Sunday, March 19, 2006

Too Many Needs & Wants, Too Little Of Everything Else

This illness took away quite a number of things, but gave me quite a number too.
I lost a position in a working environment which i love but kept a friend cos it din seemed i put her outta a job.
I seemed to be distant to a lot of my friends cos i was too sleepy n tired to go out most of the time, but gained silent moral support from them and new found friends who stumble upon my case.
If i had the financial capabilities, Dear and I would be able to do some better planning for our future. If I had the financial capabilities, I would be able to go travelling, which is something I love. If I had the financial capabilities, I would be able to own a LV handbag myself without envy-ing youths younger then me carrying the real thing around. If I had the financial capabilities, I would be able to support this illness and all its follow-up check ups myself.

But I tell myself... I have nothing now. Everything's back to square one. I'll be studying again. "Buying" my way into an industry I like. Getting a job that would definately pay me better now. Meanwhile during my breaks, I'll get some part time job to get some allowance.

Its time to "revamp" my friendster profile and "re-organise" it. But I dun have the time n energy for it.
I wana continue my driving lessons n get my license b4 my final theory expires in november, but after work I'll be too tired. N i want my weekends for sleeping. for the last 3 saturdays, i've been waking up early for various kinda reasons.
I wana start searching for something and have to do it by april. but i dun have time n energy for it.
I wana volunteer for CCF, but I dun have the time n energy.
I feel tired and drained, after just these 3 weeks of working. I realise i dun have the stamina. After work, i would feel so tempted to take a cab back home, and sometimes i do fall for the temptation. When i reach home, I just dun wana do anything, not even watch tv. I just wana eat n then sleep. I need to sleep. Even now, today, I hardly talked, my mum n sis were asking me questions, i gave them one word answers. I need time to stone n rest.

I slept at 10+pm ystday nite, n woke up at 11am today. i wonder how i'm gonna get to sleep early tonite cos i really dun wanna sleep late n end up getting not enough sleep n thn it would be a vicious cycle. luckily tmr aftnn I got appt wif dr khor. so i can go home early. suppose to c dr hwang tmr too, but she'll only b back tmr evening. so gog to c her on tuesday morning instead, so i can get a little more sleep...

I want to complete my Vodka collection.
I want my wardrobe to be filled with anything from Mango, DKNY, AX, Levi's jeans, LV, Hermes Birkins, Marc Jacobs shoes and Tiffany accessories...
I want my room to be filled with Hello Kitty plushes.
I want a Vertu handphone.
I want a pink Mini Cooper.
I want a job that will pay for all these... haha... hopefully... I must Jia You! Gambatte!
I must admit I have expensive taste, but it's still a few notches down from those tai tais... hahaha...

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