The Ultimate Truth...

Last Friday, i had a scheduled checkup at Dr. Hwang's clinic to check if I've any side effects to the oral drugs and to collect the next dosage. I asked her the question i had wanted to ask for so long. when she heard the question, she let out a laugh, smiled and said "months lah, months"...

Was out the whole day with dear and only went home at night. when i told my parents about it, it was only then i knew about the ultimate truth. while i was having my 1st chemo session, Dr Hwang got my parents into her room and explained my condition, just like how usually its acted out in the serials. Apparently, i was in a critical condition and had only 2 to 6 months left. chemo is to definately prolong my life and cos my cancer is very aggressive, there's no gauruantee i would be cleared. thus, being cured is only an option.

when i heard tt, i held back my tears. i was fed up and angry at my parents for not telling me the truth and letting me get prepared for the worst. there's a chinese saying that goes, xi wang yue da, shi wang yue da (the bigger the hope, the bigger the disappointment). I bathed and hid in the toilet to cry. after that i called dear cos i just didnt want to stay at home and i cant face my parents cos i really hate pple who lie to me. i needed to be away from them to calm down.

dear explained to me that even if i know the truth, it might not be good for me, cos i may had lost the spirit to fight the battle. its true, but i felt it was unfair for the both of us cos we're not prepared for the worst. dear then said that when he saw the scan, he was already prepared for the worst, but since everything's ok now, i shouldn't be angry with my parents. true, true, but i really needed to be away from them to calm down so i slept over at dear's place.

the next day, i woke up quite late and dear asked if i wanted to go home. i didn't want cos i still dunno how to face them. we spend the whole evening out playing dota, and since the place was quite noisy, i didn't even bother to check my hp to c if anyone called. for that moment, i just didnt want to talk to anyone. We played till about 1am, that's when i checked my hp to find 7 missed calls and 2 sms from my parents. but since it was so late, i didnt bother replying. reached home to watch the man u match but dad was still up. how i wished he was asleep already. luckily, he went to sleep soon...

the gals came over on sunday for mahjong, yu sheng and we had steamboat for dinner. chatted quite a bit too... too bad winn wasn't ard...