Countdown to 2004

In a few hours its 2004. A new year to start afresh with. Looking back, this year was filled wif ups n downs.. more downs thn ups really.

i had wrote b4, as time passed whtever u do will just be a memory. so let whtever happened be just a nightmare, a memory.... A memory which i really wana forget. i'm free now... Never felt so relieved b4. i said bye to a certain person n it'll be foreva. after doin tt, i felt so relieved. just like havin a heavy load taken off me... just a question tt i'm faced with. am i weird? am i the only one ard me in my group of frds or in the world tt can accept ex-es being as close frds? am i the only one ard me in my group of frds or in the world tt can accept platonic friendship? how i define platonic? a very very close frd who is the opposite sex as u. u go out together, call each other, tease each other, punch each other n help each other, blah blah, whether u have bf/gf or not.

i had 3 very close platonic frds. one became my bf n din tok to me after i broke up wif him. maybe we din know how to tok to each other then. now its just "hi" "bye" kinda tok... i chose to say goodbye to another ex after things happened. dun be mistaken, we were as close as siblings after we broke up, but things jus happened n now i choose to hate/ignore him for life.

3rd one is my Baby. he was my listening ear n one of my closest n bestest frd. Now tt we're together, he's still someone who i tell everything to. Someone who shares all my troubles n probs. usually, somehow u'll wana keep a little stuff from yr bf, but Baby is diff. Mayb he's too close to me tt i just tell him everything. everyone will agree tt its hard to have a bf/gf who is yr bestest n closest frd at the same time. mayb its fate ah? fate, to have a person who is yr bf n yr bestest n closest frd at the same time. hehe... now, i have no more platonic frds, except my Baby... *muacks*

on the 2nd last day of the year, at approx 2.15am, showbiz lost another big shining star. She's Anita Mui. Talanted in every aspect be it performing on stage, singing or dancing. whn u c her perform, u can tell she's very confident tt she's puttin up a good show for the auidence. the song tt i'll always remb is her "why why tell me why..." always sing tt line to my parents whn i was younger if i had questions to ask them. After all these deaths of talented artistes, we have lost some great "teachers". Anita was one to look after the younger generation, like a big sister. Which was y whn she passed on, she had more thn 50 close frds ard her. even tony leung n miriam yeung cancelled the remaining promotion activities for their new movie in taiwan to rush back to hongkong. this is how much respect there is in HK for this big sister.

i hope to get my PT job soon. Louis is giving me a hand. hope i'll get it soon. too much time bumming at home. tt's y i say its a new year... time to start afresh.

Paced's comeback to the cheong scene...

Just came back from Dbl O...Music was ok... Supposed to be retro nite, but the music wasn't tt retro-ish after all. Still prefer Zouk's Mambo nite's mix... Celebrated Jensen's bday... Saw ex-taka colleague, Val there... Still so pretty as ever.. hehe...

Legs are breaking n aching n sore.. some theories/reasons/excuses n wht's not y my "chopsticks" are crying for help...

1) Timing: I haven been cheong-ing/dancing/clubbing/pubbing for 1++, close to 2 years... i tot i literally disappeared/vanished/retired from the cheong scene...

2) Shoes: Heels.. dammit... Standing for a few hours in my Charles & Keith... I think i had flat soles on my feet for most of the time for the last 1++, close to 2 years...

3) Legs: As close friends would know, my darling legs are close to breaking even w/out all these activities... Well, injuries galore... n for the last 1++, close to 2 years, i haven been stressing my legs tt much already...

4) Weight: I think my legs are complaining cos their owner is wayyyyy too heavy.. yesh, time to diet... well, start tmr... n tt "tmr" will nvr ever come...

5) Conculsion: fooking tired... for the last 1++, close to 2 years, i've nvr been so tired b4...

Btw, the same group of pple r miting to go sentosa to sunbathe/play frisbee n volleyball/n those usual stuff excately 7 hours later... i think zzz is a betta alternative... wayyyy too cannot-make-it liao... time for self leg massage liao... I think i need help too... zzz

Xmas... Penny for tots? or just pms?

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle All The Way...

Xmas mood is here n soon it'll be a new year... Countdown starts towards 2004 now...

25th has past. Time to collect money too...

As i start to recall how i spent the past Xmas(es) in recent years, most of them r either at work or wif frds. After so many years, i yearned to really have fun n spend it well. n this year, i have my Baby wif me.

Although some may think its just like normal days, but wht makes it so special is having tt someone important beside you during Xmas. Although we did not have loads of fun shouting the nos. at a countdown party nor did we join the crowd at orchard, it was really a pleasant lovely nite, holding his hand, away from the crowd, having dinner n watching a movie. It was peace n quiet, not too many pple ard, so u can just really ignore n pretend no one's ard, just me n my Baby...

As i'm writing, things are changing. Things have changed for sure. Pple change too... have i mentioned a particular person called me after i wrote tt fateful entry abt "ignoring for life"? seems like nothing happened. Everything's still a standstill. Time? Everyone need time... Shld i sms or call abt the money? haiz...

Things to think abt... A lock's had been there for 10 years n its rusty. it had been locking something so dear to u tt u dun even wana open it up cos u might lose it. U feel that u shld change a new one. But somehow or rather, the key to the old one is lost. since u're not gonna open it up, shld u use the new lock n leave the old one there? or shld u cut the old one away? Since the old one's redundant, y leave it there? but it has faithfully held it for 10 years, it does have some significant memorial value, rite? penny for tots, so how?

Mayb u guys shld just ignore the above 2 paras... think its the pms thingy kicking in...

Golden Horse Awards 2003

A few days back, a sad news came in... A very talented stuntman/actor Blacky Ke Shou Liang died. Rumours are saying he died from a asthma attack, some say he died due to alcohol overdose. 6 years back, ard this time, we lost Zhang Yu Sheng. In April tis year, we lost Kor Kor. now we lost him. Mayb cos i'm a media person, so i tend to be very saddened/disturbed by such news...

but a piece of good news... so far we had a few singaporean entries in the Golden Horse Awards, like Fann Wong for Best Newcomer in The Truth of Jane & Sam. Now Megan Zheng has done us proud by bringing home the award for Best Newcomer for her role in Homerun. Well, SG movies, overall, haiz...

Where have all the good film makers gone to? its true that we won awards in film festivals overseas but as for commercial films, we still suck. so wht if SGD was pumped into Jian Gui, the movie which won Angelica Lee the Best Actress award in Golden Horse? She's a Malaysian, not a Singaporean. We need actual SG commerical films coming up, wif full SG cast n crew! I guess tt'll do us proud. Homerun has at least done the minimal now... Where are the rest?

1st eruption during Gunbound...

I need to take a break from Gunbound, so I'm here blabbering again... up-ed a few lvls since the last i toked abt it here... Now i'm double golden axe, rite smacked in the middle of the whole ranking thingy. almost lost it again just now, so i guessed the conclusion is tt i'm not geting any betta at all. all started whn 2 gals came into the room whr me n my frds were playing. we wanted to play a 4 on 4 game n each side had 3 filled. these gals made a switch of teams w/out asking. one of Baby's frd had no choice but to go over. i mean who doesn't wana play wif yr frd? since u wan n this kinda situation happens, at least have the courtesy to ask! if not just find another room to play in! how can u break up other pple's teams like tt!

the whole game i really wasn't concentrating playing... whn the game ended (n of cos we lost), these gals even asked if thy could have a gals team. I said no changing n if thy wana have a gals team, play somewhr else. n there n then i left the room. so danm fed up! i was fuming!!! if i'm normal, usually i'll just "wtf?" n oblige... to think tt now i stormed outta d room... Baby n another frd then msged me, askin me to come back... i said no unless i play in the same team as Baby...

I've never ever flared up while playing Gunbound... this is the first... argh! n from then on, i kept losing... guess my mood's spoilt already... haiz...

Am I getting betta?

Time really flies... As of today, Baby n i have been together for a month already. time really flies n its had to catch it back. once u lose it, u'll lose it. N whteva happens during the time tt has gone can only become memories. bitter, sweet, sad, happy, whteva the emotions tt had happened, its all up to u to make it happen.

on tuesday, i had a choice to make mysself happy or sad. Either i turn up for the miting n c someone whom i dun wish to c or speak to or i stay at home n get updated. i chose the latter. not tt i really dun wana speak to tt person, buti dun wana risk getting blamed if something did happened. louis is rite, he's just waiting for things to happen. waiting for wht? i'm just saddened by the things tt happened. From a very close frd, buddy, sister, biz partner, i become someone non-exsistent in his life. I HATE liars, n by lying to God abt his promises abt me, i'm really starting to hate him.

hating someone is really really tiring. I dun wish to hate, but if i dun, i'll only b hurt. i feel exhausted, tired n if wifout Baby ard, i think i'll just collaspe one day, emotionally n physically. Mayb i shld not be so dependent on Baby, but i'm really really tired out... I'm trying to live life as happy as i can, as nonchalant as i can, if not, i'll just collaspe. I need a break. mayb i shld just chk myself into some kinda depression clinic or something... i wana scream!!!

am i really getting betta? am i?

FSV 10th anniversary reunion...

Went for the FSV 10th Year Anniversary cum Reunion thingy on Friday. It was held at Soundstage. My year had the largest turnout. Mainly i guess cos our guys r too free, not tied up wif work cos most of them are still slaves to the nation. But there are only 2 gals including me from my module! the rest were mostly from mod A. seeing everyone plus the walk ard the studios n facilities bring back lots of memories n nostalgia feelings...

3 seniors toked abt the industry n their own feelings abt the reunion. After tt we had some light snacks. i din eat a bit cos it din seemed yummy enuff. After the break, there was a short clip shown. it was edited by one of the pioneer students (who's a lecturer thr now). The clip had shots of almost all the students whom thy managed to get hold of from past projects. I think the mastermind must be Jacqueline, out studio lecturer. Most of the tapes are still wif her! Almost the 100 pple from my year were shown in the clip n we had a good laff.

We went upstairs to the studios n took a look at the facilities. I remembered the times where we snatched n rushed for the avids n editing machines. There's a plenty now n looked more like a factory. so many sets!!! Whn we went upstairs, i recalled the bitching sessions held almost daily outside the 9th floor toilet. It was also the smoking point...

I really miss the feeling of doing productions. miss the slack feeling of doing productions in school. miss the "i'm elite" feeling whn i'm studying cos FSV is the ONE n ONLY film school in singapore n we know all the cock n bullshit techinical stuff tt others dun. I miss FSV, i miss the studio life, i miss production life... All this nostalgia feeling gog thru me, i betta stop.. dun wana start crying n thn i'll start cryin non-stop for no reason at all..

Personality Test

Took a personality test at http://haleonline.com/psychtest/. Some parts of me are true. some not... some close to it, some far from it... Here it goes...

Webby test: "You're an ISFP. You're gentle and compassionate...open and flexible...considerate of others and do not for views and opinions on them. Often focus on meeting others needs...pleasant, quiet and kind....at their best ensuring others well-being. Caring and sensitive....modest and reserved.."

My opinion: Gentle? dun think so... Compassionate, depending... Open? Kinda... Flexible, depending... think i'm kinda self centered sometimes, thus i dun think i focus on miting others needs, agian, depending on situation... quiet? nah... Pple who r close to me know tt i'm damn talkative... kind? i think i'm too kind n soft hearted... Caring? shld be lah... sensitive? well as a cancerian, I think i'm overly sensitive...

Webby test: "OK...you enjoy subjects that relate to helping and knowing about people... art ... computers and history classes if these classes are taught with an applied, sensible approach.. and if objectives relate directly to everyday lives...."

My opinion: is helping out my juniors considered? Well, tt's if softball is considered a subject... Art? I do love karaoke sessions n took up ballet whn i was younger... is singing n dancing considered arts? i hate computer n history lessons!!! took thm in secondary scool. hated them. Although i kinda like "exploring" the comp, findin wht the hell is USB port, how to connect certain stuff on my own... n like to know a bit of history like wht happened, how it happened, not memorizing dates!!!! Not formal lessons.. yuck...

Weddy test: "You're somewhat artistic, aren't you? You could probably post a great poem on the Storm Palace, huh? You dislike structure, because it takes away from your spontaneity and freedom. You like leisure, and seek it out. You savor it...probably say "stop and smell the roses"...You have a personal and humorous approach that is unique..."

My opinion: I cant write for nuts! Although i like to come up wif a few lines here n there wif some tune for a song... Yep, i hate structure n love freedom, although sometimes a call for being organised is good... i dun like leisure. i love leisure! I love doing things i love to do wifout any one interupting me...

Webby test: "Patient and flexible..easy to get along with and no need to dominate others. You don't need to lead, and are a loyal follower...good team members... You're trusting and understanding..."

My opinion: patient? dun test me... whn i blow, its a volcano eruption. flexi, hmm, depends... ez to get along? well, ok lah.... dun step on my "pincers" though... true, i can follow the pack n make a good team member... but whn leadership calls for it, i'm a leader... y the hell do u think i'm in a team sports, unlike golf or tennis n enjoy working in a team environment? trusting? definately... till pple start backstabbing n betraying me. tt's whn u really get outta my sight. understanding? dun try me whn its the time of the month. I can be so blardi "understanding" tt u dun wana tok to me...

Webby test: "Love to you is utter devotion and loyalty... when you first fall in love, you may feel consumed by it...."falling in love with love" ...focus on the romance of it all..you are constantly nourishing the relationship... When scorned, you probably retreat and repeatedly analyze the situation internally....When you let go finally, you can be more assertive again..."

My opinion: Issit a thing wif cancerians again? whn we female crabs fall in love, its of utter devotion n loyalty... we fall in love hard... fullstop... period...

Webby test: "You organize things according to their personal and humanistic values. You like a work setting that contains cooperative people... leadership style involves personal loyalty as a means of motivating others... prefer team approach...likes to enjoy life..."

My opinion: read above.. a bit redundant...

Webby test: "Be careful of the following: you can lose out when you neglect your own needs. because you see others' needs so clearly, and because you're heavily motivated toward meeting others' needs, you may overlook your own requirements. You need to learn how to respect own needs more and to be assertive and direct with others in asking for their help and for time to take care of themselves."

My opinion: who doesn't lose out whn u neglect yr own needs? the above para only happens whn i become so obsessed wif my boy. But so far, i'm come to learnt a lesson, nvr to repeat yr same mistakes... once bitten twice shy... once is enuff... the hurt is too much to bear...

Webby test: "You also lose out when you are afraid of conflict and mismanage it as a result. You take personal responsibility for conflicts and issues that in actuality belong to others. You become hurt and withdraw. Finally, you can lose out when you become self-critical, and do not appreciate your own accomplishments."

My opinion: true... the personal responsibility thingy... happened more then a dozen times... But y issit always me?! hurt n withdrawn? y not? once bitten twice shy... y do u think i was in depression mode for such a long time? i do appreciate my own accomplishments! y the hell do u think i treasure my mini dvs, beta-sps n d-betas so dearly? i check n change the "thirsty hippo" inside the box tt houses my dear tapes every month! raw footage, completed works, whteva, thy are my darlings... i'll not let thm mould...

Webby test final words...: "ISFP: "I Seek Fun & Pleasure"

My opinion: who the hell doesn't like fun n pleasure? doh!

Pig's trotter...

Baby sprained his ankle while playing soccer on Sunday. Haiz, damn injury prone man... Now swollen like ter kar (pig's trotter). Not as bad as the photo his frd took at the hospital, tt looked like an elephant's foot...

Throat was feeling funny on Sunday whn i wnt over to Baby's place after the match. think i'm gog down wif cough. Luckily, its cough... Whn my throat felt so uncomfortable, i almost tot i had tonsillitis cos it din felt like a normal sore throat. went for supper later cos Baby's frd was driving. Reached home abt 3+ n played GB (gunbound)... Leveled up again, now I'm a double metal axe. abt 400 more GP I'll level up again.

Slept till quite late on Monday, n the bus 74 i took had to stop at every single bus stop!!! grrrr, the normal nite bus trip takes abt 45 mins... imagine now being doubled... backside open flower liao... Baby's foot still lok like ter kar... even today whn i went over still look like ter kar... n tt stubborn pig still wana go make specs tmr... haiz...

off to bed now...

Happy Birthday Baby!

Happy Birthday Baby! although u're 22 already, u're still a 3 yr old in my mind... hehe...

Baby, a song dedicated to you here for yr birthday... know which song issit? hehe... go figure... "I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night..."

I feel cold... trembling n shaking inside me... can't believe a frd whom i knew would be so hard-hearted... wht caused all these? who caused them? wtf really happened? just cold... very cold... my heart froze, brain froze, tears just keep running down my cheeks... just whn will i stop weeping? yes i will, whn i'm too damn fucking tired to cry anymore... n that's whn my heart will start to weep n dig a grave to bury both sad n happy memories...

Thank God for showing me a way. By coincidence, i spoke to our mutual friend. Mayb "Papa in Heaven" can feel my heart weepin too... Almost all my close frds know tt, except one, the heartless n emotionless one... the one who's in this big hooha... tt bastard dun even give a fucking damn.

Baby, i need to borrow yr shoulder... think i really need it now... *hugs* too bad u're hanging out wif the guys now... btw, i have more than 2500GP for gunbound now!!! 300 more to level up!!!

Fuck off!

I've made up my mind n decided to ignore one fucker for the rest of my life. one person who has made me so damn fuckin disappointed wif him. one person who forgotten all his promises to God abt me. One person who fuckin refuses to tok to a biz partner cos of his gf. isn't doin biz all abt communication? I'm at a dead end now. I dunno wht to do n who to speak to... A frd of ours or his mum. Cos they are the next 2 closer pple whom can help in the biz. WTF shld i do!? If he doesn't bother to have me in his life thn y shld fuckin i bother abt him? mayb i shld just fuckin drop dead n leave him to settle every shit there is. not tt i wana fuckin bother abt him, i'm more concerned in the biz. Not just only one fuckin biz, its all the big big plans we did together. fuckin bitch, can't she just grow up? y can't she be more matured? y can't ex-es be frds or biz partners?!

Baby, sorry... I promised to cheer up n not to cry... sorry baby, very sorry...

In the past, fuck is the max i'd use in terms of anger level... now, i think i need a stronger word thn fuck. hokkien stuff are already considered "baby" language... haiz...

Gunbound...

Gunbound is soooooo fun!!! Within a few days, i'm now on the 4th level, double stone axe. Its something like counterstrike but cuter n more fun. each player has a machine called the mobile. its all abt team work n shootin down the opponents. But some pple play wifout brains, even though their level is higher thn me. thy dunno how to make the best outta every mobile there is in the team. thy just stand in yr way n even if u have no aangle to shoot, thy blame u if u accidently shoot them. haiz...

Being occupied wif stuff is good, n being occupied wif things tt keep me happy is even betta. Things like gunbound n of cos, my dearest baby... My appetite nowadays improved a lot n baby even say i eat too much... hehe... Think have to control a bit lah, if not become fat pig liao...

back to gunbound.. haha...

My on-goings, chalet, Mcpepper

have not been crying, or almost crying for the past few weeks. been touring, been being wif my Baby, been keeping myself busy... even at nite, i'd have managed to tire myself out so I'd just fall asleep once i "plonk" on my bed. if not, i'd just keep thinkin of my Baby n our happy times together till i fall asleep...

NP softball had a chalet at Aranda Country Club beginnin on Wed. Checked out today... Stayed both nites. There was wireless internet connection, so brought the laptop along on the 2nd night. went off on the 2nd day afternn to meet Baby for lunch, went home to bath n change n get stuff n met Qi in the evening to buy Jiamin's bday present.

McPepper burger is back! yum yum! Just ate it for dinner wif Qi. bought something from Perlini's Silver for jiamin. Hope she likes it.

Later gonna try to play Gunbound wif Baby. Tt game quite interesting, like puzzle bobble like tt, need to shoot things one.. heheh... the interface is very cute too.

Buffet, alphabears, numb toe...

Can tell ah, past few days been playing ard wif my blog. Met up wif jie mei's for dinner on sat. Too bad winn cant make it. we ate at IMM. splendid steamboat buffet! the variety's adequate n the jap-styled soup's great! all for only $20 per pax... went to Mac for ice cream n drinks n I bought 2 "J" alphabears... Heh.. *wink wink*

Friendster's addictive... It's really fun adding yr frds n finding long lost ones... so far, i've 70+ pple on my list, n its growing... hehe...

Just when Baby managed to make the pc n laptop "c" each other in the network, the f***ed up laptop cocked up again. Cannot access internet... Dunno if its becos of the blackout this morning. Well, the contractor had to change the eletricity meter n thus, switched off the mains. So many blardi probs! or issit cos its Acer?

toking abt blackout... Thanks to the blackout, one of the fish died. Dunno if its suffocated to death or died of illness...

Yes, Baby, i know, yr dearest Liverpool (for once givin it some respect n not calling it Liverpui, the club need sympathy) lost 2-1 to Man U at Anfield!!! Muuuahahaha... Forlan again was joker of the day, falling over the barricades near the goal post n got himself stuck there...

Real lost 4-1. How the hell?! I dunno.. I was watching the match too, really damn seh... 4 goals in the first half. Goalie n defenders shouting at each other, Becks, Raul n Figo's face all seh already... Really damn humiliating for Real... more humiliating thn Liverpool...

Anyway, forgot to add an entry on Qi's bday at East Coast on the 1st. She had buffet n bbq... Food quite yummy, esp the satay... Her bf opened Absolut Kurrant n mixed a cup for us wif coke... A bit awful cos vodka always goes nicer wif 7-up... But its still my dear absolut vodka anyway! i drank only a little n jan, chee, clara tot i was drunk cos my face was lobster red... I'm not, just tt my blood circulation's superb! hehe...

haiz, n my toe's still numb...

Genting Highlands

I have a love-hate relationship wif cold weathers... Its so cooling n refreshing but at the same time, it gives me outbreaks. Yes, Genting Highlands gave me an outbreak as a advanced Xmas/ belated bday present cum welcome/ door/ hello gift. 4 bumps on my forehead now... Klooz askin me to zzz early cos of the outbreak, but there's a Champs Leagues match later...

Genting is fun... Well, like always if u know how to enjoy the stuff there. 1 nite is a tad short, but i guess 2 nites will be a tad long. mayb its the check in time thingy. We arrived at 4+ in the morning, got a Q no. at 5.30am and only got to our rooms at 10+... if only we could have gotten our rooms even earlier, lesser time had been wasted. But well, check in time was supposed to be 3pm...

Since, we're all so tired out from the waiting n bumpy bus trip, we zzz for abt an hour n headed to the theme park. Long Qs plus rain made us sit out a few rides like Corkscrew, Tabongunn n the water ride. So we went back indoors n made our money well spent.

Played n played, thn dinner time. After dinner, we went shopping. Bought 3 Jap serials. Money spent on these vcds is the happiest money i spent in Genting so far cos they're nowhere to be found in SG. N cos klooz took such a longggg time trying clothes, Dylon n Eric went missing... Found them back at the hotel corridor just ouside our room. we rested for a while, bathed n caught a movie, The Rundown. The movie's censored, n I hate censored movies! anyway, it cost only 7 ringgit... so much thn SG's ticks, even whn compared to the super off-peak periods.

After the movie, we went to a place all above 21s must go if u go Genting. The Kasino! (Malay for casino lah...) Suggested to Klooz to play the 1 sen (Malay for cent) jackpot. took out 10 ringgit as stake. Din lost any money but won 15 in the end. Klooz got a very lucky hand.. hehe... After casino, all hungry again... cooked our instant noodles n pigged out at Dylon/Eric's room, playing Dai Dee at the same time, sleepin only at 4am...

Woke up at 8am, washed up n off the take the cable car ride down. Damn, phobia of heights kicked in... On the way down, it was still quite ok... On the way up, I was almost gonna cry already... Damn scary... Ate my fave chicken mushroom bechemel at the Delifrance there n bought some local products. Aso my faves like chilli tapioca chip, normal tapioca chips, prune sweets n cashew nuts!

Went back up to the hotel, freshen up, rest a little n checked out. after check out we went to the Galleria to take a look at the whole of Genting Highlands. I kept away from the windows... only peeking ard at the scenery once in a while... We still had a little time on hand, so Eric went to the casino, while I went to get my Baskin Robbins 31 Ice Cream!!! Yummy!!!! I love Baskin Robbins. my childhood taste...

We all met back at the hotel lobby, took some pics n headed to the bus to begin the bumpy ride back to SG.

Btw, my ice cream became cream.. haiz... same amt of time spent just like the other time... Mayb the other time, dry ice was used instead of the normal ice... Also, First World Hotel sucks... Big time... The other hotels in Genting are so much betta..

Stone, shit, sleep...

First entry of the month... heh... Anyway, laptop's giving loads of trouble, dad say will bring to acer to get it done later...

Loggin in, I aso dunno wht to write abt... Have yet to finish writing abt the China trip. Just stoning...

Been shitting watery shit the past few days... Not really diarrhoea but just watery shit... Dunno y aso... Haiz, weak lah...

Sleepy... tired... slept at 2+am ystday, only wakin up at 11am... I'm already yawning away now... Where's the energy in me? The energy to stay up almost the whole nite... The energy to survive wif not much slp...

zzz...

Running on XP now...

Been bz backing up data n upgrading my comp. Running on XP now!!! Cleared all those stupid spyware n viruses... Its like having a brand new comp... So shiok...

Besides this, helping my coach aso in his FJSS softball carnival. Not too bad, keepin myself bz till the end of this month. Will start my driving lessons next month...

I just realised some things... Firstly, I tire easily.. very easily.. I slept at 2am+ ystday n only woke up at 4pm+ today, n now i'm already yawning away... Whn i opened my eyes at ard 10am, my eyes just closed back, just too tired to get up.

Secondly, I'm the most vulnerable at nite. Maybe in the mornings whn i just wake up, my brain's dead, not working, just a blank mind, just stoned n half awake... At nite, whn i'm most active, cos i'm a nite owl, if i dun do anything, i'll feel at a loss, just feel like crying... mayb goin for driving lessons a bit dangerous ah?

Thirdly, i'm very thirsty... Just feel like drinking n drinkin...

Fourthly, I've no appetite although i'm hungry... I can only take a few bites n thn after some time, the hungry pangs kick in again. I force myself to eat whn i'm outside cos there isnt any "biteable" small sized treats with me.

Last but not least, I'm putting on a mask in front of everyone. I may be toking, chatting happily whn i'm wif anyone, but once i'm alone, the sian-ness n down-ness kicks in, n if i dun keep myself bz, i'll feel loss n start to cry... so whnever i'm on the bus, i'll watch tvmobile, if not play mahjong on my hp... i need pple to tok to n keep me company. Asking abt the condition is ok, but pls dun probe too much if i dun feel like toking abt it...

Thanks to everyone who have shown me care n concern all this while. Luv ya all! God will bless good pple lile all of u....

Btw, Yanks lost the World Series title to Marlins. yes, u can repeat again, who the hell are the Marlins...

I need a doc...

Finding the courage to ask my mum to bring me to c a doc n if not a doc, at least wht cresp says, a clinic which can provide lab tests to chk my hormone levels...

Spent the whole aftnn out just now... Lunch, pool, dinner, movie... i was almost on the verge of crying during dinner, but held back my tears cos dun wan klooz to worry. I really din know y... Thinking back hard at wht happened just now n the surroundings. No sad songs, no sad tv shows, nothing... I was just looking down n was concentrating eating my pasta... But I almost dropped tears! y?!I REALLY shld get myself checked. REALLY...

Period is late... by a week... I almost tot it'll not come this month. Really scare me... scared me not in the pregnant sense, but in worrying if my condition might take for a worse. Well, later is betta thn never rite?

To bro...

Wht shld blogs n journals be? Writing abt sad negative stuff or writing abt happy cheerful stuff or shld it be both?

pple close to me shld know I hate being a 3rd party or being invovled in others r/ships. y am i now? y issit tt my closest frd, a buddy, a bro's gf dun like him toking or miting me? however he explains to me, i jus cant understand it. but now i believe n c tt the power of true love is so great. it even can make someone forget his dreams and not do anything. Even if it means distancing himself from close frds of the opposite sex. All becos of a gf who cant accept the fact tt even ex-es can be close frds. am i asking too much? all i hope is just the same treatment... But it seems that i'm losing a frd, a close buddy soon...

i've wanted to let go, months ago... telling him tt remaining as frds wld be best, not as bro n sis, cos no gal wld be able to take it... he din wan, smsed me saying "i'm very impt to him", "someone he'll tok to care n help till the end of time", "someone whom he really care for n treat as a sis"... reading these sms now really sound BS... jus cos of a gal, whom he hasn't met, a gal whom he call "dear", a gal whom he love... he stops calling his sis n cant go out wif her, cos his gf dun like it... well, y cant the gal be slightly mature n magnaminous? n i cant believe the fact tt my bro wld like this kinda gal...

mayb i shld be more understanding eh? give her time to accept n understand eh? haven i been helping? giving advices n stuff? haven i stop calling him for soooo long, only calling him to dicuss impt stuff... n to think i lump everything together... how productive is tt...

mayb its time to let go... being as norm frds is betta... as a sis, u're like obliged to help n whn u do, u get blamed in the end... saying tt u're giving extra pressure... who's giving pressure to who? did he ever stand in my position n think?! since its so stressful to handle a gf n a sis, u have to let go of one... and since i'm already willing to go, pls let go... if u ever got to read this... pls let go... only whn there's biz to discuss thn contact... But, he even hardly contacts me for biz discussion... am i a biz partner or wht?

where r the times tt we discussed biz, brainstorming like crazy over the phone? maybe its me n my condition, which u dunno... mayb u prefer love to bread... prefer toking to yr gf thn toking abt biz, brainstorming n stuff... mayb i'm really not impt to u anymore... if i'm not, pls let go...

where r the times u called me to try to spare time to go over to yr place on weekends cos u miss yr sis, n wan the family to have a meal together... now i'm not even allowed to step into yr place... mayb the gal loves u too much, so she dun wan me to step into yr home... but like wht u said, yr home is my home, cos yr mum treats me like a daughter... n now?

yah.. have to give some time.. how long? no one knows... but does tt means the day she cant understand n accept, we'll be forever distanced apart? if tt's the case, thn we're not siblings anymore, its seems more like just norm biz partners n frds... anyway, we're aso not blood siblings... I'm just disappointed in the way u handle stuff...

just hope u'll not forget yr dreams, yr immortality plan n yr promises to God n ah keong jiu jiu..

No idea wht description to put... Brain dead...

I'm dead tired... Not doing much aso can tire out so easily...

Will continue the China trip thingy most prob tmr... Just dun feel like writin... Mayb lazy, mayb no mood, mayb... I dunno...

The guys team played their first league game today at 9.30am in the morning. I only got up at 8.15am... took a cab down to Kallang... Just feel like slping n slpin n not waking up... Not waking up forever. Papa in Heaven, pls forigve me for harbouring these stupid tots, mayb I really have nothing betta to do... Mayb I really feel useless n its not my worth staying here. Mayb I shld be wif u...

Time to hit the sack n wake up at 7.30 for World Series Game 2... New York Yanks vs Florida Marlins. FLM lead series of best-of-7 1-0. Yanks must win the next one cos the 3rd, 4th n 5th games are plsyed in FL... Home advantage mah...

Just touched down...

Just touched down a couple of hours ago. China's great! Except for a few certain things. Will tok abt them tmr...

Too tired now, sleepy... haven got any good sleep in China. Y? More of it tmr...

Put on some weight. Y? more of it tmr...

Throat very dry n irritated. Skin on my legs are cracking. Fingernails n cuticles in a mess. OUTBREAK!!!! Y? More of it tmr...

Bought Baileys n Absolut Kurrant at DFS!!! Yummy!!! Not to mention dirt cheap too! Gahmen make us pay so much tax considering the shop at DFS need to make some profit too... Thy stop selling ciggies though... Haizzz...

K, zzz time... Will tok abt the trip tmr... zzz

Dear Absolut...

Its so tired tryin to keep busy. After I came home from My Teacher, Mr Kim (more on tt movie later), washed up, changed, I watched tv till 2.30am as usual till all my HK serials finish. Did a bit of packing and wanted tv for company again cos I was defragin my comp. No shows!!! I almost wanted to cry on the moment I was flippin away n I couldn't find any to watch. Then I settled on espn's sportscenter which keeps repeating. Wht's there to keep me occupied?

Guess I had no choice but to turn to my dear friend, Absolut. Let me introduce Absolut or Ab or more commonly know as Vodka. It's manufactured in Sweden, so says the bottle and it came back wif my dad just now at ard 10+. He bought the plain one... Absolut IS good!!! darling of the day, my hero... Jas' version of Screwdriver, Vodka + Grapefuit juice. Not like I wanted it but there's no 7-up or Ribena at home. Prefer 7-up or Ribena 100 times betta. Maybe whn I come back i shld go for Blackcurrent or Citrus... *sniggers* This is damn great, cos I'm starting to feel brain dead n sleeply!

B4 I really cannot take it n go to bed, just talk a bit on the movie. Great movie, beats any Hollywood crap thumbs down! May I add its very touching too... A teacher was posted to a rurual primary school. There he discovers what teaching is really like and goes thru happy n sad times with the entire enrollment of 5 kids. Unfortunately, the school gotta close down. The closing shots of the movies whn the credits rolled showed some B&W photos of a school. Somehow I think tt the school did exsited in Korea, characters might be fictional. Reminds me of the primary school in Pulau Ubin... Was forced to close down as there were not enuff students, just like wht's potrayed in the show. maybe will do some web search to find out...

Yankees won the series 3-1! As usual, my darling Derek Jeter made a very good play this morning... He caught the ball in the air and even b4 he landed, he made a one bounce throw to get the batter out at 1! Isn't tt so power?! *swoons* Shuai dai le... After the game, he was being interviewed. He's my fave MLB player for so long already, but its the 1st time I heard his voice! Heh! How I wish I can be like him, the best SS ard (n I'm only toking abt skills, looks toked abt seperately)... Jeter is the MLB version of Becks n Becks is the soccer version of Jeter. Good comparison eh? hehe... Benefits those reading who dunno who's Becks or Jeter... Interesting fact, both 1st names start wif "D"...

Cannot take it... gotta log in Neopets to get freebies n thn zzz... Absolut's gooooooooooodddddddddddddddd...

Espn the whole damned day

Becks played just now. Real Madrid won 2-1.

"You are connected to 132,147 people in your Personal Network, through 24 friends." Friendster's fun...

Screaming n shoutings continued today. What the hell am I doing? Cried to slp ystday nite, apparently, I'm not tired enuff? Wait till I get my hands on my Absolut Vodka, I'll make sure I'll slp the minute I hit my tatami.

The whole day, the tv's on espn. Showing games and sports that I've no interest, just need to keep myself occupied... Drank the remaining half a bottle of Vodka Mudshake, yummy! Maybe I haven been drinking for a long time, my brain's a bit dead. Good!

Something's wrong wif Dilys.. Will call her when I get back. Wonder how much are the ciggies over there and if I can bring back some for my dear frds.

Wreckage is me...

Keeping myself in check... Soon this blog will become sorta like a medical report... Heh...

Crying, nope, checked...

Feel like crying, yesh (many times), checked...

Shouting n screaming, yesh, checked...

Feeling empty n loss, yesh (when i'm not doin anything), checked...

Stomach growling, yesh, checked...

Appetite, nope, checked...

Total food ingested: one can of green tea, few sticks of Long John Silver's fries, 1/5 piece of LJS chicken, 4 pieces of LJS shrimps n 3 pieces of LJS calamari...

I have to keep myself bz... If not i'll be on the verge to start crying... Like just now, on the way home wif my mum in the cab, made myself pay attention to the lyrics of the songs playing on the radio. Fell asleep in front of the tv, wht choice do I have... I dun wana be sobbin while trying to sleep...

*Snap outta it* how? I'm asking myself. Bz, i must be bz... neopets, friendster, irc, icq... No to sad stuff on cresp's advice. So if i'm at home, i target sports n funny shows to watch. No songs for me now, can't be bothered to dig out the happy songs in my collection of mp3s.

One of my jie meis getting married next year in Dec... Time really flies. So happy for her... I know i'm happy for her, deep down in my heart, but, I can't c myself smile...

Even whn Man Uted won the match just now... I was "yay-ing" away in the channel, but, i dun c myself smile...

I feel like i'm a total wreck... Total wreck... Wreckage is me... Dun call me Jas, call me Wreck...

Depression.... Depression...

Its true... I think i'm in a bout of depression thingy. I really dunno why... It's been a month already, a fucking long month, the longest period I ever had.

I keep telling myself I'm ok, I'm fine, I'm happy but somehow the hormones got my brain. Here I am feeling miserable not knowing the fucking reason why. Here I'm crying for no fucking reason. For one whole fucking month! Argh! WTF!

I can't tok to anyone not even myself. I even lost my own pillar of strenght inside me. y? Mayb I've been stayin at home doin my own stuff? I don't even have the fucking paitience n mood to play neopets, searching for items at a low price n selling them at a higher price. Hope the China trip will cheer me up... Hope... Toked to cresp, our trivia's pharmacist who has very good medical knowledge, he said "in depression no motivation to do anything". I think i'm really in depression.

For the past 36 hours, I've only ingested one plate of sushi (conveyer belt size), a chawanmushi and a cup of Horlicks. My mum cooked dinner just now, all i ate was an equavilent of 1/8 of a potato n 1/4 of a leaf of cabbage. For desserts 2 tablespoons of ice cream n half a bowl of bird's nest. And to think bird's nest is my fave, I only managed half a bowl. My stomach's calling for help, but I dun feel like eating. Hope I dun get any eating disorder.

Channel 8's showing a new serial now wif Zoe Tay suffering from post-natal depression. Damn it! I really behave like her. Whn i c her, i c a mirror image of myself... The screamings the cryings... I really dunno wht to do or wht to think abt ystday, so i went to zzz and left my nick in irc as pacedsob. Whn i woke 5+ hours later, some of the closer pple in trivia pm me, showing their concern... Thanks guys, you're all the best irc frds i have...

The only alternative is the next alternative...

IVP 2003's officially over. Gals got 3rd, guys got nothing. It's like "as per normal", guys get nothing every year and this year's team in comparision is kinda strong to yesteryears. Haizzz... Next year will be a betta year, i really hope.

i was thinging abt something just now. Shld a person in life have very good frds or very close buddies.

Frds are like always there for u, u can tell them everything wifout worrying.

Buddies are aso always there for u, but u can't tell them everything cos u dun wan them to worry for u and most of the time you're taken for granted cos there's no word of thanks or sorry. The relationship between this group is funny. Normally, u'll listen to the advice of pple who are your "buddies", but because these real buddies are really too close, so some how or rather, u'll just ignore wht thy say even if it makes sense. Rebellious nature? Mayb. Thanks to Adma n Eve who passed us this rebellious nature? Excuses... can choose not to but well as guys always say this excuse "wait till i find the rite one lah, i die for her aso can"... well well...

Its the end of Sept. Shld be ready to pack soon. Who knows, die in a plane crash and wht i said n who i adviced on will aso not regret not listening. Mayb all this while I'm toking nothing but just rubbish pple dun seem to care whn i care. or issit back to the rebellious nature excuse again? Hmm, mayb the SQ fight shld change to China Airlines thn really plane crash dunno if there're regrets. Most prob not. heartless pple? Mayb. Learnt something after 22 years of life... Dun give more thn u receive. No one will bother anyway.

You know in those drama serials set in the olden times, pple DO listen to advices n regretted not listening to them after someone-close's death. Doubt it happens in real life now. After all they're just stories n characters in reel life.

Wnt over to take a look at the irc window just a sec ago after finishing the above para. q n bugger playing the op-deop game again, tis time round, on me... Strict ops thingy again.

Whn you're emotionally down, weird ideas just come to your mind. even watching happytreefriends dun cheer u up, nothing does. you'll only cheer up whn u blast away at the person(s) responsible for this and who in the rite mind will let u blast away like tt. I dun. The only way, cry n cry n cry away, at least for me... Tt's my way of venting out my fustrations, blah blah...

Mayb like wht another of my frd said, "lower self expectations esp if those expectations need actions from others". Well, its ok if thy dun listen, I'll just stop toking. No point in wasting my breath... But mayb because i care, tt's y i tok. only way to stop caring is to turn heartless or maybe disappear from this world... cancerians rule by their emotions, so heartless is out. the only alternative is the next alternative...

Neopets. Sis. Champs league. IVP.

Reading blogs and writing them seem to be the things I'll do whn I can't get to zzz and I've nothing to do and maybe a few complains...

Neopets is filled wif kids, kids and more kids. I'm having fun having a home and a shop, although its not happening in real life yet. And these KIDS, oh boy, u know wht thy do?

1) After u buy up all their nonsense loss-making items in their shop, thy neomail u asking u to be their neofriend.

2) Thy dun mind making NO profit or any loss by selling their items lower n lower wif every search wif the shop wizard. Let's say u price yours at 77, they'll price it at 76 n then another will price it at 75 n thn another at 74. Adoi, can't thy just buy up the lower one n sell it slightly higher? Even if thy have no more money left to buy up, just price it as 77 (or as the lowest price given in the search wizard). 1np is aso money mah. KIDS...

Toking abt kids, the terror kid in my house is getting freaking irritating as the day passes. All I have to do is to ask her to lower the tv vol, and her voice goes louder thn the tv is already. N as my parents hate noise in the house, thy'll go "let her be". She's as spoilt as a frigging brat (worse thn anyone can imagine) compared to those spoilt frigging brats acted out in tv, even spoiler. Mayb she shld be the one acting in those spoilt bratty roles. I really need to move out, can't take these nonsense anymore... Anyone can put me up for free rental?

Opening match for Champs League... Man U won 5-0, Real won 4-2. My Becks din scored, but my Solks did. Heh... N ARSEnal LOST... hahahahahhahaha... Cannot gloat ah, its bad to gloat at pple's loss. hhahahahaha...

Did my nails ystday n today. Not too bad... Hehe... Painted the base ystday, added the 2nd colour, shimmers n flowers (gem stones type) today. Too bad no where to upload...

IVP's on again... NP lost to SP in the opening match, both gals n guys team. Haizzz... 1 down, 2 more matches to go. Hope we can win NTU, thy're not tt good either, matchable... As for NUS, its only hoping n hoping, thy have pitchers n thy're batting's aggressive, wishing n hoping...

Y would pple lose directions in life even whn thy actually know wht thy want. Issit cos thy're just plain lazy to excecute it? Haiz...

No other nonsense, back to neopets to deal wif those kiddys...

Depression? Sian? What the f***....

My entries are "limited edition' stuff cos I only update it like once a month.

Some things just got cocked up, would have gotten abt $25 more next month... Haiz... Huge promotions going on next week n the week after, thus less money on nail stuff n beads this month...

Y issit when I tell someone some things, tt fella will ignore, dun care. And when things really happen, its no point saying sorry and saying will learn from mistake. most of the time, it just happens again. And whn other pple tell tt fella, tt fella will listen. Mayb I shld tok less to tt fella, seems like sometimes really no point toking aso... Mayb God should really take me away cos tt fella dun listen whn i tok, so wht's the point of toking and being ard and getting flared up at and treated like a punching bag and only know how to argue whn i'm trying to tok sense abt listenin to me, things wun happen...

I usually dun think much of TCS 8 modern "life" serials, but kinda like the one showing at the 9pm slot... Wouldn't it be nice to set up a business wif very close frds? You get to c each other everyday, tok to each other everyday. Mayb cos there's an office environment afterall. But its really nice... One of them wasn't feeling well so went back home to rest. The other 2 went over to her place to visit her n even whipped up a meal.

This kinda friendship is so pure untill the love triangles that eventually entangle the 3 of them. Tt of cos, (Lord i pray) will not happen again. Happened abt 3 years back, and that will be the last and only time. Friendships are built on trust and i hope that this trust will only increase and not break.

After today's episode and my "pins n needles" tummy the nite before, really dun feel rite. Sometimes i really think to myself am i taken for granted or friendships should be wht's depicted in the show. Mayb I'm just paranoid that if i should die or hospitalized (which i tot cos the pain was unbearable n i let myself think too much, imagining it was appendicitis), no one would even know... But it's really true when you can actually "count" the no. of frds you have by being hospitalized wif a life-threatening thingy, be it accident or Sars... Btw, seems that Sars might be back wif a vengence...

Mayb I'm just gog thru another bout of depression thingy again, just like how jen describes it... Once in a while, you'll just feel everything's not rite...

Sleepy, nail art, yawn...

Sleepy... Stayed up all nite ystday to watch baseball this morning at 7. Slept till 5pm after the game ended. And feeling sleepy already... No wonder Jester calls me piggy... hmm...

Sometimes really feel like moving out. Too noisy at home. My sis will start throwing tantrums for absolutely nothing n my mum becomes pek chek. Then starts shouting her head off at issues not even related to wht my sis is throwing tantrums abt n begins on her own rantings. Then my dad hears them all, n "world war 3" starts at Clementi...

Been spending money on nail polish, acrylic paints n beads recently. Doing my own manicure plus nail art and DIY earrings at home... So fun! Most of the money goes to these items. Although I tell myself, next month thn I'll get a new colour, but whn a colour comes along n catches your eye, you'll grab it, rite? Haiz, betta control myself a little, cos i cant be drinking nail polish for food.

Was discussing wif PJ that mayb we can pool resources n rent a bazaar stall or something and sell wht we dun want. She had done it wif her sis b4 n thy made a little profit after minusing out the rent. Mayb during the Dec hols as it'll be more convinient...

Sleepy... *yawn...*

Lala-land...

Haha.. been ages since I typed anything here... Not much to write aso... Heh... Been ok with life, no rantings... Just hope that Neopets servers shld buck up a little, getting slower and slower... Dunno why I named this lala-land though...

22 years on Earth...

Woah! My b-day's in 24hrs!

Grand old age of 22. Getting old... Young at heart can liao.. Hehe... But 22 really seems old man... A few more years mid-20s already, and a few more late-20s thn the big 3-0!

Wht have I been doing for the past 22 years? Was in my mum's tummy for the first 9 months. Both my parents working so was taken care by my nanny. Till I was 7, thn I went home cos my parents got a maid. But had trouble with the maid, sent the maid packing and I was back to my nanny's place. It was only till Pri 3/4 that I really had my own room in my own home. My sis came along whn I was having my dec hols in Pri 1.

Had a score of 228 for my PSLE, couldn't get into any of the sec sch my mum n I chose, so was thrown to a sec sch I didn't like. Didn't like but stayed on for 4 years cos couldn't get a transfer out to anywhere. Went to FSV, my interest. The rest of the courses I chose was to just enable me to go to Ngee Ann so if I cant get into FSV, I can transfer in there.

Its the first time I did something I really liked. Quarrelled with my mum becos she wanted me to go JC. Never regretted my choice till now. Stayed in FSV for another half a year to do a short advanced-dvd course and chose to forgo a place in Murdoch Uni (Bachelor of Marketing and the Media, BMM).

Its a uni course that I really liked. I can get to learn abt marketing in the media and media's marketing, with advertising added in. The main reason I wanted this was becos of the advertising subjects tt I'll be able to do. Not copywriting and the arty part of advertising but the maketing and media part. Interesting eh? I'd like to go back to do the course again whn I have the time.

I've written abt the ABC choices thingy entry some time back. So tt's y I'm still here now. Directions changes. Expectations of life changes. Hmm, not quite though. All I know is that I want to have my own time freedom but I'll still have money. Thus, business...

When I have the financial freedom, I may most prob go to Murdoch to persue the course I wanted to. And of course play my softball, and do every single thing I love.

Bday celebration, Becks' move...

Celebrated my b-day earlier last week. Got a hotel room, checked in wif a few frds. Played mah-jong (trying to keep noise level down), talked cock, swam (damn cold swimming pool), buffet breakfast (not too much of a spread), thai express dinner (yummy tom yam, green curry for dinner, red rubies n tapioca for dessert)... No pillow fight though cos we're all civillised pple. Hehe... Really enjoyed myself for these 2 days. Might be celebrating again on the day itself on Tuesday. See arrangements how...

One reason I'm in here is also because Bugger's MIA again... Ping timeout this time round. Haiz... There goes my trivia...

Becks heading to Real Madrid. Sad sad... Y sell Becks n not Veron? Cos Becks is worth more? Cos whn his contract ends in 2 years, he'll be on free transfer n Man U wana earn some money outta it? y? haiz... How I wish he remains in Man U. It's his fave team since young and what beats the feeling you have playing for your fave team? Haiz... Now when there's soccer telecast, I'll have to watch 2 games instead of 1... 1 for Man U (cos my other fave players are still there), another for Becks... Haiz...

Updates yet again...

Diaryland keeps getting clogged up nowadays.. too many pple accessing the blog at the same time? Huge updates? Dunno whether considered or not..

American Idol of 2003 is Ruben Studdard!!! Whooppii!!! So so happy!!! Can't wait for his album!!!

Mentioned that my throwing's off, and now I know the problems. Have to keep practicing till I get it right. SEA Games 2005, I'll reach for you! I must try and go all way out to reach there!

On Sunday, I saw something. I don't know if that's real love, or issit cos being together for so many years, you just can't live without each other... Well, well, I not in a position to comment about love, am I?

Mind's in a blank.. Dunno wht else to blog... Haiz...

Man U are Champs Again!!! AMI2

Remembered to blog these things down while in the cab just now...

Man U are Champs AGAIN!!! Eight titles in eleven years is a great feat! Yesh, we snatched the title back from ARSEnal back. (note how I emphasize on the arse?) So happy! But rumors of Becks gog over to Real Madrid isn't dying down. Hope he'll remain in Man U... Haiz...

I caught this season of American Idol. It's the 2nd season running. The first season's champ, Kelly Clarkson has just released her album. It's now down to the final 2 for this season. Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuben Studdard n Clay Aiken (aka - in my opinion - the sissy n broadway guy). I was supporting Kimberly Caldwell and Ruben since the start. But Kim was voted out a few weeks earlier... Don't understand y the always off-key singing of Carmen managed to let her stay a week longer thn Kim... And Treynce, wif imitating Brandy's n Whitney Houston's voice could even stay longer!!! When it was down to the final 3, with Kimberly Locke, I wanted a Kim L n Ruben final, cos Kim L's voice is versatile wif a huge range. Too bad, Kim L was voted out. Americans are either deaf or blind. Deaf cos thy cannot hear who can sing n who cannot. Blind cos they are blinded by their faith n "ba chu ta stamp". Hope my Velvet Teddy Bear will win the competition. Go Ruuuuuuuuuuben!!!

Where are my baseball matches?!?!?!

By the way, stupid ESPN still not showing the baseball matches!!! Argh!!! Pek chek!!! Wonder have to wait how long more... Sianz...

For the past 30+ days....

Freaking long since I've updated this thing. No time, can't be bothered to, nothing to blog about, too busy, forget to blog, all sorta reasons.

Played pool on n off throughout this long period of not blogging. Think I've improved slightly. Just that my posture n basics still sucks.

Went to Melaka on the 2nd n 3rd of May for an upgrading training program. Damn shiok! The feeling of everyone coming together for th same goal, striving and encouraging each other to move on. The hotel I was staying in had a shopping mall opposite it. In the shopping mall, there was Dunkin Doughtnuts n Baskin Robins Ice Cream!!! So happy. Bought half a dozen of doughtnuts and 2 pints of ice cream back to SG. It's been so many years since I last tasted these "childhood" tastes. Reliving my childhood days when eating those doughtnuts n ice cream. Haiz, if only there are these outlets in SG now... Scrimping on my ice cream now... Taking only a spoonful every other day...

Since the 12th, we had a softball camp in Ngee Ann. Went back to train with the team. Did 200 duct-jumps and push-ups, sprinted, ran, did 100 sit-squats... Quite a bit of physical for someone who haven been gog through all these for so many years. And after these years of playing softball, I've been gog through the basics which (unfortunately) I haven been taught. Its a really back to zero experience for me since last year. Now, I'm slowly picking up. Hehe... And at last, I can judge fly balls!!! Hehe... Wasn't been able to estimate n judge, now I can... Hehe... So happy... But my throwing's a bit weird, have to practice on tt...

Time to zzz...

Kor Kor, thanks for your "Zui"! Jeter hurt...

Sob sob... No live telecast of MLB games on SG's ESPN yet... Made me so happy for nothing. Checked out espnstar.com n found that they only start telecasting on the 10th... They betta not push it to a later date again... So i chked mlb.com to chk out NYY's season opener's score. Thy won, but Derek Jeter (sob sob...) dislocated his shoulder n will be out of action for a while... Haizzzzzzzzzz........

There's never ending news of people getting SARS, when will it ever stop?! Poly n uni students have appealed for the institutes to be closed during this period, the ministry refused. Now, after a student from NP kena, they closed NP for 3 days n poly staff had to track those who were in contact wif tt student. I was thinking, if only these institutes are closed at the same time as the pri n sec sch n jcs, thy would not have to go thru so much trouble. Pardon me, but I think the authories are just not doing things enuff in order to contain the virus spread.

Leslie Zhang Guo Rong, singer of my all-time fave song "Zui" commited suicide on Apr Fools Day. When I first heard the news thru CNA, I was thinking, wht a crude Apr Fools joke. When CNA reported it again, the news started to sink in, but i just cant believe it. The next day, there was newspapers spread n the entertainment news progs aso reported, it was thn i really realised it was true. Although i still refuse to believe what has happened, the fact is that it has already happened. He's so so talented... "Kor Kor (which he is usually called), everyone will miss you n your songs"

His death reminded me of Zhang Yu Sheng. Although he did not take his life, he was involved in an accident which made him lay in hospital for many days, never waking up n died. The images of him layin on the hospital bed, Amei, Su Rei and other frds holding hands in a cricle saying prayers for him and an inconsable Amei who was crying n crying, all these images seems to happen jus only ystday. Even at a memorial concert on his one year death anniversary, the image of Amei crying on stage, unable to finish her song which he wrote for her, is still so fresh in my mind.

Do talented artists have to come to a not so good end? Y do thy have to pass away this way? Or are there many others who died this way, n jus that thy are in the limelight, we are able to feel the loss to the industry? Do most of them suffer from depression? Tao Zi made a comment on her show which i agree, "Leslie is like 'so up there', many of us would think twice abt calling to chat wif him cos we are jus small fries". So do great artistes have to be lonely?

War, carnival, zzz...

So, war has started. I'm anti-Saddam but not pro-war. Have to disarm this mad fella asap. God knows whn he's gonna stage a bio or chem warfare on the rest of the world.

There was a SRC carnival for softball for the past 2 weekends. The matches were kinda ok, some exciting, some not. As usual, the 'C' division girls games were won on who had the least errors and free bases.

Haven't slept well these few days as had to reach Padang early. Woke up at 9am today, headache, went back to zzz. Woke up at 3pm, still headache plus giddiness... Kinda okie now... Arm aching too, cos din do proper streching before throw/catch.

Meeting Klooz n Pam most prob in the evening later. Mum say go facial wif her in the morning... Gotta sleep soon, but CNA gonna start Fox news broadcast...

Yeah!!! MLB's returning to ESPN starting on Wed!!! Hehe!!! At last! Hope they telecast more Yankees games so I can get to c Derek Jeter... Hehe...

Go to hell wif war...

Go to hell, Saddam!!

March 2003 Update

First miserable entry for March. Never write for too long also dunno what to write.

Been more bz thn usual lately, due to Chris' projects and tests.

Set up a yahoo group for MCSS so all can still keep in touch. Hope more will join in quickly. Planning to set one up for NP Softball grp, but gotta wait for a while more, till the MCSS one stablizes, if not, I'll be in front of the computer for even a longer period of time.

Will try to update soon!

HPT at Funan...

Almost after a month, I type another entry. Always tell myself to update more often, either no time or too lazy. Heh...

I did a HPT at ST today, and I'm only 2 months plus in this biz! So happy! I'm by far, one of the few lucky (& good) ones being in this biz for a short period of time to go up on stage to present! The 1st n 2nd time was to take over from Mao for the product demo after OPP, but today, I did one full presentation! Although I admit I cocked-up a bit and needed Mao to "rescue" me, I was still quite happy wif my results today. I have to brush up on certain things and try to give a perfect presentation the next time round I go up. Also, would like to thank PJ for coming down to support me, and all my others frds who can't make it, thanks for the moral support n encouraging words n smses. Thank You!

Time flies by very fast, considering what has happen within these few months. I could actually c myself growing thru this biz. It has actually made me grew stronger, more confident n as well, made me more mature n think things differently!

Angbows, tv, pirate queen...

Jan's coming to an end... so is chinese new year... yet to count my angbows but i estimate should have a tad little over 300, thanks to a boost of 200 from my parents.

Some things r done, some yet to be done. my adobe stuff r still in the cupboard waiting for a new lease of life on my comp. yet to install nero on my comp too... waiting for the "mood" n a day to finish up all these stuff.

Watching a show now on scv 55... plot's now on a couple... the guy is a useless bum, has a mistress outside. the pregnant wife, or rather soon to be ex-wife filed for divorce n is suffering from stomach cancer. now, she's seeking treatment from a close friend, the "now" gf of her ex bf.. confusing? a bit eh? hehe...

i'm downloading all of the episodes from sex and the city season 1!!! most epis still abt 40% done... boy, i really hate the censorship here in SG... Dun let me get started on it, i'll nvr stop... so, no dvds or tapes or telecast? i turn into a pirate queen! so i say... the censors here r making us turn to piracy indirectly! not tt i'm pushing the blame, its a cause n effect thing, rite? hehe... bleh... "lazy" to argue or debate abt this now...

back to my tv...

Stars...

I thk God heard my prayer. She's recovering fast and can even feed herself now! Thank God!

I was crossing the bridge on my way home one nite. As always when crossing the bridge at nite, I would look up into the sky. The moon wasn't full but yet it had a very nice glow. The sky was slightly cloudy, thus an area round the moon was slightly orange. It was then I realise that rainbows do happen at nite too! I had not done any reasearch up till now or maybe my eyes were kidding me. But I really saw a rainbow around the moon!

Then again on Thurs nite, while crossing the bridge, I looked up again. The sky was clear as it had rained before. The sky was filled with stars, bright stars. It didn't took me long to find myself looking at Orion again. This time I saw the main constellation in full too (I thk I might use wrong terms here, but it's how I understand it). 3 in a row in the middle with 1 slightly ajar from these 3, 4 at the corners forming a quad. I dunno why but whenever I see the Orion, I feel happy. I kept smiling to myself on the remaining steps home. I was thking how wonderful it is if I was lying on a patch of grass with nothing tall covering my nice aerial view of the stars. This is one of the few nites when I can see the stars so clearly, shining and gilttering.

Star Light Star Bright...

A little thanks...

First entry of the new year. But things still can happen on new year....

I was at a frds place discussing biz n playing mahjong. I received a shocking SMS. When I read it for the first time, I thought that it was a prank. When I read it the 2nd time, I felt a weight upon me. A secondary classmate cum softball team mate of mine is hopitalised after being involved in a motor accident. She was riding pillion then. She had to be operated and was in ICU in critical condition. I immediately called up a few frds to see her the next day.

When I first saw her at the ICU, my heart nearly dropped. I really wanted to cry, but I knew that if I dropped a tear, I'll lose all control. I'll be holding her by her shoulders n shaking her vigriously to wake her up. After talking to her for a while, I asked her Uni frd abt her condition. She had actually woke up a few times n now she's considered sleeping. Apparently the doc who operated on her had said that its up to her determination that she'll survive. Anyway, she moved to the general ward that very afternoon.

I went back to c her wif Jen the next day. She's a bit blur blur but has regained concious. She could even recognise us n called our names!!! Since secondary school whn I knew her, she's very active, school cross country champ, sports day individual champ, softball team. While lying there, a bit blur blur, she displayed her active n restless side still! She was kicking pple for jest of fun. But most of the time, she's struggling n stretching n moving around. She said that her back was aching n her right eye is in pain. Those who were there, had to keep telling her to stop moving ard. When we left, she said bye bye. Seeing her recover, it was really heartwarming. I wanted to shed tears of joy, but then again, I withheld them back. Mainly becos no one was crying also... Heh...

The first thing I did whn I read the SMS, I was praying to God. Telling him not to take her away from us so soon cos she's only 21, so young, so much future awaits her. After seeing her that day, I thanked God, I thanked him for listening to the prayer and thank him for blessing her. I know I can never say enough thanks to Him.

"Father in Heaven, I thank you once again. Please bless BB in her recovery. Let her have a speedy recovery. Let her return to school asap. In Jesus name, Amen"