Sunday, July 31, 2005
so, i went down again on friday to pee into the container for the doc n lab. report came back ystday morning. again, they were abnormalities. doc confirmed it was bladder infection. so now, i'm on a 20 tablet, 3 times daily, course of antibiotics. the antibiotics has a damn freaking weird smell! hopefully whn i finish the antibiotics, the pains n aches will go down as well...
anyway, another sample of my urine was collected again ystday morning whn i went down. i felt so dirty whn i went down actually. mum woke me up n said she n dad on the way to fetch me down. by the time i got outta bed, combed my sparse hair n changed, they were already downstairs. the pee collected ystday was my "virgin" pee of the day. luckily my panadol taken at 7am was still effective so i had no probs.
it was only till whn we reached home ard 3, tts whn trouble came knocking on my back. i was already 2 hours off my timing for panadol. the ache was coming back, developing into throbbing pain. i quickly took my bath, beancurd n panadol. but, the pain nvr left me, even till 5+. luckily dear was ard to help me apply voltaren for me.
time: 7pm. feeling slightly better, at least i could stand n walk. then we made our way down to Werner's Oven to celebrate my dad's bday. but upon reaching there, it was terrible. the pain started coming back. it was faster then expected cos the panadol should last till 9. when my dad's mum, sis n my cousin n bf arrived, we quickly ordered. whn d potato salad came, i took a bite n took my panadol. luckily my dear suggested we brought it along. honestly, sitting there, i was damn seh. i could not differentiate the music n the noise of pple talking n their echos. even the voices talking on my own table seemed distant. main courses was served. n i could only manage to eat a bit. the mental n physical energy used in sitting up really drained me.
slowly, we made our way back to the car after the dinner n my dad was standing there in the car park, talking to our relatives. had to scream at him to open the car door for me to sit down as standing up was more draining. during the ride home, the pain intensified.
whn we got home, i cant even stand up properly. it was as if my entire waist was taken out. i had to hold on to my dear in the lift n as we walked down the stairs home, my dear had to hold my waist as if holding a vase to support me. thn, my dear help apply voltaren for me. but we had to wait till 11 to take my antibiotics. the pain was freaking unbearable. so since we can take a total of 8 panadols a day, i took 1 as well while taking my antibiotics.
it was only till almost 2am thn i could fall alseep. but i woke up at 2.45... struggled to get the heated pad n heat up the current one i was using. managed to fall asleep only to wake up to an already cooled down pad. repeat the process of struggling to the kitchen to get a heated pad, heating the used one. repeat the process of managing to fall asleep only to wake up to an already cooled down pad. soon, it was time for panadol. struggle, take heated pad, take panadol, managed to zzz...
time: 7+. struggled to get up to take my antibiotics. struggled to get the heated pad. struggled to fall asleep again... vicious cycle ah! soon it was 11... time for panadol again.
time now is 2.30pm. as i finish writing my ordeal n log off, its time to take my antibiotics. but at least i can ocasionally get off the huge cushion on my back n sit up straight on the sofa... moral of the story, never miss yr dosage of painkillers. the snowballing effect can really kill.
Friday, July 22, 2005
at last, finally, i'm done with my 35 sessions of radiotheraphy on wednesday. hooray! yipee! no more to n fro everyday to the hospital. at last my throat can slowly recover so i can take spicy food again. at last my black patchy skin can start to slowly renew itself n i can be from a freaky ugly duckling now, turn into a beautiful swan soon. at last my taste buds can start to taste something real soon. at last, at last...
but, sigh... the aches really get to me. its been a few weeks already, but the painkillers worked really well. only whn i finish my tablets, my ache would come back at nite, but without fever. and whenever i took the painkillers again, it aches disappear real soon. but on tuesday nite, i almost passed out in pain. i dunno how the painkillers started to lost its effectiveness. luckily my dear was around with me to help me endure the pain. now i really dun understand n cant figure out how women can give birth naturally without epidural... horrible ache n pain all the way till wednesday morning. even the last tablet on wednesday morning did not help.
sun set, nite fell... as i was gog to sleep, ache n pain again. this time round, my fever came back. the only few hours i felt good on wed was from 6pm to 12pm. i pratically fell alseep only on thursday morning. ache pain slight fever the whole day. again, only felt good from 6pm to 12pm. so, as i went to bed, it got worse. ache pain fever... only fell asleep today at 9+. the trio never subside. even till now. very xing ku ah... feel so horrible n tired...
Thursday, July 14, 2005
london bombings. suspected suicide bombers. 4 pple have been named. they r said to b british citizens with pakistani origin. wht r they thinking? one was a 30 year old father of one, he should b matured enough to differentiate whts rite n whts wrong. the other 3 are young adults, between 19 n 22, thy may not know how to differentiate whts wrong n whts rite but thy have a huge life, a huge future in front of them, y do it? n jus when everyone is starting to pick themselves up, more suspected packages are sprouting everywhere over england... sigh...
over here, there is a slight bombing kinda news. remb the charitable organisation i was talking abt? well, they're gonna get slammed by me once again. there is a lawsuit that was gog on the past few days. it involved them n the local paper. apperantly, the organisation's ceo had sued the paper for defamation. during the whole court hearings, dirty linen was brought out again n again...
we heard the ceo brings home 25k every month. well, he's a ceo. 25k is nothing to a company. but we're talking abt a CHARITABLE organisation here which runs on donations from the public. we donate so that he can bring a fat piece of meat home every month? mayb this is his only income, but no! he has directorship outside the organisation n one of the companies he invested in has a contract with the organisation. talk abt control issues... besides the fat meat every month, he has 10-12 month bonuses! do the math yrself, its ard 250k... again, all from public donations!
he travels in 1st class on business trips. well, anyone in a business trip would want to, wanting to feel refreshed upon arrival. n their defination of 1st class? as long as the fare doesn't exceed the business class of SIA... wht kinda logic is that? he calls its his entitlement.
he has a merc not bought using the fat meat of salary he brings home, but paid for, again, by the organisation. i understand, he is a ceo, he needs a company car. even maintance n every single bit of cash used on the car is paid for using public donations by the organisation. well, the car's not strictly used for only the organisation, the court heard that his wife uses it too. well, it might b his entitlement.
not only does he has one car, there few other cars n are all assigned a driver. wah, the public donate so much money to waste?
money in the reserves can last for at least an avg of 6 years. so tt means we can stop donating for the next 5 years. anyway, thy only have 2k patients, instead of the 3k mentioned. n patients they themselves have to pay, for one particular case, 240 a month. well, i'm actually thinking whr the 240 goes to.
my parents have stopped the monthly donations. not that we dun wana help the needy. we do want. but if everyone keeps donating, whr does the money go? who knows the ceo may just have a pay increase to 30k a month starting tmr?! nothing can be sure.
everyone is angry cos they tot every cent thy donate is for the patients, but they did not knw abt the fat meat the ceo brings home, not to mention the other staff's payscale. it was made as if we are donating blindly. to solve the issue is very simple. cut the fat meat, cut the cars, back to basics, u are a charitable non-profit fund raising organisation n let it stay this way. n dun just subsidise, pay for the patients fully. make the accounts transparent for everyone to c. i think by cutting 20k of someone's salary monthly would help save lots of patients too.
me... how am i... 5 more treatments. tt's gd news, but how i'm gonna face the world is another. i'm bald in the lower half of my head. luckily my hair is long enough to cover... i've very very ugly "tan lines" on my neck due to the radiotherapy. my skin is burnt only on the sides of my neck, how i'm gonna get rid of this unwanted tan asap is a HUGE prob... i've never felt so ugly b4. i dun even dare to tie up my hair in public... well, another way to look at it is, since there's only 5 more, very quickly, all these will be gone.
but, whn can i take spicy food again? i cant take bcos my throat will burn. literally burn. u can feel the burning sensation down the whole throat. even now my mum cooks without pepper cos i cant even take it. i miss just anything spicy, jus to name a few, bee hoon kuah, laksa, curry chicken, fish head assam curry, maggi prata with loads of curry on it, nasi briyani, black pepper french fries, nuggets/ onion rings/ french fries/ anything deep fried with loads of chilli sauce on it, indian rojak with loads of gravy, bbq stingray, crayfish and clams in chilli gravy, mee siam, mee rebus, murtabak with loads of spicy mutton n curry, kuay teow goreng thai style, nasi lemak with loads of chilli, shou gong mian with loads of chilli, just anything spicy... think i named too many, hehe...
time to go dream abt my fave bee hoon kuah...
Thursday, July 07, 2005
we should stand as one as we face threats against illness n diseases that might take away our lives. things like cancers, aids and other terminal illnesses. all of us would have at least one family member or one distant family member or friend battling or once battled against these "health break downs" in order to survive and live on. time n energy should b put in to research for better cures n medication. n we should stand as one cos we r all human beings...
we should stand as one as we face threats against nature that might take away our lives. things like famine, drought, typhoons, floods, earthquakes, etc... although some places are free from these, that does not mean we would not suffer after effects when these things happen. look at the tsunami event tt affected places like phuket. phuket should b an earthquake free area, but it suffered due to the after effects. time n energy should b put in to help these pple without food n water. time n energy should b put in research on how to prevent the rivers from flooding their banks or how bulidings can be built to withstand earthquakes, etc... n we should stand as one cos we are human beings.
we should stand as one as we face threats from the food we eat. things like madcow, bird flu, etc... these no longer affect only the animals, they r starting to affects us as well. time n energy should b put in research to stop them from spreading to humans n better cures as well. n we should stand as one cos we are human beings.
we should stand as one as we face threats from epidemics. things like sars, ebola, etc... these viruses and bacterias threaten to wipe out mankind, which is us! time n energy should be put in research to better immunisation against these. n we should stand as one cos we are human beings.
what we should not do is to kill each other. we are ALL human beings! so what if we are coloured differently? so what if we speak differently? we are ALL HUMANS! why is that so hard to understand? as we battle all threats talked abt above, y should we spend time n energy battling against brainless scumbags?!
again, we dun have a choice, these fucking scumbags are totally brainless. they go round killing innocent, from new york, to madrid, now london... y exterminate yr own species? arent thy afraid that some other species will try to exterminate us humans as well? these fuckers are damn blardi sickos. no amount of vulgarities can express my hurt n anger.
wht is g8 for? its being held in scotland to discuss issues to make the world a better place to live in.
wht is olympics for? its to show friendship n unity thru a world sports event.
but here we have, some fucked-up bastards/ bitches who have no sense n conscience at all blowing london up n suspending their transport network. its the 1st day of g8 with prime minister tony blair in scotland. its jus a day after london won the bid to host 2012 olympics. here, london, in a way trying to promote world peace but central london was attacked for some &%!&@*$&%#^&#&#$ (fill in the blank with words u wana use to scold them. i'm spechless already) pple.
DAMN YOU terrorists. Go to fucking hell. believe in karma even whatever religion u belive in, whatever language u speak in, whatever colour u are in, etc... whtever bad deeds u do now will fall back unto u. whtever supreme being(s) up there will make sure u pay for it n make sure u have yr due punishment. beware. n b very afraid.
Monday, July 04, 2005
viewers need not do anything else, except to submit their names in support for the g8 summit to end poverty in the world n esp africa. moreover, submitting the names r free, just log on to the webby or text in yr name to a number. they want nothing, just your voice. no money, although it would b good to collect some at the same time for the cause.
another one was a locally done thing. this organisation, on avg has abt 4 such charity shows every year. now they have added 2 more. one last weekend, one this coming weekend. during the show, u r encouraged to call the hotline to donate 5 bucks with 20+ cents of telepoll service. n b4 the show, thy'll call you to ask if u had already donated...
my dad told them off b4 whn thy called, "i donate so much, write in to ask for tics to the show, u never reply..." the lady on the line kept apologising n then reverted back to the "have u donated" topic. my furious dad then said "no, i'm not gog to. stop calling me next time for the donations" n hung up the phone.
shows aside, some pple of the public will receive their donation envelopes now n then. with those envelopes, you r encouraged to pass it ard in the office, school, within the family, frds, etc, n get them to donate. my sis n close frds once received their envelope. they call n bug u every 3-4 days, wondering how the funds are coming along.
back to the 2nd show i'm toking abt. this foundations has 6 shows to help 3 different group of patients. 2 shows for each group. this time round was for cancer patients. being a cancer patient myself, i know i'm kinda selfish not to call in n help pple in the same boat as me. but honestly, i need the 5.20+ bucks myself cos i need to go for regular checkups. n partially, i really hate it. the 1st few years, i did donate, thereafter, i jus gave up. with an avg of 5 mil bucks raked in per show, how much really goes to the patients? with now 6 shows every year, that means 30 mil for this foundation!
since the show started abt 10 years ago, the show was merely artistes like Faye Wong, Jacky Cheung singing n d show only lasted 2 hours. now we have local artistes joining in the performance n then show lasts for 3 hours. sometimes whn the calls are "not enough" the show extends. somehow or rather, the segments r enough to last thru the extension, no idea y...
its getting tiring... although its for helping 3 different groups of patients, y cant thy just do a big show once, mayb 4 hours or even longer like live8? in tt case, viewers do not have to keep calling in for so many shows in a year just to help one foundation. one big one once a year, i'm sure tt can raise even more money cos pple dun get the sick n tired feeling of calling n calling. n tt money can b divided in proportion to the number of needy pple in the 3 different group, wouldnt tt b better?
7. I'm too fat for my seat
Scenario: ONE person sitting at 2 tables rooted to the ground meant for 4. The place was kinda empty whn i entered, but there were tables meant for 2 and there were counter seats! there she was, slowly eating her teriyaki chicken bowl, drinking her miso soup n soybean milk. soon, the place got a little crowded due to lunch hour, n luckily, i was again, 5 mins earlier n managed to get a seat for 2 for me n my dear. as i mentioned, she was slowly enjoying the food, oblivious to the growing crowd.
whn she finished her food n soup, she still had her drink. then she took out some pieces of paper n her driving centre green colour booklet, starting writing, looking at 2 pieces of paper with squares drawn on it... all these actions done within half of ONE table! n she's occupying TWO tables! my goodness...
To solve: there's nothing to do abt stupid n buay zi dong pple... sigh...
i hate stupid n buay zi dong pple... if u're one, be careful, i'll bite u...