Friday, October 19, 2007

Blogging Now Is A Waste Of Time

Tomorrow's the BIG day.

But somehow, I don't feel psyched up enough. Maybe I'm really tired... Maybe I'm getting complacent that everything's done already... Maybe I'm burned out... Maybe I'm giving up, cracking under the pressure already... But it's important to go through them all over again right?
I can hear myself struggling.
Angel: Do it now!
Devil: You have the whole night, relax... Play some games...
Angel: It's just one more night! Pia a bit more...
Devil: Haven't you been stressed enough?
Angel: You are running out of time.
Devil: You can study the whole night through...
Angel: If you do that, you would not be able to concentrate on the exam tomorrow!
Me: True... I don't want to blank out during my exam again. Advertising was a damn huge scare. I thought I would fail.
Angel: See! Learn from experience!
Devil: This exam is not as tough. You are already quite clear on everything, just smoke through the answers tomorrow.
Angel: No! Never be complacent. Study now!

And the battle goes on and on... And I guess that is why I'm wasting time here... Maybe the holiday mood already engulfed me, after the last few months of non-stop classes and exams...

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Am I Mad?

My MSN subnick says it all: "So Fucking Stress, I Don't Even Have One Minute To Cry To Release It..."
The pressure cooker's been switched on since last week when I realized I was sooooo running out of time. It didn't help that I was sick and getting drowsy from non-drowsy pa****l flu. Efficiency of writing my notes dropped.

Then, I tried to relieve some stress by baking cheesecake. I felt less tense when I was crushing the digestive biscuits with a spoon. Still, I'm feeling stressed.
I've found the articles I need for my application papers and now it's time to start on them. How I wish Saturday arrives sooner so I can relax and stone out. But how I wish Saturday arrives later, so I would have more time to do my application papers.

Am I setting expectations too high? Am I pushing too hard? But I know I would not be contend to get a C or even a B.
One reason of why I'm pushing so hard might be because of the days in poly. Being someone who enjoyed being behind the cameras, doing all the technical work, I was damn disappointed with the grades I got. Mainly because, I did not push and worked hard enough. Project deadlines were met because they have to be met. If I could have pushed myself more and squeezed in more time to edit, the edited pieces I handed in would not be what the lecturer would be marking upon. Most were all group projects, although there were individual tests that had a proportion in the marks. When you're in a group that doesn't really care about grades or are not very passionate about that project, rest assured that grades will definately go down.
Right now, my grades are in my full control. And I know if I do not push myself, I would end up with grades that I would be disappointed with.
Mine isn't a direct honors course. Getting As, Bs or Cs wouldn't matter much. So sometimes, I wonder why am I pushing myself so hard... Why am I "torturing" myself?

A friend on Monday told me that being in a council would suck up a lot of my time. However, studies first.
Right now, although I feel stressed, I still can cope. It's the exam period, of course I need to spend less time on everything else and concentrate on my books and assignments.

I hope someone would understand what I'm going through and bear with me till the end of the week.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

That Photoshoot, Fucking Sick, Giant Durian, My Scan Results...

I can't resist. It's been more than 2 weeks already. Everytime I feel like writing something, I would be pre-occupied with other stuff and that is why, although I would love to update, I can't.

About the photoshoot... It was fun and hot... I'm someone with not so active sweat glands. If I'm sweating and the back of our photographer's shirt looks like that, what do you think?
And sophisticated and sexy is soooooo not me... I can't pull off that look. Acting cute is more me.

I had flu about less than 2 weeks back. Now, I'm having it again. It's worse this time round. I'm sneezing and coughing like mad, my nose is running as though it's on a marathon threadmill that just goes on and on, I'm having a terrible headache and feel feverish. To top it of all that, I'm having those monthly cramps and the weather is damn fucking hot lor! But then, I feel chilly, because of the fever.

Went to see Dr Whang yesterday and today because I had a dental appointment as well and had to go to school yesterday afternoon and did not have ample time to do the liver ultrasound. Went for the scan today at 10, went back to Dr. Whang's clinic at about 11+ after brunch and collecting the scan. But Dr. Whang would only be back at around 1+.
Meantime, went down to Plaza Singapura to send my beloved Samsung E700A to the operation table to get the LCD screen replaced. I simply love this phone so much that I'm unwilling to keep it in a bad condition. Yes, I know, spending more than $100 to replace a screen while with that money you can get a brand new spanking phone is not very clever, but when you love the phone so much... I guess... nothing else matters right? Walked around Daiso and ended up with more Hello Kitty and gift wrapping stuff that I would leave to rot in the cupboard. They say shopping relieves stress, I believe so...
Went down to Carrefour to walk walk again and saw this freaking big durian lor!
And the pricetag is real!
Went back to the clinic at about 2. Dr Whang went through the scan results. Everything's ok! A CT scan in 4 months time... I officially declare: NED for 1 year!!! Woots! Live Strong!