First entry for the New Year...
So many things happened since the last entry. And all of the sudden I had developed a habit of reading past entries before writing new ones.
I can’t recall what happened on the 23rd of Dec, but I hanged out on the 24th n 25th wif Kevin, Jan n Zhou… 25th was a nice day, very nice…
I guess I was playing trivia like mad from the 26th to the 30th, as usual… At home doin ntg, jus trivia, chatting, phonecalls. A voice nagging in my head to start on my resume, but I jus pushed it aside…
31st, hanged out wif Jan n Zhou. Went to have dinner n thy came over to spend the nite at my place. Hong came over for a while, while his bro was at his gf’s place somewhr in my estate…
1st day 2002, jus slipped past like tt… was practically online almost the whole day…
And the whole of last week? Ditto… Blardi hell, really no life lor… It’s like everyday at home, eat, zzz, phone, chat, trivia… A voice beside me, yes beside me, (read: my mum) nagging like siao… Resume? Yes, abt tt lor, but haizz, I’m still not doin anythg abt it yet. I’m so damn blardi lazy… Mayb its time to sit down n thk wht I really want…
Plan A: Go Murdoch? I guess tt degree can wait… I’m broke n I nd money… Once I’m in Australia, thr are stuff which I wana do, but I can’t…
Plan B: Look for a full time job? That is gd… Stable income… Day in, day out, work work work… At least I can get money…
Plan C: Look for a part-time job? This might b better afterall… I have the money n time… Time is impt to me, cos thr are stuff which I wana do n if I hold a full-time job (read: shifts… yes, tis is the job nature), I wun have the time to do… But, money? A full-time job pays more… Haizzz…
And yes, I’m lazy to thk abt such stuff too…
Some songs have been playing in my mind. One of them is by (I thk) Hardaway… It goes like, “What is love, baby dun hurt me, baby dun hurt me, no more…” Another is Desperado by Eagles, I dunno y but I jus can’t bring myself to type out the lyrics… Those who’ve heard tis song b4, go figure…
Eagles singing tt song to me? Mayb… Mayb its him, mayb he took so much of my love n my heart away. I suspect myself... What if I happen to have feelings for someone, will I open up my heart as much as I did? Will I open up the gates or the fences? Will I commit as much? Finally, will I be able to love him deeply? Mayb I’m afraid of failure, afraid that the next relationship will not work out. Everythg must try… Yes I know tt, but if I tried, really hard n yet it still failed? A Chinese song once had the lyrics “ bei ai shi xing fu, ai ren shi tong ku”, it means being loved by someone is a fortune, but loving someone is painful… Why can’t thr b a balanced of both? If 2 pple love each other equally, thr wun be broken hearts n breakups rite? Haizzz, I really dunno…
Shucks, I better start thking wht I wan now soon lor… Argh…….. Hate tis type of thking stuff, really hate to make decisions whn at crossroads. But I do need to lead myself the way I wana live rite? Haizzzzzzzz….
No comments:
Post a Comment