Splits ends no more...

Just got back from a hair cut. Too many split ends for me to endure already.

There's a prob wif my hp... sometimes the reception just "turns off" for a few seconds. SMSes dun get sent out easily, always have an error msg... all these happened after i dropped my hp on the mrt. hmm... time for my hp to c a doc?

need to buy the cable soon. been happy snapping at stuff n i think i just wana save everything on the comp asap... just in case i wana snap something n no more space on the phone to save.

bored.... damn bored... sky look very threatening... wana rain, rain lah!!! thn whn i leave the hse later no need to carry umbrella.. hurhur... a bit sleepy too... hmm.. mayb i should after i bathe...

k, bathe thn take a nap b4 gog out... or should i just go zzz first? haiz... scared got irritating small bits of hair leh... argh!

*poof*

Bored...

Those who like j-pop will like a new group called F.I.R. Btw, thy r a taiwanese group. Heard their songs and was amazed how jap sounding it was. No, not covers. Originals composed by themselves... Power!

Mayb i should make use of this boredom to do something... but, damn sian aso... haiz... wana train, but dunno how to "open mouth" n thick-skinly go down to SRC... wana learn driving, but no money... room's quite neat, to my standard, so no need cleaning up...

usually after 2-3 nights of sleeping at 12am, i'll need to desprately need to sleep early the nxt nite. but, feel wide awake leh... hardly yawn in office nowadays too... mayb accustomed to the hours already... But, wht abt the heavy n giddy head? issit cos i have the nodding action too much from lookin at the scrren and onto the papers on my desk? issit cos of low blood sugar level? have been suspecting that already, but i might be worrying too much, afterall, i'm supposed to be healthy... hehe... mayb i'll just wait till the day i blackout n collaspe to cfm wht i'm thinking is true.

Its been years since my last dental checkup. lazy me... lazy to set appointment... scared to c dentist actually. hate the drilling sound. i hate dentists!!! been scared to tears slightly more than a decade and a half ago by a dentist. during primary school, the fierce, aunty dentist will write down a list of names on a piece of paper to "summon" her "victims" to the dental room. i was one of the first few on the list, but sitting there for a very long time cos she din call me name to sit on the "throne". not to mention, very restless... so i was toking to my frds. then she shouted at me and i started to cry. imagine being scolded by a stranger at that tender age. she punished me by putting calling my name LAST. from then on, it was phobia of dentist...

During my braces years, i STILL HATED gog for the checkups. how i wished there were no checkups, just there for those few years n viola!

Damn bored. Haven't been ot-ing so far for this month. All of the sudden, I miss the ots... the "way" i can get away. haiz... mayb i should try to sleep n wake up to watch the champs league final later... c how lah...

Monday blues?

Feel like crying... Mayb its the monday blues...

haiz... i really dunno... Getting a bit sian at work... what to do? I'm the restless type. Gotta tahan till Aug. So many shipments cos customers wana avoid the oil price hike, yet i'm finding invoices to process and files to do export permits. FINDING, yes, finding... Too competent in my work or wht?

Gettin restless. Is that good or bad? All of the sudden, I feel like applying again for the marketing and the media course in murdoch n run from everything here. take a break overseas for 2++ years, come back afresh. but whether i can put everything down is another factor... Wana put but cant put. Haiz...

My pay for Apr is FINALLY coming in... got a call from Rosemary from porcurement saying that thy manage to help me get some of my money in. Dunno whn thy'll bank in...

Something just came into my mind. Everyone and anyone in a relationship should listen to Ling Jing Ru's Yong Qi. Quite a naive thinking, but I guess if everyone really and truly understand the lyrics throughout, there'll be no breakups in the world. everyone will be happily married when the time comes. naive thinking rite? Heh...

Quickie... (quckie?)

Quick one before I leave for "Calender Girls"...

Learnt something from a frd of mine a few days back. bei ai shi xing fu (being loved is fortunate)... ai ren shi tong ku (loving someone is painful)... bi ci xiang ai dan bu ke yi zai yi qi gen tong ku (loving each other yet can't be together is even more painful)... very good example can be found in folklores like the stories of madam white snake and liang zhu (butterfly lovers) and of cos in the example of my frd... haiz... we both attributed it to tian yi (heaven's will)...

Things will not always happen in the way you want it to happen.
Love is something that can't be controlled, you can only supress it.
No point asking why or how come, just do your best to solve the problem.
Love is difficult subject, but people still pass it with flying colours afterall, cos they made the effort.

K, gonna be late...

Sick, sicker, sickest...

I love the sun, sand, beach n sea... But put me in a boat floating on waters that reaches the horizon, I get sea sick...
Stuffy nose, bad throat, tired, sleepy... I'm sick...
Weary lonely heart, that kinda yearning feeling... I'm love sick...
Things just dun fit rite... tired of life... I'm just a sickening idiot falling prey to the dark dark pit yet again...

cute = ugle but adorable
ugly but adorable = cute
cute = ke ai
ke ai = ke lian mei ren ai...

Jan told me something the other day which she heard from another senior of ours... Students have holidays allocated to them... pple who work need a break, so thy take leave to have a holiday. same applies for love. something else from her... if guys wana play ard n date other gals (tou chi/ zao sai...), better do it while thy are attached... once they r married, thy r no longer eligible...

jing ge ge said the other day tt my love life can write into a script n shoot into a (depressing, in my words) movie, cos too many downs n too little ups...

haiz... being loved is always better then loving someone...

Funny throat...

Still gog ga-ga over the shizh tsu...

Sad n sorry to say, i HATE my family. Short-term goal is to move out asap... fucked up family, fucked up sis (ask any of my frds who had "encounters" wif her b4), fucked up mum (or rather mouth. she should learn to shut up!). Nope, its not the teenage crisis thingy...

Confused, confusion, confuses. Root word: confuse... been thinking a lot n analysing the situation i'm in... yes or not, guilty or not... everything's a blurred line.

i find myself more n more familiar. the shoutings, the screamings, the tiredness, the energy being zapped away, the i-should-just-drop-dead attitude... no appetite, jus eating for show, forcing down the food into my mouth n forcing myself to swollow. not just ordinary food, durian n bird's nest too...

Whn you're craving for something so desprately, nothing matters, even whn it sucks. I haven gotten my dosage of latte in many many months. latte is espresso plus milk. Not norm kopi-o plus milk. good latte (my defination) = drank without any addition of sweetener or sugar, milky yet does not cover the coffee taste. McCafe latte is too milky but (sigh) better then nothing.

moreover its a treat by my kor aka listening ear aka adviser aka sun wu kong aka colleague cum friend... he overslept n was coming to work n asked if i wanted anything from JP. was telling him abt my craving for latte the day b4, n he sweetly bought my request, a cuppa from McCafe for me... plus... cheesecake!!! there was only once slice of it. so he bought that n a caramel cake, and asked me to choose one... i of cos take the cheesecake lah!!

through him, i got to know the "darker" secrets of wht's gog on in the plant. now, knowing all these things, i tend to be more careful abt wht i say.i'm known to be blunt, so in the past, whn i say certain things, pple just let it past, cos being in the dark, thy cant blame me. but in the long run, it'll be kinda irritating. so i'm really glad to know all the gog-ons, putting myself in check from time to time. aft all i'm known as xiao mei... everyone calls me that there... hehe...

mayb i cried too much ystday nite. throat's very very uncomfy... its like something pressing it, drinking is even a chore.

*I cant help it... every moment that i think about you... every day and every night without you, I cant survive... love... take away the lonely days gone by, making every day for you and i... giving me a chance to go on believeing...*

Tired...

Freaking tired and i dun understand why. i can nvr have enough zzz...

still having the runs and stomachache... the after effects of drinking yakult early in the morning... been eating slightly better n a bit more lately. at least i have the appetite to order food for lunch. usually, its just bread from breakfast. dunno if tts good news or bad news.

a colleague of mine, actually a ntu student on attachment, took some photos of his gf's shizh tzu on his hp. although i love dogs, i nvr kinda like shizh tzus till i saw the photos... aiyoh, soooooooooooooooooooo cute i tell u!!! she's soooo unlike those norm shizh tzu wif head up in the air, arrogant, fierce, bark at every single thing, proud n tai-tai kinda attitude slash look... i think this is by far the ONLY shizh tzu i like... aiyoh... whn i saw the photos, i almost had the urge to bring my colleague's hp back home just to admire the shizh tzu... a shizh tsu with pinch-able cheeks n sleepy cute eyes... bet no other shizh tzus r like tt! more thn 24 hours have past since i saw the photos, but still, i'm gog ga-ga over her. heard from my colleague that she's very timid... shizh tsu, timid? cant ever link those 2 words together till i saw the photos. k, gotta stop ga-ga-ing over the shish tsu... but.... sooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!! k, stop!

npsb gonna have a camp next week. cant wait to play ball! its been months since i threw n catch... miss tt kinda glove-in-hand-on-d-field-catching-balll feeling. but, my knee bu zhen qi. hope it doesn't hurt for tt few days n just let me have fun...

makan time...

"Peach-flower" month

just got back from Jan's bday party. tired, shag... been ot-ing n getting not enough sleep. gog to hit the sack rite after i finish this... n it's still NOT enough sleep.

something's in my mind for the whole of last week. it kinda manage to creep into the back of my mind now, n i hope it just stays there foreva. brooding over it wun help me at all. it only brings me pain, hurt n makes me feel miserable... it will only weather rocks to sand... its something which i wun know how to address. i can only try to stay as happy as i can... try to reamin as positive as i can... try not to think abt it as much as i can... try to stay as sane as possible...

stay sane... tt's like an impossible thing, but i have to... the pit's too dark, too deep, to black, too scary, too hollow, n no, i wun wana go back in there again.

jokingly or not, i wun wana hear "wana intro guys to u lah" kinda stuff. i had enough for the past month. i wana kick these pple, whether thy r really interested in me or not, to the sun n watch them burn to death. their "confessions" only remind me of how much i love my baby. this is an irritating "peach-flower" month. i hate it!!!

Weird week...

24 mins past. man u against charlton. i wqould say tt its a "choppy" game. everyone seemed to have incomplete passes. Attacking should be a fast thing, but its either my fave red shirts r slow, or the yellow shirts are faster then them.

in the 29th min, saha scores... seems to be narrowly offside...

ystday was a bad day following a bad weekend. its a really-sets-u-to-think-too-much day...

colleague gog on leave today. n all of us tot it was tmr. "great" man... one more day of cleaning up shit for me. i haven seen such a disorganised person in my whole life! soft copy files are all over the place in the computer n the network's shared drives. hard copy working files n documents, tons of duplicates in them n thy have no function just add to the thickness. Original copies of B/L is at the bottom of the file rather then the top. you find original copies of invoices stapled to non-originals copies of other things. gog thru the files tryin to find things aso take a long time. tell you things got head no tail, got tail no head. tell me lah, like tt how to follow up n cover his duties? with so many documents n paperwork to take care of, u cant afford to be disorganised... haiz... on top of that, i still have my work to do... DAMN!

a fooking idiot who is not very good wif the SAP system, REFUSES to (accordin to another colleague) tell pple he stupid. and how the workflow goes by n how the system works, he needs to convert a PR no to a PO no. n he says it was "stuck'. mayb he has loads of things to do but according to some guideline, new arrangement thingy, i have to inform the shipping lines of a no. so thy cant put it onto the invoice to send it to our acct payables. n it was already stuck for 2 whole freaking weeks. after ding-dong up to bangkok n back to sg, he "finally" did something to "rectify" the prob. tt's to DELETE the PR. Now i have to create them AGAIN n send it to my sup for approval. wasting time! so i purposely attached the email to the PR to let my sup c. grr...

it doesn't help whn pple at the other end DONT tok. this stupid shippin line, i called one of them to tell them the prob over here. another sent an email to my colleague n cc the idiot above. hope HE realises tt its the same company we're toking abt n it was HIM was held up everything! Mayb next time if there's a similar scenario, i'll just ask the shipping company to send me an email, cc to him, thn i reply to the email saying tt "I'm working with my pocurement side to hasten things up" instead of "my porcurement side having prob", make him feel guilty... anyway it seems that he doesn't kind chk his email often... we always get our emails replied after 2 days on the average...

yet another victim "falling prey" to my "beauty". another contractor came n ask me if "we could be frds". I hate the attention i'm getting from pple i dunno at my workplace. so far 2 contractors have tried to know me. and others just look at me at a weird way. if i'm single or if i dun really like my bf much, i dun mind keeping my options open n mayb tok to them a little. but i love my baby too much to risk our relationship. i feel bad even with them tryin to come tok to me.

some fella whom i knew over irc before i was together with my baby n me barely chatted more then 10 times. just the other day, he called me n said tt if i dun have a bf, he'll ask me to be his gf. n NO, i dun appreciate tt. he asked if i would accept him if i din have a bf, i said no n din bother to give any reason. i woke up ystday with a missed call, n found tt he actually called me at 1am.

from pple i dun wan attention from, i get it. from pple i wan attention from, i dun get it... i've been trying to be more independent, pulling away more from my baby. but all this attention from other guys just made me realise that i loved him more then i like him. seems tt its gonna be more diff now...

In your lifetime, there r many things tt pple will give you. like money, presents, love, care, concern, etc... but i realised tt there r 2 things which you were to lose them, its kinda hard to get back. tt's respect n trust. but its weird. its supposed to be the person i trust most, yet now, i dunno how to trust tt fella.

song spinning in the head for the past week: i can't help it by andy gibb n olivia newton john. another version was done by regine n remus choy (of cao meng).

if it was just a weird day, i think its rather more like a weird week. if its just a weird week, pls dun let it be a weird month. enough is enough. i'm pissed and fustrated. i wana cry to release, but river ran dry. mayb i'm dehydrated tt's y tears dun flow? y cant these tears flow? i need them to flow to feel betta... argh!

Liang Jing Ru's Ting Bu Dao

One song tt really describe my feelings now... Liang Jing Ru's Ting Bu Dao
...

The song just popped up into my head. guess i'm in the emotional state again... linking my feelings to some songs...