"Peach-flower" month

just got back from Jan's bday party. tired, shag... been ot-ing n getting not enough sleep. gog to hit the sack rite after i finish this... n it's still NOT enough sleep.

something's in my mind for the whole of last week. it kinda manage to creep into the back of my mind now, n i hope it just stays there foreva. brooding over it wun help me at all. it only brings me pain, hurt n makes me feel miserable... it will only weather rocks to sand... its something which i wun know how to address. i can only try to stay as happy as i can... try to reamin as positive as i can... try not to think abt it as much as i can... try to stay as sane as possible...

stay sane... tt's like an impossible thing, but i have to... the pit's too dark, too deep, to black, too scary, too hollow, n no, i wun wana go back in there again.

jokingly or not, i wun wana hear "wana intro guys to u lah" kinda stuff. i had enough for the past month. i wana kick these pple, whether thy r really interested in me or not, to the sun n watch them burn to death. their "confessions" only remind me of how much i love my baby. this is an irritating "peach-flower" month. i hate it!!!

Weird week...

24 mins past. man u against charlton. i wqould say tt its a "choppy" game. everyone seemed to have incomplete passes. Attacking should be a fast thing, but its either my fave red shirts r slow, or the yellow shirts are faster then them.

in the 29th min, saha scores... seems to be narrowly offside...

ystday was a bad day following a bad weekend. its a really-sets-u-to-think-too-much day...

colleague gog on leave today. n all of us tot it was tmr. "great" man... one more day of cleaning up shit for me. i haven seen such a disorganised person in my whole life! soft copy files are all over the place in the computer n the network's shared drives. hard copy working files n documents, tons of duplicates in them n thy have no function just add to the thickness. Original copies of B/L is at the bottom of the file rather then the top. you find original copies of invoices stapled to non-originals copies of other things. gog thru the files tryin to find things aso take a long time. tell you things got head no tail, got tail no head. tell me lah, like tt how to follow up n cover his duties? with so many documents n paperwork to take care of, u cant afford to be disorganised... haiz... on top of that, i still have my work to do... DAMN!

a fooking idiot who is not very good wif the SAP system, REFUSES to (accordin to another colleague) tell pple he stupid. and how the workflow goes by n how the system works, he needs to convert a PR no to a PO no. n he says it was "stuck'. mayb he has loads of things to do but according to some guideline, new arrangement thingy, i have to inform the shipping lines of a no. so thy cant put it onto the invoice to send it to our acct payables. n it was already stuck for 2 whole freaking weeks. after ding-dong up to bangkok n back to sg, he "finally" did something to "rectify" the prob. tt's to DELETE the PR. Now i have to create them AGAIN n send it to my sup for approval. wasting time! so i purposely attached the email to the PR to let my sup c. grr...

it doesn't help whn pple at the other end DONT tok. this stupid shippin line, i called one of them to tell them the prob over here. another sent an email to my colleague n cc the idiot above. hope HE realises tt its the same company we're toking abt n it was HIM was held up everything! Mayb next time if there's a similar scenario, i'll just ask the shipping company to send me an email, cc to him, thn i reply to the email saying tt "I'm working with my pocurement side to hasten things up" instead of "my porcurement side having prob", make him feel guilty... anyway it seems that he doesn't kind chk his email often... we always get our emails replied after 2 days on the average...

yet another victim "falling prey" to my "beauty". another contractor came n ask me if "we could be frds". I hate the attention i'm getting from pple i dunno at my workplace. so far 2 contractors have tried to know me. and others just look at me at a weird way. if i'm single or if i dun really like my bf much, i dun mind keeping my options open n mayb tok to them a little. but i love my baby too much to risk our relationship. i feel bad even with them tryin to come tok to me.

some fella whom i knew over irc before i was together with my baby n me barely chatted more then 10 times. just the other day, he called me n said tt if i dun have a bf, he'll ask me to be his gf. n NO, i dun appreciate tt. he asked if i would accept him if i din have a bf, i said no n din bother to give any reason. i woke up ystday with a missed call, n found tt he actually called me at 1am.

from pple i dun wan attention from, i get it. from pple i wan attention from, i dun get it... i've been trying to be more independent, pulling away more from my baby. but all this attention from other guys just made me realise that i loved him more then i like him. seems tt its gonna be more diff now...

In your lifetime, there r many things tt pple will give you. like money, presents, love, care, concern, etc... but i realised tt there r 2 things which you were to lose them, its kinda hard to get back. tt's respect n trust. but its weird. its supposed to be the person i trust most, yet now, i dunno how to trust tt fella.

song spinning in the head for the past week: i can't help it by andy gibb n olivia newton john. another version was done by regine n remus choy (of cao meng).

if it was just a weird day, i think its rather more like a weird week. if its just a weird week, pls dun let it be a weird month. enough is enough. i'm pissed and fustrated. i wana cry to release, but river ran dry. mayb i'm dehydrated tt's y tears dun flow? y cant these tears flow? i need them to flow to feel betta... argh!

Liang Jing Ru's Ting Bu Dao

One song tt really describe my feelings now... Liang Jing Ru's Ting Bu Dao
...

The song just popped up into my head. guess i'm in the emotional state again... linking my feelings to some songs...

Maybe I should... but...

been feeling very tired lately...

mayb i should drink more coffee at work to keep myself awake n energetic but...

mayb i should bath faster in the mornings to set myself in pace but...

mayb i should stop feeling dead n numb whn i wake up in the mornings but...

mayb i should stop crying to sleep every nite but...

mayb i should go to bed earlier at nite but...

mayb i should stop myself thinking of Aileen Carol Wuornos n her sad life whenever i close my eyes but...

mayb i should not have watched "Monster" and feel so depressed but...

mayb i should watch some comedies but...

mayb i should just trip over some steps n land in hospital, in coma so i wun think but...

mayb i should even just fall dead but...

mayb i should just sleep now cos there's a real madrid match later at 2.30am but...

mayb i should just hug cheer bear to sleep but...

haiz... zzz...

*fart fart*

while waiting for the urge to shit, just decided to pop in here to write a line or 2...

been trying to solve a riddle the whole day today but cant solve it. haiz...

*fart fart*

went shopping with Baby today. he needed a new belt n pants n ended up with no belt but pants, undies n a top... while i, bought a top tt caught my eye...

*fart fart*

k, time to release...

Kor Kor...

Kor Kor died for excately one year as of today. yet, it only seemed like ystday. a chinese version of "zui" sang by yong bang played on the radio just now in the office. Trying so hard to fight back my tears. although i'm not a fanatic fan of his, i still missed him, his movies, his songs, his "zui". how i wished it was just an apr fools joke.

"kor kor, hoe dor zhong yi lei dek ya-en hoe gua ju lei. yeik nin le, lei hoe ma? kor kor, zou meh lei lum um hoi? zou meh yew lei hoi..."