Thursday, January 26, 2006

I Love God!

It's a long day. Went to sun moulin bakery at isetan scotts to get my sis n me, our fave cheese mochi. then got an sms from chee, gotta know a frd's mum had passed on n arranged to go to the wake with her later in the evening. walked over to tangs to help my mum get a handbag she saw. walked over to dr hwang's clinic to pass them some new year cookies.

its dear's last day today and he can go off by lunch time cos he only needed to give some product training. but some stuff cropped up about salary matters and he can't leave tt early. anyway i was still early and needed to get a top to change to wear to the wake cos i was wearing pink. so from mt. elizabeth, i walked over to (guess where else...) taka's mango to look for a top. of 3 not so colourful and bright tops i chosen, the cutting of 2 were slightly big although i took the smallest size, so i was only left with 1 choice. i wanted to buy a few (anyway, wake or not, i would buy a few if they could fit) so dear could help me see which one was more suitable. i also targetted a few more to buy during the sales period cos the pricing for those pieces were quite high and i find the designs ok, can buy type, not wah, very nice type... i also saw a pair of knee length pants, which i prefer to call bermudas cos they look like one, which was, in wht i called in my own lingo, 2 way wearing. i can pair it with a baggy t-shirt and slippers and wear them to market. i can also pair it with a nice smart casual top and a pair of heels and walk around in town, looking in vogue. so i bought 1 top n 1 bottom in the end.
i then walked over to wisma atria isetan's mango to look for other designs i can choose from. i once said in here that not all designs are found in all outlets. some designs can only be found in certain outlets. tried a racer back top, but the arm hole was a tad too big, so it looked a bit baggy... then dear called to say he's leaving and will mit me and his frd at cineleisure burger king. so while walking in the air-con from wisma atria to taka, i decided to pass by m)phosis. tried a black top but it was too longish for my liking, din buy in the end, so i continued my walk over to cineleisure.

had a chicken whopper jr for lunch and showed dear the top. he said it's quite ok, but a bit "happening". i kinda understood wht he meant cos the top had pictures on it. we proceeded to level 9 for dota, i'm starting to learn how to play already, but still need loads more training sessions. initial plan was for me to play for 1 hour then go home to change, put the down stuff, rest for a while then go down for the wake. but after playing for the hour, i got lazy n decided to stay n watch n learn the game. while watching dear play, i got to know more characters and their "special powers". i changed and at abt 6.15 we left and i took a cab down to mit chee at the wake.

this frd of ours, her mum passed away due to something which i really dislike now. its cancer, colon cancer. 2 immediate family members of my frds had passed on due to cancer, a few more other frds have immediate family members who have fought the battle and in remission. a few of my mum's friends also have fought the battle and now in remission, one more frd is still fighting. both my grandma's had their breasts removed. the person closest to myself, which is me myself, is also fighting the battle. y issit another cancer case?! haven't i heard enough?! so many institutes and organisations over the world are doing cancer research, haven't they researched enough to find a total cure?! this frd's mum was in remission but the cancer came back! having cancer is just like having a damn fucking irritating time-bomb in the body! fucking hell, u just dont know when it'll come back to haunt you.

but still, i take it in stride. As a Christian, i must believe in God's plans for me and have faith in him. as i was telling my frd, God has already made plans for us. if he wants me to call home earlier to him, i will. if he wants me to stay here longer, i will. but He will not show us the entire plan, just like how our insurance agents show us the entire insurance saving plan in details at one full glance how much we would have at certain ages. so, i gotta take it in stride and live strongly day by day, and like wht aunt elizabeth says after she removed her breast, she thanks God everyday when she wakes up for granting her another day.
but there's something i realise i need to learn, tt's to really believe whtever God does, its for the best for me. Just like now, I'm starting to believe wht PJ said, God's giving me this hurdle to bring me back to him cos i backslided way too much and am wandering around like a lost sheep. Today's memorial service and wht the pastor said about knowing God as our Saviour only echos wht PJ says. Honestly, it was only thru this ordeal, i started reading the bible again and slip into His arms like a lost child looking for comfort, love, support and forgiveness for being wilful and running away. n i know He had never ever given up on this lost sheep cos during these 9 months of ups and downs, i can see Him healing and guiding me to full recovery n listening to my prayers for giving me more time here. Most of all, i can feel His warm loving embraces and sayang-ing me. I have never felt so dependent on Him for such a longest time already.

anyway, back to the long day issue... after attending the wake, i went down to esplanade to mit dear for supper at glutton's square. but today no mood to talk about food... only in the mood to reflect n embrace in God's love... :-)

Friday, January 20, 2006

Live Strong!

I was watch The Oprah Winfrey Show on Star World just now. Her interviewee this time round was Lance Armstrong. Dun ask me how long ago this was recorded cos it was only mentioned he won Tour de France 6 times, not 7... The entire episode made me cried cos I was inspired and touched.

Lance got testicular cancer when he was just at the emerging peak of his career. His doctors gave him 40%-50% chance of survival only cos the cancer has spread to the lungs and brain. 3 months later, he was in remission and started training on his bike all over again. he went on to have 3 lovely children and 7 Tour de France titles. Oprah asked him if he hadn't had cancer, would he have won. his reply was something like (I cant remember the excate words) that if he had won cancer, Tour de France was nothing. I share the same sentiments. Although i always forget and never had the chance to ask dr. hwang how far i was away from death, I knew i was close enough. But I knew since I could escape death on God's blessings and battled death, I knew any other future obsticles would be easier to clear.

Then Sheryl Crow came onto the show. Sheryl Crow, a singer is Lance's gf. Sheryl's much older, but you could sense their love and affections for each other, and it was deep. Photos were shown of Sheryl at Tour de France supporting Lance during the comeptition. It just just like how dear stood by me the entire time during this battle, this competition, this struggle, this hurdle against death, against cancer.

Then it was revealed that Lance's mum, Linda was a single mum, giving birth to Lance at the age of 17. Against all odds and family and friends asking her not to keep the baby, she did. During this time when her son got cancer, she was by his bedside all the time. accompanying him all the time thruout the treatments. just like my mum. accompnaying me to and fro, being there at the clinic while i'm having chemo, waking me up and making me sure to take my medications, always being there... just like my dear too, accompanying me to and fro, waiting for me to finish my radiotherapy at the hospital...

Lance's a huge inspiration. to him, cancer was the best thing it happened to him. I'm still not brave and strong enough to say cancer was the best thing that happened to me. But it was this "lesson", i learnt to be stronger and learnt to treasure and appreciate life more. But there's one thing i couldn't not agree with him, that's "Live Strong", which i will and adhere strongly!

Now, its time to get the yellow band, anyone knows where to get one? I dun wan pirated one... I want one which the proceeds goes to the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help in cancer research and education...

Sunday, January 15, 2006


To all my ever dearest friends,

Thank You so very much for standing by me and supporting me throughout these 8 long months. Thank You for being there thru any of these stages when I went thru ups and downs, hopes and disappointments. After 35 sessions of radiotherapy from 2nd June 2005 till 20th July 2005, I thought I was ok already, but I had pains in my waist area and fevers that refused to go away. My GP and radiotherapy oncologist then found out thru a PET scan after my radiotherapy that the cancer cells actually spread to my bones and liver. Now after 6 courses/ cycles of chemotherapy from 10th Aug 2005 till 27th Dec 2005, my chemotherapy oncologist has given me the all clear. As I officially announce that chemotherapy is over and done with, I’ll still be on mild oral chemotherapy drugs for another year or so, thus, battles not won yet officially.

Thank You for expressing your care, love and concerns in one way or another. Friendster has alerts telling me who had visited my profile and I know some of you have kept quiet all the while. But nevertheless, I know you guys are there silently giving me moral support.

And please join me in applauding these very very special people in this roll call who let me know I wasn’t fighting this battle alone throughout this entire time Thank You for your visits, msn messages, sms-es, emails and calls! (pls pls forgive me if I forgot to mention your name, anyway, you guys know who you are right?)

My lovely, beautiful, ever always there group of sisters: Winn, Ange, Yue and PJ
My secondary school mates: Jessie, Chee, Dasin, Jingxing, Saofiah, John, Keat,
My fellow crazy NP softballers: Jan, Qi, Zhenyao, Colin, Jen, Ben, Stella, Sarah
My FSVians: Dilys, Michelle, Yati, Angel, Neil, Alvin, HL
My EM colleagues: Bob, Jai, Ah Da, Faridah, Lina, Jerry, Rani, Weixiang, Vincent, Yin Fun, Roy, PKae, Ron, Big, Kung, Faai, Jo, May, Dulaya, Micheal, Terance, Bessie, Sani
My IRC trivia mates: eSpie, Bluewolf, Sarius, MI5, CuzZ, Sniper, gosh
Others like: Angela, Shenwee, Bern, Kewen, Kenneth Goh, Jen, Kenneth Choo, Zhiguang & Chris and the entire family, Ah Seng, Jester, Deva, Peilin, Serena, Pei Shuen, Ping, Wing Sum

Last but not least my dearest Mum, Dad and Sis. I love you guys so much!
And also, how can I ever forget to thank my loving, dearest Hubby. Thanks dear, I love you deep deep! Muacks!

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Results Of PET Scan

On Friday, I finished my PET scan at 3.30pm. Was pratically starving... finally had brunch at 4pm... Results could not be generated on the same day, so had no choice but to be kept in suspense till today.

Since they had told me I could collect the report at 11.30am, it was a slight race against time cos dr. hwang would usually go off ard 12 noon. Reached the radiology clinic ard 11.40am. collected the scan and walk as brisk as i could to the lift to reach dr. hwang's clinic. as i waited for the lift, i could "hear" the clock ticking away as my heart pounded away, wondering what were the results of my scan. somehow, the lift seemed to take foreva to arrive to pick me up to the clinic. lift came, 1st stop was 10th floor, 2nd stop, 15th floor, 3rd stop and at last i reached dr hwang's clinic. the recep counter was abt 4-5 steps away from the door, but b4 i could reach the recep counter, i already asked if doc's ard. the reply was a"yes", so so happy but yet at the same time afraid cos there's a little lump/ swelling on the right side of my neck.

Waiting to see dr. hwang was a short wait cos the excitment took away all the impaitience. As she read the report, "good, good, very good, all clear" she said. once i heard the all clear, i was elated, thanking God silently in my heart, grinning from ear to ear... then came the question abt the lump/swell on my neck. she said it's definately not cancer just some immflamation but she would want to keep it monitored. Then she gave me oral drugs which are actually mild chemo drugs to supress the cancer to take starting tmr... 2 in 10 people would have the side effect of dry and blackened soles and palms, i pray hard i'm not those 2. I already have to live with a balding head... Besides those drugs, i still have to take vitamin B-6 tablets to supress the side effects. (vitamin B-6, pls be good and supress whtever side effects i'll have ok). But the most ensuring thing she said was that my hair will definately grow back, thank God!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Rex Restaurant Revisited

Time files and its almost a week since i've last posted. this week, apart from more cookie baking to catch up with the orders we're having and more vcd watching, there's nothing much else. in other case it was a kinda boring week...

Revisited Rex restaurant at Princep street again. this time round with the entire family and dear. ordered half a chicken which came piping hot with crispy skin, fried kailan which was yummy, hot plate beancurd with came with small pieces of prawn, squid, mincemeat, mixed veg and you tiao with sotong (again)... total damage was $49 for 5 people... not too bad, not cheap, not expensive considering the portion the food came. we all ordered small but it came like it was medium sized...

FA Cup, man u drew 0-0 with burton as a result of fielding a whole team of reserves... damn, now we have one more match to play, one more match the squeeze into the already tight schedule of matches this year. y din ferguson field a stronger team. win already thn no need to replay, no need to squeeze in another match for no reason, then players can rest better. tonite carling cup against blackburn, ferguson better not field a team of reserves again. although this will be 2-legged, winning is better than drawing or losing... sigh...

Will be gog for PET scan this friday at 11am. results most prob will only come out in the afternoon. May God bless me...

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

1st Offical Entry In Blogspot

Friday: Tried 2 recipes in the afternoon. one was cornflake cookie, the other was chocolate truffle cookie. Cornflake cookie, nothing fantastic, too sweet, simply blah, not gog to try this recipe again forever, even till now, it's untouched... it just goes to prove how much my family and i "like" it... But, the chocolate truffle cookie is one that is worth exploring and perfecting. it was simply out of the world and uniquely chewy and soft. however, some stuck to the baking tray although the recipe did not call for lining or greasing, and some were ok, so something wrong somewhere. have to experiment more to find out... either they are too big, so hard to remove... or have to catch the timing cos when taken out from oven, too hot, it's still stuck to the tray, have to wait for it to cool a little before removing, but cooling too long will be stuck too... or i simply have to line or grease the tray...
Met dear after dinner to go walk walk in central for a while. dear recently got a package from videoezy, for a month, you pay 29.90, unlimited vcd movie rental. so we went to change discs. then as we made our way to the bus-stop, we got stopped by kfc. we stood outside kfc n decided to have supper. but, that kfc is always so damn bloody cold, we decided to take-away, back to dear's place to eat. dear's mum loves kfc, so he made a call home to see if his mum wants supper too. his mum wanted one piece chicken, n i want chicken, coleslaw n whipped potato, but i cant finish that much. dear wanted burger. so in the end, we got a 2-piece chicken set and a burger set. after supper i went home. after talking to dear on the phone, was a little sleepy already, but was still feeling quite full so i tried to sleep half sitting up, with 2 pillows. still, i can't fall asleep, and the full feeling got worse till i feel bloated. i was thinking, mayb i should try to burp, or worse come to worse, vomit to make myself more comfortable. so i went to the toilet, stood over the sink n started burping, instead, i cough once and everything started gushing out. my mum woke up and was shocked. then i got scolded for stupidly vomitting into the sink, as if as i could help it... After i cleaned up, i called dear and asked him if he was feeling unwell too cos i wanted to rule out the possibility of food poisioning. he said he was ok, so i guess it was indigestion problems again... thereafter, i fell asleep very quickly...

Saturday: Woke up and called dear. "original" plan was to watch the vcds we got till dinner time and then watch soccer at my place. but his pal, alex called and asked for a boardgame session. Since its been more than 6 months i've met his frds and played boardgames, and plus the fact that, i'm waiting for doc's confirmation that i've completeed chemo after a scan next week, we decided to abandon our plan and met his frd at minds cafe for boardgames. I've never had so much fun! we played diviends, samurai, monopoly: lord of the rings edition, some willage/clans game which i forgot the name and game of life. during monopoly, i bit the hand that fed me. alex exhanged one property with me so we could start building houses and hotels, in this case was something (i can't remember) and fortress. after i succeded in building all 3 fortress on my properties, poor alex landed onto my property and had to pay 1200 bucks, in this case, power. he did not have that money so was declared bankrupt and we ended the game. dear was laughing n laughing... i really had such a great time that i didn't mind missing part of the 8.40pm matches.
we left the place close to 8.45pm and went over to parklane side to see what we could get from the foodcourt to add to the dinner my mum had kept for us. In the end, we got 9 pieces of yong tau foo for less then 4 bucks, again, my memory fails me cos i cant remember the excate price. we left the foodcourt saying it was quite worth it cos it's at least 50 cents cheaper then other places. near the taxi-stand, we got ourselves a ramly burger and a cheese hotdog. we ate the cheese hotdog on the spot while waiting for our burger. it was so-so only, cant taste much cheese. as i still cant take chilli, n had requested for no chilli burger, we saw the hawker add (to what it seems to us), chilli powder. so dear said again, no chilli, the hawker smiled and nodded his head. then i saw him putting chilli sauce onto the burger and secretly hoped that it wasn't ours, but it was... so i hoped again that the chilli was not hot at all on the way home in the cab.
we reached my place, heated up the food, changed and settled down to start eating while watching soccer. to my surprise the yong tau foo was good! the soup was tasty. some young tau foo soups are too bland with the bean taste overpowering, some just taste like salt water, cannot taste the beans or the ikan bilis. but this soup had the beans and ikan bilis taste while not too salty, it was just nice and wonderful. the ingredients we took were all so fresh although it was already close to closing time! the fish paste on the ingredients did not taste fishy though it was out for a whole day already, and it was tasty and u could taste the fish, not like some, just overpoweringly peppery. the beancurd did not have a tinge of sourness and the beansprouts looked like fresh bought from the market, not blackish at all... Now, i'll have to eat it again b4 it ends up on my favourite makan places list cos consistency counts too... As for the ramly burger, dear had to eat it all up, cos there was indeed chilli sauce and dear said it was a bit hot, so i dare not even try.
after the matches, i went over to dear's place to sleep, something which i haven't done for more than 6 months too... felt like it was back to the good old days. but b4 we slept, we watched vcd... hehe...

Sunday: dear woke up earlier than me as usual. when i woke up, his mum was preparing to go to the airport to fetch his dad home. we bathed and went to central for lunch, bought a cashbox and change vcd again. he was planning to mit the guys for boardgames then dinner then dota, so i will tag along till dinner. since they were planning to mit ard 4pm, we decided to squeeze in a chinese movie cos it was only close to 2pm when we got back to his place. while i was watching the show, he and the guys were messaging n seems that plans will be shifted back cos one can only make it at 9pm. so it would be dinner 1st, then boardgames then i go back home while they dota. so in the end, we were only miting at 6pm. so after the chinese movie, we watched 40 year old virgin. after the movie, we quickly got ready and took a cab down to mit the guys. it was raining very heavily.
dinner was at rex restaurant. its a muslim eatery but selling chicken rice and zi char. we ate chicken rice and shared a you tiao sotong (squid/cuttlefish paste stuffed in dough fritters and deep fried). the rice was fragrant, soup was nice and tasty, not overpowering with msg, but the chicken was average. the you tiao sotong was yummy! i think its the best you tiao sotong i've ever eaten, cos it was so crispy, not like some others, not crispy at all. definately have to bring my family there to try the food one day.
after dinner, we walked over to minds cafe but it was full house. since alex brought modern art to return to dear, we decided to find some place to play modern art instead. we settled at the foodcourt. after one game, it was almost 9pm already. dear insisted on sending me home, while i told him i can manage myself. but still he insisted, hehe... so while his frds made their way to the lan gaming place to "book" computers, dear and i made our way back to my place. i love ramly burgers, so i wanted to try the burger again. this time, i supervised the hawker and while he was reaching for the chilli sauce bottle, i told him dun want chilli. haha, so in the end i got my chilli free ramly. when i reached home and started to feast on my ramly burger, i felt that it wasn't as nice as always. dunno why, but it just wasn't as nice. so i kinda lost my appetite, and finshed only the sweet hamburger bun. i wanted to know why it just didn't taste just as nice, so i took the egg and mayo and black sauce away from the patty and tasted only the patty. i could taste only pepper, it just tasted meatless. though i could take the spicyness, i threw it away...

Monday, woke up kinda late and couldn't make it in time for brunch like my parents planned. instead it was almost 1pm when we started lunch at zi yean at lengkok bahru. we had dim sum and porridge. the fried shrimp wanton and shrimp dumplings were good. the rest of the food was just average. then we wanted to go to jurong phoon huat to get some baking stuff, but my dad spilt his coffee and had to go home first to change. i had brought home dear's modern art the night b4 cos he did not have a bag with him. and i left the cashbox at his place first cos it was kinda heavy. so since i'm gog home, i could get his game, chocolate (yue's xmas gift for him) and umbrella (which i also brought home) and bring it to him. so i called him and it was decided that when i reach his place i'll call him again so we could get back our own stuff.
reached home, took the stuff, dad changed, and we're out again. bought quite a lot of stuff at phoon huat and went over to dear's place. got each other's stuff and i went home. my mum wanted to make the almond cookies cos we already received orders, but my sis did not wana go out for dinner. so we had dinner at home and started on the cookies at 9pm. by the time we finished 3 recipes, it was already 1am... chatted a while with dear and went to sleep.

Tuesday: Woke up at 8.30 cos i had to go for bloodcount at the clinic. dear accompanied me cos he took leave to work from home. dad was ard too cos he's on leave till hari ray haji. mum was ard as usual. my white blood cell count was 2.5, so dr hwang said no need booster. after the checkup, we went over to wisma c-jade express for breakfast. it was really crystal jade standard, not bad, above avg.
as my toner is running out, i had to get it from my consultant at robinsons centerpoint. i wanted to ask her about some products too cos i'm starting to have wrinkles due to the dehydrating effect of radiotherapy. on the way, i saw a poster outside isetan wisma saying mango has further reductions up till 70% instead of 50%. so, being a mango fanatic, i went to see if i could get anything. i bought a sweater for my sis and a casual pants for myself. since during sales period, there's no aleration, i'm intending to bring it to mum's tailor to get it altered. as we walked further down in the comfort of air con towards robinsons, dear went to the library @ orchard, and i said bye bye to him cos after that he would be gog back home to work. then we passed by ngee ann city's mango as well. but nothing inside caught my eye.
At robinsons, i bought my toner, a deep wrinkle concentrate to save my wrinkling skin, and repairwear day to prevent and help mend lines. total cost, 200+... guys may start to frown and scratch their head wondering y spend this kinda money. but pls understand that at 24 and having wrinkles and not starting to take any preventive measures would end up having a 40 year old skin complexion at the age of 30. then whn i start to go out with my hubby, pple would wonder if i'm bringing my son ard... tt would be really disaterous!
i once watch a taiwanese program and they said due to environmental, food intake, stress and other factors, our skin is really ageing faster then it really should. so ladies at the age of 25-27 can actually start using anti-ageing, wrinkles prevention products. In fact, the earlier you start the better, cos your skin will build up its own immunity against these anti-oxidants, and prevention is always better thn cure. but of cos, i'm not saying gals as young as 16 should start on anti-ageing products. to me, as long as you start spotting very fine lines under your eye, start using. All along, i only had fine lines under my eye, but due to not having my usual beauty regime due to radiotherapy for more then 6 months, dehyration has set in. right now, the fine lines under my eyes have offically called themselves wrinkles (yikes!), and more fine lines are appearing around my mouth area, the excate area where the radiotherapy beams came in contact with. luckily i have a babyface, so i dun look my age. but my complexion now looks older than me! sob sob...

Now, as i end off my 1st offically entry in blogspot, the man u n arsenal game has already played for 18 minutes... back to my soccer match...

Monday, January 02, 2006

New Home...

A new year, a new beginning for my humble little blog. Over the last few years, since it started known as online diary, i've written and typed out 268 entries and that covers loads of rantings. From now on, diaryland will be abandoned while i move and stay here for as long as possible.

For the past month or so, i've been moving all the entries in diaryland over to blogspot and formatting the blogspot template to how i like it to look. so now, dear everyone, pls stay here at the new address now for the lastest entries... Diaryland will slowly ceased to exist...