Sweet...

Mum is boiling one of my fave drinks... 南杏北杏 (North and South Almond) with white fungus. Its a very cooling drink, good for my slightly sore throat n high body heat. Dear keep complaining my body temperature very high, but its not fever... Maybe "heaty" lor, tt's y i keep drinking water. Although the almonds n white fungus can be eaten, I don't. That's y i say its a drink. Haha...

Chocolate Makes You Happy?

I was drinking Milo during dinner break while at work yesterday. Usually we wouldn't eat outside, but would make take-aways and go back to the corridor outside the security checkpoint to have our meals. It was the first day of the fasting month, so only 2 colleagues and me were etaing. A colleague finished her meal n left the table. The other colleague was finishing his meal n commented that I looked so contented and happy drinking my Milo. I replied, "Chocolate make you happy!" He said he agreed with me.

After he finished his meal, he left the table. While I was still there at the table alone, tackling the hot Milo. When I recalled what he said, tears welled up. Had to curb the urge to cry.

Why am I having so much food cravings nowdays? I had laksa for supper ystday n for today's lunch. I'm drinking Milo for 2 days straight. Do I really believe that chocolate makes one happy? If it really does, how come I don't feel it? After feeling the swell, I've been spending every nite with Dear. I admit. I'm freaked out, afraid. I want to eat what I like, drink what I like, do what I like and be with the person I love before I discover the truth about the swell. I'm scared of a truth that I might face.

Does not help that there a suspense about it since Dr Khor and Dr Hwang, my 2 lovely, trusty oncologists are away. Seeing a GP would not help in any way. I told Dear to just let me enjoy one week of my life because, in case, if anything happens, I'd be faced with a lot of "restrictions". I want my favourite, lovely, spicy Bee Hoon Kuah...

No Way... Please!!!

I can feel the right side of my neck, below my jaw, is swelling, just like last March... However, the swell now is slightly nearer to my shoulder, unlike last time, it was nearer to my jaw. I'm getting paranoid... Am i gonna have a relaspe? Now I start to wonder how come my hearing's a bit weird... Sometimes I feel like I'm on an airplane. But the only comforting point is that I have no nosebleeds...

Almighty God, please, I beg You, dun pull a fast one on me. Now that Dr Hwang is planning to stop my oral drugs, I should be counting down the days of remission left. Pls, not like the last time after i completed my radiotherapy, thn it was discovered that the cancer cells have spread n then I had to go for chemo... Not now when the whole cycle of treatment is complete, (choy, touch wood), i have to go thru everything again... Papa in Heaven, pls... You have answered my prayers n gave me another chance at life knowing I have only 2 months left. Pls let this be just a scare, a neck sprain, a tight muscle. In Jesus Holy name I pray, Amen!

If only that local hospital's machine did not break down, I could have gone for my PET scan n it would have been picked up n Dr Hwang could do something abt it... Now, I have to wait... Papa in Heaven, is this Your will?

Today's Toto Draw

Hmm... Good news n bad news...

Good: I sucessfully picked out 5 numbers. I chose them myself, not through quickpick... I chose 2 system 7, 2 ordinary entries, a total of 4 boards...

Bad: They are on different boards...

Damnit! I should have made other different combis with the 4 boards i had made... NB...

No "W"! Yay!

Was logging in to OKCU's student login the past few days to check reults for my 2nd module, Arts & Our World. Was intending to check it a little later or tomorrow will WL msn me n told me results are in already. I checked it immediately n at last, i got a proper grade!!! No "W"!!! No need to go thru anxious wait n shitty shit again for my results. Thanks God!

Called Dear immediately n proved to him that i did not need to get a "W" in order to get a perfect grade! Haha... He kept teasing me saying that that got a perfect grade for the 1st module cos it was a grading mistake, n maybe my exam script & assignment was somehow misplaced. Bleh...

PET Scan Rescheduled

Now, i have to wait for till 4 Oct to know if I can be taken off oral chemo drugs. This morning I got a call from the clinic to remind me of the scan tomorrow. Later in the afternoon, I got another call from them telling me thy have to postpone my scan because there was some trouble with the production of the radioactive thingy (used to inject patients with for the scan) at a local hospital. Apparently, this local hospital is the only place producing the radioactive thingy, and the WHOLE of Singapore is affected. Now, should the medical association do something about it? Maybe they should have another hospital or institute producing the radioactive thingy so when (choy, touch wood) the same damn thing happens, at least only part of Singapore is affected, not whole of Singapore.

I'm pissed. How can there be no backup kinda thing?! For an anxious patient like me, wanting to know if I'm "fully cured" n can live life without the support of oral chemo drugs, the postponement is killing me. Apparently, everything will be back to normal on Friday and I can actually go for the scan on Frday. But Dr Hwang's flying off on Thursday n only returning on the 3rd! Why do you think i purposely arrange for the scan to be done tomorrow while I finish my "final" dosage of oral drugs today!?

No supplies, no scan, no point cancelling driving or work to go for the scan as it takes half a day for the entire process and another half a day wait for the results. No point gog for the scan n getting the results, but no doc to tell me yes, no, need to continue with the drugs or not.

It doesn't help that I'm getting paranoid abt my gastric problems (my tummy's hurting again now and it did last night) and backaches on and off (like an electric jock/shock, luckily not like last time which is a constant pain hammering on my back that only painkillers would make me feel betta). This PET scan originally scheduled for tomorrow will at least gimme answers!!!

Why Like That?!

I'm getting too disillusioned. Everything seems to be a blur. A tornado just swept thru my mind and created a whirlpool, tempting to suck things into extinction. For a moment, what happened last April seems to be rosy, now, everything's falling apart. Why have we come to this kinda situation? What is God's will? Is it His will that such a close friendship for more than a decade will be blown apart due to certain different thinkings and priorities? 心寒...

Relief At Last

I received the hard copy of my results via post today, at last... Ok, I got a proper grade and at last, I feel relieved, at ease... No need to stop worrying or getting paranoid already...

And I Did Forget...

My gastric problems are coming back again... shoo... leave... Don't bother me!!!

How Can I Forget?

I got a brand new laptop, HP Pavilion dv2009, courtesy of daddy dearest! Got it at Comex slightly more than a week ago. Dear says I could have gotten more freebies or a better bargain if I got the similar model at Funan or Sim Lim. However, I quite satisfied. Its a 1.8G Intel Duo Centrino, 1G RAM, 80GB HDD, GeForce 7200 128MB, Altec Lansing bulit-in speakers, Widescreen, free TV Tuner, DVD writer, Bluetooth, Multi-card reader, Firewire, USB ports, blah blah, and a $50 off the purchase due to some promo.
So for the past few days, I've been busying myself "syncing" up the laptop with the desktop. Sharing the folders, copying & pasting my mp3s, documents, photos, bookmarks, blah blah, whatever that needs to be transferred so that the two looks the same...

I kinda love and hate the current module I'm taking. The module now is Advanced News Gathering & Writing. There's a bit of "occupational hazard" now, although I'm not a reporter or journalist. Everytime I read The Newpaper, magazines or writing things out, I pay attention to style n what kinda lead or structure the article is using. Damn...

Was so bothered with my results and busy "configuring" my laptop, i keep forgetting to blog about a certain thing, a certain thing that depresses me, and make me think what the hell is friendship. Why have the five of us come to this point? Is it marriage or just plain different priorities? Sometimes I can't help but think four of us are not as important as animals or money. Sigh... I shall write at full length another day when I have a longer time to blah about it...

Solved

The mystery of "W" is solved. I checked the webby just now and saw that I got a proper grade. However, I better wait till Tuesday because it's the estimated day I would get my result slip...

Mystery of "W"

I told my co-ordinator about my grade online during my break today. She said will help me check and will call me once she has got any news.

I got a call from her around 4pm just now. Apparently, my exam script and assignment was sent to the university in US, but it wasn't marked, hence the "W" for withdrawal. They are now investigating and pursuing a grade for me.

Still, I still don't quite well fucking understand... When you send out result slips, don't you check to make sure that you had printed out everyone's? If someone's was missing, don't you check why it was missing? If it was a "I" for incomplete or "W" for withdrawal, don't you double check with the student if he/she had indeed missed out certain stuff to get a "complete" grading?

Why only check when the student makes a big hoo-ha outta it? If I never bothered to double check or press for my results, am I gonna have the "W" all the way till when i come back from the US n find out that I can't graduate?

A, B, C, D, E or F but W?

95% of the class got their results thru mail for the 1st module we took, Researching & Writing In an Academic Community. I haven't got mine. So, like wht some of them had said n also according to our co-ordinator on campus, we can chk for the results using the uni's webby.

I checked, and got a freaking grade "W". According to the handbook and catalogue, "W" stands for withdrawal from the module. Fucking hell, since when did I withdraw, and if I did, why didn't I know about it? Even if I had failed in attendence, which many others would have too, it would be a "I" for incomplete or "F" for fail. I am so getting freakingly paranoid n trying to stay as calm as I can...

A classmate says she dun really trust the online one. Another told me it's some kinda mistake. Damn it... Armed with my official receipt of the installation paid for the degree course and the course subbmission receipt, I'm gonna get my co-ordinator to help me clarify.

Axiety... Don't think I'll be able to get a good night's sleep... Dear n mum says dun think so much, tmr thn settle. But how to sleep?! It just keeps nudging n nudging... Sian!!!

Semi-Celebration

After class today, i went for a scheduled checkup at Dr Hwang's. Good news is that after one dose of medication, she wants to stop my medication already. She actually wanted to put me on one whole year's worth of oral chemo drugs, but now she wants to stop already, which is good cos its earlier than expected! However, i need to go for another PET scan to confirm an all clear. So Dear suggested a semi-celebration. Went to 新旺, a HK-themed cafe on the 2nd flr of Cineleisure to try out the food.

I ordered the beef horfun (left). Not too bad, but a bit not worth the price cos as Dear had put it, can get similar tasting ones at half the price at zi char stalls. Dear ordered Shanghai vegetable rice with minced meat and egg (right). Not too bad, but the minced meat sauce a tad sweet. the vegetable rice tasted like any other fried rice. because the cafe is HK-themed, we had expected something more HK or special... but... a bit disappointed... we ordered one dimsum dish aso. its some beancurd skin thingy (right). at first i tot it was a steamed version. but it turned out to be fried. tasted so so lor, like any other ones at other dimsum places. redeeming factor was the drinks. i ordered a hot milk tea while dear ordered a ice "madarin duck" (鹰鸯 / ying yong lah)...

might try other foods in the menu if there's a chance to go there another time. give it another chance to impress me with HK-themed makan... hehe...