Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Am I Mad?

My MSN subnick says it all: "So Fucking Stress, I Don't Even Have One Minute To Cry To Release It..."
The pressure cooker's been switched on since last week when I realized I was sooooo running out of time. It didn't help that I was sick and getting drowsy from non-drowsy pa****l flu. Efficiency of writing my notes dropped.

Then, I tried to relieve some stress by baking cheesecake. I felt less tense when I was crushing the digestive biscuits with a spoon. Still, I'm feeling stressed.
I've found the articles I need for my application papers and now it's time to start on them. How I wish Saturday arrives sooner so I can relax and stone out. But how I wish Saturday arrives later, so I would have more time to do my application papers.

Am I setting expectations too high? Am I pushing too hard? But I know I would not be contend to get a C or even a B.
One reason of why I'm pushing so hard might be because of the days in poly. Being someone who enjoyed being behind the cameras, doing all the technical work, I was damn disappointed with the grades I got. Mainly because, I did not push and worked hard enough. Project deadlines were met because they have to be met. If I could have pushed myself more and squeezed in more time to edit, the edited pieces I handed in would not be what the lecturer would be marking upon. Most were all group projects, although there were individual tests that had a proportion in the marks. When you're in a group that doesn't really care about grades or are not very passionate about that project, rest assured that grades will definately go down.
Right now, my grades are in my full control. And I know if I do not push myself, I would end up with grades that I would be disappointed with.
Mine isn't a direct honors course. Getting As, Bs or Cs wouldn't matter much. So sometimes, I wonder why am I pushing myself so hard... Why am I "torturing" myself?

A friend on Monday told me that being in a council would suck up a lot of my time. However, studies first.
Right now, although I feel stressed, I still can cope. It's the exam period, of course I need to spend less time on everything else and concentrate on my books and assignments.

I hope someone would understand what I'm going through and bear with me till the end of the week.


chillycraps said...

relax... sometimes pushing yourself too hard will have side-effect or reverse effect.

Jas aka paced said...

Thanks CC...