The urine culture test results was out on tuesday evening. but it's still fustrating n fucked up... after my urine was collected on saturday, it was placed in the fridge to be send to the lab on monday. my mum called up my doc on tuesday morning to check whn we can collect the results as i have to my oncologist on wednesday. so, my doc called the lab, n the lab said it was not rdy. later in the evening, i got a call from the doc, saying the results r rdy n i can collect them wed morning just b4 i go c my oncologist.
so ystday morning, i reached my doc's at 10 n collected the results. upon opening the envelope, it was shockingly confusing as i didn't know to be happy or scared or sad. the results said there was no bacterial growth. but since my doc would only come in later, i went down from shaw tower to mt elizabeth to c my oncologist 1st. i gave my oncologist the reports n he gave a call to my doc. apparently, my doc was one year his senior in college. hearing them speak was damn funny. it went like this...
kth(oncologist): hi, is this dr bain n partners? i'm dr khor here, can i speak to dr yeong?
recep put thru the call...
kth: seng coo, tong hong here. (note the address of names, not dr yeong, dr khor... hahahaha) this is regarding our mutual patient, jasmine. ... ... i'm at my wits ends already, its been 4 weeks she's having this back ache n pains... ... ... see wht u can do to help her...
so after this call, i made my way down back to shaw tower to c my doc. he was equally fustrated n angry at the lab cos since the urine test showed abnormalities, how can the urine culture show nothing. n wht did not even make sense was whn thy called the lab, thy say it was not rdy, thn a few hours later, thy said it was. my doc said sekali jus to push the results out, thy might have mixed up the results or even just say the urine culture had nothing. another reason might becos the urine was in the fridge for one n a half days.
so, another urine sample was collected for the culture. so was my blood! he's gonna send the blood for tests for infections. apparently, between the 2 docs, thy believe i should not have such high fevers (spikes as thy call it) on n off. plus my back keeps aching n whn the trobs n "stabs" comes on, so does the fever. another cause of worry is that this has been for very long already n the area of pain is spreading... but doc said to be patient...
antibiotics given on saturday did not manage to help in anything. i believe if it does help to reduce the infection, i shouldn't feel as much pain n aches...
still, i have to continue my antibiotics as i have to finish the whole course. n of cos, my one every 6 hourly panadol. now one more pill added to reduce inflammation (if any). i feel like a yao guan zi (pill bottle). sianz... honestly, i'm sick of swallowing pills, sick of the aches n pains, sick of not being to be as mobile as before (i cant bend my back!), sick of the trobs n "stabs", sick of trying so hard to sit up straight or walk up straight, sick, just sick...
i wan to be normal... i want the same old me...
i wan to get up from a lying or sitting position without support or having something to pull me up. i wan my waist area to have some strength. i wan to bath standing up without feeling i'm gonna collaspe as i'm running outta strength.
i wan to stop relying on the stupid panadols. i dunno how many fucking boxes i've already taken!
i wana stop relying on the heated pack that gives me comfort from the pain, but makes me sweat like mad.
i wana stop having an additional towel below me as i sleep at nite cos i need my heated pack n i sweat. i wana stop having to sleep with a wet towel beside me on standby in case my fever comes back n i cant get up. i wana stop getting up in the middle of the nite n cant get back to sleep due to the trobs n stabs.
i wana shit normally, n not shit with a heated pack on standby with me, just in case i "kek" too hard n my back aches.
i wan to be able to bend my back to get my underwear from the drawer of my waredrobe n not use my toes to act as a tweezer n pick them out.
i wan to be able to do all these first... at least i dun feel like an old lady who cant be mobile.
between the fustratuion of not being able to eat spicy food n not being able to be mobile, the latter is getting on my nerves more... spicy food can wait, but mobility cant... i feel so useless not being to do the simplest thing of GETTING UP without support. i fully understand how stroke patients feel. only that they can use physiotherapy to help them, but i just ache n pain, ache n pain, trob n stabs, trob n stabs. on good days, i throw my heated pack aside for a few good hours n feel mobile. on bad days, i jus feel like tearing out the entire waist area n connect my chest with my hips n be normal.
i've no fucking idea how many times i cried over these aches n pains robbing me of my mobility. no fucking idea... all i know i din cried so much when i got diagnosed, lost my taste, lost my hair, had black patchy skin, looked like a freak. but my tears dun bring away my fustration. just fucking fustrated. just crying. just waiting, waiting for the next timing for my medication.
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