Wednesday, December 21, 2011


About 2 weeks back, I went back for my regular checkup. Finally, I've reached the "no-scans" stage of checkups.

To me, it's an upgrade of sorts. It's like I've reached a stage where I have a lower risk of having a relapse. However, yet at the same time, I wonder if the comprehensive blood test done is enough to determine if I'm absolutely in the pink of health. Not that I don't trust my doctor, but it's like I have not been scrutinized enough, if you may. Crazy thoughts, but yah, I don't mind doing a PET scan.

And with this, I'm afraid I would get complacent. Diet is the only thing that I can control of what goes into my body. With this, it seems like a "green light" to have my favourite instant noodles and luncheon meat, which is not exactly good for me.

But, DETERMINATION is key. 6 years in remission and counting! :-)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


I remembered when I was younger, growing up and trying to be a little adult, I refused to hold my parents' or guardian's hand while crossing the road. I wanted to show them I was old enough to cross the road on my own, but they nevertheless still grabbed my hand or arm and refused to let go. Now I finally know why they did what they did... They wanted to make sure I'm safe and to protect me.

Whenever I see kids running around without supervision at the supermarket or at some eating place, I get angry at their parents/guardian. People are pushing trolleys or carrying trays of hot food. Should the kid gets knocked by the trolley or gets scalded by the hot food, who's the blame? So, I tell myself, my kid should never leave my side in case any accident happens.

That CCTV footage of 2 vehicles running over a little toddler in Foshan, China, attracted a lot of attention worldwide. Some criticized the people who walked past the scene without rendering any help, some criticized the lady who helped saying she helped because she wants to be famous, some criticized the drivers, some criticized the moral values of the country, some criticized the law and policies, etc.. I'm not here to point fingers at who's right or wrong, nor am I writing this to criticize on morals, law, policies, etc..

When I first saw the footage, I was horrified and shocked. A little girl, lying in a pool of blood being ignored. Of the first few questions I had after watching the footage, one was "where are the parents"... I then shared the footage on Facebook. One of the reasons why I decided to share was because I want it to serve as a reminder to myself, not to let my kids venture away from me, from my sight. Accidents do happen, and it's up to me to protect my kid and keep him/her as safe as possible to try to prevent an accident from happening...

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 8

This will be a real quick update...
With work on the upper jaw completed, work started on my lower jaw two Fridays back. Two front teeth did not need to take the root canal route.
Went back to the clinic last Friday again to work on the tooth on the right of the two front teeth, and no root canal needed as well. Checked on the wisdow teeth extraction wounds and everything's ok as well.
Will be back at the clinic again this Friday to work on the teeth to the left of the two front teeth...

Thursday, October 06, 2011

10 Warning Signs Of Cancer

Recently I came across an article titled 10 Warning Signs Of Cancer. I shared the link on Facebook and thought I could share some thoughts about the article. You can read the article here.

For those who are going to laugh or brush this off, let me put things into perspective: I HAD 4 out of these 10 warning signs. I'm not saying that when one has these 10 symptoms or warning signs, one has cancer. But it DEFINITELY calls for a visit to the doctor. 

The 4 I had were:
1) Fatigue and weakness
I slept, and I slept a lot. A few months before I was first diagnosed, every weekend, without fail (unless I had to wake up early), I'll be having a good long session of about 13- to 15-hours. If I do not have to wake up for work the next day, I'll be clocking in those hours as well. And it is not because I sleep late on weekdays and hence I needed to catch up on my beauty sleep. I usually sleep by 12 midnight and wake up at 7am.
I felt tired easily and after work, I simply had no energy to do anything.
2) Unusual bleeding
The first nose bleed on CNY was brushed off as too much bak kwa, hence heaty, hence nose bleed. If I recall correctly, the second nose bleed came about 3-4 weeks later, the third was about 2 weeks later. Then it became more frequent, to a weekly affair, then to once-in-2-3 days affair. 
3) Swollen lymph nodes
There was a swell below my right ear, near the jaw, on the neck. The swell never once subsided, it just grew and grew and grew. Turning my head was such a chore as it was damn painful.
4) Persistent pain, fever, cough
A few months before I was diagnosed, I fell ill quite frequently, with flu and cough. Ok, maybe we could or want to pass that off as immunity weak or I was working too hard, etc...
However, we cannot disregard the fact that I started to have fever on the night after I had my first radiotherapy session (blog post here). The fever never left and I started to have backaches as well (blog post here). Even a few weeks after I'm done with radiotherapy, the fever and backaches still haunted me (blog post here). It was only after a PET scan was done, that we realised that my cancer had spread.

Please remember that for some cancers, there's a higher chance of survival if it's diagnosed during the early stages. I'm probably a miracle case as I was 2-6 months away from knocking on death's gate. Who could have thought that one with liver and bone metastasizes could survive? Moreover, from the day I was first diagnosed till the day it was discovered that it has spread, it was just a little more than 3 months. In 3 months, the cancer cells decided to turn aggressive, wreck havoc and party round my body. Even my oncologist said that chemo is to help keep me around longer, with the option to cure.

It's your life and it pays to be vigilant. 

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 7

And the whole climax arc starts from here!

Last Friday, it was yet another dental appointment. This time, it's really starting work on fixing my smile. Dr Lee first took impressions of my teeth. Then he started drilling away the decayed parts of my 4 front teeth on the top jaw. Good news is the decays did not go too close the nerves and hence, we were allowed the option of putting in fillings or to continue with root canal and crowning. And so after weighing out the pros and cons and the whole scenario, we chose to do fillings.

Why fillings over root canal and crowning? No one can be really sure and confident how long the fillings or crowns will last. To do root canal and crowning, much more drilling is needed to be done and the already weakened structure of my teeth will be further weakened by the additional loss of the teeth's natural structure. By doing fillings, I can retain a little more of the teeth's natural structure, so I decided on take the least damaging route. Should the teeth further decay, then root canal and crowning can be considered at a later stage.

This Friday, I'll be back at the dental clinic, starting work on my lower jaw. Dr Leong will be attending to me instead of Dr Lee. Dr Lee is a root canal specialist, so since we are doing fillings, Dr Leong will start doing the drilling and all first. Should any particular tooth needs to take the root canal route, then Dr Lee will take over for that tooth.
Dr Lee is so sweet. I was mentioning after the fillings were done that my teeth felt heavier and perhaps I'm not used to them yet. He called me yesterday to find out if I'm coping well, if there's any sensitivity, discomfort, pain and all! Actually I'm doing fine and I'm more used to extra "weight" already. This is actually my first time having a doctor to call and check on me. Really touched by his gesture... 

Honestly, I'm kinda hoping I don't have to take the root canal route at all. Why take away some healthy parts when they are still useful right? Will update again after this Friday!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 6

Went to remove stitches on Thursday. Good news is the dentist was pretty pleased with the progress of the healing, no exposed bones and all.
Bad news is that with the stitches removed, there isn't a "cover/blanket" of sorts to shield the holes from bits of food. Some friends have given me the advice of using a syringe to help clear bits of food stuck in the holes. Tried it yesterday and I guess probably my frequent rinsing is working well, so didn't spot any bits of food. heheh...

Because of radiotherapy treatment in the past, the main worry/ issue is that the wound would not heal at all. Although my progress is much slower than others, at least it is healing. Maybe I worry too much, but I guess I'm going to hold off chewing solid food still. At least for another week or so...

And finally, after ranting and ranting about the dumb template and all, I finally managed to customise it earlier in the afternoon. Doesn't look as close as how it does in the past. I still can't figure out how to customise each little part. For example, the AdSense banner just below the blog header. Using the little html knowledge I have, I was able to change the size of the banner. Now, when I click on "edit html", everything looks so foreign and, honestly, I totally catch no ball. Haiz....

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 5

Before I begin on the update, I have something to say., give me back my old template!!! I clicked on the "Try the updated Blogger interface". Realizing that my blog template changed and I had to customize from scratch, I did not save the changes and then switched it back to the current interface. And guess what, the template that you are looking at now remained. WELL DONE... Why wasn't there any prompting that blog template/designs would not be kept?! So now, I will probably have to burn my weekend editing and customizing a template.
I do have a CSS template saved eons ago, but I can't edit CSS no matter how hard I try. At least using it as a guide, I will be able to know how my right hand bar used to look like and what links it had, and work something out...

Ok, back to the update on my teeth...
I don't know if it's me and my eyes, but my right cheek still looks more puffy compared to the left. Maybe I'm aware of the stitches on the inner right cheek, hence I feel this way. Once in a while, the wounds on the lower jaw still ache a little, like what I drink something too hot or something too cold, or when I open my mouth too big, or when I yawn.
Though there are stitches, I can see from the lower jaw that not the entire gaping hole is being stitched up. Comparing now to when I first saw the wounds, the holes seem to be a little teeny weeny bit smaller. I dunno if the holes are meant to be closed up, but if they are, then I guess that's good news.

I kinda know how Survivor contestants feel when they are able to brush their teeth with toothpaste after not being able to for a period of time, especially for contestants who get booted to Ponderosa.
I didn't brushed my teeth since Day 1 of the extraction, only using mouth rinse, because I don't dare to open my mouth that wide. Even when I was able to, I was afraid the bristles might get caught in the stitches, so I brushed lightly without any toothpaste in the event the foam blurred out everything inside my mouth, and then followed up with the mouth rinse.
Finally, on yesterday night, I brushed my teeth with toothpaste for the first time in 12 days. The feeling is super shiokness and it felt super clean. I probably only brushed the 8-12 front teeth, as I'm still afraid, but it was very satisfying! The shiokness and clean feeling of brushing my teeth with toothpaste this time surpasses the shiokness and clean feeling of bathing after Poly softball training (where we used to pull/drag each other into/around the mud after trainings).

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 4

As each day passes, I'm able to open my mouth bigger. I try not to open too big as I'm still on painkillers and afraid that because the pain is numbed, I'm actually stretching it and aggravate the wounds.

Today, I saw the wounds on the lower jaw. Maybe I've just eaten... Saw bits of food stuck on the ends of the stitching threads. Grossed me out a little. Perhaps I should start brushing the back few teeth as well or maybe just live on a liquid diet.
Saw some stitches on my inner cheeks as well, probably that's why my inner cheeks felt sore the other day.

The wounds are no longer itching that much, still aching a bit but I still dare not take myself off the painkillers. But I have to try because the painkillers have a little groggy/drowsy effect on me.
Overall, I think I'm coping better as each day passes, but now I'm starting to get scared... I'm scared of the pain when the stitches are removed. *Shudders* 6 years back around this time, I went through throbbing stabbing pain, even painkillers cannot numb the pain totally. My tolerance level of pain should be pretty good aye? But I can't take the aching pain now, that's why I'm still taking the painkillers...

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 3

Some updates as per the last post... No, did not go for more extractions or started on the root canal and crowning yet, but just some happenings...

Remember I was saying that the wounds are itching, rather than being painful? I'll take that back... From Day 3 on, they are itching and there's an aching pain to it. It gets more intense when the painkillers are wearing off, while rest of the time, it just itches.
Dear's remedy to the itch: put an ice pack on the cheek. It works quite well actually. But I have to be careful not to press too hard. I actually do have a habit of cupping my jaw with my hand and resting my face on my hand when I'm in front of the computer. Perhaps this experience will cut the habit.
As for the pain, I'm dutifully taking it as per prescribed. I stopped taking thinking there was no pain, but when I woke up yesterday, it was aching and sore. So I had no choice but to take.

I'm still on a soft diet, anything that let me minimize on chewing... Eg, minced meat, smashed fish, smashed carrots, porridge, soy beancurd, soggy cut noodled, ice cream, milk, milo, etc. I'm eating almost every 2-3 hours or so when I'm awake, get hungry a little easier. Feel like I'm a baby...

Some of my friends were wondering why I chose to extract all at one go and not split it into 2 treatments. I figured that while doing root canal and crowning, I would probably be suffering the same thing, so if I could cut short the suffering period, I would rather do so. Go through it all at once, rather then again and again.
Some were also joking that I got a little shortchanged by doing so. The dentist usually gives a 5-7 days MC for wisdom tooth extraction. So if I were not to extract all at once, I could have gotten at least 20 days of MC. hahahah... No thank you, I don't think I can take it...

Friday, August 26, 2011

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 2

As per the last post, I didn't start on the root canal and crowning right away as I needed to extract all four wisdom teeth plus a molar, which are all infected and are seemingly "time bombs".

Yesterday was the extraction. As one of the wisdom teeth was partially embedded and my gum has to be cut, I chose sedation as I didn't want to feel a thing. So, there I was lying down on the dentist chair with pulse and blood pressure readers all hooked up. The anesthetist was asking me what's my weight, I gave him my answer. Then he commented that that was light, so did the oral surgeon, and I knocked out. Can't remember a single thing after that.
I could only recall someone calling my name, but I couldn't open my eyes. I heard the nurse asking someone "wake up already?", and that someone, the boyfriend, answered "not yet". When he came into the room, I have no freaking idea.
When I finally woke up, I was still kinda groggy, kinda couldn't walk very straight. My whole cheekbone to chin area was numb and my throat was damn freaking dry. Couldn't really talk... Got briefed about the mouth rinse and my check up was set on 8 Sep. Went to the toilet and attempted the drip some water down my throat, but even the back of my mouth is numb. The water, mixed a little of the blood, ended up dripping out of my mouth and staining my tee. Changed the gauze, caught a cab and went home. I can't remember where the boyfriend and I caught the cab from and who paid for the cab.
Upon reaching home, I changed and set the alarm clock to wake up and take my painkillers and antibiotics. When I woke up when the alarm rang, and the boyfriend was trying to dig me up to take the meds. If I recall correctly, I think I told, or rather slurred to him that my mouth is still numb and there's no way I can swallow the meds. Not too sure if I went back to sleep again or I just lied in bed...
When I finally sobered at about 3 (according to my Facebook post), I brought my laptop out to the living room and plonked myself in front of the TV. Mouth was still numb and I have no idea how I'm going to swallow the meds. At about 4 plus (again according to my Facebook post), I felt the aching and pain start to set in, so I told myself, die die also have to swallow the meds. I heated up soy beancurd and swallow it bit by bit, but it was damn difficult still. When I finished eating, the numbness seemed to go away a little, I could feel my left cheek n and left corner of my lower lip, but right side still can't feel a thing... But I still managed to swallow the meds.
At night, my inner cheeks started to feel damn sore... I still managed to brush my teeth a bit and rinsed my mouth with the mouth rinse. But I had trouble sleeping lying down. The top right wound seems to ache more when I lie down, so I went to the living room and brought the beanbag in and onto my bed. I slept in a reclined position.
And when I found the best position, the wounds started to itch a little. I was so hoping that I don't stick a finger into my mouth to scratch them and that my tongue will stay good and not go and play with the wounds. Improvising from a friend's advice to line the pillows with towels just in case I drool, I tied a towel around my neck and treated it like a bib. And then I finally went to sleep...

This morning my alarm woke me up to take my antibiotics. Went back to sleep after taking and finally woke up at about 1+ in the afternoon. Freshened up, had lunch, took meds and starting working. It's weird that the wounds are itching and aching, rather than being painful. But I guess that's good news because it means the wounds are healing!

One thing I still can't figure out... I had extracted adult teeth before when I was younger because of braces. But I don't recall the wounds being so troublesome!!! They don't itch and I can open my mouth wide. Now, I can't, and my inner cheeks are still dam freaking sore...

The Winner Of Glee Project Is...

Sam and Damian!!! Both of them won 7 episodes arcs and I'm one super happy girl!

Ryan Murphy built up suspense, talking to Alex and Lindsay and telling them they did not win. Thus, it was down to Sam and Damian and Ryan said Sam won. After all the cheering and all between the 4 on stage, Ryan talked to Damian. And he, being ever so earnest, real and sweet, said that he was happy that Sam won. And then Ryan told him that he won too. The image of him jumping up and down on the stage still brings a smile to my face. So damn blardi cute!

Then Ryan called to both Alex and Lindsay. Telling them that the writers would like to write a guest-starring 2 episodes arc for each of them too. So, all won something in the end!

I hope the writers would do something for Hannah and Cameron too! heheheh

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

And I Forgot...

Dear Blog,

I didn't mean to forget your 10th birthday... I'm really very very sorry...

Been kinda busy with work and my own stuff, thus instead of trying to blog as planned, I selfishly chose to chillax and stone my time away. But I've never never ever beared any thought of abandoning you because you are the only one who can neverendingly tolerate all my nonsense, whines and rants. You are the only one who can tolerate my tantrums. Ok, probably cos you are a non-living thing... But you are always here, listening to me whenever I need to clear my thoughts of clutter. I will try to blog more often k?

Nevertheless, Thank You for being thru soooo much with me, thru my ups and downs, thru the period where I was almost knocking on death's gates, thru my happy times and sad times, thru EVERYTHING in the past 10+ years of my life.

Love you deep deep! *muaaacccckkkkssss*

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Glee Project - Down To Final 4...

Ok, I'm finally up to date and just finished episode 9 of The Glee Project. Watching some of my favourites go one by one, it's super heartbreaking.

First of them to go was Marissa von Bleicken. Pretty gal with a good voice. She brings it on every week and is dynamic on screen, the camera loves her!
Week 6, and the theme was Tenacity. She won the Homework Assignment, but the judges felt she fell short a little during the music video shoot and she just wasn't how she was week in week out. During the Last Chance Performance, she was up against Alex Newell and Cameron Mitchell, and the judges picked a song that they had sung from their auditions. She did a good job, but Alex and Cameron did fabulously great, hence she was sent home.
Some questions Ryan would ask himself before deciding was "how to write a character for that person", "how would this person fit into Glee", etc... Honestly, I really don't know what kinda character Marissa could play. But thinking about the cast who are graduating at the end of S3 and what kinda characters are missing, I was thinking she could probably be some kinda hot nerdy chick? But that isn't much character/plot development to talk about eh?

Next was dear Cameron. He's so darn nerdy cute! He's a singer-songwriter, who performed an original song during auditions. Now, that's what we are missing on Glee, a singer-songwriter. Yes, New Directions is a show choir club, they do not need originals. But it would be a very interesting character to put in.
Ryan had been always wanting to write in a character with strong religious beliefs and Cameron fit into this character so darn well! He's so pure and innocent, that when Lindsay Pearce kissed him on the lips impromptu during a music video shoot, he felt that he had cheated on his girlfriend of 2 years. It's acting, but he felt that it was still wrong. He's suuuch a sweetie-pie!!!!! Awwwwww...
During the Last Chance Performance, Ryan told him he had always been wanting to write that character. If plot develops and Cameron has to kiss Rachel Berry's character, he said Cameron would be a showstopper because of his own personality. And Cameron said he wants out. Ryan told him that that decision saved Damian McGinty. What makes it so darn heartwrenching is that Cameron and Damian are the best of buds! Seeing Cameron cross out Damian's name in the "not called back" list and writing his own name just broke my heart...

3rd one to go was Hannah McIalwain. To make it bad enough for me, all 3 of them were eliminated one after another, week after week... The week's theme was Believability, but during the music video shoot, she wasn't totally in the zone. During the Last Chance Performance, she didn't really connected and convinced with the song.
Hannah is so loveable and she is one character that Glee hasn't seen yet. Yes, we have a plus size gal already, but Lauren Zizes is like the cool type, while Hannah could be a cute, loveable, bubbly one. She can rap and they call her MC Hannah. LOL!

And now, 4 are left in the finals. Well, it was supposed to be Top 3, but I guess since the theme was Generosity, none were cut. So, here's a round up and my thoughts about the last 4...
Lindsay is a real life Rachel Berry, she IS the obnoxious and try-to-be-perfect Rachel Berry. It would be interesting to have another Rachel Berry character, since the original one is going to graduate and New Directions will need another female lead. But I kinda think it's no point having another Rachel Berry kinda character, it just doesn't feel fresh.
Alex is a cross of Mercedes Jones and Kurt Hummel, so where does this get him? I think it would be great to see an episode where Alex and Mercedes can trash out who's the real diva. Alex could also be love interest to Dave Karofsky and sistas to Kurt and Blaine Anderson?

The remaining 2 are also my faves and I'm so hoping one of them would win...

Samuel Larsen is special. He looks like a cool, collected, tough rocker, bad-boy kinda guy. But like Cameron, he was raised in a traditional Christian family.
He was afraid his mum would be upset that he was romancing Alex in a music video shoot. During a Last Chance Performance, that was touched on a little. He explained to his mum that it was only acting and his mum was very supportive.
I could see Ryan writing that religious character for him. He is slightly different from Cameron. Cameron has this innocent boy thing and kissing on reel is a no-no, though it's acting, but that's what makes him sweet. Sam knows when he's acting and when it's for real. But he's sooooo darn cool, it's like there's a shield and you are unable to get inside of him...

Damian is another cutie-pie. His Irish accent makes him so cute!!! Of the 4, he seems the most real. He doesn't look like he's hamming up for the camera and he feels sincere. He grows every week and regardless if he or Sam wins, I'll be one happy girl.
I kinda think he's a perfect character to write for. A boy comes from Ireland with his family as his dad got a job posting in the US. He's an outcast because of his accent and joins New Directions because he loves to sing! As the winner, one would get a 7 episode stint on Glee, so at the end of the 7th episode, his dad's job assignment ends and he returns to Ireland. Tada! Perfect!

Yeah, and now it's time for me to hit the sack...

Monday, August 01, 2011

Restoration Of Pearly Whites - Part 1

Was all psyched up and prepared for root canal and crowning, and of course, the pain to start last Friday. But x-rays reveal a much more complicated case... All of my four wisdom teeth plus a molar are infected and are seemingly “time bombs“ which have to be extracted asap.

As I had radiotherapy before, my oncologist has to be consulted first, as the gum may not heal properly for someone who has gone through radiotherapy, for example, yours truly here. Thankfully one of my consulting dentist is the daughter of my oncologist, and because my case was a “time bomb“ one, a few text messages settled the go-ahead quickly. Otherwise, with the waiting for official letters and visits and ding dong here and there, it might take ages for the "yes, extraction is ok" answer to come through.

Once my oncologist gave the ok, calls were made to the oral surgeon and the anesthetist. As the wisdom tooth on my lower left grows sideways and is partially embedded, my gum has to be cut. I do not want to feel anything while my gum is being cut, so i chose sedation. When it was confirmed that 25th Aug will be the day I lose 5 teeth, it was discussion time. We threw up a few scenarios, basically wondering whether to start root canal and crowning first, and if the temporary crowns could last long enough till extraction wounds heal and all temporary crowns are fitted to make the final impression for the permanent ones. And we are afraid that the temporary ones would not last...

And thus, the earliest sight of any pearly whites would be early Oct, unless the extraction wounds heal faster than the estimated one month time frame... But still, it is going to be quite some time till all 8-10 teeth are nicely crowned, as the root canal specialist will be only doing 2-3 each visit... I cannot imagine doing all in just 1 or 2 visits, either I'll end up having a locked jaw or the root canal specialist will end up with sore arms muscles and become crossed-eyed.

P/S: For those who want to find out why my teeth are in such horrendous state, please read the previous post

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Cancer Battle Post Mortem - 6 Years On

Its officially 6 years since the day I'm done with radiotherapy treatment, but am still having the side effects due to it...

Firstly, stinko breath...
It's due to the scab / dried mucus thingy... Every few days or so, I would have to gargle some salt water and then throw/expel the salt water out via my nostrils. In the process of doing so, it softens the scab and dislodges it from the walls of the back of my nose, so it's easier to purge it out. ok, a bit TMI, i know...

Secondly, the 2 bald patches at the back of my head...
Well, thank God they can be concealed cos I've got long hair and the patches are pretty much nearer to the neck. Got a few super fine baby strands of hairs growing, but that's about it. I'm kinda speculating it is gonna be like this forever cos the roots are pretty zapped dead.

Last but not least, my teeth...
They are in a super duber uber horrendous state with decay stains and all. I visited the dentist last Saturday and asked him to fix and restore my smile. He got pretty shocked and did nagged, asking why didn't I go back often to see him. My bad, I admit. When I went there, honestly, I was prepared to get a huge nagging/scolding...
And so, come tomorrow afternoon, I'll embark on a journey to restore my pearly whites by doing crowning... I did some reading online to find out more about the procedure, and it seems to be quite *FARKING* painful. I've got phobia of butterflies (guess whoever's reading this must be either shocked or laughing their heads off) and I really don't like the feeling of them fluttering in my stomach right now... And at the same time, I can already feel the drilling on my teeth... And yet, I can't wait for it to be done so I can have nice nice teeth! I'm nervous, scared shit, and excited at the same time! Can I just fast forward the time to 2359hrs Friday, 29th July 2011? HAHAHAHAH
I'm guessing I'd probably be making a few trips to the dentist in the few weeks or so... Who likes going to the dentist? Not me... But no pain no gain! May God bless me with strength and courage! :-)

But going through crowning is not the most shocking or scary discovery made. It is discovering that 2 of my wisdom teeth have decayed and "disintegrated" to the point that there's only half of each tooth left. Any normal human being would already be running to the dentist, complaining of pain, and demanding that something needs to be done immediately. For me, because of radiotherapy, the nerves are zapped till they are constricted, hence I feel NOTHING... Half a tooth left and I still feel NOTHING, now that's shocking and scary...
If you are reading this and know of anyone, directly or indirectly, who have gone through radiotherapy around the head and neck area, please advise them to have regular dental checkups. I didn't and now I'm paying for a painful and costly lesson...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Keeping It Real With Glee

I love Glee and am a self confessed Gleek.
Hate to say this, but news about axing/graduating some characters is actually kinda expected...
They have to graduate afterall... In real life, who doesn't graduate from school? Hmmm, but with that being said, y can't they fail their exams or get suspended or something? Then they'll have to repeat their final year ya?!

Then again, news is kinda expected but its still hard for me to accept it... Prob it'll take the whole of season 3, watching how the plot rolls out, then i‘ll be able to accept the fact that graduation time is here...

Monday, April 25, 2011

Another Milestone In Life: Passing THE 5-Year Mark

Before beginning on my main topic, let me talk about something superficial in a way. I FINALLY got a new phone. After 2 years of saying "I need a new phone", I finally got one!
Ok, back to my main topic...

5 years. How many 5 years does one person have? A 50 year old has 10 which, in quantity, is a lot. But to me, a cancer survivor, 5 years is a HUGE milestone, almost unquantifiable.

The past 5 years have not been easy emotionally, and it swings up and down... I've seen and heard people around me starting the battle and/or losing the battle. Why do they have to fight the battle in the very first place?!

Good news is, my oncologists decided not to see me that often after my checkups 2 weeks ago was all good and clear. Yes, not seeing me often is actually good news. Financially, yes, I don't spend so much, but that's not the main point.
It's more like, it's like a step forward, a progression towards almost a full pink of health. Although I know I'll never be fully cured, but staying as long as possible, of even forever on a NED (No Evidence of Disease) status is what I ultimately want.
So, from a every 6 months checkup, Dr Khor will see me in 12 months time and Dr Whang, 8 months. Then again, I feel a little insecure in a way. It seems that 8 and 12 months seem a little long to keep tabs on this little monster. But, I'm glad.

I thank the Lord for giving me these 5 years. And, yet again, I'm questioning myself. Why me? What the purpose? Is there something He wants me to do? Lord, I need guidance, please show the way...

Aunt M, I miss you. I really do. I saw a lady on the bus a few months back and she looked so much like you. I almost called out to her. And then when I realised she was not you, I pretended to yawn cos I couldn't hold the tears in my eyes.