Memories

Sorta thinking why sometimes memories are so hard to get rid of. I had already forgotten what had happened while I was still a child.

Forgotten how my room looked like when I stayed in Holland Drive, except for a vague image of the small purplish timer light, plugged into the wall socket. And except of the vague feeling (hmm, can feelings be vague… heck…) of sleeping between my parents cos I was afraid of the dark.

Forgotten how my nursery and kindergarten friends and teachers look like even if I were to see them right now. Forgotten how I felt when I went up the stage at dunno where to collect prizes for coming in the top 3 positions in those 3 years. Forgotten how the crowd looked like when I was dancing as part of the prize giving day ceremony performance in K2, except for the thick make-up my nanny and mum put on me. And except the red polka dot dress, with an extreme flare bottom.

Is it becos memories fade with time or is it that when we grow up, our skill in remembering stuff is stronger, so we can remember all kinds of stuff better.

I could remember the joy when we beat Nanyang Girls in Sec 4. Our team had no more chance to go into the next round for the nationals. We were trailing by 2 runs and it was the last inning. Nanyang Girls had already batted and it was our chance now. Maybe we were determined to beat them or maybe we detest Jerry’s tuakang-ness and arrogance and wanna shut him up for once… Although I can’t really remember who were exactly the batters who scored these runs, I vaguely recall it was either Peijun, Jessie, BB or Chee who scored us 3 runs. I could recall the rest of us, on the bench cheering for those in the batter’s box or those on the bases. I could recall how I was praying, heart beating really fast, for 1 more run to be scored when the game was drawn. When the 3rd run was scored, all of us were thrilled, happy, delighted… High-fives everywhere.

I could also remember how I and Winn hugged and held to each other upon receiving our ‘O’ level results. I could remember how hard I cried for that moment. It was a moment of relieve and of joy of my English grade. And It was a moment of relieve and of joy of Winn’s Maths grade. We were most concerned about these grades cos they’ll determine if we were able to apply for MCM or FSV.

Other memories that flashes about are the bad ones. Ones about how that Peacock aka “Kong Que” treated us. About how he looked and talked to us, in a sense that he was almost threatening us, forcing us to change classrooms.

These are memories I wanna recall or keep. But there are some which I wish they would just disappear so I can at least say, “Hey, I’ve gotten on with my life!” Like how secure I felt when I was hugged or held by him. Like how he says, “as in”, “l.p.p.l”, “lan liao hor”, “ge gao meh”, “ah, suah”, etc… Like how he creases his forehead. Like how he holds his cigarettes. Like how much I still feel for him. Like how, how I wish I could just forget all these. Maybe they’ll just fade with time, just like childhood memories…