so, i can't help but think that i might not be mrs. wong afterall. i'm so so afraid that history might repeat itself, n i'm trying so so hard not to let it happen. that y sometimes i ask Dear, "Will you dun wan me?". his reply would be, "if you treat me nicer, i won't dun wan you." then when he see me like wana cry, he would then say, "won't dun wan you." but still assurance is still not enough, n i really dunno y i'll still so scared n dunno what else can assure me.

Belated Bday Clebration With Dear

Had bday celebration with Dear ystday nite. may b belated, but its still great. we had dinner at crystal jade kitchen. he wanted to bring me to try the korean one, but i miss my soy sauce chicken n portugese beancurd. we ordered e-mian n n stir fried vege. Dear also ordered plain porridge. Yummy yummy dinner esp whn the spiciness of the portugese beancurd does not sting your mouth anymore! ahhahahahahahahhaha...

mee kuah, thk by the end of the year i can come challenge u already! hahahahahah...

u know yr bf loves u n spoils u rotten when he knows u like hello kitty but says no hello kitty room n or shrine in your future home together n thn also sometimes to treaten to throw all yr hello kitties away... but then he buys u this for yr bday...
notice the plastic is still wrapping it... cant bear to let it expose to the dust n pollution in the air n dirty its white clean face... hehe...

Revised Cab Fares

After stupid blabbering, its time for some serious stuff. cab fares are revised again, n increased... since whn revision meant a decrease? hopefully the next revision brings a decrease... some reasons the media gave for the increase was cos taxi drivers not earning enough n the reduce the demand for taxis during peak periods.

personally, y taxi drivers not earning enough is becos thy keep choosing passengers. n sometimes not smart enough to know whr to look for passengers. n aso high rental n high energy cost...

thy choose in a sense that thy dun like short trips. for eg, from clementi central to my place and back again to central is less thn 10 mins, but on avg they earn abt 4 bucks. in an hour thy can earn abt 24 bucks and minus the diesel n rental for tt particular hour, i thk at least 15... disel dun cost as much as petrol mah...
rental is quite high, so cabbies always say hard to earn... esp during off-peak... look at taxi q's during off-peak period n u'll know. but during peak periods, we start to complain not enough taxi. its a supply n demand thingy. mayb taxi companies can start charging rent at per-hour blocks for part-time cabbies. so thy need not pay the high daily rental whn thy only earn during peak hours. so, this will help promote pple to turn to part time cabbies to help out during peak hours.

Some cabbies i know share cabs to offload the high rental. however most of them change shift ard 4-6pm. thy usually drive out to the neighbourhood areas to change shift. but dun really drive back to the cbd bcos of the erp but there are more pple wanting to move out from the cbd thn wanting to move in. so mayb thy can change their timing of changing shift? thn we can stop complaining we cant get cabs during peak periods esp in the cbd areas. even the cbd charge we pay when getting onto a cab during peak hours in a cbd area, which can help offset the erp charges are not very attractive to cabbies cos thy have to enter town in an empty cab which thy thk is bo hua.

mayb peak period charge should not go up. but instead the charge of driving out from cbd area during peak hour. if this offsets the erp n empty cab charges, cabbies are more tempted to enter town in an empty cab during peak hours.n this will offset the prob of seeing so many empty cabs driving ard the neighbourhood areas looking for "ghost" passengers. increasing the number of peak hours will not help aso... whn pple wana take a cab at this hour, it really means this hour. pple will not wait an hour just not to pay a few dollars. to many, time means money.

high energy costs cant be helped... but lowering the rental may help. taxi is also a form of public transport. all these rental cost will add up to the consumers cost. n if consumers stay away, it makes it even harder to earn rite? poor consumers, even poorer cabbies...

Blabbers Of The Night

Can't sleep. no idea y. thking of whether to continue studying for exam on sat, to do a final proofread of essay to be handed in after the exam or to just sleep...

thn scared if sleep already, wake up very late tmr thn half a day gone not doing anything. but if ask me to wake up at 9am, i sure cannot one...

thking of whether to write abt the bday treat dear gave me just now. but too braindead to do tt now. since not writing abt bday treat thn uploading pic of bday pressie aso do later...

argh... too braindead to thk whether to study or sleep even...

coming online to type these stupid confusing blur talk going in my brain just goes to prove i'm braindead... mayb i should just zzz, hugging d bday pressie dear just gave me n snore snore. but i dun snore. bleh... zzz...

England's Outta World Cup

England's out. But no one sees the mistake why they are out. World class players, but worse then team club tatics. Here's how i thk thy should play...

4-4-2
Defenders: Back four of Ferdinand, Neville, Terry and Ashley Cole. Alternatively, you can put Carragher or Campbell in. If only Luke Young was around.
Solid, stable if Ferdinand dun day dream and Terry dun make stupid mistakes and dun depend on Lampard or Gerrard to cover for him.
Cole n Neville can make decent crosses n passes and able to run down the flanks.
Midfield: Becks, Lampard, Gerrard and anyone except Joe Cole. can play a slightly diamond formation or straight line.
Becks would be needed for set pieces. who else can handle tt better thn him?
Lampard n gerrard very dangerous when they move up. y in the hell was gerrard playing a position slightly behind the midfield line? he's more dangerous when u play him supporting the strikers. lampard, bad form, keep passing to marked players when another players in the same line beside him is unmarked. highest shots on goal, but converted none.
Stuart Downing or Carragher or Hargreaves, anyone but joe cole. Same mistakes as lampard, cannot c their surroundings. dribble n lose the ball more then half the time. crosses n passes? i c none... just dribbling n losing the ball... anyone of those 3 mentioned could play better thn him. the liability of england 1st 11. y can't anyone c tt? very very extremely over-rated.
Fprward: Rooney n Crouch.
rooney never had match fitness. even match he played he did not have much support from his midfield. doesn't help that he's always having 2 plaryers marking him.
Crouch. best for set pieces. win hearders like 99% of the time. can chest down n hold the ball for midfield n rooney to run in n score.
with this formation n players, u can play on the ground with lampard, gerrard n rooney or in the air with becks n crouch (who will chest or head down for the others)

4-5-1
Defenders: Neville, Terry, Carragher n A. Cole. Same reasons as above with Ferdinand pushed to midfield coas he like to play with the ball, rather thn clear it.
Midfield: Ferdinand, becks, lampard, gerrard, rooney. diamond formation with ferdinand behind as a holding midfield, beck on rite, lampard mid n gerrard left, rooney in front of them.
ferdinand can pass the ball around n defend. he distributes quite well actually n can make decent passes n crosses when not day dreaming.
Becks, lampard, gerrard play as they should... passers pass, crossers cross.
rooney, in front of them to go forward. can aso dun play rooney. we have jenas, defoe... equally good n fast since rooney has no match fitness.
Forward: Crouch. u have gerrard n lampard to run in n do 1-2's with the person in front supporting them, in this case, rooney. thn pass to crouch or rooney to score.
becks can cross to crouch, n like above mentioned.

All these are without joe cole. he did not create, did not assist, did not win tackles, did not score n worse of all, kept losing the ball. even downing or hargreaves or carragher had a better game then him. should have never been in the 1st 11 this world cup.someone else deserve the place better.

another chealsea player that i thk played really badly was lampard. makalele n terry makes him look good in chealsea. over-rated player.

i admit my becks dun have decent games at times, but he did contributed when it matters. so did the rest. gerrard was great this world cup but he was like a horse chained to the half-way line. stupid tactics we have. gerrard is a box to box player, dangerous when forward. look at his club games n you'll know wht i mean. he kept playing behing lampard, which i really cannot figure out why. the only reason i could thk of was that he defends better thn lampard. but he's more dangerous in front then lampard. so y make him cover lampard? i really dun understand! i hope the next capt will be gerrard. although some say terry, i give my vote to gerrard although i'm a man u fan.

Feel Like Doing Nail Art

As promised, here i present my bday pressie from my MDIS classmates! tada!

oh, by the way, a certain hotel heiress' new song's mv is the most tasteless mv i've ever seen. clad in a bikini n a dress which she keeps pulling up to show her skinny shapeless legs, it has no relation in any way to the lyrics of her song. OMG... simply cannot make it! mayb the director is trying to recreate the infamous video? i've simply no idea...

Mood: simply what the title says...

My (Erm, Eee, Err) 20-Something Birthday

As anyone can tell from the title, i'm in denial. A quarter-century on planet earth, n dun ask me my age next year, cos i'll still be in denial. Like alan tam, a hong kong celeb, we are forever 25! haha...

Friday nite went with Dear to eat at Azaru Soba at Marina Sq. I had seafood ramen. Not too bad, but Shimbashi better... hehe... of cos, its cheaper thn Shimbashi. as said in the previous entry, Dear then accompained me to Mango... hehe...

Woke up abt 1pm on saturday. with world cup gog on, i haven got at least 8 hours of sleep at nite. 8 hours of sleep i have everyday, including my afternoon naps which stretch way beyond 8pm. at last, with 2 games i'm nt interested in, i managed to get some proper sleep.

met the gals for dinner, actually only ange n pj cos yue in BKK n winn had pior appoinment. Dear was around too. we ate at Bakerzinn and ate pasta but it was dessert galore. very sinful ah... we had 2 tapas (vanilla creme brulee n chocolate hazelnut ice cream), some puff thing with ice cream (forgot the name) which we actually tot it should come with more chocolate sauce and last but not least, the warm chocolate cake with ice cream on the top. now looking at the picture, i feel like eating it again... it was baked crisp on the outside, yet very very soft on the inside with warm chocolate oozing out. it had a bit of the golden citrus taste cos it was baked with an orange slice. hot hot cake eaten with cold cold melting ice cream, simply wonderful. but the rasberry sauce surrounding it was damn freaking sour. it was meant to eat together with the sweet chocolate cake n ice cream.

received bday pressie today from my very sweet n lovely MDIS classmates, Aileen, April, Chau, Fin, Linda n Shannon. Will try to upload the pic of the tank top n card, took one just now, but it was too grainy n too degrading to the cute card n beautiful tank top to be uploaded. something cute happened in class. today's arts n our world class was about music. so our prof, marsha keller wanted to sing a song to demo focal point. (i thk) she got reminded that during our 1st lesson where we got into groups to do a little presentation on ourselves n our exp with arts, one group mentioned that there were 2 gals celebrating bdays during wkends. so she decided to sing a bday song for those 2 gals. thn came revealing that another gal n me aso had bdays on the weekend. in the end, the 4 of us stood up n the rest of the class sang bday song for us!

Oh No!!!

as of now, i've got only 5 years left to the big "3". well, if only i can survive that long n not get any relaspe. haha... but i know i will! cos i "Live Strong"!!! i feel old all of the sudden. when i celebrated my 21st bday, i was so happy, cos i was offically an adult. now after a short 4 years later, i wana start keeping my age a secret. stepping into mid-20s, oh no... now i wish, i still can celebrate bdays every year but my age would remain as 25...

Continuation of Mango sale today...
-Round 5 at Suntec - total damage: $34
1 bag (accessories range)
Total saved: $35
-Round 6 at Marina Sq - total damage: $69
1 pair of jeans (jeans range, duh!)
Total saved: $30
asked the sales staff at suntec when the new collection will come in. she said mid or end july. so 70% off will start most prob by mid July cos the new collection will only come in after the sales end. Was talking to ange just now during dinner. she had just finished shopping at marina's mango too. found out that raffles city mango has been taken over by adidas. only outlet in town i haven gone yet is isetan scotts... n guess what, dear was with me at the marina sq branch... so sweet rite? patiently waiting for me to try my clothes n following me ard while i walked thru the racks n helping me carry my mangoes... hehe...

the only down point for today is "zhuan zhuan". there's a capsule station in suntec where there's snoopy in some mlb teams jersey. each one was $4. insert conins, turn turn, no yankees... insert coins, turn turn, no yankees... total spent: $32. getting the snoopy in yankees jersey n still admiring it now, priceless... i dun really adore snoopy when compared to hello kitty, but its still a doggie. hmm, if only hello kitty comes in a yankees jersey... hehe... ask me to empty the whole capsule station n the hello kitty in yankees jersey comes out last i aso dun mind...

Mango Sale!!!

I'm a happy gal cos Mango sale is back!
-Round 1 at Centrept branch ystday - total damage $161
1 denim skirt (jeans range), 2 tops (1 spring-summer range, 1 modern living range) 1 knee length "berms-pants" (modern living range)
total saved: about $110
-Round 2 at Shaw branch today - total damage $51
2 tops (suit range)
total saved: about $40
-Round 3 at Taka branch today - total damage $185
1 denim jacket (jeans range), 1 skirt (excluisive range)
total saved: about $80
-Round 4 at Isetan Wisma branch - total damage $37
1 pair of "flip-flops" (accessories range)
Total saved: about $40

the exclusive range skirt was the killer one this time round. only saw it at taka branch n only 2 pcs left. one which luckily was my size, the other one was size 40. price b4 distcount was $149, after was $119. cannot afford to wait till its marked down further towards the end of the sale where some get 70% discount. still aiming n looking for a pair of denim shorts and another "berms-pants" which dun have my size n i need to find them quick!!! cos by exp, the spring-summer, some suit and exclusive are the ranges which would not hit 50% off so soon, only later towards the end of the sale. and the other ranges like jeans, modern living, accessories n basics have already hit 40% - 50%. damn!!!

i love mango. I'm a mango addict. yummy... slurp... isetan scotts, marina sq, raffles city, suntec branches, here i come...... hmm, n i thk mang should stop advertising on the newspapers about their sale, cos pple will come to know of it somehow. it was so damn freaking crowded that its really hard to look thru the racks properly, but then, i still love mango... n of cos their sales!

gimme a lottery prize of $300. be it 4D or toto. i saw a "flip flop" n a "ballet" flats from DKNY. n boy, i love them! n best of all, they are from Donna Karen!

oh, another good news, england is thru to the round of 16, so is argentina. yay!

Lazy Me

Today's a lazy day... i woke up, n didn't wana get outta bed... decided to skip class n went back to sleep... woke up at 1pm eventually. when i woke up, i ate a bit, took my xeloda n did my RWAC pre-class assignment. actually i already did it, but lecturer said if scored less thn 85% have to do again. so i went thru the review of my wrong answers n did again. scored 98% this time round! hehe... After i did the assignment, i was considering to do my final assignment, which is an essay paper. but lazy lah, so decided to leave it till tmr. thn went to clementi bookshop to c if they got my arts & our world module textbook. dun have, so guess have to go back to school to buy cos its cheaper thn kinokuniya. when i reached home, i slacked for a while n zzz...

mayb shld wake up earlier tmr, go to sch n get the textbook thn find a condusive environment to finish reading my gospel of mary magdalene, edit my final assignment for RWAC n read the chapters of my textbook stated in the arts course pack. but then i wana watch the 3am match later, so how to wake up early later? sigh... mayb shld foget abt it n go to zzz... sigh, but i wana be a hardworking student... n tmr evening have to nap... cos got 2 matches at 10pm, another 2 at 3am... n my becks is kicking in the 3am one. should i forget abt the 10pm ones? sigh, dunno... tmr thn decide, lazy to thk now...

back to my soccer...

I Still Miss You

Was gog thru my blog just now... seems like my past few entries a bit negative, unhappy, spirits were down... so now, lets tok about the happy stuff...

met the gals on saturday after work. Ange was back from france. she managed to buy my LV back but met with inconvience... apparently, her bf had luggage checked in. inside the luaggage was clothes, palm-top, cam, etc. when he reached his detination, clothes n not very valuable stuff were intact, gone were the palm-top n cam. so, she did not wana place my LV inside her check in luggage, but hand carried up the plane. n my LV was the larger mary kate tote, so a bit the big lah... paiseh lah gal, small ones dun really save a lot... bigger ones save much more... promise you if u got chance go france again, i ask you to buy smaller one instead... hehe...
showed my mum the bag ystday nite. she kept saying very nice very nice, eyes big big, gleaming... thn she tried to physco me, saying the bag very auntie, give her use. i told her "its my entire month's pay plus my progress package, u gimme another 1.5K, i give u this bag" she laughed, kept quiet n gave me back my precious...

went to see dr hwang today. she sent me for a liver CT. apparently the 2 lesions left in my liver did not grew, which is good news. she was quite sure these lesions are cysts rather then tumors. she's also considering me for a new drug which actually inhibits the cancer growth factors but meanwhile, i'm to continue on Xeloda. she said i might actually end my oral drugs (torture) sooner... but if to survive, ask me to eat a lifetime of oral chemo drugs, i aso dun mind.
Song of the moment: I Will Survive!

Actually, i really think i'm so blessed by God. He helped me escaped a death sentence of 2 to 6 months and brought me to a road of recovery. He gave me a mum who nvr gave up on me, physco-ing my GP to send me for a PET scan when i kept having high fevers n knife-like stabbing jabs in my waist area, which discovered that my cancer had actually spreaded to my bones n liver. He gave me a dad who was like a ah-mat, driving me to n from the hospital if he's not working, driving to selegie to buy rochor beancurd when i had no appetite to eat anything. He gave me a sis who got woken up by my cries of pains early in the morning when my cooled-down heated pack can no longer numb my pain, n would go to the kitchen to get me a heated one cos i pain till i cant get outta bed. He gave my a loving bf who was my huge pillar of strength, coming over in the middle of the nite at 3am to comfort, hold n tried to numb my pains and always being there accompanying me to n fro the hospital. He gave me friends who never stopped contacting me to let me know i'm still alive. He gave me new-made friends who were actually strangers that gave me encouragement.

Thank you, Papa in Heaven... Thank you for saving me. Pls remember to take care of Aunt M for me k... Pls let her know I miss her. Pls help me tell her the good news abt my CT scan today. In Jesus Holy name i pray, Amen!

Cancer Is My Enemy!

More than half of the people ard me has/has/having friends, relatives or they themselves suffering from cancer. maybe singapore too small so it seems like more the half the people ard me? or is cancer getting too prominent?

who or what should we blame on? "dirty" air we breathe in due to exhaust fumes from vehicles, which fuel makers put cancer "promoting" chemicals into them? 2nd hand smoke in the air contributed by rising number of smokers? genetically modified foods? hormoned laced meat? busy lifestyle? stress?

cancer no longer just happens to older people. a rising number of children are getting cancers too. so are young adults like me, seng n xiaodoudou. i was reading xiadoudou's blog just now. it reminded myself of the shivering cold while i was having chemo (n now i dread sitting in that chair ever again) and of the nausea n seh feeling after that. i believed she could have survived if only she got a more experienced and better doc and knew ways to boost her immunity level n white blood cell count. didn't her doc knew abt Granocyte?

Cancer took away my Aunt M... how many more lives do you wana claim b4 u stop yr nonsense?!i now declare you as my enemy. i will win this battle against u! i swear n God be my witness. Live Strong!

My Phone Book

Any logical person would delete an old number from his/her phone book... but i will not. i was going clearing my sms which were about 3 months old. (yes yes, lazy me) those messages tt i would not keep, i deleted them first. then came those messages of "notification" of change of numbers. after updating my phone book, i went thru the messages again. the name Aunt M" kept popping up. Any logical person would say she's no longer around, should delete her number. But not me, unless i lose my SIM card or my phone. Its the last and only thing i can hold on to of her, her number in my phone...

I Wanna Know My God

After catching the movie The Da Vinci Code, it set me pondering n looking for information on the "lost" books n gospels that the Church has block from entering into the Bible. As a Christian, I feel i have the rite to know n read thru these as well. n of cos, as usual, i pray to God to help me understand what he actually wants me to know n learn. whether or not Da Vinci was painting in "codes" n want us to know the "truth" or he was frm the piory of sion, all these do not matter. I just want to know my true God n His teachings. I admit I was shaken n shocked n did question why there are infomation kept from us believers, because we are always taught that the Bible are the true word of God. but turns out that its humans who decide what goes into the Bible! interesting fact, the Catholic Bible has 6 more books that other versions of the Bible...

Heavenly Father, I want to know the real You and Your teachings. pls guide me thru... I know You are there n You can hear me. I was at least 2 months away to call home to You, but You heard my prayers and gave me another chance. papa in heaven, pls help me know You better k? In Jesus Holy name I pray, Amen...

I'll Miss You

After battling with cancer for almost a decade and 2 relaspes, Aunt M called home to the Lord on Saturday nite. I did not know the excate time she passed away, but it was either Sat nite or Sun, very early in the morning. I dun recall hearing mum's phone message alert at all, so i guess the sms by Aunt M's husband came in while we were all asleep. Mum only saw the message when she woke up.

It was the cancer of a certain gland, which i can't recall. I once read it online and it was a very slow growing cancer, slowing eating up yr life away. Her doctor did not wana remove the tumour via surgery as it was close to a nerve, thus a considerable percentage risk of being paralysed in that certain area. she went thru chemo n recover. Then about 4 years later, she had a relaspe. went thru a 2nd round of chemo. With God's grace, the tumour was cleared and she gave a testimonial at church. now, which is about another 4 years later, she felt a lump at her back. It was during the period I was having my radiotherapy. She went to different oncologists and seeked opinions. Chemo was not a very good option as she had gone thru it twice and she's already in her mid-fifties. So radiation was recommended. She went for treatment for a week, however it wasn't much of a use.

About 2 months back, she had shingles. I do not know if it had sucked her totally of her immunity to fight the cancer longer. because after that, her health detoriated much quicker then i had expected. She complained that her whole body was in so much pain and her husband had to drive her to the hospital as waiting for an ambulance wasn't an option. she was given very strong morphine. I'm having low immunity as I'm still on oral drugs. Mum could not visit her at the hospital cos her husband and son, one by one, came down with chicken pox. Then the hospital recommended to transfer her to a hospice.

When she was transferred to the the hospice, my mum was away in M'sia. whn my mum came back, i heard from her that their mutual friends have visited her. when Aunt M said she could hear voices singing to her, Aunt G said that maybe the angels were singing. gradually, her health worsen. when Aunt I visited her about 2 weeks back, she could not swallow her medication and there were tubes all over her. then mum decided to visit her on this tuesday nite n told me to pile up on foods that would boost my immunity if i were to come along. however, we did not manage to make that visit afterall.

Heard that she fell into coma last week. She even asked her husband why her memory n movement detoriated. The cancer had spred to the vital organs, lungs, liver and kidney. She could not even pass urine. To many, it came too sudden as those who knew about her worsening condition had initially planned to visit her on sunday or like mum n i, during these few days.

I know as her as a lady of strength. She never gave up trying for a child. When she got pregnant, she had to stay in bed for almost the entire 9 months while carrying her son. she had hopes for the entire family to move to australia for a better life. she fought this battle long n hard. while i was having my treatment, she would encourage me. she said i'm still young, i still have a long road in front of me n never to give up, esp for my parents' sake. she also said it was God's test for me n to put my life in His hands n trust Him to lead me to a victory. She encouraged me to read the Bible again and seek out God's love n grace. She kept me in her prayers n attended miracle healings sessions at her church on my behalf as I was too tired n weak to go.

She's also an experienced baker. While having chemo, during my free time, when i feel ok enough, i would bake. she would taste n give comments n taught me how to improve on it. we also shared recipies on a few occasions.

I will always remember her loving motherly smile and touch that she always has. I will always remember the words of encouragement she gave me. I will always remember the glass of warm milk she gave me for breakfast at her old jurong apartment when i was still young. i will always remember her fetching me to n fro from speech n drama classes in her old blue alfa, nanny-ing me as my mum wasn't free. I'll Miss You Aunt M... I will...

Heavenly Father, now that she has called home to you, pls take care of Aunt M like how she used to take care of me. Pls bless her husband n son and shower them with all your love and grace. Pls let her know I'll miss her deeply and remember her for life. In Jesus Holy Name i pray, Amen...

Not So Happy After All

All techies will love new computers, digital cams, handphones, pda, etc... but for this time, i love the old rather then the new...
I hate my new comp... its has so called newest up to date stuff like pentium d, 160 gb hdd, 1 gb ram, blah blah blah. but all the software inside are from unknown sources! it has a windows xp office in it, but registered to OEM... it has bit torrent which i dun use... i dun have the driver for my sound card... it has a anti-virus, but i was told that once my dad's frd has the key for the update, he'll let us know... there's this anti-malware prog which i dunno what it is for... BS player? i prefer real player anytime. wht's a 'new live media to mp3 converter'? Futuremark, wht the fuck it is for? i absolutely hate my new comp!

hmm, the word absolutely reminds me of my fave absolut vodka... but i cant drink! bleh... n now they have 2 new flavors... peach n "i-forgot-wht". guess its time to expand my collection. but, i haven even bought peppar yet... damn!

everywhr got renovation and it's killing me. watery eyes, water nose. the flat directly above mine is having renovations. the other day the contracters left the tap on without waterproofing! my mum came back n found a puddle of water on the floor. it was raining from the ceiling. i pray hard the water did not seep thru areas covered by my built in cabinets. termites are a nightmare!
hmv having renovations. at first when the dance room was undergog renovations to convert to jazz/classical room, it wasn't so dusty, most prob its hidden in a corner. oh, the new jazz/classical room damn chio! so classy! now the ex-jazz/classical room n ex-korean section of the floor is having renovations. when i walked into the sales flr today, i almost fainted. its was like a haze covering the sales flr due to the dust. worst part was everthing was covered with dust! poor cleaner auntie had to dust every "exposed" surface. however, i would ratehr she wipe it, but too much work liao. aft walking thru the sales flr one round, tidying up the cds, my hands all black... buay tahan ah!

Sian-ness blankets me... dunno y... pms? too early lah... mayb just feeling down... sian ah... mayb just not enough sleep... but tmr i can sleep in! haha...

that's all folks... nitezzzz!

For The Past 10 Days...

In the past 10 days, i went thru whtever i went thru during writcomm classes in poly. back then, 7 n a half years ago (damn, i sound old!) it wasn't as impt, cos i din wana be a scriptwriter, so i just needed to get a pass. besides that, i was getting a dip in film sound n video, it was a "techie" kinda cos, who bothers abt writing classes, unless u wana write for a living...
But now, i'm doing a degree in mass comm. kinda require more writing skills. but, going thru the whole thing again abt redundancies, sentence structure, etc, is a pain. i'm like trying so hard to concentrate n listen to everything all over again. there may b mistakes in the last 2 para i wrote, but who cares... its just a blog, not an essay... bleh...
Hmm... Talking about redundancies? Mayb NP students shld get an exemption for this classes cos we're gog thru the same old damn things again! but then again, i'm kinda looking fwd to the module on tv prod at the US campus... although it would be a "all over again" thingy, i still love tv prod! but its 2 years later... i'll still have to get thru tutorials for this class n my next module, art and our world. Pls dun make me draw. i cant draw for nuts! u can ask me to debate on da vinci, ask me why van gogh cut off his ear, ask me history of art (i can dig up poly's notes), or write another essay, but pls dun make me draw!

In the past 10 days, i hardly worked. Made a point not to work on the days i'm studying cos i dun wana stress myself out. aft that 1 month of having to juggle 2 jobs, i felt damn tired... so, history shall not repeat itself where i need to rush from one place to another. Went to clear some of my "zei zang" (tt's how i n nicole call it, its actually the cds n stuff we reserve), still have some more to clear... will do that once i get my pay. cos staff discount got limit, gotta clear a bit this month... if not next month sure cannot buy everything home...

In the past 10 days, clementi central got pasar malam. its the only chance to get "malay tutu kueh". sedap! although not as sedap as it used to during my pri sch days, but still not un-edible... now no more pasar malam, dunno where else can get liao...

I have to go replace my bank passbook. for dunno whtever reasons, i lost it. now my statements always show "CSL"... boy, i din know i had actually that kinda money in my account, but non of it was saved. mayb i spent too much on mango (clothes, not fruit), cds (i dun support piracy), food (dear n i are "monsters"), taxi (i'm blardi lazy), skincare stuff (i'm damn blardi freakingly hellish vain), etc... i need to start saving... but then again... i need to donate to CCF first... looking forward to payday on the 28th... or better still, hope my $5 quickpick toto bring me 600K later... hurhur...

parts of taiwan n hongkong are having typhoon... but its damn blardi fucking hot here! doesn't help that the air con in the classroom n hmv is damn blardi fucking freezing cold! my nose is feeling weird n tired... i cant afford to fall sick... studies have already shown that sudden hotness n coolness to the body "shocks" it n its internal organs, thus pple will fall sick easily... dun ask me why or how come, studies have already shown n proven it, dun make me do another research paper, i will DIE...

Oops!

I'm a crude person. i vent my anger n fustrations by swearing n cussing. the sales flr was messy, customers were non-stop moving towards the counter asking to test cd, pay for their cd and to make enquiries. it was a case of getting more n more flustered n fustrated when you're serving one, n b4 u can serve finish, another one goes "excuse me", n u have to please everyone single one of them (singaporeans love n dig "personalised" service...).

then came this breaking point when a customer came to ask about LMF's cd. LMF is a hong kong band whose full name is Lazy Mutha(mother) Fucka(fucker). almost naturally, i went, "oh, u mean lazy mother fucker?". the customer put his hand to his mouth (a bit kinda gay i thk, but it was damn hilarious) n went "gasp". i continued as per normal by directing him to take a look at the system while it's checking for the band's name. meanwhile, while laughing at his reaction in my mind, i felt better, no make it great! cos at last i had a "license" to swear at the sales flr! hahahaha...

p/s: more LMF enquiries pls... lol...

RIP, My Dear Comp

After work, dear n i walked around the pasar malam at central before gog home. the stalls were the same as the last one, even the layout was uncanny(ingly) similar!

reached home, n it was supper and work time. dear tried restarting the comp several times n ran in safe mode. but still, only the wallpaper of my softball glove n softball loaded. dear said, comp buang already lah... so now, dad's gonna get his friend to hard-wire the hard disk n try to revive it.

My Computer Died

Dad said, "got virus warning, take a look" while playing solitare on the comp.

After he went to bed, i sat at the comp and clicked on the virus warning. It's the 2nd trojan horse attack in a month. Apparently norton could not repair it nor quarantine the infected file. i checked the virus definitons last update date n it was in 5 march 2006. i told myself, if i were to update it, the infected file could be repaired. after installing the updates, the comp had to be restarted as per normal. but, the only difference this time after it restarted, was that the only thing that loaded was the wallpaper, no icons, nothing. i called dear for help, but its kinda late already. so he'll only do it tmr...