Blogging Now Is A Waste Of Time

Tomorrow's the BIG day.

But somehow, I don't feel psyched up enough. Maybe I'm really tired... Maybe I'm getting complacent that everything's done already... Maybe I'm burned out... Maybe I'm giving up, cracking under the pressure already... But it's important to go through them all over again right?
I can hear myself struggling.
Angel: Do it now!
Devil: You have the whole night, relax... Play some games...
Angel: It's just one more night! Pia a bit more...
Devil: Haven't you been stressed enough?
Angel: You are running out of time.
Devil: You can study the whole night through...
Angel: If you do that, you would not be able to concentrate on the exam tomorrow!
Me: True... I don't want to blank out during my exam again. Advertising was a damn huge scare. I thought I would fail.
Angel: See! Learn from experience!
Devil: This exam is not as tough. You are already quite clear on everything, just smoke through the answers tomorrow.
Angel: No! Never be complacent. Study now!

And the battle goes on and on... And I guess that is why I'm wasting time here... Maybe the holiday mood already engulfed me, after the last few months of non-stop classes and exams...

Am I Mad?

My MSN subnick says it all: "So Fucking Stress, I Don't Even Have One Minute To Cry To Release It..."
The pressure cooker's been switched on since last week when I realized I was sooooo running out of time. It didn't help that I was sick and getting drowsy from non-drowsy pa****l flu. Efficiency of writing my notes dropped.

Then, I tried to relieve some stress by baking cheesecake. I felt less tense when I was crushing the digestive biscuits with a spoon. Still, I'm feeling stressed.
I've found the articles I need for my application papers and now it's time to start on them. How I wish Saturday arrives sooner so I can relax and stone out. But how I wish Saturday arrives later, so I would have more time to do my application papers.

Am I setting expectations too high? Am I pushing too hard? But I know I would not be contend to get a C or even a B.
One reason of why I'm pushing so hard might be because of the days in poly. Being someone who enjoyed being behind the cameras, doing all the technical work, I was damn disappointed with the grades I got. Mainly because, I did not push and worked hard enough. Project deadlines were met because they have to be met. If I could have pushed myself more and squeezed in more time to edit, the edited pieces I handed in would not be what the lecturer would be marking upon. Most were all group projects, although there were individual tests that had a proportion in the marks. When you're in a group that doesn't really care about grades or are not very passionate about that project, rest assured that grades will definately go down.
Right now, my grades are in my full control. And I know if I do not push myself, I would end up with grades that I would be disappointed with.
Mine isn't a direct honors course. Getting As, Bs or Cs wouldn't matter much. So sometimes, I wonder why am I pushing myself so hard... Why am I "torturing" myself?

A friend on Monday told me that being in a council would suck up a lot of my time. However, studies first.
Right now, although I feel stressed, I still can cope. It's the exam period, of course I need to spend less time on everything else and concentrate on my books and assignments.

I hope someone would understand what I'm going through and bear with me till the end of the week.

That Photoshoot, Fucking Sick, Giant Durian, My Scan Results...

I can't resist. It's been more than 2 weeks already. Everytime I feel like writing something, I would be pre-occupied with other stuff and that is why, although I would love to update, I can't.

About the photoshoot... It was fun and hot... I'm someone with not so active sweat glands. If I'm sweating and the back of our photographer's shirt looks like that, what do you think?
And sophisticated and sexy is soooooo not me... I can't pull off that look. Acting cute is more me.

I had flu about less than 2 weeks back. Now, I'm having it again. It's worse this time round. I'm sneezing and coughing like mad, my nose is running as though it's on a marathon threadmill that just goes on and on, I'm having a terrible headache and feel feverish. To top it of all that, I'm having those monthly cramps and the weather is damn fucking hot lor! But then, I feel chilly, because of the fever.

Went to see Dr Whang yesterday and today because I had a dental appointment as well and had to go to school yesterday afternoon and did not have ample time to do the liver ultrasound. Went for the scan today at 10, went back to Dr. Whang's clinic at about 11+ after brunch and collecting the scan. But Dr. Whang would only be back at around 1+.
Meantime, went down to Plaza Singapura to send my beloved Samsung E700A to the operation table to get the LCD screen replaced. I simply love this phone so much that I'm unwilling to keep it in a bad condition. Yes, I know, spending more than $100 to replace a screen while with that money you can get a brand new spanking phone is not very clever, but when you love the phone so much... I guess... nothing else matters right? Walked around Daiso and ended up with more Hello Kitty and gift wrapping stuff that I would leave to rot in the cupboard. They say shopping relieves stress, I believe so...
Went down to Carrefour to walk walk again and saw this freaking big durian lor!
And the pricetag is real!
Went back to the clinic at about 2. Dr Whang went through the scan results. Everything's ok! A CT scan in 4 months time... I officially declare: NED for 1 year!!! Woots! Live Strong!

Blogging Re-Priortised... Sophisticated & Sexy Me...?

In the past, my blog is about my life. I slowly included things I bothered. Then, it became an almost daily affair.

I think I am starting on a "trend", the "trend" of abandoning my blog all over again, not writing anything, only updating it every few weeks. It is not that I suffering from some kinda writer's blog whatsoever, I am just too squeezed for time on hand that I think blogging is wasting my time. No thanks to my obsessive-complusive trait and I can use up to an hour to "tidy" up an entry. Not typing here means I can complete writing pages of my notes (exam's coming next month and I am not someone who crams) or I could settle some council stuff. Somehow blogging is on the last of everything's on my mind now, so this might be the last entry of the month, unless there is something of importance that would make me talk about here.

Being in the pioneer batch for the Student Council is not easy. Some of you may have known that I have been tied up these few weeks "messing" around with council stuff. We are in the midst of recruiting more people and starting on a whole string of action plans. It's tiring, maybe not as tiring as the October action team as of now. Well, I am mainly doing admin stuff, so I have to tidy up minutes, schedule whatever's needed to be scheduled, contact those who needed to be contacted, etc. But, I am SOOOOO glad we are in this together. The passion and love of the rest of my council mates really push me on. Right now, vivid images are playing through my mind of everyone laughing in the meeting room after last week's interviews but after those fits of laughter, we could quickly compose ourselves to discuss more important issues. I love being with people who can have fun and work at the same time, and I am sooooo loving this council family of mine.

There's a photoshoot tomorrow. I am sooooo excited about it, and I really have no idea what to wear. Sophisticated and sexy is the theme... Hmm... Trying to psyche myself up to feel sophisticated and sexy... If time allows, I'll try to post photos after tomorrow.
Father, please bless us with good weather tomorrow so that the shoot will be successful without any hiccups. In Jesus Holy name I pray, Amen!

P/S: Pls miss me when I'm not posting any entries...

Best-est & Healthiest Mooncakes!

On Saturday, I decided to take a break from everything. So, I went down to Central with the company of the Dearest. I kinda like it there because I can enjoy being a sucker for Japanese stuff without squeezing with the crowd.

The mall was having a little food exhibition where customers can walk around, sample and buy mooncakes.

Then I saw rabbit mooncakes at Taiwan Lao Zhao Pai's booth!!! So cute! I've never seen mooncakes like that!



I'm kinda sian with the traditional lotus paste mooncakes. Seeing that they have 4 non-traditional, non-lotus-paste flavours, were made the untraditional way by using almond powder instead of flour, the cute rabbits (I'm also a sucker for cute stuff) and on top of that, the attractive promotions, I bought 2 boxes.



I ate the mooncakes with Dear and my parents for supper. When my mum saw the rabbits, she went, "Aiyoh, so cute!" My dad was at the computer at one end of the living room while I was cutting open the plastic and he could smell the aroma of the mooncakes! I cut them into quarters so that all four of us could taste them.

The skin for the red bean and black sesame flavours was damn damn "q", chewy and thin! The fillings were not very sweet and that's good, because some fillings are totally laden with sugar. You can even taste and feel bits of beans for the red bean filling! Some of you may know that sesame has its own kinda unique aroma, and that filled my whole mouth! The sesame filling was a tad powdery like the texture of those round-round peanut candies but the best part, it melted in my mouth.

The pastry for the ones with fruity fillings were buttery, tasty and were those type that would melt-in-your-mouth. The peach with almond had the sweet peachy aroma and the filling was chewy.
The cranberry with apple was the best of the lot voted by mum, Dear and me! I never really liked cranberries and this by far was the only cranberry product I enjoyed! It was not sourish, not very sweet and I could taste both the cranberry and apple! The pastry and filling complemented each other sooooo well. Then mum snatched the last quarter with a cheeky laugh... Dad didn't even get to try it...

Dad and mum both commented that these mooncakes are not very oily and that is a good thing.
Another good thing was the expiry date. No, make it the best thing! The expiry date read 5th October. I was kinda panicky at first, but I know that Taiwan Lao Zhao Pai's products are top notch Taiwanese products and most of them do not have preservatives. When I turned to the back of the box for the ingredients listings, I was right, NO preservatives!!!

Hectic And Tired Week

This is #500 post after 6 years... Who cares? I'm in a freaking sian n bitching mood right now, but I have absolutely nothing to bitch about. I haven't been blogging for the past few days, and I guess, also for the next few days.

Hectic hectic week, and the week's not even complete yet. For the past 4-5 days, I've been trying to finish my assignment, a 8-12 paged worldview paper. It's still not complete yet as I have to deal with student council stuff as well and could only afford about less than a page a day. When I deal with such "point of view" essays, I need to sit down long enough to get the brain juices churning, and the time I do sit down is simply not long and thus not conducive enough.

When I start to jot down in my organiser or scraps of paper in a "micro" way, I know I'm starting to feel stressed. Usually, when I don't feel so stressed, my organiser would only have appointments noted down and I mentally take note of what to complete before that appointment. I can don't rely on my organiser and mentally remember what are the things I need to do. Now, I don't even have the brain power to remember. I rely on my organiser and scraps of paper to remind myself.

Papa in Heaven, please grant me the brain power I need to finish up the essay. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!

Childhood Silly Memories Part 4

Date: On a weekend during primary school.

Time: Afternoon

Venue: On SBS bus service/ route #7

Activity: Going to grandma's place at Geylang Lorong 40.

Silly Me:
I was on a old double-deck non-aircon bus, sitting nearest to the driver on a single seater with a Transitlink machine behind me and the exit in front of me. It might not be a Transitlink machine, but it was definately some kinda self-paying device.

I fell asleep somewhere along Holland Road, and woke up somewhere along Orchard when I heard someone say something like, "sit here. 2 kids can share one seat." As always being such a nice little sweet gal, I moved in a little to share the seat with the other kid. Then I fell asleep again...

As the bus was nearing the Geylang area, I woke up to an elderly lady coughing beside me. Remember those old tv serials where people pass the "cough of death" around? I thought when someone coughs around you and you develop cough later, you'll die from coughing. I didn't know there was such a thing called tuberculosis and vaccinations I had when I was even younger could actually immune me to a certain extent. Being paranoid, I ran to my maid who was sitting across the exit and held back tears, because I thought I would cough to death. I can only remember asking my maid why she didn't wake me up when there was someone coughing beside me and then told her I would die.

Finally reach grandma's place and I felt that my throat was kinda itchy. Back then, I only thought I would cough and drop dead, but thinking about it now, my mind really knows how to play games with me... I kept thinking about it and cried. My mum was kinda shocked and asked my maid what happened. My mum then came to me and said something like "orbi-good, sit alone, something bad happen then you know." That was not comforting at all and my crying didn't stop.

Finally a family member, I forgot who but definately not my mum or maid, came and explained to me the vaccinations that I had would immune me to these illnesses and that coughing to death does not happen as frequent as in those tv serials.

Talking about vaccines... Ladies, please be informed that there is vaccination avaliable in Singapore against cervical cancer. Please check with your doctors meanwhile, while I source for more information... ;-)

Paced Featured On Lianhe Wanbao

Yep yep... That was me indeed on yesterday's 联合晚报 (Lianhe Wanbao).

The front page...


The article...


Translation of the main article on the left column...
Initially, the nose-bleeding was thought be to just "heatiness", but not only was nose cancer diagnosed half a year later, the cancer had metastasized to the bones and liver and doctors only gave her 6 months to live.
26-year-old Jasmine cried a few times as she emotionally spoke of how over the last 2 years she had escaped death to recovery.
"My first nose bleed was in 2005 during Lunar New Year. I thought it was because my body was too "heaty" from eating bbq food. The nose bleeds then gradually became as frequent as weekly affairs. The doctor initially thought that the nose bleeds was due to the haze."
She went to see a specialist when the swollen lymph nose at her neck, which grew as huge as a ping pong ball, caused her to unable to turn her head.
Upon diagnosis, the doctor arranged for 32 sessions of radiotherapy. However, she still experienced fevers and pains felt in her back got worse.
When the doctor sent her for a PET scan, it was discovered that the whole scan was filled with black spots, with a large one in her liver.
On the same day the PET scan results were out, she was sent to received chemotherapy immediately. The doctor told her parents to "be prepared, as she has only 6 months to live."
"But, I recovered miraculously." The scans did after her chemotherapy ended in December 2005 showed that tumors were all gone.
She stopped taking oral drugs in September last year and cancer has not relapsed since.

Translation of the "square" article on the left column...
Heading: "I've grown up" Hopes to join the media to share cancer battle experience.
Jasmine felt she has "grown up" through this experience, and has decided to upgrade herself. Upon her recovery, she enrolled to study in a degree program in Mass Communications and would want to join the media industry upon graduation.
She also wishes to help her friend set up a website to share their experiences and give enouragement to other cancer patients.

Translation of the article below my picture...
Heading: Felt like chopping off the waist area due to the pains.
Between sobs, Jasmine said, "There was just pain in my lower left back initially, but when the pains spread to the entire back area around my waist, I can't sit or stand properly. It felt as if there was someone stabbing me with a knife. Even after taking painkillers, the area felt sore and aching."
Intense pains would make her cry, telling her parents and her boyfriend that if her waist area could be chopped off, she "would be ok." But her parents and her boyfriend were giving her great support. "Though my mum's and boyfriend's eyes were watery, they never once cried in front of me. So I told myself I have to get well because of their strength and support."

Translation of the article on the right...
Heading: Don't wish to die uglily; receives treatment positively.
During the treatment period, Jasmine lost 10kg as she always have no appetite. She keep telling herself she "cannot die ugily" and use this as a pushing force to stay positive.
Her weight dropped to 35kg, and her hip bone was very visible. Like other cancer patients who received radiotherapy, her skin was darkened as though it was sunburnt and her hair dropped.
"I was scared of death and did not want to die so uglily. I was only 24 and had yet to acheive anything. I have yet to been to my favorite baseball and soccer teams' matches, have yet to tour Turkey, Greece ..."

Thanks to reporter Hg Hui Min, I had a chance to share my experience! Hope I can be an inspiration to other out there who are battling to not give up! Ganbatte!

Email me at jas[dot]paced[at]gmail[dot]com if you guys want a copy of the scan for easier readability... I can't find a way to deal with the compression that happens after uploading the file

Hmm... All Balls...

I was reading this comic strip of cleats just now. When I came to the 2nd frame, I was laughing like mad. Why? Because I was thinking not everyone has balls the "dirty" way... Ok, I know not funny, but I didn't know what cracked me up. Enjoy the strip!

What are you thinking of?! Comic strip lah!

Where Are The Grades?!

Grades are released one month after the exam is taken and that's the usual practice. I took my advertising exam on the 28th July. Till now, my grade for advertising is one week overdue.

Somehow I don't feel like knowing what is the grade I got... Because I blanked out during the exam. But I want to know if I failed...

Patience is key now...