Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Meaning Of Me

I needed some time to calm down and think throughly before I tread on this topic... Now, I think I'm ready to.

In the beginning, I fought this battle against the evil cancer for my family, my loved ones, my friends and everyone around me especially for Dear and myself. I wanted to prove myself that I'm strong enough to overcome this. I wanted to prove that there is indeed life after cancer, and it is only just during this period of time, the evil cells decide to multiply and take over the body. I thought I would feel great being a survivor and would have "extra" strength to overcome anything else that falls in my path.
When Seng ask if I wanted to help for his webby, I agreed readily because I wanted to help others like me. Somehow, I kinda feel that God gave me another chance at life not just because of the pleas in prayers, but because He wants me to do something, be more useful and make use of this 2nd chance wisely, helping others win the battle too.

But I did nothing.

I kinda feel guilty I'm still around and won the initial part of the battle, while I see and hear others leaving. If I can have such great oncologists who plucked me away from the gate of death, why can't others? If I can have the knowledge of what to eat and what not to, why can't others? If I have the chance of reliving my life again, why can't others? How can I reach out to them and help them, talk to them and even advice them?
Some of these other people leave because they skip their routine check ups, go clubbing and even drink alcohol while still having treatment, or eat unwisely during these crucial months. How can I tell them not to?

There's only one thing I can do now and that is to relate my experience, which I think is the least I can do, to try to help anyone.

For 2-3 years before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was taking Fisherman's Friend Lemon constantly. I could finish 1 packet within 3 days; or even in just half a day, proceeding to the next packet soon after. There were reminders and news everywhere that aspartame was some sort of a cancer-feeder. I even read an email warning readers to stay away from Fisherman's Friend as aspartame as part of its ingredients. I ignored and continued my diet of my favourite sweet then.
2005 April, I got the bad news. Whether I'm a living example of aspartame's link with cancer, I really don't know as there is no proven fact that it causes nose cancer. However, there are proven facts that it links to other types of cancers as of now.

I agree that everyone is born with some cancer cells. When they "come alive" depends on when they are "tiggered" to. Some can smoke, drink and eat "cancer causing" foods for their entire life, yet they don't die from cancer, thus some say it is a matter of luck. But I insist that if you take care of your diet and body, chances of "luck" happening is minimized because you are in control.
Now, I stay away from any food with ingredients labelled with aspartame, or even E951 and acesulfame-K, all other commonly know names of aspartame. I hope whoever is reading this will do so too. Please take control of your own life, don't give cancer cells any chance to start taking over that control.

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