Countdown to 2004

In a few hours its 2004. A new year to start afresh with. Looking back, this year was filled wif ups n downs.. more downs thn ups really.

i had wrote b4, as time passed whtever u do will just be a memory. so let whtever happened be just a nightmare, a memory.... A memory which i really wana forget. i'm free now... Never felt so relieved b4. i said bye to a certain person n it'll be foreva. after doin tt, i felt so relieved. just like havin a heavy load taken off me... just a question tt i'm faced with. am i weird? am i the only one ard me in my group of frds or in the world tt can accept ex-es being as close frds? am i the only one ard me in my group of frds or in the world tt can accept platonic friendship? how i define platonic? a very very close frd who is the opposite sex as u. u go out together, call each other, tease each other, punch each other n help each other, blah blah, whether u have bf/gf or not.

i had 3 very close platonic frds. one became my bf n din tok to me after i broke up wif him. maybe we din know how to tok to each other then. now its just "hi" "bye" kinda tok... i chose to say goodbye to another ex after things happened. dun be mistaken, we were as close as siblings after we broke up, but things jus happened n now i choose to hate/ignore him for life.

3rd one is my Baby. he was my listening ear n one of my closest n bestest frd. Now tt we're together, he's still someone who i tell everything to. Someone who shares all my troubles n probs. usually, somehow u'll wana keep a little stuff from yr bf, but Baby is diff. Mayb he's too close to me tt i just tell him everything. everyone will agree tt its hard to have a bf/gf who is yr bestest n closest frd at the same time. mayb its fate ah? fate, to have a person who is yr bf n yr bestest n closest frd at the same time. hehe... now, i have no more platonic frds, except my Baby... *muacks*

on the 2nd last day of the year, at approx 2.15am, showbiz lost another big shining star. She's Anita Mui. Talanted in every aspect be it performing on stage, singing or dancing. whn u c her perform, u can tell she's very confident tt she's puttin up a good show for the auidence. the song tt i'll always remb is her "why why tell me why..." always sing tt line to my parents whn i was younger if i had questions to ask them. After all these deaths of talented artistes, we have lost some great "teachers". Anita was one to look after the younger generation, like a big sister. Which was y whn she passed on, she had more thn 50 close frds ard her. even tony leung n miriam yeung cancelled the remaining promotion activities for their new movie in taiwan to rush back to hongkong. this is how much respect there is in HK for this big sister.

i hope to get my PT job soon. Louis is giving me a hand. hope i'll get it soon. too much time bumming at home. tt's y i say its a new year... time to start afresh.

Paced's comeback to the cheong scene...

Just came back from Dbl O...Music was ok... Supposed to be retro nite, but the music wasn't tt retro-ish after all. Still prefer Zouk's Mambo nite's mix... Celebrated Jensen's bday... Saw ex-taka colleague, Val there... Still so pretty as ever.. hehe...

Legs are breaking n aching n sore.. some theories/reasons/excuses n wht's not y my "chopsticks" are crying for help...

1) Timing: I haven been cheong-ing/dancing/clubbing/pubbing for 1++, close to 2 years... i tot i literally disappeared/vanished/retired from the cheong scene...

2) Shoes: Heels.. dammit... Standing for a few hours in my Charles & Keith... I think i had flat soles on my feet for most of the time for the last 1++, close to 2 years...

3) Legs: As close friends would know, my darling legs are close to breaking even w/out all these activities... Well, injuries galore... n for the last 1++, close to 2 years, i haven been stressing my legs tt much already...

4) Weight: I think my legs are complaining cos their owner is wayyyyy too heavy.. yesh, time to diet... well, start tmr... n tt "tmr" will nvr ever come...

5) Conculsion: fooking tired... for the last 1++, close to 2 years, i've nvr been so tired b4...

Btw, the same group of pple r miting to go sentosa to sunbathe/play frisbee n volleyball/n those usual stuff excately 7 hours later... i think zzz is a betta alternative... wayyyy too cannot-make-it liao... time for self leg massage liao... I think i need help too... zzz

Xmas... Penny for tots? or just pms?

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle All The Way...

Xmas mood is here n soon it'll be a new year... Countdown starts towards 2004 now...

25th has past. Time to collect money too...

As i start to recall how i spent the past Xmas(es) in recent years, most of them r either at work or wif frds. After so many years, i yearned to really have fun n spend it well. n this year, i have my Baby wif me.

Although some may think its just like normal days, but wht makes it so special is having tt someone important beside you during Xmas. Although we did not have loads of fun shouting the nos. at a countdown party nor did we join the crowd at orchard, it was really a pleasant lovely nite, holding his hand, away from the crowd, having dinner n watching a movie. It was peace n quiet, not too many pple ard, so u can just really ignore n pretend no one's ard, just me n my Baby...

As i'm writing, things are changing. Things have changed for sure. Pple change too... have i mentioned a particular person called me after i wrote tt fateful entry abt "ignoring for life"? seems like nothing happened. Everything's still a standstill. Time? Everyone need time... Shld i sms or call abt the money? haiz...

Things to think abt... A lock's had been there for 10 years n its rusty. it had been locking something so dear to u tt u dun even wana open it up cos u might lose it. U feel that u shld change a new one. But somehow or rather, the key to the old one is lost. since u're not gonna open it up, shld u use the new lock n leave the old one there? or shld u cut the old one away? Since the old one's redundant, y leave it there? but it has faithfully held it for 10 years, it does have some significant memorial value, rite? penny for tots, so how?

Mayb u guys shld just ignore the above 2 paras... think its the pms thingy kicking in...

Golden Horse Awards 2003

A few days back, a sad news came in... A very talented stuntman/actor Blacky Ke Shou Liang died. Rumours are saying he died from a asthma attack, some say he died due to alcohol overdose. 6 years back, ard this time, we lost Zhang Yu Sheng. In April tis year, we lost Kor Kor. now we lost him. Mayb cos i'm a media person, so i tend to be very saddened/disturbed by such news...

but a piece of good news... so far we had a few singaporean entries in the Golden Horse Awards, like Fann Wong for Best Newcomer in The Truth of Jane & Sam. Now Megan Zheng has done us proud by bringing home the award for Best Newcomer for her role in Homerun. Well, SG movies, overall, haiz...

Where have all the good film makers gone to? its true that we won awards in film festivals overseas but as for commercial films, we still suck. so wht if SGD was pumped into Jian Gui, the movie which won Angelica Lee the Best Actress award in Golden Horse? She's a Malaysian, not a Singaporean. We need actual SG commerical films coming up, wif full SG cast n crew! I guess tt'll do us proud. Homerun has at least done the minimal now... Where are the rest?

1st eruption during Gunbound...

I need to take a break from Gunbound, so I'm here blabbering again... up-ed a few lvls since the last i toked abt it here... Now i'm double golden axe, rite smacked in the middle of the whole ranking thingy. almost lost it again just now, so i guessed the conclusion is tt i'm not geting any betta at all. all started whn 2 gals came into the room whr me n my frds were playing. we wanted to play a 4 on 4 game n each side had 3 filled. these gals made a switch of teams w/out asking. one of Baby's frd had no choice but to go over. i mean who doesn't wana play wif yr frd? since u wan n this kinda situation happens, at least have the courtesy to ask! if not just find another room to play in! how can u break up other pple's teams like tt!

the whole game i really wasn't concentrating playing... whn the game ended (n of cos we lost), these gals even asked if thy could have a gals team. I said no changing n if thy wana have a gals team, play somewhr else. n there n then i left the room. so danm fed up! i was fuming!!! if i'm normal, usually i'll just "wtf?" n oblige... to think tt now i stormed outta d room... Baby n another frd then msged me, askin me to come back... i said no unless i play in the same team as Baby...

I've never ever flared up while playing Gunbound... this is the first... argh! n from then on, i kept losing... guess my mood's spoilt already... haiz...

Am I getting betta?

Time really flies... As of today, Baby n i have been together for a month already. time really flies n its had to catch it back. once u lose it, u'll lose it. N whteva happens during the time tt has gone can only become memories. bitter, sweet, sad, happy, whteva the emotions tt had happened, its all up to u to make it happen.

on tuesday, i had a choice to make mysself happy or sad. Either i turn up for the miting n c someone whom i dun wish to c or speak to or i stay at home n get updated. i chose the latter. not tt i really dun wana speak to tt person, buti dun wana risk getting blamed if something did happened. louis is rite, he's just waiting for things to happen. waiting for wht? i'm just saddened by the things tt happened. From a very close frd, buddy, sister, biz partner, i become someone non-exsistent in his life. I HATE liars, n by lying to God abt his promises abt me, i'm really starting to hate him.

hating someone is really really tiring. I dun wish to hate, but if i dun, i'll only b hurt. i feel exhausted, tired n if wifout Baby ard, i think i'll just collaspe one day, emotionally n physically. Mayb i shld not be so dependent on Baby, but i'm really really tired out... I'm trying to live life as happy as i can, as nonchalant as i can, if not, i'll just collaspe. I need a break. mayb i shld just chk myself into some kinda depression clinic or something... i wana scream!!!

am i really getting betta? am i?