Christmas was a quiet affair this year. I didn't even go to church cos its extremely crowded. so on Xmas eve, my dad brought me n my mum to Golden Mile for dinner. Its a place serving steamboat, zi char and chicken rice. we ordered a steamboat set for 3, 5 dollars of chicken and rice to share. yummy yummy... the steamboat ingredients were fresh and clean, the chicken was oh so smooth, can even rival the famous boon tong kee! the satay was bit disappointing though.
Sunday, went over to my grandma's place for dinner. it was to gather for the "dong zhi". we do it every year. but b4 gog over, i made cheesecake for the gals and made almond cookies using my fourth grandaunt's recipie. when we came back, i was bz decorating n trimming the cake to make it look nicer.
On Monday, the gals came over. winn wasn't free so she didn't come. we had pizza and. yummy yummy... although i didn't eat the whole slice of holly jolly pizza cos of the peppery sause base, i took the crust only, it was soooo cheesy n yummy, great for cheese lovers! the chicken came hot n piping, so it was yummy too. i love hot n piping kfc chicken, hate it cold... i cleaned up the whipped potato and coleslaw, yummy yummy... dinner was steamboat and bbq at marina south. mum say never ever wana go again, cos we came back stinking. its been quite some time i last went there already.
Tuesday was my chemo. amazingly, i passed my blood test the first time round. usually, i'd have to take a booster and go back another day for chemo. so tuesday was a sotong, blur blur day for me...as usual, after chemo, went home sleep till dinner time, but not much appetite aso. received a surprise from my thai ex-colleagues. they had sent me a new year's card with a little gift from p'kae. it was a pair of teddy bears, gal n boy, wearing denim clothings, soooooo cute! Hopefully this would be my last chemo session. in 2 weeks time, i have to go for another scan b4 dr hwang confirms if i'm off chemo already or not. so the joy of finishing chemo before new year will only be known after new year...
Ystday made cookies again. made almond cookies again and tried sugee cookies. sugee cookies were successful, so happy! so since after baking it was kinda late, we went out for dinner. went to the porridge buffet place at kiliney road. they braised items are always there everyday, but the rest of the dishes changes. the braised items ystday were not up to the usual standard, but the cucumber with fishball, braised duck, steamed chicken with braised sauce, fried chicken wing and stir-fry spinach were good. for about 10 per person, its really a good bargain... been there a souple of times already. but i was "lousy" ystday cos i did not ate as much as i could usually whn i'm there.
today, sis came back from taiwan. helped her packed goodies for properly for her friends, mum's frds and relatives. the pineapple cookies she brought back were yummy! when its my turn to go taiwan?
Warning / Disclaimer: As they always say "Entries are blogger's own thoughts & does not represent Blogspot's stand... You may be addicted or offended by the following rants, so carry on at your own risk... Feel free to leave your two-dollars worth by leaving a comment or Screaming at me...
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
All I want for Christmas
As we inch closer and closer to Christmas and rejoice once again for the birth of the Holy One, there are so so many things that are just running thru me. hence, the sleepless nite and another of those "early morning" entries.
Dear asked me what i want for xmas. to me rite now, nothing else material will satisfy. During the last one and a half years, many things has happened adn i only hope God will grant me 2 xmas wishes.
1. Health for everyone ard me, my frds, family, relatives, distant relatives, dear and his family, etc...
2. Dear and I will be a loving couple rite till the end of time or our lives, whichever is earlier.
During this one and a half years, both my grandmas got to have their breast removed. in this entry i toked about my downs n my dad's mum and how i n my cousin are freaked out. ironically, i'm down with nose cancer, not breast cancer. next week, my mum's mum is scheduled for the op and weeks of radiotherapy will follow. now that when i'm almost thru n done with it, it seems to be coming back all over again, but to my mum's mum. I'm totally freaked out and worry for all my grandaunts and aunties. toked to my mum a little, seems like my dad did a somewhat like a tumour marking test for breast cancer, but he passed. will it skip one generation? and thru this i know a secret that has been kept from me for 24 years, my mum is adopted. so, although my parents are cousins and my dad passed the test, i shouldn't be that freaked out. but by strictly blood relations, its my grandma n grandaunt who are victims already. I wouldn't want to see another victim to any ladies of my entire extended family. but, i'm still freaked out.
How it started... apparently there was a free checkup by NKF for frequent donors or something like that. my mum, aunt and grandma went. n that was when it was discovered my grandma's tumor marker was high. but it was "traced" to her kidney n liver and CT scan did show something there. n while waiting for further scheduled test and scans for her kidney n liver, she felt pain in her breast. and that was how her breast cancer was discovered. about her kidney and liver, still yet to know the seriousness of it.
Live life to the fullest, how true is that. today, my mum n i went to ntuc to get some groceries. on the way back, we took a cab. whn the taxi driver heard, sunset way, he immediately toked abt the owner of chin huat live seafood and how young he was to die at the age of 52. he said, ren sheng duan duan ji shi nian, jin tian bu dong ming tian shi (life is a short span of tens of years, today u would not know what will happen tmr). live life like its the last day, that would how i wana tell myself from now on and how i wana tell my kids in future. God let me escaped death, I dun wana be so close to it once again so soon. i can never ever forget the look on my radiologist's face when he saw my PET scan and said he wanted me to have chemo straight away.
Dear asked me what i want for xmas. to me rite now, nothing else material will satisfy. During the last one and a half years, many things has happened adn i only hope God will grant me 2 xmas wishes.
1. Health for everyone ard me, my frds, family, relatives, distant relatives, dear and his family, etc...
2. Dear and I will be a loving couple rite till the end of time or our lives, whichever is earlier.
During this one and a half years, both my grandmas got to have their breast removed. in this entry i toked about my downs n my dad's mum and how i n my cousin are freaked out. ironically, i'm down with nose cancer, not breast cancer. next week, my mum's mum is scheduled for the op and weeks of radiotherapy will follow. now that when i'm almost thru n done with it, it seems to be coming back all over again, but to my mum's mum. I'm totally freaked out and worry for all my grandaunts and aunties. toked to my mum a little, seems like my dad did a somewhat like a tumour marking test for breast cancer, but he passed. will it skip one generation? and thru this i know a secret that has been kept from me for 24 years, my mum is adopted. so, although my parents are cousins and my dad passed the test, i shouldn't be that freaked out. but by strictly blood relations, its my grandma n grandaunt who are victims already. I wouldn't want to see another victim to any ladies of my entire extended family. but, i'm still freaked out.
How it started... apparently there was a free checkup by NKF for frequent donors or something like that. my mum, aunt and grandma went. n that was when it was discovered my grandma's tumor marker was high. but it was "traced" to her kidney n liver and CT scan did show something there. n while waiting for further scheduled test and scans for her kidney n liver, she felt pain in her breast. and that was how her breast cancer was discovered. about her kidney and liver, still yet to know the seriousness of it.
Live life to the fullest, how true is that. today, my mum n i went to ntuc to get some groceries. on the way back, we took a cab. whn the taxi driver heard, sunset way, he immediately toked abt the owner of chin huat live seafood and how young he was to die at the age of 52. he said, ren sheng duan duan ji shi nian, jin tian bu dong ming tian shi (life is a short span of tens of years, today u would not know what will happen tmr). live life like its the last day, that would how i wana tell myself from now on and how i wana tell my kids in future. God let me escaped death, I dun wana be so close to it once again so soon. i can never ever forget the look on my radiologist's face when he saw my PET scan and said he wanted me to have chemo straight away.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Mango Sales!
For the past week, i been trying to finish up the cross stitch for my mum's frd. at last it was done and completed a few hours ago. nothing much happened in the past week except this... boring week i guess, sew n sew... only today was exciting...
was supposed to have chemo on wednesday, but white blood cell count low, so given booster n was back at the clinic today supposingly for treatment. but after discussion with dr hwang, it was decided that i'll have chemo on monday.
cos if i would have to do chemo today, then 23rd would be the next dose and then i'll not be energetic enough for the xmas wkend. although the 2nd dose can always be delayed to the 27th, we would only be left with 2 days to play "catch up" cos the "resting" period between the 2 doses of each course is a maximum of 13 days. which is kinda risky considering i always have low white blood cell count. So, on monday, it would be better cos anyway, i can only start the 2nd dose on 27th, so the timing is just nice...
Hehe... Mango sales started...
so, since no chemo today, i indulged in one of my fave things-to-do. Mango was having sale since ystday, so i took the opportunity to walk ard the Mango in isetan wisma. usually during sales period, i cant find clothes of my size, but i spent a total of 253 bucks today... n including a skirt my mum picked for my sis, it was a grand total of 319. yikes! i cant imagine how much would it be at original price even wif 5% discount with my Mango card. the scary thing was i stepped into Mango at 10.45am, within a span of 5-10 minutes, i think more than 40 pple stepped into the area. talking abt 5 minutes early, i'm always so lucky. *beams*
Tip for everyone during Mango sales:
- always remember what sizes u wear. it would be easier to try on clothing later as u can only bring in 5 pieces at a time. n since u can only bring in 5 pieces at a time, knowing what size u r, u can avoid bringing different sizes of the same design in to try, hence wasting time.
- grab whtever u think is nice. there's simply no time for u to slowly walk round the shop once n thn go back for that piece. u might not even find your size. put it this way, Mango sales are machiam warehouse sales. sometimes certain designs may not have certain sizes.
- if it suits u after trying, hold on to the piece. this is to facilitate those on budget to shortlist later clothings thy wana buy and clothings thy dun wan to.
- for outer layers of clothings like jackets, cardigans, slip-ons, dun bother going to the fitting room to try.
- go round islandwide. when there isnt sales, some designs can only be found at certain outlets. dun take for granted that the larger the Mango store is, the more designs they carry, WRONG! some smaller stores carry designs not avaliable in the bigger outlets. its the same for sales period. so move around to c other designs u dun see. if you like a certain design but no size, try another outlet cos thy dun chk stock during sales period.
- Mango has different ranges, sportswear, basics, casual, blah blah. basics by far have the most discount. so during the norm period, u kinda like a piece, but not despo to get it, wait for the sales period. but if u really really really like it so much, get it on the spot, dun wait for sales cos even if there's the design, there might not have yr size. even if there's your size, it might not be the colour u want.
- Go every few days to check stock. cos they do replenish. there might not have yr size today, there might be a few days later once they get stock from the warehouse.
- for petite size people, try not to wait for sales period to get the clohtes u really like. majority of the sizes left are for S-M and above. but if u really wana wait for sales, try the first few days, the XXS-XS sizes are still avaliable in a handful. for eg, particular design in particular colour has 10 pieces hanging, but only 1 or 2 would be XXS-XS, the rest would be S-M and above. getting 253 bucks of XXS-XS clothings on the 2nd day of sale is already considered heng...
but really, mango sales is really worth waiting for. 319 bucks for 2 skirts, 4 tops, 1 cardigan and 1 slip on.
got a call this evening from p'kae... chatted with her for a while. it been quite a while since we last talked. they received the chocolates on tuesday. stupid post office, so slow, they told me 3 working days, turned out to be 5 working days instead.
time to zzz...
was supposed to have chemo on wednesday, but white blood cell count low, so given booster n was back at the clinic today supposingly for treatment. but after discussion with dr hwang, it was decided that i'll have chemo on monday.
cos if i would have to do chemo today, then 23rd would be the next dose and then i'll not be energetic enough for the xmas wkend. although the 2nd dose can always be delayed to the 27th, we would only be left with 2 days to play "catch up" cos the "resting" period between the 2 doses of each course is a maximum of 13 days. which is kinda risky considering i always have low white blood cell count. So, on monday, it would be better cos anyway, i can only start the 2nd dose on 27th, so the timing is just nice...
Hehe... Mango sales started...
so, since no chemo today, i indulged in one of my fave things-to-do. Mango was having sale since ystday, so i took the opportunity to walk ard the Mango in isetan wisma. usually during sales period, i cant find clothes of my size, but i spent a total of 253 bucks today... n including a skirt my mum picked for my sis, it was a grand total of 319. yikes! i cant imagine how much would it be at original price even wif 5% discount with my Mango card. the scary thing was i stepped into Mango at 10.45am, within a span of 5-10 minutes, i think more than 40 pple stepped into the area. talking abt 5 minutes early, i'm always so lucky. *beams*
Tip for everyone during Mango sales:
- always remember what sizes u wear. it would be easier to try on clothing later as u can only bring in 5 pieces at a time. n since u can only bring in 5 pieces at a time, knowing what size u r, u can avoid bringing different sizes of the same design in to try, hence wasting time.
- grab whtever u think is nice. there's simply no time for u to slowly walk round the shop once n thn go back for that piece. u might not even find your size. put it this way, Mango sales are machiam warehouse sales. sometimes certain designs may not have certain sizes.
- if it suits u after trying, hold on to the piece. this is to facilitate those on budget to shortlist later clothings thy wana buy and clothings thy dun wan to.
- for outer layers of clothings like jackets, cardigans, slip-ons, dun bother going to the fitting room to try.
- go round islandwide. when there isnt sales, some designs can only be found at certain outlets. dun take for granted that the larger the Mango store is, the more designs they carry, WRONG! some smaller stores carry designs not avaliable in the bigger outlets. its the same for sales period. so move around to c other designs u dun see. if you like a certain design but no size, try another outlet cos thy dun chk stock during sales period.
- Mango has different ranges, sportswear, basics, casual, blah blah. basics by far have the most discount. so during the norm period, u kinda like a piece, but not despo to get it, wait for the sales period. but if u really really really like it so much, get it on the spot, dun wait for sales cos even if there's the design, there might not have yr size. even if there's your size, it might not be the colour u want.
- Go every few days to check stock. cos they do replenish. there might not have yr size today, there might be a few days later once they get stock from the warehouse.
- for petite size people, try not to wait for sales period to get the clohtes u really like. majority of the sizes left are for S-M and above. but if u really wana wait for sales, try the first few days, the XXS-XS sizes are still avaliable in a handful. for eg, particular design in particular colour has 10 pieces hanging, but only 1 or 2 would be XXS-XS, the rest would be S-M and above. getting 253 bucks of XXS-XS clothings on the 2nd day of sale is already considered heng...
but really, mango sales is really worth waiting for. 319 bucks for 2 skirts, 4 tops, 1 cardigan and 1 slip on.
got a call this evening from p'kae... chatted with her for a while. it been quite a while since we last talked. they received the chocolates on tuesday. stupid post office, so slow, they told me 3 working days, turned out to be 5 working days instead.
time to zzz...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
1st cheesecake failure
Forgot to mention in the last entry about my raspberry cheesecake i made aft lining the fruits on the baked cheesecake i made for my mum's ex-colleagues... First time i failed soooooooo badly!
It was a chilled cheesecake and i wanted to make the raspberry swirls in the cake so that it would look like the ones sold in secret recipe. the fresh raspberries bought were sourish and raspberries have lots n lots of seeds, so my plan was to make seedless and not so sourish swirls in the cake. the right thing i did was to dilligently mash the raspberries thru a mesh to puree it. but the wrong thing i did was to add the raspberry jam directly into the puree without putting it thru the mesh to take out the seeds. turn out there were some seeds, thus the texture, to my expectations, wasn't tt smooth afterall...
The recipe i had called for the raspberry puree to be mixed thoroughly into the cheesecake, not "swirled" in. so the gelatine was meant for the entire cake, including the raspberry puree. the mistake i made this time was not dividing the gelatine portion into half to stabalise both the cake and the swirls. after chilling the cake overnight, the swirls were still watery cos there wasn't any gelatine to stabalise it. spoilt the entire cake cos the watery swirls separated the cake into layers. i cut a slice to try and it was a torture eating it...
so today evening, i took the cake n separated it from the base. i threw the base away and made a new one. after standing the cake in a mixing bowl for a while, i mixed it. no more "creative" swirls, mixing it thoroughly just like how the recipe called for.
Now, it does not taste that bad already, but i definately could use a little less raspberry jam and a little more fresh raspberry. too sweet, no oomph of cheese...
It was a chilled cheesecake and i wanted to make the raspberry swirls in the cake so that it would look like the ones sold in secret recipe. the fresh raspberries bought were sourish and raspberries have lots n lots of seeds, so my plan was to make seedless and not so sourish swirls in the cake. the right thing i did was to dilligently mash the raspberries thru a mesh to puree it. but the wrong thing i did was to add the raspberry jam directly into the puree without putting it thru the mesh to take out the seeds. turn out there were some seeds, thus the texture, to my expectations, wasn't tt smooth afterall...
The recipe i had called for the raspberry puree to be mixed thoroughly into the cheesecake, not "swirled" in. so the gelatine was meant for the entire cake, including the raspberry puree. the mistake i made this time was not dividing the gelatine portion into half to stabalise both the cake and the swirls. after chilling the cake overnight, the swirls were still watery cos there wasn't any gelatine to stabalise it. spoilt the entire cake cos the watery swirls separated the cake into layers. i cut a slice to try and it was a torture eating it...
so today evening, i took the cake n separated it from the base. i threw the base away and made a new one. after standing the cake in a mixing bowl for a while, i mixed it. no more "creative" swirls, mixing it thoroughly just like how the recipe called for.
Now, it does not taste that bad already, but i definately could use a little less raspberry jam and a little more fresh raspberry. too sweet, no oomph of cheese...
Friday, December 09, 2005
Fruit cake, Chicken Little, shopping, Man U disappoints...
lazy lazy me will equate to a long long quite/very long entry...
Sunday: woke up late. then got my dad to drive me to the supermarket to get some ingredients for baking a xmas fruit cake minus the alcohol. whn i came back, i started to chop the cherries, walnuts and apricots. by the time i finish, it was already dinner time. so dinner first thn bake cake! cake took a total of 4+ hours to finish baking including preparation. by the time we finished it was already abt 12 midnight.
the cake turned out not bad. it had the taste and oomph of a fruit cake, but all fruits sinked to the bottom! i reckon the batter was not heavy enough, thus must add a bit more flour. the top of the cake was also very very dry. so either must add more apple juice or cut down baking timing...
Monday: dear took leave again. but it was a bad day. not as happy as the other days dear took leave to accompany me. we left the house to have lunch at food republic. all was fine till we reached food republic about 1pm...
i wanted to try the noodles at one of the restaurants there. it was the chinese restaurant n i was quite gian on the soy sauce chicken noodle. since there wasn't any seats in the "common" area, we decided to sit in the restaurant itself n dear would get somthing from the restaurant. as we enter, we simply sat down n i went to get my food first while dear remained in out seats to reserve the place. i ordered hor fun instead, got my food, carried my tray n made my way back to the seat. on the way back, i saw the lady captain ushering dear to another seat saying the place we were occupying was actually for a place for 4. n after we shifted seats, she started to place towels n our tables and said it was complusory for these and drinks. at this point, dear asked if there was service charge, i knew what he was thinking... cos i was thinking the same too.
when we entered the restaurant n sat down, NO ONE bothered to come and serve us, asking how many people, blah blah like how normally restaurants would. i bought the food n carried the tray MYSELF, even after being ushered to new seats. NO ONE bothered to carry the tray for me. after sitting down, no apologies nothing, just shoved us the towels n drinks. if i wasn't hungry almost to the gastric extent, i would have gave the tray to the lady captain n walked off with me dear.
so since there was no service charge, i n dear open one eye closed one eye. dear started to order his duck noodles and a dumpling soup for us to share. that's when dear got a bit pissed. i was pissed too, but had to act nothing, cannot add fuel to fire... hehe... i'm a very very slow eater, exteremely slow. i can be the first to start eating but the last to finish. i took at least 25 minutes to finish my plate of noodles. when i was having my last few bites, dear's food came... my goodness...
dear refused to accept the food, making the manager to bring back to the kitchen. in the end, we did not use the towels too and the manager took them back. in the end, we were only charged for the drinks.
we made our way to cineleisure to collect the tickets n walked around to find a place for dear to eat. i got distracted by zhuan zhuan again... this time round, it was chicken little. there were 2 machines, one on 3rd floor which was empty, one at basement was could not accept any coins. by the time we settled down at the sushi place in cineleisure, it was already 2pm. it was such a coincidence that Jen was there with her frd too, and were seated opposite us with the converyer belt in between. the movie was at 2.30. so dear quickly ordered udon, a handroll and tempura. while waiting for his orders to come, i mouth itchy, n grabbed 2 plates to eat. chatted a bit with Jen too. we waited n waited till 2.25... no sign of food. so we got the pple to count the 2 miserable plates n got out fast. suggested we get popcorn or nachos or something, but dear said he was not hungry. i bought drinks while dear we to the toilet. when we entered the cinema, it was already pitch black. less than 5 trailers later, the movie started showing...
so excited to watch the movie! so excited to c chicken little! soooooo cute! the movie wasnt as good as the chicken itself. basically i only enjoyed watching the cute fella, not watching the movie. the incredibles was better... after the movie, i bought LJS shrimps and fries and we made our way home. dear went home for dinner only coming over again to look for his newspapers.
Tuesday: went walk walk with my sis. first stop, cineleisure, main focus, to zhuan zhuan for chicken little! haha... but we had lunch first. i had chicken chop spaghetti. a bit regret, chould have asked for the rice instead. anyway, after lunch, tried to zhuan zhuan again, but the 2 machines still out of order. my sis tried for other stuff as well.
next stop, plaza singapura to look at mickey mouse tees and to check with starhub regarding the free tv giveaway... on the way, we stopped at OG orchard point to buy snacks! at plaza sing, no nice tees, so din buy anything. but mouth itchy, bought a box of double cheese takopachi and share with my sis. yummy! loads of bacon wrapped in flourball! loads of cheese too! but i think they accidently switch off the power for the heater for the cheese cos the cheese was cold n lumpy...
then we made out way to suntec. also to zhuan zhuan. we at last got out chicken littles and other charmy kitties and my melody handphone accessories. we spent about 45 bucks, damn our luck was bad... bought a scoop of ben n jerry's coffee ice cream which was so yummy yummy and crossed the road to milenia walk to candy empire. there, i got a box of chocolates for my thai ex-colleauges and proceeded to our next stop, marina square.
at marina we shopped ard, walked ard. i bought a t-shirt and a keychain that had a glove, baseball and bat on it. then we sat down to wait for our parents to join us for dinner. i had a cup of tea while my sis looked thru her zhuan zhuans... when my parents came, we had dinner at sakae sushi. Dunno if its just for marina square outlet, but its quality has gone up. after dinner, i showed my mum a top i saw at esprit but she had no confidence of altering it, so did not buy in the end. thn i bought a pair of shoes too. by the time we reached home, it was already 9+.
after online for a while, watch tv, blah blah, i tried to take a nap to wake up to watch the chelsea liverpool match. but i cloudnt sleep so stayed up all the way. it was a boring 0-0 draw. thn i went to sleep... or rather nap... cos...
Wednesday: woke up late. too sleepy i guess. it was already 8.45 when i woke up. rushed to bath. just then, my sis woke up too n says she wana come along. by the time we left the house for the clinic, it was already 10. had to go clinic for blood test although it was rest week.
time spent at the clinic this time round was longer then usual cos the nurses were very bz. when i was walking ard, i realised why they were so bz cos it was almost full house, so many people have their chemos. after my bood test, as usual, my white blood cell count was low... so i was given a booster. went for lunch at food republic again... hehe... this time round i had economical rice. mum had yong tau foo n sis tried the kway chap. the kway chap was not bad but my economical rice was just the avg, the kind where u eat, but not comment cos there are no comments at all. the moment i drank my sis kway chap soup, i was like, "quite good leh", now tt's the difference...
after lunch, walked ard at isetan a bit thn walked over to the post office at taka to post the chocolates to thailand. after that, we made our way to the supermarket to get some stuff cos my mum wanted me to bake a cheesecake for her ex-colleagues. then mum went home on her own first while i n sis went to bugis to get her bag.
upon reaching home, i went straight into action. took out the cream cheese n butter to thaw. did the base and let it set in the fridge. measured the rest of the ingredients, blend blend, bake bake. timing was just nice, cheesecake done by dinner time. left to cool down at room temperature while having dinner. when grocery shopping was done in the afternoon with mum, i forgot abt the canned peaches and strawberries. so after dinner, i left the cheesecake in the fridge to chill n dad drove us out to buy. n of cos, since i was doing the shopping, we ended up with things not targetted for! haha... anyway, the strawberries were 15 bucks for a 250g pack and apprently from korea. not that we have a choice, they are the only strawberries avaliable.
upon reaching home, i started to place the fruits on top of the cheesecake. and while cutting the strawberries, i knew why they cost 15 bucks! they were so damn bloody sweet! i told my mum, from now onwards, we shall buy only 15 bucks strawberries and she laughed. within 5 minutes, the strawberries were in our stomachs. the usual strawberries would not be done in 5 minutes. maybe 3 days instead, cos we would only eat about 2 at a time, too sour...
stayed up again for the man u match. called dear to wake him up. damn disappointing. lost 2-1 to benfica, ended up last in the group and exited from the champions league. since man u placed last, cannot even quali for uefa. the most disappointing european competition from them since i supported them when i was in secondary 2, about a decade already... scholes put us ahead in the 6th minute, but we could not hold onto the lead... sigh sigh...
Thursday: quiet day today... continued with the cross stitch for my mum's frd while watching tvb serials. dun think i have ever mentioned abt tvb actress, myolie wu hang ee, hu xin er in chinese.
all along, i preferred to watch tvb cantonese dramas in cantonese not chinese but would never spent money renting or buying vcds or video tapes. then i started to like her after watching her act as a girl who's low in iq. from then now, i started to buy the vcds of the serials she's in n watch them in cantonese. usually these vcds are only avaliable after the serials starts showing on cable. so i would watch in chinese first on cable, then in cantonese on vcds. then finally the serial would be on a hong kong channel, tvbj on cable, and i would watch again... haha... its only after i started to like her, then i got crazy over the tvb serials vcds...
Sunday: woke up late. then got my dad to drive me to the supermarket to get some ingredients for baking a xmas fruit cake minus the alcohol. whn i came back, i started to chop the cherries, walnuts and apricots. by the time i finish, it was already dinner time. so dinner first thn bake cake! cake took a total of 4+ hours to finish baking including preparation. by the time we finished it was already abt 12 midnight.
the cake turned out not bad. it had the taste and oomph of a fruit cake, but all fruits sinked to the bottom! i reckon the batter was not heavy enough, thus must add a bit more flour. the top of the cake was also very very dry. so either must add more apple juice or cut down baking timing...
Monday: dear took leave again. but it was a bad day. not as happy as the other days dear took leave to accompany me. we left the house to have lunch at food republic. all was fine till we reached food republic about 1pm...
i wanted to try the noodles at one of the restaurants there. it was the chinese restaurant n i was quite gian on the soy sauce chicken noodle. since there wasn't any seats in the "common" area, we decided to sit in the restaurant itself n dear would get somthing from the restaurant. as we enter, we simply sat down n i went to get my food first while dear remained in out seats to reserve the place. i ordered hor fun instead, got my food, carried my tray n made my way back to the seat. on the way back, i saw the lady captain ushering dear to another seat saying the place we were occupying was actually for a place for 4. n after we shifted seats, she started to place towels n our tables and said it was complusory for these and drinks. at this point, dear asked if there was service charge, i knew what he was thinking... cos i was thinking the same too.
when we entered the restaurant n sat down, NO ONE bothered to come and serve us, asking how many people, blah blah like how normally restaurants would. i bought the food n carried the tray MYSELF, even after being ushered to new seats. NO ONE bothered to carry the tray for me. after sitting down, no apologies nothing, just shoved us the towels n drinks. if i wasn't hungry almost to the gastric extent, i would have gave the tray to the lady captain n walked off with me dear.
so since there was no service charge, i n dear open one eye closed one eye. dear started to order his duck noodles and a dumpling soup for us to share. that's when dear got a bit pissed. i was pissed too, but had to act nothing, cannot add fuel to fire... hehe... i'm a very very slow eater, exteremely slow. i can be the first to start eating but the last to finish. i took at least 25 minutes to finish my plate of noodles. when i was having my last few bites, dear's food came... my goodness...
dear refused to accept the food, making the manager to bring back to the kitchen. in the end, we did not use the towels too and the manager took them back. in the end, we were only charged for the drinks.
we made our way to cineleisure to collect the tickets n walked around to find a place for dear to eat. i got distracted by zhuan zhuan again... this time round, it was chicken little. there were 2 machines, one on 3rd floor which was empty, one at basement was could not accept any coins. by the time we settled down at the sushi place in cineleisure, it was already 2pm. it was such a coincidence that Jen was there with her frd too, and were seated opposite us with the converyer belt in between. the movie was at 2.30. so dear quickly ordered udon, a handroll and tempura. while waiting for his orders to come, i mouth itchy, n grabbed 2 plates to eat. chatted a bit with Jen too. we waited n waited till 2.25... no sign of food. so we got the pple to count the 2 miserable plates n got out fast. suggested we get popcorn or nachos or something, but dear said he was not hungry. i bought drinks while dear we to the toilet. when we entered the cinema, it was already pitch black. less than 5 trailers later, the movie started showing...
so excited to watch the movie! so excited to c chicken little! soooooo cute! the movie wasnt as good as the chicken itself. basically i only enjoyed watching the cute fella, not watching the movie. the incredibles was better... after the movie, i bought LJS shrimps and fries and we made our way home. dear went home for dinner only coming over again to look for his newspapers.
Tuesday: went walk walk with my sis. first stop, cineleisure, main focus, to zhuan zhuan for chicken little! haha... but we had lunch first. i had chicken chop spaghetti. a bit regret, chould have asked for the rice instead. anyway, after lunch, tried to zhuan zhuan again, but the 2 machines still out of order. my sis tried for other stuff as well.
next stop, plaza singapura to look at mickey mouse tees and to check with starhub regarding the free tv giveaway... on the way, we stopped at OG orchard point to buy snacks! at plaza sing, no nice tees, so din buy anything. but mouth itchy, bought a box of double cheese takopachi and share with my sis. yummy! loads of bacon wrapped in flourball! loads of cheese too! but i think they accidently switch off the power for the heater for the cheese cos the cheese was cold n lumpy...
then we made out way to suntec. also to zhuan zhuan. we at last got out chicken littles and other charmy kitties and my melody handphone accessories. we spent about 45 bucks, damn our luck was bad... bought a scoop of ben n jerry's coffee ice cream which was so yummy yummy and crossed the road to milenia walk to candy empire. there, i got a box of chocolates for my thai ex-colleauges and proceeded to our next stop, marina square.
at marina we shopped ard, walked ard. i bought a t-shirt and a keychain that had a glove, baseball and bat on it. then we sat down to wait for our parents to join us for dinner. i had a cup of tea while my sis looked thru her zhuan zhuans... when my parents came, we had dinner at sakae sushi. Dunno if its just for marina square outlet, but its quality has gone up. after dinner, i showed my mum a top i saw at esprit but she had no confidence of altering it, so did not buy in the end. thn i bought a pair of shoes too. by the time we reached home, it was already 9+.
after online for a while, watch tv, blah blah, i tried to take a nap to wake up to watch the chelsea liverpool match. but i cloudnt sleep so stayed up all the way. it was a boring 0-0 draw. thn i went to sleep... or rather nap... cos...
Wednesday: woke up late. too sleepy i guess. it was already 8.45 when i woke up. rushed to bath. just then, my sis woke up too n says she wana come along. by the time we left the house for the clinic, it was already 10. had to go clinic for blood test although it was rest week.
time spent at the clinic this time round was longer then usual cos the nurses were very bz. when i was walking ard, i realised why they were so bz cos it was almost full house, so many people have their chemos. after my bood test, as usual, my white blood cell count was low... so i was given a booster. went for lunch at food republic again... hehe... this time round i had economical rice. mum had yong tau foo n sis tried the kway chap. the kway chap was not bad but my economical rice was just the avg, the kind where u eat, but not comment cos there are no comments at all. the moment i drank my sis kway chap soup, i was like, "quite good leh", now tt's the difference...
after lunch, walked ard at isetan a bit thn walked over to the post office at taka to post the chocolates to thailand. after that, we made our way to the supermarket to get some stuff cos my mum wanted me to bake a cheesecake for her ex-colleagues. then mum went home on her own first while i n sis went to bugis to get her bag.
upon reaching home, i went straight into action. took out the cream cheese n butter to thaw. did the base and let it set in the fridge. measured the rest of the ingredients, blend blend, bake bake. timing was just nice, cheesecake done by dinner time. left to cool down at room temperature while having dinner. when grocery shopping was done in the afternoon with mum, i forgot abt the canned peaches and strawberries. so after dinner, i left the cheesecake in the fridge to chill n dad drove us out to buy. n of cos, since i was doing the shopping, we ended up with things not targetted for! haha... anyway, the strawberries were 15 bucks for a 250g pack and apprently from korea. not that we have a choice, they are the only strawberries avaliable.
upon reaching home, i started to place the fruits on top of the cheesecake. and while cutting the strawberries, i knew why they cost 15 bucks! they were so damn bloody sweet! i told my mum, from now onwards, we shall buy only 15 bucks strawberries and she laughed. within 5 minutes, the strawberries were in our stomachs. the usual strawberries would not be done in 5 minutes. maybe 3 days instead, cos we would only eat about 2 at a time, too sour...
stayed up again for the man u match. called dear to wake him up. damn disappointing. lost 2-1 to benfica, ended up last in the group and exited from the champions league. since man u placed last, cannot even quali for uefa. the most disappointing european competition from them since i supported them when i was in secondary 2, about a decade already... scholes put us ahead in the 6th minute, but we could not hold onto the lead... sigh sigh...
Thursday: quiet day today... continued with the cross stitch for my mum's frd while watching tvb serials. dun think i have ever mentioned abt tvb actress, myolie wu hang ee, hu xin er in chinese.
all along, i preferred to watch tvb cantonese dramas in cantonese not chinese but would never spent money renting or buying vcds or video tapes. then i started to like her after watching her act as a girl who's low in iq. from then now, i started to buy the vcds of the serials she's in n watch them in cantonese. usually these vcds are only avaliable after the serials starts showing on cable. so i would watch in chinese first on cable, then in cantonese on vcds. then finally the serial would be on a hong kong channel, tvbj on cable, and i would watch again... haha... its only after i started to like her, then i got crazy over the tvb serials vcds...
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Things i hate (Supermarket version)
Been wanting to write about this for months already ever since i'm ill and started to do more grocery shopping rather thn shopping for clothes, shoes, bags, etc...
1. The aisle is mine
How many times do u find pple without "license" to "drive" a trolley. whn thy approach an aisle or rack n stop to look for something, they carelessly leave the trolley parked rite in the middle of the lane. often, all aisles are wide enough for 2 trolleys to pass thru without banging into each other, but with people without common sense n leave their trolleys rite smack in the middle, i dun think so...
2. Mini trolleys
Sometimes, u do have mini trolleys for kids to push ard n do shopping like their adult counterparts or for adults like us who just need little stuff but lazy to carry a basket... however, these trolleys can be a nuisance when they are turned into "dangerous vehicles". how often do u c parents, allowing their kids to push the trolleys ard the supermarket at such a speed it seems that they are racing with each other? more often then not, thy dun bother to restraint their active kids n i cant imagine wht would happen if the mini trolley meets into an "accident" with the norm ones... i myself almost kena knocked so many times already!
3. Kids
Some parents dun love their kids, tt's how i feel. with trolleys n people holding heavy baskets ard, thy leave their kids running ard the supermarket, even without trolleys. when i was younger, my parents always made sure i'm seated on the trolley, if i refused to sit, they made sure i'm either holding their hands or their t-shirt. kids, tt's why they are called, are short. sometimes i cant even c a kid in front of my trolley, so often b4 i move off again, i check to c if any kid is nearby my trolley. dangerous to have kids running ard the supermarket unattended. n when i say excuse me, the parents look at me as though i'm gonna kidnap their kid! if u're so damn afraid, hold on to your kid!
4. Counter hoggers
there is a good reason why the cashier scans items one by one and the prices flashes and its for u to check. soooooo many times, i kena these pple... these pple refuse to look at the prices, preferring to look at how their maids load the trolleys. after they pay the bill, thy stop rite in front of the counter, trolley n maid in tow, not moving aside to check the bill. n i have to "excuse me" to move my trolley to load n to "highlight" to the fella in front of me to shoo off.
5. Fogging
nowadays, freezers have switched from the open top ones to the open doors kind. the doors are all glass, fully transparent. i've seen stupid pple (sorry to say that), opening the freezer door and leaving it open, looking at the items, letting the hot air all go into the freezer, complaining that its cold, not choosing anything at all n close the door. in the end, fogging up the entire freezer that the next person has to do the stupid damn thing in order to find what he/she needs. y cant u just look through the glass door, shortlist a couple of items, open the door, take, close the door, examine to c if its the one, putting back those u dun want. argh...
6. The corner is mine too
before i forget, how many idiots do u often c parking their trolleys at the corner! adoi! jiu ming ah!
7. FIFO
fifo stands for first in first out. some places dun follow that, some do, but only for certain shelvings... sometimes the milk in front says "30th dec" but the milk at the back say "15th dec". so now, i'm a self confessed ugly singaporean who looks thru almost all the expiry dates of the perishables n choose the lastest one... dun blame me...
not tt saying excuse me is difficult, but all these are common sense! n pple guilty can avoid glaring at innocent ones who say excuse me. ohh, i've been stared at soooo many times, that i wonder is excuse me is a vulgarity.
1. The aisle is mine
How many times do u find pple without "license" to "drive" a trolley. whn thy approach an aisle or rack n stop to look for something, they carelessly leave the trolley parked rite in the middle of the lane. often, all aisles are wide enough for 2 trolleys to pass thru without banging into each other, but with people without common sense n leave their trolleys rite smack in the middle, i dun think so...
2. Mini trolleys
Sometimes, u do have mini trolleys for kids to push ard n do shopping like their adult counterparts or for adults like us who just need little stuff but lazy to carry a basket... however, these trolleys can be a nuisance when they are turned into "dangerous vehicles". how often do u c parents, allowing their kids to push the trolleys ard the supermarket at such a speed it seems that they are racing with each other? more often then not, thy dun bother to restraint their active kids n i cant imagine wht would happen if the mini trolley meets into an "accident" with the norm ones... i myself almost kena knocked so many times already!
3. Kids
Some parents dun love their kids, tt's how i feel. with trolleys n people holding heavy baskets ard, thy leave their kids running ard the supermarket, even without trolleys. when i was younger, my parents always made sure i'm seated on the trolley, if i refused to sit, they made sure i'm either holding their hands or their t-shirt. kids, tt's why they are called, are short. sometimes i cant even c a kid in front of my trolley, so often b4 i move off again, i check to c if any kid is nearby my trolley. dangerous to have kids running ard the supermarket unattended. n when i say excuse me, the parents look at me as though i'm gonna kidnap their kid! if u're so damn afraid, hold on to your kid!
4. Counter hoggers
there is a good reason why the cashier scans items one by one and the prices flashes and its for u to check. soooooo many times, i kena these pple... these pple refuse to look at the prices, preferring to look at how their maids load the trolleys. after they pay the bill, thy stop rite in front of the counter, trolley n maid in tow, not moving aside to check the bill. n i have to "excuse me" to move my trolley to load n to "highlight" to the fella in front of me to shoo off.
5. Fogging
nowadays, freezers have switched from the open top ones to the open doors kind. the doors are all glass, fully transparent. i've seen stupid pple (sorry to say that), opening the freezer door and leaving it open, looking at the items, letting the hot air all go into the freezer, complaining that its cold, not choosing anything at all n close the door. in the end, fogging up the entire freezer that the next person has to do the stupid damn thing in order to find what he/she needs. y cant u just look through the glass door, shortlist a couple of items, open the door, take, close the door, examine to c if its the one, putting back those u dun want. argh...
6. The corner is mine too
before i forget, how many idiots do u often c parking their trolleys at the corner! adoi! jiu ming ah!
7. FIFO
fifo stands for first in first out. some places dun follow that, some do, but only for certain shelvings... sometimes the milk in front says "30th dec" but the milk at the back say "15th dec". so now, i'm a self confessed ugly singaporean who looks thru almost all the expiry dates of the perishables n choose the lastest one... dun blame me...
not tt saying excuse me is difficult, but all these are common sense! n pple guilty can avoid glaring at innocent ones who say excuse me. ohh, i've been stared at soooo many times, that i wonder is excuse me is a vulgarity.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Chemo today...
Sleepy... but cant sleep yet... have to wait for the timing to take my last dose of antibiotics...
had chemo today. doc gave booster too although white blood cell count on monday was 9+. think is cos of my infection, so just in case...
had chemo today. doc gave booster too although white blood cell count on monday was 9+. think is cos of my infection, so just in case...
Monday, November 28, 2005
Eventful weekend
Friday, dear was on leave so we went out walk walk... first we collected the tickets for just like heaven starring reese witherspoon at cineleisure till "he" stopped me in my tracks. he was as tall as an avg 7 yr old kid. he wore green frame specs and had a very cute little round face. he wore a pair of shorts n t-shirt n just stood there looking at me. n this he told me weeks ago that he has a mission and that's to save the world. his name is chicken little! upon seeing the cute little thing standing there looking at me saying "take me home" i really felt like grabbing him n run for my life, catch a cab n go home, hoping no police will come after me. of cos, feeling like doing it and doing it was a different thing altogether since its a crime to steal. i eagerly shuffled my feet towards the cute little one n wanted to pat him on his head till i saw "do not touch. this display is protected by cctv..." so instead of me playing the baddie, i proposed to dear to grab chicken little for me. he said, u want me or chicken little. lol... so as he pulled me away to get the tickets, my eyes n head followed my chicken little. awwww, so cute... luma luma lei... mai hi, mai hu, mai ho, mai ha ha... the picture of him dancing to this tune telling pple to switch off their mobile phones played again in my mind.
after collecting the tickets, we thn had lunch at pastamania which had loads of garlic. it was so much that till i burped after dinner, we could still smell the garlic. after lunch, its showtime... Touching romantic story, could connect with her "i wana stay alive" character. the way thy fell in love, so subtly n smoothly put across. after the show we walked ard cineleisure a bit till i got caught up with my zhuan zhuan...
its actually toy or small little handphone accessories that comes in small capsules. they are placed in a box. u insert 1 to 3 1-dollar coins in n turn a knob for the capsule to drop out. what comes in the capsule depends on your luck, like my ruffy the other time. this time round, i saw n aimed one mini piglet torch, one piglet handphone accessory and one my melody handphone accessory. dear so good, sponsored for all the capsules. my melody was 1 dollar a piece, got it at the 3rd try. piglet handphone accessory was 2 dollars a piece, got it on the 4th try. the mini torch was the irritating one, at 2 dollars a piece, it came only on the 5th try. total damage was worth 16 dollars of unwanteds.
after all the zhuan zhuan we walked down to paragon's M1 to check out the price for a data cable for sony erricsson hps. dun have... thn we went to wisma's sony gallery, aso dun have... then we went to food republic for dinner. hehe... again... haha... i tried the hand made noodles n he took the fried hokkien prawn mee. after dinner we walked a little while more at taka's mango and cold storage n tt's whn i started feeling lousy. there was a light pain on my right chest. after cold storage, we went home.
at home, pain was still there n it was worse whn i coughed, breath deeply, sneeze or try to talk a little loudly. then my parents came back. n my kiasu mum called dr hwang's clinic straight away. dr hwang advised to go straight to mt. e's a&e rite away. there, a chest x-ray was done, but the resident doc found nothing much. given painkillers and instructions to see dr hwang the next day. dear stayed over just in case i hurt in the nite n cant scream for help.
saturday, went to dr hwang's clinic. while waiting for her to finish her rounds at the ward, i vomitted. n whn i vomit, i could still the pain. i vomitted some of my dinner, apperently by my own experience in this kinda vomitting, its a mixture of indigestion and too hungry.
dr hwang said it was Pleurisy, a swelling and irritation of the membrane that surrounds the lungs. i was given a booster jab n oral antibiotics.
then my parents n i went for brunch while dear went to mit the guys. on the way up to food republic (again! hahaha...), mum n i got our attention on some clothes for sale on wagon display. i bought a 3-quarts for 30+.
my dad tried the zha jiang mian, mum took roti prata, while me, pork sukiyaki. for 16 bucks, the sukiyaki was quite a worth it portion. loads of cabbage n meat, with 2 huge pieces of tofu (abt a quarter of a norm size slab), a small bunch of enokidake (golden mushrooms), 5 slices of carrots and one miserable black mushroom. it was worth it cos it was huge, but surely it did not hurt more to add a few more black mushrooms. taste wise was quite ok...
went home n reminded my dad to make reservations for dinner tonite to celebrate mum's bday in advance. the place we wanted to go to was grand copthorne waterfront but it was full. so we changed venue to melt the world cafe at oriental hotel. but they could only make space for us at 8.30pm. then i took a nap. didnt sleep well the nite b4 cos of the pain. woke up n made our way down to marina square cos my sis wanted to look for something. anyway we are early n marina square was just beside oriental. in the car, i threw up again. threw up a little of my lunch. its another bout of indigestion n being too hungry. upon reaching marina square, immediately looked for toilet to rinse my mouth.
my sis could not find what she wanted so we made our way to oriental. we were slightly early at the restaurant for our dinner but they let us in anyway. but, it was kinda, not full house, with a few empty tables here n there, n i started wondering, y 8.30? ate till they closed shop, haha... but not shiok enough, cos i didnt have the full-till-i-wana-puke-n-stay-off-food-for-a-week feeling. usually on buffets, i would binge till i feel that, but not enough time! haha... went home n watch soccer. dear did not stay overnight cos he was out the whole day n his parents just came back from thailand.
Sunday, was doing cross stitch whole afternoon till dear fetch me out to jelita. did some grocery shopping n bought pizza for dinner. upon reaching home, opened a can of campbell cream of mushroom n ate pizza n watched tv at the same time. after dinner, dear watched soccer while i made cheesecake. mango chilled cheesecake... haven tried yet.. haha...
whn my sis came back (all went out), dear went to central to catch the man u game cos it would be too late n he has to take a cab... save money while we can... haha...
after the eventful weekend, comes today. should be chemo day, but doc say since i still feel the pain, she'll delay the chemo till wed. so mum n i went to walk walk n have lunch. walked over to far east where she bought toto. then went over to isetan scotts supermarket to get some stuff. n on the way there, on the mango window display a top caught my eye, but mango only opens at 11am n it was still early.
so, after grocery shopping n brunch at mos burger, it was shopping time at mango. so so happy! its been sooooooo long since i've slowly walked thru the racks at mango. found a bag and the top. total damage to pocket today, 152 after discount with mango card. damn, i'm such a sucker for mango stuff. Claudia Schiffer is the poster girl for mango now, damn, i envy her...
after collecting the tickets, we thn had lunch at pastamania which had loads of garlic. it was so much that till i burped after dinner, we could still smell the garlic. after lunch, its showtime... Touching romantic story, could connect with her "i wana stay alive" character. the way thy fell in love, so subtly n smoothly put across. after the show we walked ard cineleisure a bit till i got caught up with my zhuan zhuan...
its actually toy or small little handphone accessories that comes in small capsules. they are placed in a box. u insert 1 to 3 1-dollar coins in n turn a knob for the capsule to drop out. what comes in the capsule depends on your luck, like my ruffy the other time. this time round, i saw n aimed one mini piglet torch, one piglet handphone accessory and one my melody handphone accessory. dear so good, sponsored for all the capsules. my melody was 1 dollar a piece, got it at the 3rd try. piglet handphone accessory was 2 dollars a piece, got it on the 4th try. the mini torch was the irritating one, at 2 dollars a piece, it came only on the 5th try. total damage was worth 16 dollars of unwanteds.
after all the zhuan zhuan we walked down to paragon's M1 to check out the price for a data cable for sony erricsson hps. dun have... thn we went to wisma's sony gallery, aso dun have... then we went to food republic for dinner. hehe... again... haha... i tried the hand made noodles n he took the fried hokkien prawn mee. after dinner we walked a little while more at taka's mango and cold storage n tt's whn i started feeling lousy. there was a light pain on my right chest. after cold storage, we went home.
at home, pain was still there n it was worse whn i coughed, breath deeply, sneeze or try to talk a little loudly. then my parents came back. n my kiasu mum called dr hwang's clinic straight away. dr hwang advised to go straight to mt. e's a&e rite away. there, a chest x-ray was done, but the resident doc found nothing much. given painkillers and instructions to see dr hwang the next day. dear stayed over just in case i hurt in the nite n cant scream for help.
saturday, went to dr hwang's clinic. while waiting for her to finish her rounds at the ward, i vomitted. n whn i vomit, i could still the pain. i vomitted some of my dinner, apperently by my own experience in this kinda vomitting, its a mixture of indigestion and too hungry.
dr hwang said it was Pleurisy, a swelling and irritation of the membrane that surrounds the lungs. i was given a booster jab n oral antibiotics.
then my parents n i went for brunch while dear went to mit the guys. on the way up to food republic (again! hahaha...), mum n i got our attention on some clothes for sale on wagon display. i bought a 3-quarts for 30+.
my dad tried the zha jiang mian, mum took roti prata, while me, pork sukiyaki. for 16 bucks, the sukiyaki was quite a worth it portion. loads of cabbage n meat, with 2 huge pieces of tofu (abt a quarter of a norm size slab), a small bunch of enokidake (golden mushrooms), 5 slices of carrots and one miserable black mushroom. it was worth it cos it was huge, but surely it did not hurt more to add a few more black mushrooms. taste wise was quite ok...
went home n reminded my dad to make reservations for dinner tonite to celebrate mum's bday in advance. the place we wanted to go to was grand copthorne waterfront but it was full. so we changed venue to melt the world cafe at oriental hotel. but they could only make space for us at 8.30pm. then i took a nap. didnt sleep well the nite b4 cos of the pain. woke up n made our way down to marina square cos my sis wanted to look for something. anyway we are early n marina square was just beside oriental. in the car, i threw up again. threw up a little of my lunch. its another bout of indigestion n being too hungry. upon reaching marina square, immediately looked for toilet to rinse my mouth.
my sis could not find what she wanted so we made our way to oriental. we were slightly early at the restaurant for our dinner but they let us in anyway. but, it was kinda, not full house, with a few empty tables here n there, n i started wondering, y 8.30? ate till they closed shop, haha... but not shiok enough, cos i didnt have the full-till-i-wana-puke-n-stay-off-food-for-a-week feeling. usually on buffets, i would binge till i feel that, but not enough time! haha... went home n watch soccer. dear did not stay overnight cos he was out the whole day n his parents just came back from thailand.
Sunday, was doing cross stitch whole afternoon till dear fetch me out to jelita. did some grocery shopping n bought pizza for dinner. upon reaching home, opened a can of campbell cream of mushroom n ate pizza n watched tv at the same time. after dinner, dear watched soccer while i made cheesecake. mango chilled cheesecake... haven tried yet.. haha...
whn my sis came back (all went out), dear went to central to catch the man u game cos it would be too late n he has to take a cab... save money while we can... haha...
after the eventful weekend, comes today. should be chemo day, but doc say since i still feel the pain, she'll delay the chemo till wed. so mum n i went to walk walk n have lunch. walked over to far east where she bought toto. then went over to isetan scotts supermarket to get some stuff. n on the way there, on the mango window display a top caught my eye, but mango only opens at 11am n it was still early.
so, after grocery shopping n brunch at mos burger, it was shopping time at mango. so so happy! its been sooooooo long since i've slowly walked thru the racks at mango. found a bag and the top. total damage to pocket today, 152 after discount with mango card. damn, i'm such a sucker for mango stuff. Claudia Schiffer is the poster girl for mango now, damn, i envy her...
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Chemo on monday...
Had chemo on monday... still a bit drowsy, groggy n sleepy. hopefully, tmr i'll be up n alert...
No much appetite since monday... dunno wht to eat... dun feel like eating aso... haiz... just feel like sleeping... yawnzzzz...
No much appetite since monday... dunno wht to eat... dun feel like eating aso... haiz... just feel like sleeping... yawnzzzz...
Friday, November 18, 2005
A day of good news and thankfulness
So, i awoke very early today to reach the radiology clinic at paragon for my ct scan n chest xray, appointment was at 8.15am... by the time i finished, it was only 9.15am but report will only be ready abt 11am. however, by experience, you have to give them half an hour added to the time stated. since i fasted the entire nite n had to go without breakfast, my stomach was calling "feed me". but at 9.15, not many eating places are open at orchard.
having eaten kaya toast for the past 2 days, i wanted some warm, hot, soupy noodle kinda thing. so from paragon, we walked to lucky plaza's basement foodcourt. nothing appeals to me. mum suggested scotts picnic foodcourt.
so as we walked, we passed by breadtalk. i had intro to my mum the green tea bread from breadtalk about 2 months back, although i had eaten it long time ago. now, she's addicted to it! EVERYTIME we pass by breadtalk, she would ask "got green tea bread or not ah". so, lucky for her, that outlet had green tea bread for her early in the morning. she saw the mixed loaf of green tea n walnut n she bought 2, one for my aunt n one for ourselves.
the moment we stepped into scotts picnic foodcourt, it looks like nothing was open. i suggested, food republic at wisma atria. had been gog to food republic for a couple of times already. once i've finished trying all the food there, i'll do a writeup. the time we stepped into food republic was already about 10am. so u can guess how slowwwwwly we had walked... pratically strolled...
so at 10am, toastbox was already opened, but no bread for me today... i already insisted on something warm, hot n soupy noodles thingy. so i walked ard. was thinking of duck guo tiao soup or beef noodles dry (its not really dry, comes with loads of gravy instead of soup). but these 2 appealing foods were not ready yet. in the end, after thinking for a while, i was mind set on beef noodles and ask the auntie whn it would be ready. she said gotta wait for boss to come in n cook the gravy... so meanwhile, i went to buy tea n coffee n mum n myself. thn mum went to check if the lotus leaf glutinous rice was ready, but they said 10.30. so she suggested we share a yong tau foo soup while waiting for my beef noodles gravy to be ready.
10.15am: slowly enjoying the yong tau foo soup while i sight a young sweet looking lass walking into the beef noodles stall. and she starts making the gravy
10.30am: i approach the stall again n they say not yet ready. return to seat n ask mum abt the glutinous rice. mum says she'll wait for them to push the dim sum cart out. if they come in time, she'll buy, if not, she's gonna forgo. for the next 15 minutes, i keep seeing the young lady adding condiments n trying the gravy. mum n i speculate that the young lady is the boss of the franchise since the auntie say "boss will ocme in and cook gravy".
10.45am: just as yong tau foo soup finished, i sight the young lady pouring the gravy into the warmer pot at the counter. yay! its ready! i approach the stall to get my beef noodles n their first bowl of beef noodles dry is sold for the day.
I'm a damn slow eater. but timing just nice. by the time i finished, it was almost 11.30am. made our way back to collect the report n c my chemo oncologist, dr hwang.
dr hwang read the report n saw the films. i only know how good it was till she start comparing the films with me. my PET scan in august, before chemo started had shown tumors in my liver, including one huge one. using that to compare to the CT done after 2 courses of chemo, the huge one and a few are gone, with the rest reduced in size. using this CT n compare with the one i did today, all are gone except 2 or 3 (if i'm not wrong) n whatever's left had pratically shrinked at least half. After she had explained n pointed out them out, i said "thank God" n held back tears of joy (n now while typing this out, i'm letting out tears of joy). she gave me such a big smile n kept saying, "almost there, almost all gone, just a little more."
then she asked if i'm a christian n which church i go to. i told her i dun go to church but just read the bible n do my prayers at home. she said what's most importantly is to know Him. hehe... then she said 2 more courses for me b4 another scan is done to re-confirm everything's gone. once i'm cleared, i'll start on at least a year's of oral medication to "maintain". she carried on telling me to have a nice weekend n we'll start the 5th course on monday. we walked out of the consultation room. i went to the reception to wait for my appt card while she handed my file back to the nurses at the recep. n while she did that she was smiling n saying to the nurses "xiao le, xiao le, dou xiao le" (referring my tumors shrink already, disappearing already, all gone already). got my appt card then mum suggested buying the yong tau foo n beef noodles for her frd who lives nearby to try (tt's how good it was).
we made our way back to food republic. i went to get the beef noodles while she got the yong tau foo. auntie at the stall saw me and regconised me. she asked if i worked nearby, i said no, here to c doc. the young lady collected the money, pass me the plastic bag n said "c u, take care"... guess she regconised me too.
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your blessings. thank You for protecting my life as You know how much i want to stay alive to fulfil my dreams n aspirations n to do the things i wana do. thank You for tame-ing the cancer cells as to let the chemo drugs work effectively aginst them. papa in Heaven, thank You for loving me, never giving me up n forsaking me though i'm always a lost sheep, always backsliding. Father, i love You! In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!
having eaten kaya toast for the past 2 days, i wanted some warm, hot, soupy noodle kinda thing. so from paragon, we walked to lucky plaza's basement foodcourt. nothing appeals to me. mum suggested scotts picnic foodcourt.
so as we walked, we passed by breadtalk. i had intro to my mum the green tea bread from breadtalk about 2 months back, although i had eaten it long time ago. now, she's addicted to it! EVERYTIME we pass by breadtalk, she would ask "got green tea bread or not ah". so, lucky for her, that outlet had green tea bread for her early in the morning. she saw the mixed loaf of green tea n walnut n she bought 2, one for my aunt n one for ourselves.
the moment we stepped into scotts picnic foodcourt, it looks like nothing was open. i suggested, food republic at wisma atria. had been gog to food republic for a couple of times already. once i've finished trying all the food there, i'll do a writeup. the time we stepped into food republic was already about 10am. so u can guess how slowwwwwly we had walked... pratically strolled...
so at 10am, toastbox was already opened, but no bread for me today... i already insisted on something warm, hot n soupy noodles thingy. so i walked ard. was thinking of duck guo tiao soup or beef noodles dry (its not really dry, comes with loads of gravy instead of soup). but these 2 appealing foods were not ready yet. in the end, after thinking for a while, i was mind set on beef noodles and ask the auntie whn it would be ready. she said gotta wait for boss to come in n cook the gravy... so meanwhile, i went to buy tea n coffee n mum n myself. thn mum went to check if the lotus leaf glutinous rice was ready, but they said 10.30. so she suggested we share a yong tau foo soup while waiting for my beef noodles gravy to be ready.
10.15am: slowly enjoying the yong tau foo soup while i sight a young sweet looking lass walking into the beef noodles stall. and she starts making the gravy
10.30am: i approach the stall again n they say not yet ready. return to seat n ask mum abt the glutinous rice. mum says she'll wait for them to push the dim sum cart out. if they come in time, she'll buy, if not, she's gonna forgo. for the next 15 minutes, i keep seeing the young lady adding condiments n trying the gravy. mum n i speculate that the young lady is the boss of the franchise since the auntie say "boss will ocme in and cook gravy".
10.45am: just as yong tau foo soup finished, i sight the young lady pouring the gravy into the warmer pot at the counter. yay! its ready! i approach the stall to get my beef noodles n their first bowl of beef noodles dry is sold for the day.
I'm a damn slow eater. but timing just nice. by the time i finished, it was almost 11.30am. made our way back to collect the report n c my chemo oncologist, dr hwang.
dr hwang read the report n saw the films. i only know how good it was till she start comparing the films with me. my PET scan in august, before chemo started had shown tumors in my liver, including one huge one. using that to compare to the CT done after 2 courses of chemo, the huge one and a few are gone, with the rest reduced in size. using this CT n compare with the one i did today, all are gone except 2 or 3 (if i'm not wrong) n whatever's left had pratically shrinked at least half. After she had explained n pointed out them out, i said "thank God" n held back tears of joy (n now while typing this out, i'm letting out tears of joy). she gave me such a big smile n kept saying, "almost there, almost all gone, just a little more."
then she asked if i'm a christian n which church i go to. i told her i dun go to church but just read the bible n do my prayers at home. she said what's most importantly is to know Him. hehe... then she said 2 more courses for me b4 another scan is done to re-confirm everything's gone. once i'm cleared, i'll start on at least a year's of oral medication to "maintain". she carried on telling me to have a nice weekend n we'll start the 5th course on monday. we walked out of the consultation room. i went to the reception to wait for my appt card while she handed my file back to the nurses at the recep. n while she did that she was smiling n saying to the nurses "xiao le, xiao le, dou xiao le" (referring my tumors shrink already, disappearing already, all gone already). got my appt card then mum suggested buying the yong tau foo n beef noodles for her frd who lives nearby to try (tt's how good it was).
we made our way back to food republic. i went to get the beef noodles while she got the yong tau foo. auntie at the stall saw me and regconised me. she asked if i worked nearby, i said no, here to c doc. the young lady collected the money, pass me the plastic bag n said "c u, take care"... guess she regconised me too.
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your blessings. thank You for protecting my life as You know how much i want to stay alive to fulfil my dreams n aspirations n to do the things i wana do. thank You for tame-ing the cancer cells as to let the chemo drugs work effectively aginst them. papa in Heaven, thank You for loving me, never giving me up n forsaking me though i'm always a lost sheep, always backsliding. Father, i love You! In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
No chemo today...
No chemo today again... After seeing doc just now, she wanted me to go for another ct scan before she gives the next dose of drugs. Reason, she wanted a scan to ensure everything's well n if whether she can reduce the dosage slightly...
So tmr morning, i'll have to go for ct scan first before anything else can carry on...
So tmr morning, i'll have to go for ct scan first before anything else can carry on...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
New Park Hotel Peranakan Buffet
Went to this on saturday night with my parents. It is also Peranakan, coming to almost 40 per head, its slightly more expensive than the Merchant Court one, but definately more value for money...
Main dishes: fried cucumber rice, plain rice, fried bee tai mak (lao shu fen)... kueh pie tee, nonya mee (taste a bit like fried hokkien prawn mee) n satay which are damn good... EVERYTHING else was spicy except the braised pork belly n chap chye... the spicy stuff were crayfish, stingray, fish, prawns, buah keluak chicken, etc... they had a few more dishes then the Merchant Court one...
Cold dishes and salad bar: no rock oysters here, but they have tuna n cuttlefish sashimi besides the salmon. potato salad, prawn salad, chickpea salad.
Desserts: miserable n horrible... ice cream, ice kachang, little nonya kuehs n tarts, cakes, mango pudding, blackcurrant jelly, longan n red dates soup, strawberry moose. Only redeemable part was the gultinous rice with durian sauce, think thai style but with very very thin durian puree mixed with coconut milk to make the "sauce".
I just thinking if they have a nonya mee, satay n kueh pie tee buffet. these 3 dishes are really nice... But it seems like their Japanese buffet is more popular...
Main dishes: fried cucumber rice, plain rice, fried bee tai mak (lao shu fen)... kueh pie tee, nonya mee (taste a bit like fried hokkien prawn mee) n satay which are damn good... EVERYTHING else was spicy except the braised pork belly n chap chye... the spicy stuff were crayfish, stingray, fish, prawns, buah keluak chicken, etc... they had a few more dishes then the Merchant Court one...
Cold dishes and salad bar: no rock oysters here, but they have tuna n cuttlefish sashimi besides the salmon. potato salad, prawn salad, chickpea salad.
Desserts: miserable n horrible... ice cream, ice kachang, little nonya kuehs n tarts, cakes, mango pudding, blackcurrant jelly, longan n red dates soup, strawberry moose. Only redeemable part was the gultinous rice with durian sauce, think thai style but with very very thin durian puree mixed with coconut milk to make the "sauce".
I just thinking if they have a nonya mee, satay n kueh pie tee buffet. these 3 dishes are really nice... But it seems like their Japanese buffet is more popular...
Swissotel Merchant Court's Buffet
Went to this place last Tuesday for dinner to celebrate my dear's bday... It's more Peranakan than international...
Main dishes: all Peranakan dishes. honey beef, chap chye, black bean sauce crayfish, chicken, shark fillet, mee goreng, plain rice, etc...
Cold dishes n salad bar: seafood salad, fruit salad, n some other salads which i forgot, pieces of lettuce, rock oysters, salmon sashimi, sichuan soup, various types of bread n salad dressing, bak kwa, fried spring rolls, etc...
Dessert: Burbur hitam, sweet corn with egg, steam tapioca (think thai style), ah balling, fresh fruits, little pastries n tarts, cakes, chocolate fondue. and the only worth it part of the buffet, mango pudding, almond jelly n durian puree.
A pity i still can't take spicy food yet, if not i would have enjoyed it more... the honey beef was good. quite value for money, at 30+ (after all the +++) per head.
Main dishes: all Peranakan dishes. honey beef, chap chye, black bean sauce crayfish, chicken, shark fillet, mee goreng, plain rice, etc...
Cold dishes n salad bar: seafood salad, fruit salad, n some other salads which i forgot, pieces of lettuce, rock oysters, salmon sashimi, sichuan soup, various types of bread n salad dressing, bak kwa, fried spring rolls, etc...
Dessert: Burbur hitam, sweet corn with egg, steam tapioca (think thai style), ah balling, fresh fruits, little pastries n tarts, cakes, chocolate fondue. and the only worth it part of the buffet, mango pudding, almond jelly n durian puree.
A pity i still can't take spicy food yet, if not i would have enjoyed it more... the honey beef was good. quite value for money, at 30+ (after all the +++) per head.
A little occupied
During the weekend, england had a "friendly" with argentina. note "friendly" cos usually games between these 2 countries not tt friendly after all. lucky there wasn't any ugly scenes this time round... england won 3-2!
I'm starting to get a little occupied now for 3 reasons...
Once in a while, i've mentioned i'm playing trivia on irc n i'm an op in the channel. now i have a little "job" on hand which i'm always suggesting. for a very long time, i wanted to "clean up" error questions n ans, be it typos, weird questions or ans, questions the bot cant "read", etc... now i'm put to task to do it! at last we can start "tidying" up the "mess" n get "organised". phew...
2nd reason is that i'm at last starting on the cross-stitch for my mum's frd. a very kind, sweet, nice, jovial, cheery lady who has been advising me, supporting me, coming down to c me while i'm having my chemo... its a x'mas gift for her.
lastly, re-typing of recipies. i'm a very "niao" person whn it comes to organising stuff. i dun like things when they're outta format, outta place, outta style. so after i ripped hundred plus cheesecake recipies, i'm re-typing them to my format.
Starting my 5th cos of chemo already... went to clinic just now n my white blood cell count is low, ass usual. no typo, extra "s" cos its damn irritating. eat so many egg whites also no use... so given booster jab n went home. tmr gog back for, hopefuuly, official start of 5th cos...
I'm starting to get a little occupied now for 3 reasons...
Once in a while, i've mentioned i'm playing trivia on irc n i'm an op in the channel. now i have a little "job" on hand which i'm always suggesting. for a very long time, i wanted to "clean up" error questions n ans, be it typos, weird questions or ans, questions the bot cant "read", etc... now i'm put to task to do it! at last we can start "tidying" up the "mess" n get "organised". phew...
2nd reason is that i'm at last starting on the cross-stitch for my mum's frd. a very kind, sweet, nice, jovial, cheery lady who has been advising me, supporting me, coming down to c me while i'm having my chemo... its a x'mas gift for her.
lastly, re-typing of recipies. i'm a very "niao" person whn it comes to organising stuff. i dun like things when they're outta format, outta place, outta style. so after i ripped hundred plus cheesecake recipies, i'm re-typing them to my format.
Starting my 5th cos of chemo already... went to clinic just now n my white blood cell count is low, ass usual. no typo, extra "s" cos its damn irritating. eat so many egg whites also no use... so given booster jab n went home. tmr gog back for, hopefuuly, official start of 5th cos...
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Terrible dream with a Fann Wong look alike...
I just woke up... i think its the first time i'm blogging right after i wake up... i had a terrible dream... i awoke crying...
the setting was like in a class or something similar... a group of us were gathered ard, sitting ard talking. someone suggesting gog to a club tonight for the launch of a new perfume. another gal asked wht perfume. i note a magazine on the table which i had read b4 n remembered the launch party details were inside.
the magazine belonged to this gal, who really looked like fann wong... i dunno y a fann wong look alike appeared in my dream, dun ask y... so i asked "fann wong" if i could flip thru the magazine to show the rest the launch party details. as mean as she could get, she said no cos i had uneven skin tones all over my fave n neck, had pigment probs n dark eye rings and even start jabbing her finger all ard me to "show" me where the uneveness was. i felt ostracised... i fought back, saying her make up was thick n white as a ghost, i had reasons for uneven skin tone n started destroying her make up.
everyone ard saw me doing that n blamed me for wanting to start a catfight. i started crying n explained myself that every gal is vain, who doesn't want to be pretty. n a bitch has to criticise so meanly on my uneven skin tone. i clearly remb saying this words in chinese. "you all look at these black n white patches. u think i want meh? u think i wanan look ugly meh? i have no choice! i had stage 2 nose cancer n needed radiotherapy! tt's wht caused the uneveness. n now i have to go for chemo, tt's wht causes the pigementation probs" i was crying n wailing as i said those words. upon finishing, i woke up, n felt tears running down my face...
it was a nightmare, i still feel like crying now... i dunno y i still wana cry nor do i know y i had such a weird dream. they say dreams are part of our subconcious mind. mayb whn i walk ard everyday i dun seem to bother abt my patches. but in my subconcious, i really bother abt them n want to get rid of them. or maybe its due to pple looking at me in a weird way whenever i'm out. subconciously i think they are looking at me like tt because of my uneven skin tone.
i hate dreams like tt... after u wake up, makes u feel like u are dumped into the sea, struggling to keep alive... help...
the setting was like in a class or something similar... a group of us were gathered ard, sitting ard talking. someone suggesting gog to a club tonight for the launch of a new perfume. another gal asked wht perfume. i note a magazine on the table which i had read b4 n remembered the launch party details were inside.
the magazine belonged to this gal, who really looked like fann wong... i dunno y a fann wong look alike appeared in my dream, dun ask y... so i asked "fann wong" if i could flip thru the magazine to show the rest the launch party details. as mean as she could get, she said no cos i had uneven skin tones all over my fave n neck, had pigment probs n dark eye rings and even start jabbing her finger all ard me to "show" me where the uneveness was. i felt ostracised... i fought back, saying her make up was thick n white as a ghost, i had reasons for uneven skin tone n started destroying her make up.
everyone ard saw me doing that n blamed me for wanting to start a catfight. i started crying n explained myself that every gal is vain, who doesn't want to be pretty. n a bitch has to criticise so meanly on my uneven skin tone. i clearly remb saying this words in chinese. "you all look at these black n white patches. u think i want meh? u think i wanan look ugly meh? i have no choice! i had stage 2 nose cancer n needed radiotherapy! tt's wht caused the uneveness. n now i have to go for chemo, tt's wht causes the pigementation probs" i was crying n wailing as i said those words. upon finishing, i woke up, n felt tears running down my face...
it was a nightmare, i still feel like crying now... i dunno y i still wana cry nor do i know y i had such a weird dream. they say dreams are part of our subconcious mind. mayb whn i walk ard everyday i dun seem to bother abt my patches. but in my subconcious, i really bother abt them n want to get rid of them. or maybe its due to pple looking at me in a weird way whenever i'm out. subconciously i think they are looking at me like tt because of my uneven skin tone.
i hate dreams like tt... after u wake up, makes u feel like u are dumped into the sea, struggling to keep alive... help...
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
3 cakes in a row...
first of all b4 i start blogging today, let me extend my loving-est n warmest bday greetings to my most loving, cutest, handsome and wonderful dear dear...
lao gong ah, happy birthday! love you deep deep... muacks...
okie, now after i'm done with sending everyone's goose pimples out, let me start on wht i've done in the past week... in the last week, 3 cakes were rolled out... an oreo cheesecake, a classic caked cheesecake n a yoghurt cake...
oreo cheesecake still trying to grasp wht happened wrongly to it... it was a chilled cheesecake but it melted wayyy too fast. maybe the gelatine mixture has to be thicker, cos cream cheese doesnt melt tt fast. besides tt, the crust was a failure, not compact enough.
Yoghurt cake, wht my mum wanted to bake. texture was very soft n fluffy. tasty too... everything was good... perfect... except it had a hole at the bottom. most prob its due to the air...
classic baked cheesecake. simply perfect... except maybe can cut down on the lemon juice a bit, too sour... tasted oh soooo good that i think can sell... its was meant as a birthday cake for dear. so after we cut the cake just down after dinner, i brought some home n it was still a lot... so my mum gave a slice to her frd who lives nearby... dear n mum's frd say its a "can sell" standard... woo hooo, its a big big compliment... tmr making another round for my aunt.. hehe...
During the weekend, man u played chelsea. since the russian n portugese brats took over last year, i started to hate chelsea. they pratically bought their title n jose mourino is a big big sore loser... whenever he loses a match, watch his face turn long n black. anyway, when chelsea went into this game, they were on a 40 match unbeaten run... n the outcome, man u won 1-0! although the goal by darren fletcher was a bit taiko, but its was a win after all n it really humbled the arrogant chelsea...
today went for checkups. as usual white blood cell count low lah... given booster. next, went downstairs to c dr khor (radiotherapy), did a scope n everything was alright. so far so good... dr khor even taught me how to massage my neck to help reduce the swelling... hopefully it helps.. hehe...
lao gong ah, happy birthday! love you deep deep... muacks...
okie, now after i'm done with sending everyone's goose pimples out, let me start on wht i've done in the past week... in the last week, 3 cakes were rolled out... an oreo cheesecake, a classic caked cheesecake n a yoghurt cake...
oreo cheesecake still trying to grasp wht happened wrongly to it... it was a chilled cheesecake but it melted wayyy too fast. maybe the gelatine mixture has to be thicker, cos cream cheese doesnt melt tt fast. besides tt, the crust was a failure, not compact enough.
Yoghurt cake, wht my mum wanted to bake. texture was very soft n fluffy. tasty too... everything was good... perfect... except it had a hole at the bottom. most prob its due to the air...
classic baked cheesecake. simply perfect... except maybe can cut down on the lemon juice a bit, too sour... tasted oh soooo good that i think can sell... its was meant as a birthday cake for dear. so after we cut the cake just down after dinner, i brought some home n it was still a lot... so my mum gave a slice to her frd who lives nearby... dear n mum's frd say its a "can sell" standard... woo hooo, its a big big compliment... tmr making another round for my aunt.. hehe...
During the weekend, man u played chelsea. since the russian n portugese brats took over last year, i started to hate chelsea. they pratically bought their title n jose mourino is a big big sore loser... whenever he loses a match, watch his face turn long n black. anyway, when chelsea went into this game, they were on a 40 match unbeaten run... n the outcome, man u won 1-0! although the goal by darren fletcher was a bit taiko, but its was a win after all n it really humbled the arrogant chelsea...
today went for checkups. as usual white blood cell count low lah... given booster. next, went downstairs to c dr khor (radiotherapy), did a scope n everything was alright. so far so good... dr khor even taught me how to massage my neck to help reduce the swelling... hopefully it helps.. hehe...
Labels:
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My Cancer Battle,
Soccer
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Bad Canadian pizza...
Ystday was the 2nd dose of my 4th cos. no idea y i'm kinda alert already today. by rite should b still groggy... but getting kinda sleepy already...
the gals came by today to pay a visit. pj started her exams already so she din come over. rather she did not too, rather she stayed at home to revise. so, they were supposed to come by at 1pm. In the end, yue came at 1.30, ange ard 3.30. winn ard 4.30...
we ordered pizza for dinner, but yue went home for dinner. first time canadian pizza tasted so bad. the pizza was flour-zza. could pratically taste the flour-ness of the dough. the tomato paste on the pizza was pathetic! making the pizza tasted so dry. and the ingredients, i think the portion was meant for a reg or medium pizza, not large... bad... real bad... never eaten such bad canadian pizza in my life...
the gals came by today to pay a visit. pj started her exams already so she din come over. rather she did not too, rather she stayed at home to revise. so, they were supposed to come by at 1pm. In the end, yue came at 1.30, ange ard 3.30. winn ard 4.30...
we ordered pizza for dinner, but yue went home for dinner. first time canadian pizza tasted so bad. the pizza was flour-zza. could pratically taste the flour-ness of the dough. the tomato paste on the pizza was pathetic! making the pizza tasted so dry. and the ingredients, i think the portion was meant for a reg or medium pizza, not large... bad... real bad... never eaten such bad canadian pizza in my life...
Friday, October 28, 2005
Cheesecake recipe galore!
I'm a ripper... i have pratically ripped 127 cheesecake recipes from kraft.com.au. i've printed them out and gog to start trying them... once a week? once in 2 weeks? muaahahahaa... i love cheesecakes! here i come!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Bored... Freaking bored...
On monday went back to clinic. as usual, white blood cell count low, so given booster, sent home to go back on tuesday. tuesday was the start of my 4th cos. half way thru? or 3/4 way thru? tt depends if i'm having 8 courses or 6 courses. doc hasn't said anything abt tt yet... hopefully its only 6 courses... i'm getting damn bored and sian!
as usual lah, tuesday i came back, slept all the way till dinner time. went to bed kinda early at ard 10pm... dunno y this time round i feel slightly more tired... ystday i had an afternoon nap n went to bed ard 10.30pm too...
bored... freaking bored...
as usual lah, tuesday i came back, slept all the way till dinner time. went to bed kinda early at ard 10pm... dunno y this time round i feel slightly more tired... ystday i had an afternoon nap n went to bed ard 10.30pm too...
bored... freaking bored...
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Famous Amos cookies...
Last wednesday should be chemo day, the start of my 4th course. But i had a sore throat and some facial swelling. doc said that it was radiation recall, the after effects of radiotherapy after chemotherapy. Besides that, my white blood cell count was slightly low, but not too low to be given booster. so she told me to rest for a few more days. gog back tmr... so either tmr or tuesday, the 4th course will start...
On friday, my mum n i decided to try a recipe. i got this recipe from email quite a few times n it claimed to be the recipe for famous amos cookies. the taste was there, but the texture was a bit salah, a bit wrong, did not feel like the ones u get at the shop. the ones at the shop were crunchier and had more "holes" in the cookie cos of the "raising" effect and were darker. mine were lighter in colour and did not have "holes". dunno if its a fake famous amos cookie recipe or i should put more baking soda.
then, the gals came over at nite to keep me company. thn we ordered kfc for supper... haha...
On friday, my mum n i decided to try a recipe. i got this recipe from email quite a few times n it claimed to be the recipe for famous amos cookies. the taste was there, but the texture was a bit salah, a bit wrong, did not feel like the ones u get at the shop. the ones at the shop were crunchier and had more "holes" in the cookie cos of the "raising" effect and were darker. mine were lighter in colour and did not have "holes". dunno if its a fake famous amos cookie recipe or i should put more baking soda.
then, the gals came over at nite to keep me company. thn we ordered kfc for supper... haha...
Sunday, October 16, 2005
One year already... Flowers, Goal and Kuishin-bo...
On friday, dear took leave to spend the entire day with me. y so special? cos its our anniversary! so fast, one year already... time really flies...
so, he came over while i was bathing and left the bouquet he bought for me on my table. so i only saw it when i went back to my room. the bouquet had a dozen roses. the roses were not pink, nor were they red. the colour was kinda a mixture of both.
we left the house abt 1pm and made our way down to ikea for lunch. y ikea? i'm an ikea friends member n everyday, something from the menu will be specially discounted for members (limited to 2 dishes per member), besides that, there are 2 free drinks. friday was swedish meatballs day! i love the swedish meatballs at ikea.
after lunch, we went down to tiong bahru plaza. i think i'll be making trips there often from now on. reason is that they have a DMC store there. First one in singapore i've seen. DMC is a company specializing in cross-stitch and embroidery stuff, and having a store like this, i can easily get my materials. after getting some stuff from their gold concept (DMC thread "filing" system), we made our way down to plaza sing.
we picked up our tickets for Goal! and had our toilet break before going into the cinema. those who had not watched Goal! MUST watch! For someone like me who's fighting for survival and wanting a second chance at life to fufill my dreams, i can relate to the main character, Santiago Munez.
Throughout the movie, i cried a few times. i cried when munez's dad took his money to buy a van. his dad wanted to path a future and career for him by owning a business, but to munez, tt's not suited for him. he wans to play soccer, professionally. to him, tt's a career most suited for him. munez needed that money to go to newcastle for a trial. for that moment, all his hopes and dreams were dashed. Just like me, when i was first diagnosed.
then when he finally made it to newcastle, fellow reserve squad members made things difficult for him. they rough tackled him, did not pass the ball to him so he did not have a chance to show off his skills and worse of all, crushed his inhaler as he had asthma. just when he thought he had at last reached england, it would be easier from then on, but no, he still had to cross hurdles. just like me, just when i tot i had finished radiotherapy, crossed the hurdle and won the battle, and was well already, my backaches were actually signs that the cancer cells had spread, to my bones n liver. now, i have to cross another hurdle and receive chemotherapy.
At the end of the movie, i cried again. Its all smooth sailing for him. but when for me? to me, when its smooth sailing for him, it would be the day i have won this battle. dear cried at the end of the movie too.
After the movie, we went down to suntec for jap buffet dinner at kuishin-bo. not worth 40 bucks. it had ample variety that looks 40 bucks, but the dishes were salty and tasted so so only. they had a lot of meat and seafood, great for meat-lovers, and had only a salad, teppanyaki veg n cucumber sushi as proper veg only dishes. even the nabes (claypots) and soups had little veg in it although i n dear chose those. they should have a dish of stir fried shitake mushrooms or something. even the veg tempura was mostly spring onions, sweet potatos and mushrooms. but the food's really quite fresh. dessert spread variety was not bad, but few edible. really not worth 40 bucks, unless u whack the steamed crabs n prawns, soft shell crabs n ebi tempura.
after the dinner, we were walking over the tower three's (carrefour) taxi stand as there should be more taxis there, when we saw those capsule dispensers. They had one which dispenses anime, one piece, characters' handphone ornaments. i wanted ruffy n between me n dear we had only 4 1-dollar coins. one capsule cost 3 bucks n they only accepted 1-dollar coins. so we walked over to the arcarde to change for more 1-dollar coins. i changed 15 coins. while changing we saw a machine.
for 1 dollar, u can have 3 tries on this machine. u have 3 tries to accumulate a score of positive 5 to dispense a prize. prizes were like handphones, mp3 players n psp. seems easy? thy have loads of negative numbers n once u hit the "computer" n stop on those numbers, whatever score u have will be lowered, limited to zero. tried a few times for fun, but no luck. we went back to the capsule dispenser for my ruffy. 15 dollars and 5 capsules later, no ruffy but other characters, even 2 pirate bo.
then we went back to the arcarde for more coins. n of cos, we tried our luck again on the machine. no luck, but we discovered some tactics, which may or may not work. then we went back to the capsule dispenser. this time round, it was dear who put in the coins n turn the knob, guess what, it was ruffy!
we made our way to the taxi stand but it was a long q. so we called a cab n got home.
ystday, chelsea trashed bolton 5-1 n bolton was 1-0 up early in the game. when will teams learn how to hold on to their lead n win chelsea. chelsea must drop points in order for any other clubs to catch up. if not, the epl this year will be a one horse race.
just like today's f1 race, the chinese grand prix, final one of the season. it was boring... renault was 2 points ahead of mclaren for the constructors champion n alonso n fisichella were in pole n grid 2 position for the race. raikkonen was in grid 3. when the race started, fisichella was in charge of "blocking" the mclarens while alonso sped away, faster n faster lap timings with each lap to distance himself away from the mclarens so they have no chance to catch up. just when i tot raikkonen has chance to overtake alonso, the safety car's out... today, the safety car's out twice! totally spoiling the race, i think. lap by lap with the SC on, alonso cruises lap by lap in 1st position. boring...... of cos alonso won the race with raikkonen in 2nd.
so, he came over while i was bathing and left the bouquet he bought for me on my table. so i only saw it when i went back to my room. the bouquet had a dozen roses. the roses were not pink, nor were they red. the colour was kinda a mixture of both.
we left the house abt 1pm and made our way down to ikea for lunch. y ikea? i'm an ikea friends member n everyday, something from the menu will be specially discounted for members (limited to 2 dishes per member), besides that, there are 2 free drinks. friday was swedish meatballs day! i love the swedish meatballs at ikea.
after lunch, we went down to tiong bahru plaza. i think i'll be making trips there often from now on. reason is that they have a DMC store there. First one in singapore i've seen. DMC is a company specializing in cross-stitch and embroidery stuff, and having a store like this, i can easily get my materials. after getting some stuff from their gold concept (DMC thread "filing" system), we made our way down to plaza sing.
we picked up our tickets for Goal! and had our toilet break before going into the cinema. those who had not watched Goal! MUST watch! For someone like me who's fighting for survival and wanting a second chance at life to fufill my dreams, i can relate to the main character, Santiago Munez.
Throughout the movie, i cried a few times. i cried when munez's dad took his money to buy a van. his dad wanted to path a future and career for him by owning a business, but to munez, tt's not suited for him. he wans to play soccer, professionally. to him, tt's a career most suited for him. munez needed that money to go to newcastle for a trial. for that moment, all his hopes and dreams were dashed. Just like me, when i was first diagnosed.
then when he finally made it to newcastle, fellow reserve squad members made things difficult for him. they rough tackled him, did not pass the ball to him so he did not have a chance to show off his skills and worse of all, crushed his inhaler as he had asthma. just when he thought he had at last reached england, it would be easier from then on, but no, he still had to cross hurdles. just like me, just when i tot i had finished radiotherapy, crossed the hurdle and won the battle, and was well already, my backaches were actually signs that the cancer cells had spread, to my bones n liver. now, i have to cross another hurdle and receive chemotherapy.
At the end of the movie, i cried again. Its all smooth sailing for him. but when for me? to me, when its smooth sailing for him, it would be the day i have won this battle. dear cried at the end of the movie too.
After the movie, we went down to suntec for jap buffet dinner at kuishin-bo. not worth 40 bucks. it had ample variety that looks 40 bucks, but the dishes were salty and tasted so so only. they had a lot of meat and seafood, great for meat-lovers, and had only a salad, teppanyaki veg n cucumber sushi as proper veg only dishes. even the nabes (claypots) and soups had little veg in it although i n dear chose those. they should have a dish of stir fried shitake mushrooms or something. even the veg tempura was mostly spring onions, sweet potatos and mushrooms. but the food's really quite fresh. dessert spread variety was not bad, but few edible. really not worth 40 bucks, unless u whack the steamed crabs n prawns, soft shell crabs n ebi tempura.
after the dinner, we were walking over the tower three's (carrefour) taxi stand as there should be more taxis there, when we saw those capsule dispensers. They had one which dispenses anime, one piece, characters' handphone ornaments. i wanted ruffy n between me n dear we had only 4 1-dollar coins. one capsule cost 3 bucks n they only accepted 1-dollar coins. so we walked over to the arcarde to change for more 1-dollar coins. i changed 15 coins. while changing we saw a machine.
for 1 dollar, u can have 3 tries on this machine. u have 3 tries to accumulate a score of positive 5 to dispense a prize. prizes were like handphones, mp3 players n psp. seems easy? thy have loads of negative numbers n once u hit the "computer" n stop on those numbers, whatever score u have will be lowered, limited to zero. tried a few times for fun, but no luck. we went back to the capsule dispenser for my ruffy. 15 dollars and 5 capsules later, no ruffy but other characters, even 2 pirate bo.
then we went back to the arcarde for more coins. n of cos, we tried our luck again on the machine. no luck, but we discovered some tactics, which may or may not work. then we went back to the capsule dispenser. this time round, it was dear who put in the coins n turn the knob, guess what, it was ruffy!
we made our way to the taxi stand but it was a long q. so we called a cab n got home.
ystday, chelsea trashed bolton 5-1 n bolton was 1-0 up early in the game. when will teams learn how to hold on to their lead n win chelsea. chelsea must drop points in order for any other clubs to catch up. if not, the epl this year will be a one horse race.
just like today's f1 race, the chinese grand prix, final one of the season. it was boring... renault was 2 points ahead of mclaren for the constructors champion n alonso n fisichella were in pole n grid 2 position for the race. raikkonen was in grid 3. when the race started, fisichella was in charge of "blocking" the mclarens while alonso sped away, faster n faster lap timings with each lap to distance himself away from the mclarens so they have no chance to catch up. just when i tot raikkonen has chance to overtake alonso, the safety car's out... today, the safety car's out twice! totally spoiling the race, i think. lap by lap with the SC on, alonso cruises lap by lap in 1st position. boring...... of cos alonso won the race with raikkonen in 2nd.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Who is Noire?
Some pple just like to b secretive, no idea y.
Noire, u reminded me of my dreams n goals.
Noire, u only leave a pm on irc.
Noire, i know u might hv a good chance of reading this.
Noire, who in the world r u?
Noire, pls own up n identify yrself d next time u pm me.
Noire, i would like to thank u personally for the pm-es u left me.
Noire, i dunno how come u know i'm sick, but i guess u might have heard frm someone.
Noire, pls tell me who's the someone u heard from if u wana keep yr identity a secret.
Noire, pls understand that communication works both ways, so i wana reply to u.
Noire, pls tell me who u r.
Noire, by keeping quiet, u're kinda driving me nuts.
Noire, here's the pm i got from u today....
sorry i think i flooded u. but in case u didn't receive the msg.. i'll paste it here again.. i feel you need this msg.. it'll remind u of some things in your life. You're fighting hard and you're fighting well.. never let the evil win.. you're born with a strong and fiery heart.. you have softball to play.. to see the home runs.. to go to the Baseball League in the states to watch the matches.. you'll go. I know you will :) Your dreams await you. They are always there waiting.. just a stone's throw away. You may be worn down.. you may be in pain.. but take it slowly.. one step at a time.. fight the battle a little step at a time.. you'll eventually prevail. I believe in you. Jas is always a warrior, a stubborn one :P No one can ever take your dreams away from you.. no one. You'll reach your stars one day. Meanwhile.. let's win this war and all these battles! One step at a time! You can do it, Jasmine the strong cancerian! Ganbatte kudasai. Jas-chan.
Noire, u reminded me of my dreams n goals.
Noire, u only leave a pm on irc.
Noire, i know u might hv a good chance of reading this.
Noire, who in the world r u?
Noire, pls own up n identify yrself d next time u pm me.
Noire, i would like to thank u personally for the pm-es u left me.
Noire, i dunno how come u know i'm sick, but i guess u might have heard frm someone.
Noire, pls tell me who's the someone u heard from if u wana keep yr identity a secret.
Noire, pls understand that communication works both ways, so i wana reply to u.
Noire, pls tell me who u r.
Noire, by keeping quiet, u're kinda driving me nuts.
Noire, here's the pm i got from u today....
sorry i think i flooded u. but in case u didn't receive the msg.. i'll paste it here again.. i feel you need this msg.. it'll remind u of some things in your life. You're fighting hard and you're fighting well.. never let the evil win.. you're born with a strong and fiery heart.. you have softball to play.. to see the home runs.. to go to the Baseball League in the states to watch the matches.. you'll go. I know you will :) Your dreams await you. They are always there waiting.. just a stone's throw away. You may be worn down.. you may be in pain.. but take it slowly.. one step at a time.. fight the battle a little step at a time.. you'll eventually prevail. I believe in you. Jas is always a warrior, a stubborn one :P No one can ever take your dreams away from you.. no one. You'll reach your stars one day. Meanwhile.. let's win this war and all these battles! One step at a time! You can do it, Jasmine the strong cancerian! Ganbatte kudasai. Jas-chan.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Bored n restless...
Chemo on thursday. then reached home, slept... woke up for dinner, fell asleep again... then only woke up the next day ard 12. mayb slept too much, tt's y from then on, i feel energetic.
on friday, i went grocery shopping with my mum. ystday, tried some recipies with my mum again. at nite, dear came over to watch world cup qualifiers with me. today, slacked the whole day at home with dear, eating porridge my parents bought back n watching F1. at nite, went grocery shopping again...
bored, restless, bored, restless... tt's me for the past few days...
for the past week, 2 news "shook" the world. Bali attacked by suicide bombers n south asia hit by a 7.6 earthquake. wht in the world is the world coming to? here i am, fighting to live, battling with health. here there r, pple, fighting to live against mother nature. yet we got idiots who simply have no regards for life, bombing others to death. wht ironic contrast.
on friday, i went grocery shopping with my mum. ystday, tried some recipies with my mum again. at nite, dear came over to watch world cup qualifiers with me. today, slacked the whole day at home with dear, eating porridge my parents bought back n watching F1. at nite, went grocery shopping again...
bored, restless, bored, restless... tt's me for the past few days...
for the past week, 2 news "shook" the world. Bali attacked by suicide bombers n south asia hit by a 7.6 earthquake. wht in the world is the world coming to? here i am, fighting to live, battling with health. here there r, pple, fighting to live against mother nature. yet we got idiots who simply have no regards for life, bombing others to death. wht ironic contrast.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Failed carrot cake...
I think i found a new love...
...
mayb not, its a love affair revived...
...
but i'll never ever leave my current bf...
...
but this attraction is too strong...
...
so i decided the best solution is to yi jiao ta liang chuan (one leg step two boats)...
...
dear, pls dun blame me. pls forgive me.
not that i wana cheat on u...
...
but its only cooking n trying new recipies!
k, i admit its damn cheesy... but since i'm rotting at home, might as well try recipies from the loads of recipies my mum n i keep. last week, we've already tried banana cake. today we did some cookies n carrot cake. the cookies were easy so i'm not gonna talk abt it.
let's tok abt the carrot cake instead... now i understand y cafes charge an avg 5 bucks for a slice of carrot cake, either that or its at least 50 cents more expensive then the other cakes. the preparation is crazy...
first, u have to grate the carrots. then u have to cut the walnuts n raisins into smaller pieces. all these took me 2+ hours. luckily it was done last nite.
then u had to beat the eggs first then add oil, sugar n vanilla essence. after that, u add in detergent. that was wht my mum did... she tot the yellow liquid in the measuring cup still had oil. which in fact was detergent i put in to rid the oily oil.
so we had to weigh the sugar n start all over again... so beat the eggs first then add oil, sugar n vanilla essence. then after blending them, add in flour, cinnamon powder, salt n bicarbonate of soda. n then, blend again... then after that u add in the carrots, walnuts n raisins.
so many thens, cannot all add in at one go... tt's y the preparation very troublesome, even minus away the detergent part. then we still had to prepare the icing with sugar, butter n maple syrup.
honestly i consider the the cake a failure, even the icing is also a failure. the cake is too moist n oily. have to squeeze n drain the juice out from the grated carrots the next time round n cut down the oil. the icing was too sweet. before weighing the sugar for the icing, my mum told me to cut down the sugar given in the recipie, but it was still too sweet. so we might b trying the carrot cake again next week.
oh yah, din do chemo on monday cos white blood cell count was low. doc gave me booster jab n 3 day course of antibiotics. so tmr i'm back for a blood test. blood count ok, chemo. not ok, i guess its another booster n return on friday...
...
mayb not, its a love affair revived...
...
but i'll never ever leave my current bf...
...
but this attraction is too strong...
...
so i decided the best solution is to yi jiao ta liang chuan (one leg step two boats)...
...
dear, pls dun blame me. pls forgive me.
not that i wana cheat on u...
...
but its only cooking n trying new recipies!
k, i admit its damn cheesy... but since i'm rotting at home, might as well try recipies from the loads of recipies my mum n i keep. last week, we've already tried banana cake. today we did some cookies n carrot cake. the cookies were easy so i'm not gonna talk abt it.
let's tok abt the carrot cake instead... now i understand y cafes charge an avg 5 bucks for a slice of carrot cake, either that or its at least 50 cents more expensive then the other cakes. the preparation is crazy...
first, u have to grate the carrots. then u have to cut the walnuts n raisins into smaller pieces. all these took me 2+ hours. luckily it was done last nite.
then u had to beat the eggs first then add oil, sugar n vanilla essence. after that, u add in detergent. that was wht my mum did... she tot the yellow liquid in the measuring cup still had oil. which in fact was detergent i put in to rid the oily oil.
so we had to weigh the sugar n start all over again... so beat the eggs first then add oil, sugar n vanilla essence. then after blending them, add in flour, cinnamon powder, salt n bicarbonate of soda. n then, blend again... then after that u add in the carrots, walnuts n raisins.
so many thens, cannot all add in at one go... tt's y the preparation very troublesome, even minus away the detergent part. then we still had to prepare the icing with sugar, butter n maple syrup.
honestly i consider the the cake a failure, even the icing is also a failure. the cake is too moist n oily. have to squeeze n drain the juice out from the grated carrots the next time round n cut down the oil. the icing was too sweet. before weighing the sugar for the icing, my mum told me to cut down the sugar given in the recipie, but it was still too sweet. so we might b trying the carrot cake again next week.
oh yah, din do chemo on monday cos white blood cell count was low. doc gave me booster jab n 3 day course of antibiotics. so tmr i'm back for a blood test. blood count ok, chemo. not ok, i guess its another booster n return on friday...
Monday, October 03, 2005
Tributes
Tossing n turning in bed, no idea y i can't get to sleep. no idea y sleepless nites often happen the nite before my chemo! maybe i'm too excited? maybe i'm too worried? mayb i'm thinking too much? no idea...
as usual, tmr i'll have to take blood test first. can chemo, do... cannot, take booster, return the next day...
while i was reading my study bible just now (its a bible accompanied with paras explaining certain verses), i came across some paras n reminded me about this stranger, a stranger whom i'd call B for now, someone who i believe is very kind. so since i cant sleep, i might as well come n type something in here that i was thinking about.
i know of some frds who know of my condition but chose to keep quiet cos i guess they dunno wht to say. i got a poly frd whom left a very short friendster msg saying "get well soon". i got other friendster msg n smses with similar meanings, some even offering visits. regardless of whether its just 3 words or a wholesome lot, i really appreciate cos battling alone is boring n no fun.
B, someone whom i dunno, left me a friendster msg that left me touched n pleasantly surprised. knowing a stranger that knows of my condition even spurs me on further to fight. i'm no attention seeker n its not that i wish everyone knows of my condition. but pple who knows me knows that i'm d sorta type of person who dun like frds to get upset or worried over me. so u can actually imagine how i felt whn i was hearing one of my jie meis crying over the phone whn she called me once i discovered i was sick. my heart almost broke then while crying along with her n while pretending to be strong. because of all these "so-called" attention, because of all these loving concerns, its only spurs n urges me to fight n win the battle. so i was really touched when B left me the friendster msg, cos it was a person whom i hardly knew, urging me on to fight n win!
now it just leads me to ponder how many more of my frds out thr actually know i'm sick. and also who was that fella called Noire who pm-ed me on irc (yes, i still "play" irc cos there's a great trivia channel) while i was 'parking' (a term for staying on the channel but not talking n no 'movement') saying "jas, be strong and cheerful even when the going gets tough.. when your heart is light and joyful and your head is clear.. your body might feel better and heal faster. I will pray for you all the time." this fella knew my name, but i had not seen this nick b4. if by any chance any of u who knows i'm sick but yet to contact me, or anyone who knows who's Noire or if you're Noire, pls do b kind, drop me an sms or a friendster msg to let me know i'm still alive n on my way to victory. call me a sucker for attention, call me thick skin, call me whtever. letting me know u're out there really lets me know that i'm still alive n kicking n that i'm still human. pls let those sms or friendster msg keep coming in.
another person really deservering mention is my loving dearest dear dear. although i look like a freak now, balding n super freakishly skinny, he still says that he loves me deep deep n that i'm still the most beautiful gal in d world. hehe...
to everyone else who has been thr all along letting me know i'm still alive, thanks so much n God will definately bless your kindest soul.
as usual, tmr i'll have to take blood test first. can chemo, do... cannot, take booster, return the next day...
while i was reading my study bible just now (its a bible accompanied with paras explaining certain verses), i came across some paras n reminded me about this stranger, a stranger whom i'd call B for now, someone who i believe is very kind. so since i cant sleep, i might as well come n type something in here that i was thinking about.
i know of some frds who know of my condition but chose to keep quiet cos i guess they dunno wht to say. i got a poly frd whom left a very short friendster msg saying "get well soon". i got other friendster msg n smses with similar meanings, some even offering visits. regardless of whether its just 3 words or a wholesome lot, i really appreciate cos battling alone is boring n no fun.
B, someone whom i dunno, left me a friendster msg that left me touched n pleasantly surprised. knowing a stranger that knows of my condition even spurs me on further to fight. i'm no attention seeker n its not that i wish everyone knows of my condition. but pple who knows me knows that i'm d sorta type of person who dun like frds to get upset or worried over me. so u can actually imagine how i felt whn i was hearing one of my jie meis crying over the phone whn she called me once i discovered i was sick. my heart almost broke then while crying along with her n while pretending to be strong. because of all these "so-called" attention, because of all these loving concerns, its only spurs n urges me to fight n win the battle. so i was really touched when B left me the friendster msg, cos it was a person whom i hardly knew, urging me on to fight n win!
now it just leads me to ponder how many more of my frds out thr actually know i'm sick. and also who was that fella called Noire who pm-ed me on irc (yes, i still "play" irc cos there's a great trivia channel) while i was 'parking' (a term for staying on the channel but not talking n no 'movement') saying "jas, be strong and cheerful even when the going gets tough.. when your heart is light and joyful and your head is clear.. your body might feel better and heal faster. I will pray for you all the time." this fella knew my name, but i had not seen this nick b4. if by any chance any of u who knows i'm sick but yet to contact me, or anyone who knows who's Noire or if you're Noire, pls do b kind, drop me an sms or a friendster msg to let me know i'm still alive n on my way to victory. call me a sucker for attention, call me thick skin, call me whtever. letting me know u're out there really lets me know that i'm still alive n kicking n that i'm still human. pls let those sms or friendster msg keep coming in.
another person really deservering mention is my loving dearest dear dear. although i look like a freak now, balding n super freakishly skinny, he still says that he loves me deep deep n that i'm still the most beautiful gal in d world. hehe...
to everyone else who has been thr all along letting me know i'm still alive, thanks so much n God will definately bless your kindest soul.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Shimbashi Soba revisted...
After an out-of-the-wordly-horrible lunch at Ramen Ramen ystday which kinda spoiled my day, everything was made rite again with dinner at Shimbashi Soba. muahahahaha! yes, i was at Shimbashi again! even my dad said the 70+ bucks we spent there compared to the 30+ earlier in the day was more worth it.
i went with my parents n we ordered Set A, Set B, Gumoko Soba n Chicken Crepe Salad. the sets are avaliable daily from 2.30pm onwards. whereas the Gumoko Soba and Chicken Crepe Salad are only avaliable this month cos they are monthly specials. yummy...... still savouring the taste now... set A was teriyaki tori, salmon sashimi, fish cutlet with noodles (soba or udon, chilled or warm). set b was soft shell crab, agedashi tofu, beef (done the yoshinoya beef bowl way) with noodles (soba or udon, chilled or warm). i took set a, my dad set b, my mum gumoko soba. as my dad dun take beef n i had to stay away from anything uncooked (to prevent any infections), i traded my sashimi for my dad's beef.
everything was as good as expected but the beef, i tell you, was better then expected. think yoshinoya beef bowl, but no beefy smell n thicker, tastier gravy. if shimbashi decided to do cheaper take-away bentos for lunch-time office crowd n introduce teriyaki chicken bowl n beef bowl like yoshinoya, yoshinoya would be outta business in no time. which actually, would b quite a pity cos i love yoshinoya too. but honestly, i love Shimbashi better! hehe...
if anyone gog to Shimbashi this month to try food, pls pls try their monthly specials. the monthly specials this month all sound damn good because the menus all comes with descriptions of what you are ordering (unlike at Ramen Ramen whr u hardly c pics or any descriptions - ok, i know i'm slamming them again, but i cant help it).
Another comparision i'm gonna make for Shimbashi is Ichiban Boshi. I've been to Ichiban Boshi 4 (or issit 5) times already, but the urge to keep going back is not as strong as Shimbashi. Maybe its the specials menu that's y i would wana go back n try the food. Ichiban also serves specials at different outlets although i'm not too sure how often they change the specials menu. however, the urge to check back the specials n try them is definately not as strong as Shimbashi.
i think now, if anyone feels like treating me for lunch or dinner, the 1st place i'd name would be Shimbashi. if anyone dunno whr to eat and asks me to suggest a place, i'd name Shimbashi. if anyone wans to celebrate any occasions, i'd name Shimbashi. I LOVE SHIMBASHI!!!
p.s: anyone (who loves japanese food, esp soba) reading this blog entry, i beg u, pls go try!!!
i went with my parents n we ordered Set A, Set B, Gumoko Soba n Chicken Crepe Salad. the sets are avaliable daily from 2.30pm onwards. whereas the Gumoko Soba and Chicken Crepe Salad are only avaliable this month cos they are monthly specials. yummy...... still savouring the taste now... set A was teriyaki tori, salmon sashimi, fish cutlet with noodles (soba or udon, chilled or warm). set b was soft shell crab, agedashi tofu, beef (done the yoshinoya beef bowl way) with noodles (soba or udon, chilled or warm). i took set a, my dad set b, my mum gumoko soba. as my dad dun take beef n i had to stay away from anything uncooked (to prevent any infections), i traded my sashimi for my dad's beef.
everything was as good as expected but the beef, i tell you, was better then expected. think yoshinoya beef bowl, but no beefy smell n thicker, tastier gravy. if shimbashi decided to do cheaper take-away bentos for lunch-time office crowd n introduce teriyaki chicken bowl n beef bowl like yoshinoya, yoshinoya would be outta business in no time. which actually, would b quite a pity cos i love yoshinoya too. but honestly, i love Shimbashi better! hehe...
if anyone gog to Shimbashi this month to try food, pls pls try their monthly specials. the monthly specials this month all sound damn good because the menus all comes with descriptions of what you are ordering (unlike at Ramen Ramen whr u hardly c pics or any descriptions - ok, i know i'm slamming them again, but i cant help it).
Another comparision i'm gonna make for Shimbashi is Ichiban Boshi. I've been to Ichiban Boshi 4 (or issit 5) times already, but the urge to keep going back is not as strong as Shimbashi. Maybe its the specials menu that's y i would wana go back n try the food. Ichiban also serves specials at different outlets although i'm not too sure how often they change the specials menu. however, the urge to check back the specials n try them is definately not as strong as Shimbashi.
i think now, if anyone feels like treating me for lunch or dinner, the 1st place i'd name would be Shimbashi. if anyone dunno whr to eat and asks me to suggest a place, i'd name Shimbashi. if anyone wans to celebrate any occasions, i'd name Shimbashi. I LOVE SHIMBASHI!!!
p.s: anyone (who loves japanese food, esp soba) reading this blog entry, i beg u, pls go try!!!
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Ramen Ramen
Total writeoff... unless its the only food left in singapore then i'll go eat it. compared to Ajisen, i dunno who's worse. Looks like now i still can find a good ramen place in singapore. think i'll stick to my Shimbashi soba still...
Thumbs down: The ACOUSTICS was damn bad, everything was echo-y n u cant hear the staff properly. the lights are dim but luckily bright enough to make out what you are eating. place is blardi small (no wonder for the long qs). seats are damn blardi hard too.
Redeeming factor: the AROMA of the tonkotsu soup fills the place yet you dun walk out smelling like a piece of pork.
Thumbs down: The NOODLES were damn bland. we ordered a sweetcorn ramen, a chisu ramen (which was chasu ramen with cheese), tori karaage n grilled codfish. besides the noodles, the browish overnite beansprouts in the bowls of ramen were a big turnoff, all my appetite n anticipation to enjoying a bowl of ramen disappeared as soon as they appeared. the ramen came with the soup warm, not piping hot, on another tot, maybe even lukewarm. the tori karaage's batter was overly flourly n the chicken bland. the grilled codfish had a fishy smell.
Redeeming factor: the SOUP was tasty even when its cold. although the tori karaage's batter failed me, the chicken inside was bland, the chicken came piping hot n juicy.
I would think that's all i would comment on ramen ramen. by the way, their speciality, ramen ramen ramen is just plainly chasu ramen... compared to ajisen, sigh, each has its own thumbs down factors... ajisen's noodles are nicer on its own, even without the soup n they boost a wider variety, if only they maintain their standards for every bowl, every outlet...
Thumbs down: The ACOUSTICS was damn bad, everything was echo-y n u cant hear the staff properly. the lights are dim but luckily bright enough to make out what you are eating. place is blardi small (no wonder for the long qs). seats are damn blardi hard too.
Redeeming factor: the AROMA of the tonkotsu soup fills the place yet you dun walk out smelling like a piece of pork.
Thumbs down: The NOODLES were damn bland. we ordered a sweetcorn ramen, a chisu ramen (which was chasu ramen with cheese), tori karaage n grilled codfish. besides the noodles, the browish overnite beansprouts in the bowls of ramen were a big turnoff, all my appetite n anticipation to enjoying a bowl of ramen disappeared as soon as they appeared. the ramen came with the soup warm, not piping hot, on another tot, maybe even lukewarm. the tori karaage's batter was overly flourly n the chicken bland. the grilled codfish had a fishy smell.
Redeeming factor: the SOUP was tasty even when its cold. although the tori karaage's batter failed me, the chicken inside was bland, the chicken came piping hot n juicy.
I would think that's all i would comment on ramen ramen. by the way, their speciality, ramen ramen ramen is just plainly chasu ramen... compared to ajisen, sigh, each has its own thumbs down factors... ajisen's noodles are nicer on its own, even without the soup n they boost a wider variety, if only they maintain their standards for every bowl, every outlet...
Friday, September 30, 2005
3rd round on the way...
Had my chemo started again on Monday. As usual, the last few days, blur blur lying around, restless...
as i watch a red ant struggle on the computer table because i crushed it, i feel half guilty half happy. guilty as these small little creatures have lifes too... happy caused they r damn bloody irritating. these few months, my house is infiltrated with them. dunno where the hell they crawl out from. u cant find a trail of them, just one in about every 2 hours, crawling around. places they are discovered included my room wall, my room table, on the hall's sofa, on my parent's room toilet bowl (extremely huge, queen-looking ants, 2 times), on the bathroom wall, on the kitchen counter, and once in the morning, in MY cup!!! damn these ants! since they dun leave a trail, its hard to track where the stupid nest is. damn these ants...
my mum n i trying a new recepie we saw in a cookbook today. its called semur, otherwise, its stewed beef with some spices... the aroma is making me hungry. actually glad we got rid of beef in the house. my mum's frd bought it for us cos i need red meat as a source of protein. but she bought quite a lot, n my parents dun take beef, only me... my sis, another irritating one, only take beef like yoshinoya's beef bowl or in the form of burgers. no more raw beef in the fridge, as what my mum puts it, taking up space...
as i watch a red ant struggle on the computer table because i crushed it, i feel half guilty half happy. guilty as these small little creatures have lifes too... happy caused they r damn bloody irritating. these few months, my house is infiltrated with them. dunno where the hell they crawl out from. u cant find a trail of them, just one in about every 2 hours, crawling around. places they are discovered included my room wall, my room table, on the hall's sofa, on my parent's room toilet bowl (extremely huge, queen-looking ants, 2 times), on the bathroom wall, on the kitchen counter, and once in the morning, in MY cup!!! damn these ants! since they dun leave a trail, its hard to track where the stupid nest is. damn these ants...
my mum n i trying a new recepie we saw in a cookbook today. its called semur, otherwise, its stewed beef with some spices... the aroma is making me hungry. actually glad we got rid of beef in the house. my mum's frd bought it for us cos i need red meat as a source of protein. but she bought quite a lot, n my parents dun take beef, only me... my sis, another irritating one, only take beef like yoshinoya's beef bowl or in the form of burgers. no more raw beef in the fridge, as what my mum puts it, taking up space...
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Pushed back yet again...
May be counting Mondays instead of Fridays if nothing goes wrong again... For the past week, nothing went wrong, except on Friday.
The actual plan was, blood count at clinic, CT scan of abdomen/ liver, brunch, collect scan n go back to the clinic to c my doc. doc will use the scan n blood test n determine how the following courses of chemo will go.
but what happened was, my white bood cell count was low (as usual, nothing new). cannot CT scan! so scheduled to do the scan ystday.
n again, the actual plan ystday was, blood test at clinic, CT scan, brunch, collect scan, back to c doc n since my blood test passed, start 3rd cycle of chemo on monday.
but what happened was whn i collected back the scan, my doc already left.
So now, monday i'll have to go back to c her instead. n most prob a blood test to c if i can start the 3rd cycle on monday. if i fail blood test, 3rd cycle will begin on tuesday instead.
y isnt there a day where things can go as planned. everytime fail blood test. white blood cell count low, cannot chemo, have to take booster jab n chemo next day. red blood cell count low, have to take jab n iron drip. platelets count low cannot do chemo, luckily this haven happen to me yet. but everytime my chemo keeps pushing back n gets delayed, sometimes really start to wonder whn i can really finish my cycles of chemo...
haiz... ren suan bu ru tian suan (human plan but heaven have another plan)... leave it up to God to decide when i can start my 3rd cycle of chemo already...
The actual plan was, blood count at clinic, CT scan of abdomen/ liver, brunch, collect scan n go back to the clinic to c my doc. doc will use the scan n blood test n determine how the following courses of chemo will go.
but what happened was, my white bood cell count was low (as usual, nothing new). cannot CT scan! so scheduled to do the scan ystday.
n again, the actual plan ystday was, blood test at clinic, CT scan, brunch, collect scan, back to c doc n since my blood test passed, start 3rd cycle of chemo on monday.
but what happened was whn i collected back the scan, my doc already left.
So now, monday i'll have to go back to c her instead. n most prob a blood test to c if i can start the 3rd cycle on monday. if i fail blood test, 3rd cycle will begin on tuesday instead.
y isnt there a day where things can go as planned. everytime fail blood test. white blood cell count low, cannot chemo, have to take booster jab n chemo next day. red blood cell count low, have to take jab n iron drip. platelets count low cannot do chemo, luckily this haven happen to me yet. but everytime my chemo keeps pushing back n gets delayed, sometimes really start to wonder whn i can really finish my cycles of chemo...
haiz... ren suan bu ru tian suan (human plan but heaven have another plan)... leave it up to God to decide when i can start my 3rd cycle of chemo already...
Shimbashi Soba
Been to this place twice already. located at the basement of Paragon, it boosts the best soba (japanese buckwheat noodles) i've ever eaten in singapore! Although the average price of 15 to 17 per bowl of soba may seem a bit steep, here are the following reasons why its not.
its HAND MADE. there is this poor japanese guy standing, kneading the dough, cutting the noodles even before the restaurant opens. somehow or rather, he kinda looks like an exhibit, standing behind a glass wall doing his stuff, while pple like me ogle at his skills.
its VARIETY. u cant say its a lot, nor can u say its little. you can choose from either chilled/ dry or warm/ soup soba as usual. but they have different broths/ flavours to choose from. for example, if u're craving for duck, they have soba with duck, either chilled or warm. honestly, i rarely seen japanese restaurants/ eateries serving duck!
the portion is HUGE. its like ordering a 5 bucks char kuay teow, hokkien mee or char tau kuay n eating it yourself. each portion can serve 1 n a half persons.
if u are a small eater, get another small eater along with you, order a bowl of soba and some sides, which i would suggest trying their teriyaki chicken. but actually, i finished the entire bowl myself, rite down to the last drop of soup... haha...
its TASTE. like i've said above, i finished the entire bowl myself, rite down to the last drop of soup. its very different.
firstly, it does not taste like its all shoyu (soy sauce) n nothing else, some places' noodles taste just like that.
secondly, it does not taste like the broth is made using those bottled/ packaged/ already prepared ones. i've tried making soba at home, using those "instant" noodles n soup bought from the supermarket. after eating at Shimbashi, it made those "instant" ones inedible...
its FLEXIBILITY. dun worry if u do not like soba, u can request for yr meal to be changed to HAND MADE udon for u. so if u're a udon lover, u still can enjoy the goodness of the broth n soups. oh yes, their udon is also damn good! its very "q" n springy!
its SPECIAL OF THE MONTH. each month, the chefs will add to the menu a few dishes. but sadly, its only for that particular month. so be sure to check the menu monthly (they have it displayed outside the restaurant) for those specials.
its STAFF. they are very friendly n polite. if u dunno what to eat, ask them for recommendations, they will gladly n patiently attend to you. they even teach you how to eat n enjoy your soba!
its LONG Q during lunch n dinner hours. it does prove that its worth a try.
Now that i've found a fantastic soba/ udon place, its still kinda pity there isnt a ramen place in singapore that i can billed it as fantastic yet.
its HAND MADE. there is this poor japanese guy standing, kneading the dough, cutting the noodles even before the restaurant opens. somehow or rather, he kinda looks like an exhibit, standing behind a glass wall doing his stuff, while pple like me ogle at his skills.
its VARIETY. u cant say its a lot, nor can u say its little. you can choose from either chilled/ dry or warm/ soup soba as usual. but they have different broths/ flavours to choose from. for example, if u're craving for duck, they have soba with duck, either chilled or warm. honestly, i rarely seen japanese restaurants/ eateries serving duck!
the portion is HUGE. its like ordering a 5 bucks char kuay teow, hokkien mee or char tau kuay n eating it yourself. each portion can serve 1 n a half persons.
if u are a small eater, get another small eater along with you, order a bowl of soba and some sides, which i would suggest trying their teriyaki chicken. but actually, i finished the entire bowl myself, rite down to the last drop of soup... haha...
its TASTE. like i've said above, i finished the entire bowl myself, rite down to the last drop of soup. its very different.
firstly, it does not taste like its all shoyu (soy sauce) n nothing else, some places' noodles taste just like that.
secondly, it does not taste like the broth is made using those bottled/ packaged/ already prepared ones. i've tried making soba at home, using those "instant" noodles n soup bought from the supermarket. after eating at Shimbashi, it made those "instant" ones inedible...
its FLEXIBILITY. dun worry if u do not like soba, u can request for yr meal to be changed to HAND MADE udon for u. so if u're a udon lover, u still can enjoy the goodness of the broth n soups. oh yes, their udon is also damn good! its very "q" n springy!
its SPECIAL OF THE MONTH. each month, the chefs will add to the menu a few dishes. but sadly, its only for that particular month. so be sure to check the menu monthly (they have it displayed outside the restaurant) for those specials.
its STAFF. they are very friendly n polite. if u dunno what to eat, ask them for recommendations, they will gladly n patiently attend to you. they even teach you how to eat n enjoy your soba!
its LONG Q during lunch n dinner hours. it does prove that its worth a try.
Now that i've found a fantastic soba/ udon place, its still kinda pity there isnt a ramen place in singapore that i can billed it as fantastic yet.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
The problem with Kytril & Motilium...
a very long entry which starts its story from last Thursday...
Thursday: white blood count low as usual. given booster as usual.
Friday: chemo as usual. my 12 course "meal"...
Saturday: feeling a bit tired as usual...
Sunday: i woke up at 5pm n missed a dosage of Kytril & Motilium. Didn't feel too good already. somehow or rather, something not rite, tot was because i slept too long. Then i took my medication as usual n started on my dinner. not much appetite. then HELL BEGINS.... i started to vomit. even after later when i took water, i threw up... so i went to lie n rest in bed n slept.
Monday: woke up at 12 noon. still dun feel quite good. no appetite still but still took my medication n managed to eat a bit. only to have HELL CONTINUING... i threw up again. took water also throw. every time i try to ingest, i throw. think it was abt a total of 4 times then i got my mum to call the clinic to see if doc ard. wanted to ask if it was because i miss that dosage of Kytril. instead i was asked to go down asap. my mum called a cab n we went down.
on the way down from my house, in the lift, on the cab, along the way, reached Mount E medical centre, to the clinic's door, i threw up a total of 3 times, even though i had NOTHING in my stomach! i think i ended up throwing up my gastric juices n loads of air... dun ask me how i threw up air, i just did, it was something like burping, only that it had more "depth" n "power" n it came up the body fast.
i was given an injection for stopping vomitting immediately. then i was given some milo to warm n soothe my churning stomach n took a dosage of Kytril. reached home only to throw again. took only some porridge water for dinner. i just cant eat cos whenever i open my mouth, i feel like throwing. doc told me to take another dosage of Kytril at bedtime. so i went to rest n lie in bed n took my Kytril quite early.
Tuesday: Had to sit while bathing cos i really had no energy to stand after throwing for 2 days. After i bathed, i threw up air again. then HELL CONTINUES STILL! i had a tummyache n needed to shit. since i have no energy, i couldnt squat n shit. i had to use the toilet in my parents room. my mum had to hold on to me while we walked from toilet to toilet.
before i could even reach the door of my parents room, i started seeing white patches. i had a gut feeling i was almost blanking out. true enough, even before i could step into the toilet, i felt faint n lost strength in my legs. my mum had to pull me up to the bed to lie down. there i was, heart beating fast, breathing fast, breaking out in cold sweat. once i could see clearly again, i proceeded to the toilet to shit.
but before i could totally empty my bowels, i begin to feel light headed again. i immediately cleaned myself n screamed for my mum. time was a huge factor here. so no time was wasted wearing back my underwear n shorts, instead a towel was used to wrap myself up. true enough, before i could lie on the bed, i was already seeing white patches again.
since i had no appetite n had no strength to chew or eat, i spent a whole great afternoon lying there. my mum comes in every one n a half hour or 2 hours to feed me meal replacement drinks or water thru a straw n i would try as hard as i could to dilligently sip the contents into my stomach. it was liquid diet the whole day, even dinner. by evening, i had the little strength to move out to sit in the hall instead.
i tot my throwing had completly stopped, but i was wrong. in a bid to get rid of the thick mucus that refuses to come out thru the proper channel which is the nose, i have no choice but to sniff it in n spit it out through the mouth. in that making-myself-a-little-better act, i choked a little, coughed a little n vomitted out my watermelon juice... had to keep ensuring my shocked mum that it was nothing. but i did not take any Stemetil the whole day cos i really dun have the energy to swallow anything.
Wednesday: woke up early n had breakfast which consisted a small cup of the meal replacement drink n my childhood fave, bread spreaded with condensed sweetened milk. but all i could managed was a quarter of the bread slice but i finished my drink. of cos, i had my Stemetil first as usual. maybe i had not much energy left in me, so usually one Stemetil would not put me to sleep, this time it did.
woke up at lunchtime. mum made a quick meal of beehoon soup with veggies. i finished half a bowl. again, Stemetil put me to sleep real soon. but after this 2nd nap, i woke up feeling great as i normally would. full of energy, not needing anyone to pour water for me, not needing anyone to help me to the toilet, sitting up straight n watching tv. appetite regained during dinner time, n i ate quite a plenty.
Thursday: nothing much happened.
Friday: went back to doc for blood test. white blood cell count was damn low, standing at 0.7... the lowest i ever recorded. doc ordered one booster jab n start of a course of antibiotics. to go back the next day.
Today: Morning was burger king breakfast. chose a secluded corner to avoid pple. luckily we were still early so not much pple ard. not many pple at the clinic. was sitting at the blood testing chair waiting to wait blood, until... i was told... no blood test... straight away 2nd booster jab...
right now, all i can do is wait for my white blood cell count to rise...
Thursday: white blood count low as usual. given booster as usual.
Friday: chemo as usual. my 12 course "meal"...
Saturday: feeling a bit tired as usual...
Sunday: i woke up at 5pm n missed a dosage of Kytril & Motilium. Didn't feel too good already. somehow or rather, something not rite, tot was because i slept too long. Then i took my medication as usual n started on my dinner. not much appetite. then HELL BEGINS.... i started to vomit. even after later when i took water, i threw up... so i went to lie n rest in bed n slept.
Monday: woke up at 12 noon. still dun feel quite good. no appetite still but still took my medication n managed to eat a bit. only to have HELL CONTINUING... i threw up again. took water also throw. every time i try to ingest, i throw. think it was abt a total of 4 times then i got my mum to call the clinic to see if doc ard. wanted to ask if it was because i miss that dosage of Kytril. instead i was asked to go down asap. my mum called a cab n we went down.
on the way down from my house, in the lift, on the cab, along the way, reached Mount E medical centre, to the clinic's door, i threw up a total of 3 times, even though i had NOTHING in my stomach! i think i ended up throwing up my gastric juices n loads of air... dun ask me how i threw up air, i just did, it was something like burping, only that it had more "depth" n "power" n it came up the body fast.
i was given an injection for stopping vomitting immediately. then i was given some milo to warm n soothe my churning stomach n took a dosage of Kytril. reached home only to throw again. took only some porridge water for dinner. i just cant eat cos whenever i open my mouth, i feel like throwing. doc told me to take another dosage of Kytril at bedtime. so i went to rest n lie in bed n took my Kytril quite early.
Tuesday: Had to sit while bathing cos i really had no energy to stand after throwing for 2 days. After i bathed, i threw up air again. then HELL CONTINUES STILL! i had a tummyache n needed to shit. since i have no energy, i couldnt squat n shit. i had to use the toilet in my parents room. my mum had to hold on to me while we walked from toilet to toilet.
before i could even reach the door of my parents room, i started seeing white patches. i had a gut feeling i was almost blanking out. true enough, even before i could step into the toilet, i felt faint n lost strength in my legs. my mum had to pull me up to the bed to lie down. there i was, heart beating fast, breathing fast, breaking out in cold sweat. once i could see clearly again, i proceeded to the toilet to shit.
but before i could totally empty my bowels, i begin to feel light headed again. i immediately cleaned myself n screamed for my mum. time was a huge factor here. so no time was wasted wearing back my underwear n shorts, instead a towel was used to wrap myself up. true enough, before i could lie on the bed, i was already seeing white patches again.
since i had no appetite n had no strength to chew or eat, i spent a whole great afternoon lying there. my mum comes in every one n a half hour or 2 hours to feed me meal replacement drinks or water thru a straw n i would try as hard as i could to dilligently sip the contents into my stomach. it was liquid diet the whole day, even dinner. by evening, i had the little strength to move out to sit in the hall instead.
i tot my throwing had completly stopped, but i was wrong. in a bid to get rid of the thick mucus that refuses to come out thru the proper channel which is the nose, i have no choice but to sniff it in n spit it out through the mouth. in that making-myself-a-little-better act, i choked a little, coughed a little n vomitted out my watermelon juice... had to keep ensuring my shocked mum that it was nothing. but i did not take any Stemetil the whole day cos i really dun have the energy to swallow anything.
Wednesday: woke up early n had breakfast which consisted a small cup of the meal replacement drink n my childhood fave, bread spreaded with condensed sweetened milk. but all i could managed was a quarter of the bread slice but i finished my drink. of cos, i had my Stemetil first as usual. maybe i had not much energy left in me, so usually one Stemetil would not put me to sleep, this time it did.
woke up at lunchtime. mum made a quick meal of beehoon soup with veggies. i finished half a bowl. again, Stemetil put me to sleep real soon. but after this 2nd nap, i woke up feeling great as i normally would. full of energy, not needing anyone to pour water for me, not needing anyone to help me to the toilet, sitting up straight n watching tv. appetite regained during dinner time, n i ate quite a plenty.
Thursday: nothing much happened.
Friday: went back to doc for blood test. white blood cell count was damn low, standing at 0.7... the lowest i ever recorded. doc ordered one booster jab n start of a course of antibiotics. to go back the next day.
Today: Morning was burger king breakfast. chose a secluded corner to avoid pple. luckily we were still early so not much pple ard. not many pple at the clinic. was sitting at the blood testing chair waiting to wait blood, until... i was told... no blood test... straight away 2nd booster jab...
right now, all i can do is wait for my white blood cell count to rise...
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Fridays instead of wednesdays
Wednesday: no chemo cos white blood cell count too low. doc wanted to save money for me n did not give me the booster jab. she wanted my white blood cell count to rise up by itself. Then she ask me to go back on friday to check if i could do chemo.
Friday: no chemo too cos white blood cell count too low again. Given the booster jab.
Saturday: at last i could start on my 2nd cycle. besides the normal drugs i had to be given, another iron drip was given too as my red blood cell wasnt looking too good too.
Next thursday i'm gog back for blood test cos as exprienced, my white blood cell count is always on the low. so thursday's blood test is a gauge. if white blood cell count low again, at least i can take the booster n do chemo on friday. so now, instead of counting wednesdays, i'm counting fridays...
feeling sleepy already, due to the stemetil... yawn...
Friday: no chemo too cos white blood cell count too low again. Given the booster jab.
Saturday: at last i could start on my 2nd cycle. besides the normal drugs i had to be given, another iron drip was given too as my red blood cell wasnt looking too good too.
Next thursday i'm gog back for blood test cos as exprienced, my white blood cell count is always on the low. so thursday's blood test is a gauge. if white blood cell count low again, at least i can take the booster n do chemo on friday. so now, instead of counting wednesdays, i'm counting fridays...
feeling sleepy already, due to the stemetil... yawn...
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Fever-free
In a few hours time, I'm gog for my chemo again... to make things easier for everyone to count chemo weeks n rest weeks, here's the formula...
1st wed - chemo
2nd wed - chemo
3rd wed - rest
4th wed - chemo
5th wed - chemo
6th wed - rest
every 3 weds make up one cycle, n now, i'm on my 4th wk, which means starting of my 2nd cycle. it will go on till i complete 8 cycles.
since i started chemo, i've nvr been feeling better. i offically declare i'm fever-free! yay! no more fevers n feeling lethargic. although after the chemos i feel a bit sleepy n tired, usually by sunday i'm feeling all charged up again.
starting to feel the rotting feeling, staying at home. esp so during the chemo weeks. its only during the rest weeks my parents feel more comfy for me to go out. whn at home, i watch tv, vcds or read my bible. sigh, wht else can i do besides these n rotting? i told my mum, cannot stand it, everyday sit at home n rot, so during the rest weeks they must let me go out. but still, its only for a while. i understand their worries, cos my white blood cells count always on the low end.
so these few days, i've been eating lots of protein, esp egg whites on the advise of my doc n the nurses there. now very scared will have gout in future, but then no choice...
1st wed - chemo
2nd wed - chemo
3rd wed - rest
4th wed - chemo
5th wed - chemo
6th wed - rest
every 3 weds make up one cycle, n now, i'm on my 4th wk, which means starting of my 2nd cycle. it will go on till i complete 8 cycles.
since i started chemo, i've nvr been feeling better. i offically declare i'm fever-free! yay! no more fevers n feeling lethargic. although after the chemos i feel a bit sleepy n tired, usually by sunday i'm feeling all charged up again.
starting to feel the rotting feeling, staying at home. esp so during the chemo weeks. its only during the rest weeks my parents feel more comfy for me to go out. whn at home, i watch tv, vcds or read my bible. sigh, wht else can i do besides these n rotting? i told my mum, cannot stand it, everyday sit at home n rot, so during the rest weeks they must let me go out. but still, its only for a while. i understand their worries, cos my white blood cells count always on the low end.
so these few days, i've been eating lots of protein, esp egg whites on the advise of my doc n the nurses there. now very scared will have gout in future, but then no choice...
Friday, August 19, 2005
Start of 2 weeks rest...
The previous entry is an utter mess. y? cos of the wrong grammars n typos... well, tt's would actually tell wht kinda situation i was in... the seh, blur, groggy, drowsy one... anyway tt was after my 1st chemo.
Now, let me explain wht's gog to happen during my chemo... last wed was a 1st half dose, followed by the day b4 on wed which is one week later, the 2nd half dose. this makes up one cycle. after each cycle, i'm rested for 2 weeks and the whole thing continues. 2 wednesdays of chemo, followed by 2 weeks of rest, but returning for blood tests. total: 6-8 cycles, depending on my situation...
Every time after chemo, i'll b given 2 medication to take. Kytril, to be taken b4 breakfast n dinner on wednesdays till fridays. Stemetil, for anti-vomitting, to be taken b4 every single meal from thursday till mondays. Stemetil is the irritating one tt puts me to sleep which caused whtever happened during the last entry. i was supposed to take 2 Stemetils but now after complaining to my doc, my dosage is reduced to 1 instead. guess tt would explain why i'm "alive n kicking" now...
B4 each chemo, blood is taken for the blood count. this time round, my white n red blood count were slightly lower then wht thy favoured. thus, i was given 2 jabs n an additional iron drip... these additional stuff caused me another additional 45 mins of time there, with a needle inside me!!! yes, till now, so many injections n blood tests later, i'm still afraid of needles!!! Damn, so i told myself, must eat more n build up my body to avoid these additional stuff... these additional stuff aso cost money. no point in giving this kinda money where with proper diet, it can be solved.
During these 2 weeks of rest, i'll eat more, gain weight, gain RBC n WBC, gain whtever need to gain... Meanwhile, i hope lesser occurance of fevers n the tumors all go to die!!! tumors get smaller n smaller n my liver get better n better too! yay!
Now, let me explain wht's gog to happen during my chemo... last wed was a 1st half dose, followed by the day b4 on wed which is one week later, the 2nd half dose. this makes up one cycle. after each cycle, i'm rested for 2 weeks and the whole thing continues. 2 wednesdays of chemo, followed by 2 weeks of rest, but returning for blood tests. total: 6-8 cycles, depending on my situation...
Every time after chemo, i'll b given 2 medication to take. Kytril, to be taken b4 breakfast n dinner on wednesdays till fridays. Stemetil, for anti-vomitting, to be taken b4 every single meal from thursday till mondays. Stemetil is the irritating one tt puts me to sleep which caused whtever happened during the last entry. i was supposed to take 2 Stemetils but now after complaining to my doc, my dosage is reduced to 1 instead. guess tt would explain why i'm "alive n kicking" now...
B4 each chemo, blood is taken for the blood count. this time round, my white n red blood count were slightly lower then wht thy favoured. thus, i was given 2 jabs n an additional iron drip... these additional stuff caused me another additional 45 mins of time there, with a needle inside me!!! yes, till now, so many injections n blood tests later, i'm still afraid of needles!!! Damn, so i told myself, must eat more n build up my body to avoid these additional stuff... these additional stuff aso cost money. no point in giving this kinda money where with proper diet, it can be solved.
During these 2 weeks of rest, i'll eat more, gain weight, gain RBC n WBC, gain whtever need to gain... Meanwhile, i hope lesser occurance of fevers n the tumors all go to die!!! tumors get smaller n smaller n my liver get better n better too! yay!
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I need chemo...
Here i am, lyin in bed, usin my sis' laptop. i cant sit up for too long as i tend to start to lose focus...
On wed, the docs offically said the cancer cells have spread to the bones n pasr of the liver. my chemo oncologist ummediately gave me my 1st dose of chemo. during the whole process, i felt tired n sleepy. aft tt was worrse. the next few days, including today, i was feeling sleepy the whole day. luckily medication was given to prevent vomitting.
its tough, lyin in bed most of the time, with fever, but without those irritatin backaches...
On wed, the docs offically said the cancer cells have spread to the bones n pasr of the liver. my chemo oncologist ummediately gave me my 1st dose of chemo. during the whole process, i felt tired n sleepy. aft tt was worrse. the next few days, including today, i was feeling sleepy the whole day. luckily medication was given to prevent vomitting.
its tough, lyin in bed most of the time, with fever, but without those irritatin backaches...
Monday, August 08, 2005
Unfavourable PET scan...
Saturday: Urine and blood test did not show any alarming things. but since my condition did not improve, n i'm still having fever n aches, my doc referred me for a PET scan to c wht was wrong. went to get the referral letter from the clinic n went to Asia-Medic for briefing. there, i was given 4 pills of laxative n told wht to eat, wht not to n wht time to start fasting.
Sunday: out of the list of can-eat stuff, i told my mum i only wanted boiled potatoes. it felt like war time when u have nothin to eat except potatoes... i cant even drink milk or barley, only plain water, n lots of it. but i had not much appetite cos its kinda boring eating potatoes only. so i took half a potato, n took my panadol as usual n 2 pills of laxative. but it was only till 6+ i managed to shit. kinda gross cos it was so watery...
so for dinner, i took another half a potato n took the remainin 2 pills n my panadol as usual... effect was faster now, n i went to shit, but i could only feel water. as i had to fast from midnite till the scan finished ard 12+ in the afternoon, 12 hours without food sure feel a bit weak... so at 11, i started eating my potatoes again. this time round, i ate one whole potato, only to go n shit.
went to zzz ard 1 after taking my panadol. only to wake up at 4am to shit water again...
Today: woke up at 6+, close to 7, running a temperature again. the recep was telling me on saturday during the briefing that if i have a fever, i might not be able to do the scan. so in desperation, i took 2 panadols, put on an ice pack, covered myself with a blanket fully, n proceed to perspire. but by the time i managed to get myself perspiring, it was already abt 7.45. time was tite as i have to reach there by 9 thus, have to leave the house ard 8.45 latest. i sweated it out for another half an hour b4 gog to bathe, but my temp's still there. however, luckily when thy started to prepare me for the scan, my temp was down to norm...
there i was, lying in the room. my blood sugar level was taken. it felt like the time when we are tested for our blood group whn we made our ICs. then the doc came to inject a vaulve looking thing into my hand, it looks more complicated then those injected for drips. with the thing left in my hand, i was asked to swallow a pill with some barium liquid. the pill was supposed to make my muscles relax n the liquid was for the contrast in the intestines. just whn i was abt to fall asleep, they came in to inject the isotopes thru the vaulve looking thing. after injecting, i was radioactive n i fell asleep.
but not for long, i was woken up again to start the scan. the vaulve looking thing still intact! on the scanning machine bed, i was asked to lie with my arms up. cleverly, my hands were overlapped to avoid putting pressure on the vaulve looking thing. my arms were strapped to avoid any movement. while scanning, i fell asleep. it was only when thy wanted me to drop my arms, take away the pillow supporting my head n replace it with a blanket n strap my head to prevent it from moving, i woke up again. while scanning my head, i fell asleep again... when the whole thing was done, i woke up... tt was only when the vaulve looking thing was taken out from my hand.
next was some body fat scan thingy. damn freaking noisy... first it sounded like drums tapping, thn it sounded like drilling. thereafter, at last, i could go. instead of hanging ard town to wait for the results, i told my dad to drive home first...
i was rite in gog home first. 1pm was here, time for panadol. n of cos, since the panadol already wore off, the aches came back. heated packs to the rescue! then ard 2+, we made our way down to get the results. after collectin the results, we went to look for my doc.
apparently, there are "shadows" n hot spots on my ribs, spine, hips n liver. these dun look nor sound good. my doc immediately called my oncologist but he was outta town. so an appointment was made to c my oncologist on wed. so now its suspense till wed...
sigh sigh sigh...
Sunday: out of the list of can-eat stuff, i told my mum i only wanted boiled potatoes. it felt like war time when u have nothin to eat except potatoes... i cant even drink milk or barley, only plain water, n lots of it. but i had not much appetite cos its kinda boring eating potatoes only. so i took half a potato, n took my panadol as usual n 2 pills of laxative. but it was only till 6+ i managed to shit. kinda gross cos it was so watery...
so for dinner, i took another half a potato n took the remainin 2 pills n my panadol as usual... effect was faster now, n i went to shit, but i could only feel water. as i had to fast from midnite till the scan finished ard 12+ in the afternoon, 12 hours without food sure feel a bit weak... so at 11, i started eating my potatoes again. this time round, i ate one whole potato, only to go n shit.
went to zzz ard 1 after taking my panadol. only to wake up at 4am to shit water again...
Today: woke up at 6+, close to 7, running a temperature again. the recep was telling me on saturday during the briefing that if i have a fever, i might not be able to do the scan. so in desperation, i took 2 panadols, put on an ice pack, covered myself with a blanket fully, n proceed to perspire. but by the time i managed to get myself perspiring, it was already abt 7.45. time was tite as i have to reach there by 9 thus, have to leave the house ard 8.45 latest. i sweated it out for another half an hour b4 gog to bathe, but my temp's still there. however, luckily when thy started to prepare me for the scan, my temp was down to norm...
there i was, lying in the room. my blood sugar level was taken. it felt like the time when we are tested for our blood group whn we made our ICs. then the doc came to inject a vaulve looking thing into my hand, it looks more complicated then those injected for drips. with the thing left in my hand, i was asked to swallow a pill with some barium liquid. the pill was supposed to make my muscles relax n the liquid was for the contrast in the intestines. just whn i was abt to fall asleep, they came in to inject the isotopes thru the vaulve looking thing. after injecting, i was radioactive n i fell asleep.
but not for long, i was woken up again to start the scan. the vaulve looking thing still intact! on the scanning machine bed, i was asked to lie with my arms up. cleverly, my hands were overlapped to avoid putting pressure on the vaulve looking thing. my arms were strapped to avoid any movement. while scanning, i fell asleep. it was only when thy wanted me to drop my arms, take away the pillow supporting my head n replace it with a blanket n strap my head to prevent it from moving, i woke up again. while scanning my head, i fell asleep again... when the whole thing was done, i woke up... tt was only when the vaulve looking thing was taken out from my hand.
next was some body fat scan thingy. damn freaking noisy... first it sounded like drums tapping, thn it sounded like drilling. thereafter, at last, i could go. instead of hanging ard town to wait for the results, i told my dad to drive home first...
i was rite in gog home first. 1pm was here, time for panadol. n of cos, since the panadol already wore off, the aches came back. heated packs to the rescue! then ard 2+, we made our way down to get the results. after collectin the results, we went to look for my doc.
apparently, there are "shadows" n hot spots on my ribs, spine, hips n liver. these dun look nor sound good. my doc immediately called my oncologist but he was outta town. so an appointment was made to c my oncologist on wed. so now its suspense till wed...
sigh sigh sigh...
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Striving to be normally mobile...
The urine culture test results was out on tuesday evening. but it's still fustrating n fucked up... after my urine was collected on saturday, it was placed in the fridge to be send to the lab on monday. my mum called up my doc on tuesday morning to check whn we can collect the results as i have to my oncologist on wednesday. so, my doc called the lab, n the lab said it was not rdy. later in the evening, i got a call from the doc, saying the results r rdy n i can collect them wed morning just b4 i go c my oncologist.
so ystday morning, i reached my doc's at 10 n collected the results. upon opening the envelope, it was shockingly confusing as i didn't know to be happy or scared or sad. the results said there was no bacterial growth. but since my doc would only come in later, i went down from shaw tower to mt elizabeth to c my oncologist 1st. i gave my oncologist the reports n he gave a call to my doc. apparently, my doc was one year his senior in college. hearing them speak was damn funny. it went like this...
kth(oncologist): hi, is this dr bain n partners? i'm dr khor here, can i speak to dr yeong?
recep put thru the call...
kth: seng coo, tong hong here. (note the address of names, not dr yeong, dr khor... hahahaha) this is regarding our mutual patient, jasmine. ... ... i'm at my wits ends already, its been 4 weeks she's having this back ache n pains... ... ... see wht u can do to help her...
so after this call, i made my way down back to shaw tower to c my doc. he was equally fustrated n angry at the lab cos since the urine test showed abnormalities, how can the urine culture show nothing. n wht did not even make sense was whn thy called the lab, thy say it was not rdy, thn a few hours later, thy said it was. my doc said sekali jus to push the results out, thy might have mixed up the results or even just say the urine culture had nothing. another reason might becos the urine was in the fridge for one n a half days.
so, another urine sample was collected for the culture. so was my blood! he's gonna send the blood for tests for infections. apparently, between the 2 docs, thy believe i should not have such high fevers (spikes as thy call it) on n off. plus my back keeps aching n whn the trobs n "stabs" comes on, so does the fever. another cause of worry is that this has been for very long already n the area of pain is spreading... but doc said to be patient...
antibiotics given on saturday did not manage to help in anything. i believe if it does help to reduce the infection, i shouldn't feel as much pain n aches...
still, i have to continue my antibiotics as i have to finish the whole course. n of cos, my one every 6 hourly panadol. now one more pill added to reduce inflammation (if any). i feel like a yao guan zi (pill bottle). sianz... honestly, i'm sick of swallowing pills, sick of the aches n pains, sick of not being to be as mobile as before (i cant bend my back!), sick of the trobs n "stabs", sick of trying so hard to sit up straight or walk up straight, sick, just sick...
i wan to be normal... i want the same old me...
i wan to get up from a lying or sitting position without support or having something to pull me up. i wan my waist area to have some strength. i wan to bath standing up without feeling i'm gonna collaspe as i'm running outta strength.
i wan to stop relying on the stupid panadols. i dunno how many fucking boxes i've already taken!
i wana stop relying on the heated pack that gives me comfort from the pain, but makes me sweat like mad.
i wana stop having an additional towel below me as i sleep at nite cos i need my heated pack n i sweat. i wana stop having to sleep with a wet towel beside me on standby in case my fever comes back n i cant get up. i wana stop getting up in the middle of the nite n cant get back to sleep due to the trobs n stabs.
i wana shit normally, n not shit with a heated pack on standby with me, just in case i "kek" too hard n my back aches.
i wan to be able to bend my back to get my underwear from the drawer of my waredrobe n not use my toes to act as a tweezer n pick them out.
i wan to be able to do all these first... at least i dun feel like an old lady who cant be mobile.
between the fustratuion of not being able to eat spicy food n not being able to be mobile, the latter is getting on my nerves more... spicy food can wait, but mobility cant... i feel so useless not being to do the simplest thing of GETTING UP without support. i fully understand how stroke patients feel. only that they can use physiotherapy to help them, but i just ache n pain, ache n pain, trob n stabs, trob n stabs. on good days, i throw my heated pack aside for a few good hours n feel mobile. on bad days, i jus feel like tearing out the entire waist area n connect my chest with my hips n be normal.
i've no fucking idea how many times i cried over these aches n pains robbing me of my mobility. no fucking idea... all i know i din cried so much when i got diagnosed, lost my taste, lost my hair, had black patchy skin, looked like a freak. but my tears dun bring away my fustration. just fucking fustrated. just crying. just waiting, waiting for the next timing for my medication.
so ystday morning, i reached my doc's at 10 n collected the results. upon opening the envelope, it was shockingly confusing as i didn't know to be happy or scared or sad. the results said there was no bacterial growth. but since my doc would only come in later, i went down from shaw tower to mt elizabeth to c my oncologist 1st. i gave my oncologist the reports n he gave a call to my doc. apparently, my doc was one year his senior in college. hearing them speak was damn funny. it went like this...
kth(oncologist): hi, is this dr bain n partners? i'm dr khor here, can i speak to dr yeong?
recep put thru the call...
kth: seng coo, tong hong here. (note the address of names, not dr yeong, dr khor... hahahaha) this is regarding our mutual patient, jasmine. ... ... i'm at my wits ends already, its been 4 weeks she's having this back ache n pains... ... ... see wht u can do to help her...
so after this call, i made my way down back to shaw tower to c my doc. he was equally fustrated n angry at the lab cos since the urine test showed abnormalities, how can the urine culture show nothing. n wht did not even make sense was whn thy called the lab, thy say it was not rdy, thn a few hours later, thy said it was. my doc said sekali jus to push the results out, thy might have mixed up the results or even just say the urine culture had nothing. another reason might becos the urine was in the fridge for one n a half days.
so, another urine sample was collected for the culture. so was my blood! he's gonna send the blood for tests for infections. apparently, between the 2 docs, thy believe i should not have such high fevers (spikes as thy call it) on n off. plus my back keeps aching n whn the trobs n "stabs" comes on, so does the fever. another cause of worry is that this has been for very long already n the area of pain is spreading... but doc said to be patient...
antibiotics given on saturday did not manage to help in anything. i believe if it does help to reduce the infection, i shouldn't feel as much pain n aches...
still, i have to continue my antibiotics as i have to finish the whole course. n of cos, my one every 6 hourly panadol. now one more pill added to reduce inflammation (if any). i feel like a yao guan zi (pill bottle). sianz... honestly, i'm sick of swallowing pills, sick of the aches n pains, sick of not being to be as mobile as before (i cant bend my back!), sick of the trobs n "stabs", sick of trying so hard to sit up straight or walk up straight, sick, just sick...
i wan to be normal... i want the same old me...
i wan to get up from a lying or sitting position without support or having something to pull me up. i wan my waist area to have some strength. i wan to bath standing up without feeling i'm gonna collaspe as i'm running outta strength.
i wan to stop relying on the stupid panadols. i dunno how many fucking boxes i've already taken!
i wana stop relying on the heated pack that gives me comfort from the pain, but makes me sweat like mad.
i wana stop having an additional towel below me as i sleep at nite cos i need my heated pack n i sweat. i wana stop having to sleep with a wet towel beside me on standby in case my fever comes back n i cant get up. i wana stop getting up in the middle of the nite n cant get back to sleep due to the trobs n stabs.
i wana shit normally, n not shit with a heated pack on standby with me, just in case i "kek" too hard n my back aches.
i wan to be able to bend my back to get my underwear from the drawer of my waredrobe n not use my toes to act as a tweezer n pick them out.
i wan to be able to do all these first... at least i dun feel like an old lady who cant be mobile.
between the fustratuion of not being able to eat spicy food n not being able to be mobile, the latter is getting on my nerves more... spicy food can wait, but mobility cant... i feel so useless not being to do the simplest thing of GETTING UP without support. i fully understand how stroke patients feel. only that they can use physiotherapy to help them, but i just ache n pain, ache n pain, trob n stabs, trob n stabs. on good days, i throw my heated pack aside for a few good hours n feel mobile. on bad days, i jus feel like tearing out the entire waist area n connect my chest with my hips n be normal.
i've no fucking idea how many times i cried over these aches n pains robbing me of my mobility. no fucking idea... all i know i din cried so much when i got diagnosed, lost my taste, lost my hair, had black patchy skin, looked like a freak. but my tears dun bring away my fustration. just fucking fustrated. just crying. just waiting, waiting for the next timing for my medication.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Never miss the timing for painkillers...
A week on, still pain... Meanwhile, during this week, i've gone for a urine n blood test. blood test is norm. but had to repeat my urine test as it showed abnormalities, mainly traces of blood. doc, mum n me tot it was due to the tracing ends of my menses.
so, i went down again on friday to pee into the container for the doc n lab. report came back ystday morning. again, they were abnormalities. doc confirmed it was bladder infection. so now, i'm on a 20 tablet, 3 times daily, course of antibiotics. the antibiotics has a damn freaking weird smell! hopefully whn i finish the antibiotics, the pains n aches will go down as well...
anyway, another sample of my urine was collected again ystday morning whn i went down. i felt so dirty whn i went down actually. mum woke me up n said she n dad on the way to fetch me down. by the time i got outta bed, combed my sparse hair n changed, they were already downstairs. the pee collected ystday was my "virgin" pee of the day. luckily my panadol taken at 7am was still effective so i had no probs.
it was only till whn we reached home ard 3, tts whn trouble came knocking on my back. i was already 2 hours off my timing for panadol. the ache was coming back, developing into throbbing pain. i quickly took my bath, beancurd n panadol. but, the pain nvr left me, even till 5+. luckily dear was ard to help me apply voltaren for me.
time: 7pm. feeling slightly better, at least i could stand n walk. then we made our way down to Werner's Oven to celebrate my dad's bday. but upon reaching there, it was terrible. the pain started coming back. it was faster then expected cos the panadol should last till 9. when my dad's mum, sis n my cousin n bf arrived, we quickly ordered. whn d potato salad came, i took a bite n took my panadol. luckily my dear suggested we brought it along. honestly, sitting there, i was damn seh. i could not differentiate the music n the noise of pple talking n their echos. even the voices talking on my own table seemed distant. main courses was served. n i could only manage to eat a bit. the mental n physical energy used in sitting up really drained me.
slowly, we made our way back to the car after the dinner n my dad was standing there in the car park, talking to our relatives. had to scream at him to open the car door for me to sit down as standing up was more draining. during the ride home, the pain intensified.
whn we got home, i cant even stand up properly. it was as if my entire waist was taken out. i had to hold on to my dear in the lift n as we walked down the stairs home, my dear had to hold my waist as if holding a vase to support me. thn, my dear help apply voltaren for me. but we had to wait till 11 to take my antibiotics. the pain was freaking unbearable. so since we can take a total of 8 panadols a day, i took 1 as well while taking my antibiotics.
it was only till almost 2am thn i could fall alseep. but i woke up at 2.45... struggled to get the heated pad n heat up the current one i was using. managed to fall asleep only to wake up to an already cooled down pad. repeat the process of struggling to the kitchen to get a heated pad, heating the used one. repeat the process of managing to fall asleep only to wake up to an already cooled down pad. soon, it was time for panadol. struggle, take heated pad, take panadol, managed to zzz...
time: 7+. struggled to get up to take my antibiotics. struggled to get the heated pad. struggled to fall asleep again... vicious cycle ah! soon it was 11... time for panadol again.
time now is 2.30pm. as i finish writing my ordeal n log off, its time to take my antibiotics. but at least i can ocasionally get off the huge cushion on my back n sit up straight on the sofa... moral of the story, never miss yr dosage of painkillers. the snowballing effect can really kill.
so, i went down again on friday to pee into the container for the doc n lab. report came back ystday morning. again, they were abnormalities. doc confirmed it was bladder infection. so now, i'm on a 20 tablet, 3 times daily, course of antibiotics. the antibiotics has a damn freaking weird smell! hopefully whn i finish the antibiotics, the pains n aches will go down as well...
anyway, another sample of my urine was collected again ystday morning whn i went down. i felt so dirty whn i went down actually. mum woke me up n said she n dad on the way to fetch me down. by the time i got outta bed, combed my sparse hair n changed, they were already downstairs. the pee collected ystday was my "virgin" pee of the day. luckily my panadol taken at 7am was still effective so i had no probs.
it was only till whn we reached home ard 3, tts whn trouble came knocking on my back. i was already 2 hours off my timing for panadol. the ache was coming back, developing into throbbing pain. i quickly took my bath, beancurd n panadol. but, the pain nvr left me, even till 5+. luckily dear was ard to help me apply voltaren for me.
time: 7pm. feeling slightly better, at least i could stand n walk. then we made our way down to Werner's Oven to celebrate my dad's bday. but upon reaching there, it was terrible. the pain started coming back. it was faster then expected cos the panadol should last till 9. when my dad's mum, sis n my cousin n bf arrived, we quickly ordered. whn d potato salad came, i took a bite n took my panadol. luckily my dear suggested we brought it along. honestly, sitting there, i was damn seh. i could not differentiate the music n the noise of pple talking n their echos. even the voices talking on my own table seemed distant. main courses was served. n i could only manage to eat a bit. the mental n physical energy used in sitting up really drained me.
slowly, we made our way back to the car after the dinner n my dad was standing there in the car park, talking to our relatives. had to scream at him to open the car door for me to sit down as standing up was more draining. during the ride home, the pain intensified.
whn we got home, i cant even stand up properly. it was as if my entire waist was taken out. i had to hold on to my dear in the lift n as we walked down the stairs home, my dear had to hold my waist as if holding a vase to support me. thn, my dear help apply voltaren for me. but we had to wait till 11 to take my antibiotics. the pain was freaking unbearable. so since we can take a total of 8 panadols a day, i took 1 as well while taking my antibiotics.
it was only till almost 2am thn i could fall alseep. but i woke up at 2.45... struggled to get the heated pad n heat up the current one i was using. managed to fall asleep only to wake up to an already cooled down pad. repeat the process of struggling to the kitchen to get a heated pad, heating the used one. repeat the process of managing to fall asleep only to wake up to an already cooled down pad. soon, it was time for panadol. struggle, take heated pad, take panadol, managed to zzz...
time: 7+. struggled to get up to take my antibiotics. struggled to get the heated pad. struggled to fall asleep again... vicious cycle ah! soon it was 11... time for panadol again.
time now is 2.30pm. as i finish writing my ordeal n log off, its time to take my antibiotics. but at least i can ocasionally get off the huge cushion on my back n sit up straight on the sofa... moral of the story, never miss yr dosage of painkillers. the snowballing effect can really kill.
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