Gastric --> Stomach ulcer --> Stomach cancer

on MC today... Was feeling terrible on Monday already. Managed to scrap thru work ystday and went to the doc's in the evening...

doc asked since whn i had this kinda feeling my my tummy. told him quite some time back, but it came n go... only becoming more frequent now... he asked if it could be stress related... u're the doc, how in the hell would I know!? anyway, i din tell him tt lah, i just said i dunno... gave me gastric medication, famotidine... was wondering y not antacid. seems tt famotidine is stronger thn antacid.

correct me or the webbys that i went thru if i'm wrong... antacid for neutralizing the acidic affect in the gut. but famotidine, is for curing ulcers and reducing the gastric juice serection... now, tt really scares me! i betta start looking aft my tummy... eating medication on time. the tot of stomach ulcer n developing into stomach cancer really scares me...

May God, my Lord bless this lost sheep... Amen!

Headache cum hunger pangs cum gastric...

Feel like dying... Dunno whn i started having gastric pains... mayb i din heed the symptoms like burning stomach, hunger pangs, slight sharp jabs on the center, slightly to the left of my stomach area... now i cant get to sleep, accompanied by the heavy headache-ed head! helppppppppp...

so here i am... at this hour, which i should b sleeping, typing in here to waste time... chatting in cobratrivia to waste time too. need to tire myself to get to zzz...

haiz, since whn did my body become a total wreckage?

stress? a bit... not cos of work... but cos of how someone, a colleague, is treatin me... not tt i'm treated badly, but too good in fact... i told a frd abt it, he said, "dun flirt back". pengz... since whn i became an "expert" in this area!? he aso said, "if u wan things to happen in a certain way, think in tt direction. but dun have to think too much aso... if u hope he's not interested in u, think tt he's not, thn can liao..." hopefully tis advice will work cos i'm just not comfy being treated so nice... dun ask me y yet... not in the mood actually to tok abt it rite now.. too stress liao...

the packing on the paracetamol says "cause drowiness" but i feel so awake... haiz... more chatting in trivia...

http://Salisbury.cjb.net

webby of the moment: http://Salisbury.cjb.net
feeling of the moment: sad, depressing: tot i'm over him already... but... silly: y? y? y?
song of the moment: tt song on the webby and Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu...
me of the moment: crying, stoning, blank mind...

Good & bad news...

Time for news updates... erm... k, tt's lame...

my contract got renewed... monthly rated now... renewed for a year... so if nothing goes wrong, i'll not be jobless for the next year...

boring life... wake up, work, driving lesson, wash up, sleep... tt's my life for the past few weeks, except for a few days i let myself off, go home early n slack...

next week's screening, 13 going on 30 n alien vs predator... was kinda wishing for stepford wives instead...

ivp starts tmr at np... good luck!

Tired... v.2

Tired... deadbeat... not because I just returned home at 3.30am from mdm wong... For the past few weeks, been taking cab to work cos i jus cant wake up... but i slept early... ard 10... Really can't make it... its like there's no energy in me...

I'm no longer hourly rated... Roy, my boss, has agreed to convert me to monthly rated, tt means a slight pay raise... just whn everything is settled, i received an email thru FSV yahoo grp abt needing pple in SPH. tok abt timing...

zzzzzzzzzz...

Thou shall not sleep tonite... Hmm...

Yes yes, wht am i doin here at this pt of time... should be zzz cos i supposed to wake up at 5.30 n go to work. here's r d reasons...

man u just lost to chelsea 1-0 and the match finished just minutes ago...

Lots of swimming olympic finals telecasting rite now...

Telecasting frm athens now is aso a badminton match between our singapore's ronald susilo n world's no. 1, china's lin dan. susilo won the first round 12-15, n leading now 6-10... if he wins this, he'll go on to the nxt round...

Jap vs Italy soccer match, who dun wana watch?!

thou shall not sleep tonite.. thn later i sure jialat jialat liao... the whole day in office sure yawn one... n Ada on Fri say wana date me later, dunno wht's in stall for us aft work.. haha...

bz week ahead of me... tues got training... wed have to pick up pdts n mayb sfs screening, hopefully i can tahan n make it. there's i robot n the notebook. driving lesson on thurs n fri. sat at last can rest, but sun might b gog out wif the gals again.

haha.. now the sg contingent in the stadium singin ole ole.. hahah... score is 10-13 now... aiyoh, i aso a bit kan cheong liao.. haha...

gone thru 3 driving lessons so far. taken d road already! things i have to improve on... steering for sharp bends and my biting point... so paiseh, was trying to find the biting point at a traffic light junction, traffic light (yay!!! susilo won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10-15!!!!!! on to the nxt round!!!) turned green, thn i took a bit long, the stupid driver behind me horn at me!!! warau... thn i said, i "L" plate leh!!! thn my instructor aso laff...

okie.. i got cheated.. the supposed italy n jap match is now morocco n portugal...

thou can sleep... nitezzz...

Since 25th Jul...

How should i start this entry... let's date back to 2 sundays ago, 25th Jul...

F.I.R was in town and had a gig at Hard Rock Cafe. It was the first time I'm seeing them n hearin them live. They are fantastic! fabulous! superb! They are like so perfect. One pretty n sweet, the other, cool, the other, drop dead good looking, my ideal guy type...
F=Faye: Pretty n sweet, with a great voice to boot. She has the ability to go solo anytime. She's like A*Mei, sounded betta live rather then cd (although both have diff singing styles) and has great stage presence. I've always tot there are 2 diff type of singers, the performer/ entertainer (read: "idol" type eg, Aaron Kwok in the past when he just started out) and the singer (read: only sing, do nothin else, eg Qi Yu, Cai Qin). Reason I like A*Mei is that she fall into both catergory, so does Faye. When she sang a verse of A*Mei's Lan Tian, she sang it sooo beautifully in her own way.
I=Ian: Lao Shi!!! The brains behind this band. Composer, producer, keyboardist. A*Mei's Lan Tian was done by him too. (tt's y Faye sang it at the gig) Damn cool! Was drooling at his coolness, given his age of 30+. haha... Gotta thank him for bringing them together, without him, there wouldn't be F.I.R.
R=Real aka Ah Qing. This is the drop dead good looker. Stupid photos I've seen of him in the press so far make him look fat n ugly. Mayb cos he has a kinda wide face cos of his jawline. when he smiles, he's cute. When he does not smile, he looks cool n suave. my ideal guy type lah, the kinda guy whose type of look can vary but still good looking lah... He's very very obliging. Call him, he turns n smiles, INTO your cam!!! Damn talented too. If he goes solo, he'll be hot property. he can sing! so wht if he's just a guitarist. He has the voice that really melts you... ahhhhh...
After the gig, it was the autograph session at West Mall. IDIOT warner staff, after I finish toking to lao shi n faye, can tok to ah qing already!!! but, this idiot, ask me how many cd sleeves i brought up thn hurry me off the stage!!! i haven even shook ah qing's hand nor tok to him!!! argh... tt's one disappointing part... another was, i have so many friends in NTU, but none could get tics for the gig at NTU... Q was too long and most had to rush for lessons, some din even bother to reply me!!! grr...

Last sunday, 1st, went for a malay wedding lunch buffet. it was Hamari's son's wedding. supposed to go down to SAJC to mit PJ for a church event, but my head was killing me, tearing me apart. Slept, from 3+, waking up several times for dunno wht reason. In my "blurness", i think i replied sms, drank water n pee-ed... hmm... waking up in the morning 6.30 and took a cab to work the next day...

Tuesday, went down to NP for training. Got schedules for IVP, so i can book my driving lessons accordingly. After training, i went home, din go eat, zzz... woke up to watch man u play psv. after tt, wnt to work as usual. after work, wnt to pick up my lenses, went home change shoe cos heel came off, a bit risky to wear them walking ard in town. wnt to mit him (him lah...) for SFS core screening of Brotherhood.

Review of Brotherhood: I liked it, but he din. was crying like hell. the plot was very pacy, thus whn the characters "grew" it seemed very fast n choppy. it also seemed like the director was trying to squeeze Band of Brothers into a 2 and a half hours movie. the cinematography was also very similar to BOB. but overall, its a good movie. teaches us one important thing, if u treasure the person close to you, nvr flare up or quarrel wif him/her. if there are misunderstandings, tok it out n clear it. cos u'll nvr know whether u'll c him/her again the nxt day, that's whn u'll regret...

Went for my first practical driving lesson today. need to work on my footwork n steering. i have bad road sense... :-(

I've been thinking a lot after the movie, dunno excately what, but it just links from one thing to another. in the end, i "settled" on 2 quotes that i've seen n heard...
"The furthest distance is that when I'm beside you, you don't even know it."
"Friends, I'd rather be. Lovers, I'd rather not. Cos lovers last for a while, while friends last forever."
With this, i'm tellin myself to be more hard hearted in love cos "friends" will definately last longer then "lovers"...

Superb F.I.R

F.I.R! Superb! Saw them on Sunday... But... no mood to write abt them now...

Was reading newpaper just now. There was a report on a camp organised by NTU sports club. Gals sitting on guys lap on the bus, n thy wnt to the beach, paired up... Guys taking off their trunks at a beach, bet the gals were wearin their skimpiest bikinis... my heart sank... whn i asked abt the camp, he only said thy tried new sports, nothing else... i rather he tell me everything...

really feeling damn fucking lousy now... haiz...

Wondering too much...

Stupid irritating headache... but still got to mit him, a day later... Seemed to have lost weight, mayb cos he's tanner... but still looks so good... got these black bands round his wrists, rarely c him wear such stuff.

Life seems so happenin for him, compared to me, living in misery... has he forgotten me n our times together? doesn't he think of me at all? afterall, i'm no longer on his hp wallpaper, wondered whn he changed it... whn we just broke up, it was still there. Wondered if he even deleted the photo from his phone.

computer screensaver... wonder if he changed it too... wondering if "piggy: muacks" is still spinning on his screen...

wondering too much... mayb i should jus go zzz... school is starting next week, he'll get to know more pple, more GALS... i guess he already got to know some now, during his recent sports camp... has he fancy anyone yet?

ARGH!!!

Not dead... Still alive...

Haven't written in a long time, but i'm not dead yet... still around, still alive, still miserable, still sad, still numb, still crying... still trying to keep myself noisy at work, cos if i'm too quiet, my colleagues will know i'm not rite... like wht Faridah say, if dun hear my voice, means something not rite. Motherly feeling she has there, i guess... which is actually quite true...

Been keeping myself busy... Shopping, registering with BBDC, taking passport photo, working, watchin tv, searching for songs on kazaa, blah blah... but, not excately busy enuff to stop thinking of him...

Been tryin to fall asleep every nite, but i had to cry first. after tossin n turning or pretending to be dead, thn i'll manage to fall asleep. and whn i do, its not deep sleep, somehow or rather, i'm like half awake cos i cant feel myself sleeping. messy dreams i'm having... no recollection of wht's gog on, but the scenes are always blurry, with loads of things n colours in them, switching scenes n places like no one's business. Thn my alarm sounds at 5.30, with me wakin up thinkin if i had indeed fell ASLEEP... hit the snooze for another 5 mins, n tt's whn i fall ASLEEP, waking up only at 6... Whn i'm in the office, i try so hard to keep my eyes open... n after work whn i reach home, i'm wide awake... haiz...

mayb i accidently hit my head or something while sleeping... always feels heavy... its like there's something always nudging the interiors... Gloria Gaynor sings I will survive... hope i will...

Sumantri came back to the plant for another 2 weeks after he gone back to indonesia. next week is his last week cos sch re-opening the following week. so is sabrina, our cute, lively, bubbly production planner... she's also leaving soon. although i'm not tt close to her, i'm gonna miss her cos not many pple in the plant have a "2" in front of their age with the same kinda talking frequency... after she moves to harbourfront, there'll be one gal less and one guy more!!! cos a guy called terrence will be taking over her position.

so, we had a farewell dinner just now for sabby. she sent me home after that. talked to her quite a bit in the car. if i really wana drop everything n go away, she'll be the one i need to tok to. she really talks sense and i almost cried in the car. i din tell her much, but like wht i said, we have the same talking freq. somehow or rather, wht she said really kicks the inner deeper thoughts of mine which i nvr really bothered. abt how gog away for a degree is good... abt how i should really sit down one day to think wht i really want and how i can achieve them... abt how gog away without any strings attached over here would be better... all the inner deep down buried thoughts which i nvr had to courage to ponder on them......

felt that i almost fainted today at home... was sitting down, wearing my shoe, beinding over to adjust the tongue of my shoe. whn i stood up, whole world was spinning and i almost fell back to the sofa. wht's the fucking problem with me?! haiz... mayb cos getting old... in the past i dun have this kinda spinning thingy...

Havent seen or heard from him... hopefully he can make it for the screenings nxt week... (baby) cya then...