Friday, December 23, 2005

All I want for Christmas

As we inch closer and closer to Christmas and rejoice once again for the birth of the Holy One, there are so so many things that are just running thru me. hence, the sleepless nite and another of those "early morning" entries.

Dear asked me what i want for xmas. to me rite now, nothing else material will satisfy. During the last one and a half years, many things has happened adn i only hope God will grant me 2 xmas wishes.
1. Health for everyone ard me, my frds, family, relatives, distant relatives, dear and his family, etc...
2. Dear and I will be a loving couple rite till the end of time or our lives, whichever is earlier.

During this one and a half years, both my grandmas got to have their breast removed. in this entry i toked about my downs n my dad's mum and how i n my cousin are freaked out. ironically, i'm down with nose cancer, not breast cancer. next week, my mum's mum is scheduled for the op and weeks of radiotherapy will follow. now that when i'm almost thru n done with it, it seems to be coming back all over again, but to my mum's mum. I'm totally freaked out and worry for all my grandaunts and aunties. toked to my mum a little, seems like my dad did a somewhat like a tumour marking test for breast cancer, but he passed. will it skip one generation? and thru this i know a secret that has been kept from me for 24 years, my mum is adopted. so, although my parents are cousins and my dad passed the test, i shouldn't be that freaked out. but by strictly blood relations, its my grandma n grandaunt who are victims already. I wouldn't want to see another victim to any ladies of my entire extended family. but, i'm still freaked out.

How it started... apparently there was a free checkup by NKF for frequent donors or something like that. my mum, aunt and grandma went. n that was when it was discovered my grandma's tumor marker was high. but it was "traced" to her kidney n liver and CT scan did show something there. n while waiting for further scheduled test and scans for her kidney n liver, she felt pain in her breast. and that was how her breast cancer was discovered. about her kidney and liver, still yet to know the seriousness of it.

Live life to the fullest, how true is that. today, my mum n i went to ntuc to get some groceries. on the way back, we took a cab. whn the taxi driver heard, sunset way, he immediately toked abt the owner of chin huat live seafood and how young he was to die at the age of 52. he said, ren sheng duan duan ji shi nian, jin tian bu dong ming tian shi (life is a short span of tens of years, today u would not know what will happen tmr). live life like its the last day, that would how i wana tell myself from now on and how i wana tell my kids in future. God let me escaped death, I dun wana be so close to it once again so soon. i can never ever forget the look on my radiologist's face when he saw my PET scan and said he wanted me to have chemo straight away.

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