True blue cancerian

A few more minutes b4 England vs Japan friendly. decided to blabber here for a while.

My sis was watching a taiwanese serial just now. within 2 discs, 2 episodes, 2 hours, i went thru a lot of thoughts. thoughts that will sadden me. thoughts that will make me cry. plus the fact that i wasn't feelin at all too good.

sunday night, reached home n was thinking abt some stuff. maybe i think too much tts y fell sick eventually. was sneezing since friday...

monday, slept during lunch. colleague called me up 3 times, but i din even wake up. guess the medicine really made me drowsy. too heavy a head, too drowsy to think abt anything at all... slept early...

whn i reached home just now, i shed a few tears quietly in my room. i really need to break down... but melissa manchester sings "dun cry out loud, just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings... fly high and proud, and if you shld fall, remb you almost had it all" so i held back.

held back all the way till abt 1.30. after watching the vcds. since i know my parents wun be sleeping soon, i had to keep myself occupied. so i got dad to drive us out for supper. now that thy're asleep, i can cry out loud at last.

i'm a true blue cancerian. n i really HATE it. y am i a cancerian? mayb i shld stop saying all these to prevent self fulfilling prophecies. but SFP or not, i very, extremely sentimental n emotional. isn't tt wht a cancerian really is like? c, its not SFP...

i would still think abt the things and feelings that happened eons ago... Like the park at my place whr i used to hang out wif L. the spot at ex-WTC, now habourfront, whr i held F for the last time. that feeling i had whn i n C first held hands. I and Baby's first kiss at hotel new world in genting. is everyone like tt, or am i the only one?

Mayb i know y i like F.I.R's songs now. listen to their "lydia" and "fly away", thy r comforting yet strong at the same time. Used to find comfort in Liang Jing Ru's songs but thy make me cry. F.I.R is diff, yes, i still cry, but thy tok abt strenghtening yrself up and leave the past BEHIND... something which i cant do...

d taiwanese serial set me thinkin too. Like i had said b4... Things will not always happen in the way you want it to happen... Love is something that can't be controlled, you can only supress it... No point asking why or how come, just do your best to solve the problem... Love is difficult subject, but people still pass it with flying colours afterall, cos they made the effort... The serial has its characters gog thru these in just those 2 epis.

Sometimes things are done in a spur of moment, but after some time has past n some careful consideration, mayb it was a wrong taken step... since it was a wrong taken step, do u just forget everything tt has happened, blank out that period of time and revert back to the "good old days"? i would prefer that to happen, but am i able to do it? yes, i think i could... but u cant stop me from thinking and feeling the past, aft all i'm a true blue cancerian... but it still takes 2 hands to clap...

23rd bday resolution... Dont leave WIF the past, leave them BEHIND. so find me a noisy or quiet place on tt day n bring me there. like a pub or east coast. let me shout the past and the nite away... hmm, east coast wif planes flying by sounds good. quiet enough to cry, noisy enough to shout. but i need a shoulder (to cry), tissues (to wipe my tears) and a chauffeur (a gal alone at east coast at nite is very dangerous and cab fare is expensive... i live in the WEST). any volunteers?