The last few days, not enough sleep. getting up early for interviews. tmr again i'll have to get up early to c dr hwang. now, i'm drained, tired and yawning. but i cant get to sleep... so now, i end up watching winter olympics curling ladies gold medal match on telly.
but for a while a bit not concentrating... was talking to my coach and junior (although diff sch, coached by the same coach) on msn. feels great talking to them cos its been quite some time already. then later tmr i'm miting another junior for lunch. feel so "happening"... haha...
but between doc's appt n lunch appt, i'll be gog for another interview. its for a record store and hopefully they'll allow me to work for them. but i can only do so during weekends till may cos i've already signed a contract to work till may for another company... n when my course starts in may, i'll be doing my course subject by subject/ module by module basis. weeks of self study followed by weeks of intensive lectures n tutorials by the lecturers from US which will take up the whole day. Then its assignment n test week followed by a few weeks of break. then the whole cycle continues again for the next subject/ module... so whn i'm studying, other then the weeks of attending classes, i can actually work, so i really hope i can nail this one...
But i leave it to God, cos he'll know if my health can take it. hopefully my health can really take it... hehe... i really want to work... after working for so long already, it feels weird not to be working. but at the same time, i really want to study. Study so that i can land my ideal careers... n i know God will be watching n protecting me all the way.
I still miss my ring! mayb tt's the reason i can't zzz... sigh...
Song of the day: My ring (sing to the tune of my bonnie)
my ring lies over the "dunno-where", my ring lies over the "dunno-where"
i lost my dear little ring somewhere out there, oh bring back my ring to me...
bring back, oh bring back, oh bring back my ring to me, to me!
bring back, oh bring back, oh bring back my dear ring to me...
Friday, February 24, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Mental & Physical Torture
Seh, blur, light headed now. Being a caffine addict, i dunno if its due to lack of caffine for more then 48 hours or due to lack of sleep. been waking early the last 2 days, so kinda tired and tried to sleep. But ended up crying instead. i miss my ring... when i finally fell asleep at 3+, i woke up again at 5+ dunno for wht reason. had trouble gog back to sleep again. when i finally fell asleep again, it was time to wake up to go down to the agency to sign the contract.
After signing the contract, i went to meet mum at Tiong Bahru MRT to go to the tailor's place to alter some clothes. Had lunch then headed down to suntec. Since my office would be there and the shuttle service in the morning is only for privilege card members, i reckon it would be easier n convinient and less tiring to take the bus then to walk the citylink 5 days a week. I handed in the application form n walked ard.
I walked where i walked ystday. bearing the slightest, teeny, weeny glimpse of hope that i would find the little fella. call me silly, foolish, bo liao, idiot, crazy, whteva you deem fit, but i only wanted something which was so dearly important back onto my finger. blame it on my carelessness, which i've always been since i emerge from my mum's womb.
pple close to me would know how insecure i can be, being alone without the ring made it worse. it's like Dear isn't by my side. i feel terrible... this is mental torture...
throughout today, i couldn't hear the 'kink' sound made by my ring whenever i touched something hard, like holding onto the hand-poles on the MRT and on the bus. its weird not hearing the 'kink' sound... feels so silent... this is physical torture...
argh!!!
After signing the contract, i went to meet mum at Tiong Bahru MRT to go to the tailor's place to alter some clothes. Had lunch then headed down to suntec. Since my office would be there and the shuttle service in the morning is only for privilege card members, i reckon it would be easier n convinient and less tiring to take the bus then to walk the citylink 5 days a week. I handed in the application form n walked ard.
I walked where i walked ystday. bearing the slightest, teeny, weeny glimpse of hope that i would find the little fella. call me silly, foolish, bo liao, idiot, crazy, whteva you deem fit, but i only wanted something which was so dearly important back onto my finger. blame it on my carelessness, which i've always been since i emerge from my mum's womb.
pple close to me would know how insecure i can be, being alone without the ring made it worse. it's like Dear isn't by my side. i feel terrible... this is mental torture...
throughout today, i couldn't hear the 'kink' sound made by my ring whenever i touched something hard, like holding onto the hand-poles on the MRT and on the bus. its weird not hearing the 'kink' sound... feels so silent... this is physical torture...
argh!!!
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Lost...
I should be happy. My life's getting back to normal, got a temp job at quite a good rate which will fill my time till i start classes, found another 2nd-hand shop that sells LV bags at good conditions, blah blah...
But i feel lost and empty... esp my finger... i've lost the ring Dear gave me for my bday last year. I dunno how in the fuck i manage to lose it. i dun wear it to bath or whenever i step into the bathroom to shit, nor while washing anything with soap or detergent, nor while baking or cooking, nor do i wear it while putting on makeup. the rest of the time, its either snug nicely on my finger or tied tightly to the cloth strap of my hp.
it was there this morning when i woke up.
it was there this morning on the mrt on my way to a job interview. i put on my hand moisturiser and forgot to put it on cos i couldn't get a seat and i was holding onto a file and it was kinda troublesome untying the little fella.
i arrived at city hall mrt and Dear called. Did i dropped it then? i din notice. but i only remembered switching my hp to silent mode.
i passed the gantry, walked to suntec thru citilink, went into wrong lifts thrice, went up tower 5's escalator and lift (the lift lobby's on 2nd floor), went into the company premises for the interview, all this while my hp in my bag, zipped.
After the interview, i exited the lift and took the escalator down and took out my hp to call my agent. was on the phone with her while i walked on the outside of the mall from tower 5 to tower 2's taxi stand. Did i dropped it then? i din notice.
called Dear while at taxi stand, but he din picked up. Did i dropped it then? i din notice.
Held onto the phone and made my way to nokia care centre at tower 1 2nd floor to check if my phone had compatible stereo earphones. Dear called back and spoke to him for a while. Did i dropped it then? i din notice. I placed the phone back into my bag.
went back to 1st floor to check out this fashion's sale. held on to file and 2 shorts while another agency's client called to conduct a phone interview. Did i dropped it then? i din notice. phone was back into my bag.
paid for my items and walked out to the taxi stand to take a cab down to clifford centre to look for my agent. throughout the taxi ride and up to the agency, the phone's still in my bag.
Filled up an application form and passed it back to my agent. while waiting for her, Dear called. after putting down the phone with him, i discovered my ring's gone. i frantically checked my bag, checked my surroundings, looked at the floor, no ring...
i must have dropped it when i didn't pay attention to it. now, it threw a tantrum and ran away from me...
i told dear later after lunch. he tried to comfort me saying luckily not diamond ring. but to me diamond or fake crystal, platinum or silver, its still a ring from him.
i suggested gog back to suntec and find, he said i dunno whr excately i lost it, so its hard looking plus it doesn't cost much. but to me 1 cent ring or 1 million dollars ring, its still a ring from him.
he say next time we'll buy a few identical rings so if i lost one, i still had another one. but i find no comfort in that.
i dun wear much accessories, so i kinda needed to get used to it at first. but i soon developed a habit of looking at the ring on my finger, fiddling it, stroking it, twirling it round my finger while watching tv, at the keyboard, doing my cross-stitch and even in bed while getting to sleep. now, i feel so uncomfortable without it, so empty...
But i feel lost and empty... esp my finger... i've lost the ring Dear gave me for my bday last year. I dunno how in the fuck i manage to lose it. i dun wear it to bath or whenever i step into the bathroom to shit, nor while washing anything with soap or detergent, nor while baking or cooking, nor do i wear it while putting on makeup. the rest of the time, its either snug nicely on my finger or tied tightly to the cloth strap of my hp.
it was there this morning when i woke up.
it was there this morning on the mrt on my way to a job interview. i put on my hand moisturiser and forgot to put it on cos i couldn't get a seat and i was holding onto a file and it was kinda troublesome untying the little fella.
i arrived at city hall mrt and Dear called. Did i dropped it then? i din notice. but i only remembered switching my hp to silent mode.
i passed the gantry, walked to suntec thru citilink, went into wrong lifts thrice, went up tower 5's escalator and lift (the lift lobby's on 2nd floor), went into the company premises for the interview, all this while my hp in my bag, zipped.
After the interview, i exited the lift and took the escalator down and took out my hp to call my agent. was on the phone with her while i walked on the outside of the mall from tower 5 to tower 2's taxi stand. Did i dropped it then? i din notice.
called Dear while at taxi stand, but he din picked up. Did i dropped it then? i din notice.
Held onto the phone and made my way to nokia care centre at tower 1 2nd floor to check if my phone had compatible stereo earphones. Dear called back and spoke to him for a while. Did i dropped it then? i din notice. I placed the phone back into my bag.
went back to 1st floor to check out this fashion's sale. held on to file and 2 shorts while another agency's client called to conduct a phone interview. Did i dropped it then? i din notice. phone was back into my bag.
paid for my items and walked out to the taxi stand to take a cab down to clifford centre to look for my agent. throughout the taxi ride and up to the agency, the phone's still in my bag.
Filled up an application form and passed it back to my agent. while waiting for her, Dear called. after putting down the phone with him, i discovered my ring's gone. i frantically checked my bag, checked my surroundings, looked at the floor, no ring...
i must have dropped it when i didn't pay attention to it. now, it threw a tantrum and ran away from me...
i told dear later after lunch. he tried to comfort me saying luckily not diamond ring. but to me diamond or fake crystal, platinum or silver, its still a ring from him.
i suggested gog back to suntec and find, he said i dunno whr excately i lost it, so its hard looking plus it doesn't cost much. but to me 1 cent ring or 1 million dollars ring, its still a ring from him.
he say next time we'll buy a few identical rings so if i lost one, i still had another one. but i find no comfort in that.
i dun wear much accessories, so i kinda needed to get used to it at first. but i soon developed a habit of looking at the ring on my finger, fiddling it, stroking it, twirling it round my finger while watching tv, at the keyboard, doing my cross-stitch and even in bed while getting to sleep. now, i feel so uncomfortable without it, so empty...
Monday, February 20, 2006
On The Way!
on the way... to getting my life organised and back again after months of lazing around n getting well... i've just got 2 interviews tmr with the agency, so hopefully that's good news...
on the way... to make my life rewarding and fufilling. thinking of volunteering for Children's Cancer Foundation...
la la la... i'm a happy, cheerful, joyful, noisy, crazy, mad, enthusiastic and energetic bitch again! No more sickly, feeble and tired kid! muuuaaahahahahaha......
on the way... to make my life rewarding and fufilling. thinking of volunteering for Children's Cancer Foundation...
la la la... i'm a happy, cheerful, joyful, noisy, crazy, mad, enthusiastic and energetic bitch again! No more sickly, feeble and tired kid! muuuaaahahahahaha......
Valentine's Day 2006 - Pre/ During/ Post
Its been bz bz bz... Before Chinese New Year, I was busy making cookies for sale, for gifts and for home "use". After CNY, i was busy making cross-stitch and looking around for Dear's pressie. Only managed to finish the cross-stitch last minute at 5am on 13th Feb. After sleeping for a few hours, i brought it to be framed and returned home to wrap it with his other pressies. The original plan for Dear was a cross-stitch (i make one for him almost every occasion), a t-shirt (partially my fault for making him unable to fit into his tees) and Warcraft Battlechest (cos he likes to DOTA). But it ended up as 2 tees and the cross-stitch. Battlechest was sold out. I went to PK computer branches at Suntec and Heeren, walked the entire of Funan, went to Tampines challenger and Popular branches at Jurong East and Orchard MRT, all told me sold out. It was only when i told him about his "original" pressies on Thursday then we managed to get the Battlechest. He brought me to Novena United Sq and we found it there. I insisted on getting it for him, but he didn't want me to spend so much, so in the end we ended up spliting the bill.
On V day, Dear came to fetch me with a bouquet! As we walked around during the day, i still found my bouquet is the nicest and if i had not left it at home, the gals would envy me! haha... I left it at home cos i didn't want to carry it around and end up spoiling it cos i wanted to dry the roses.
Then we proceeded down to Marina Sq for lunch at Changing Appetites. Its a cafe/ restaurant with Cafe Cartel's pricing. It has 200 items on its menu from starters and soups, to main courses, to pastas, to drinks
and mudpies! It's a slight change of taste from the norm foods we eat day in day out. Although its not extremely fantastic, the food's still average. The foods are more westerned with a Japanese touch. Dear and i both ordered pastas and the serving was larger then those at Pastamania's. Dear ordered a Cabonara while
i got a salmon pasta... And together we shared fish fillet and mussels. The fish
wasn't very fresh, but it was light and flaky. The mussles were slightly overcooked but still very yummy due to the Hollandnaise sauce and cheese... Later we shared a mudpie. The top layer was macadamia nuts gelato and the bottom layer was chocolate gelato. It tasted as if it was kept too long as you can taste the crystals of ice in the mudpie.
Went to get my pressed powder at M.A.C at Isetan Scotts and concealer at Anna Sui Isetan Wisma Atria cos they're running out. Dear wanted to get me a bag and wanted me to choose a colour, so we went down to Taka to take a look 1st. The bag was a bit "aunty" looking and we passed the tot of buying a bag. Went down to Cineleisure to take pic and watched Fun with Dick and Jane. it was such a fun movie! After the movie, we went to my place to pack my stuff to spend the nite at his place. Then we went out for a late dinner cos i needed to have my medication 8 hours apart. Still, Dear didn't know wht to get for me while I toyed with the idea of having a pair of Levi's square cut jeans.
Next day after waking up, i told Dear about the jeans and he said ok. we went down to Levi's boutique at Ngee Ann city to take a look. There i saw some ladies' style jeans. its considered one of Levi's newer range of jeans for ladies. The cutting and designs are very very good but the price of each is about $170. Dear said if i want, i can have a pair instead of the square cut one which is about $140. but i think its too expensive as he had just finished his contract and still on a lookout for a job. If he's still working, at least $170's still much more affordable. So after trying the jeans i got it measured for the length to be altered. Collected the jeans the next day and got Dear's Battlechest.
After the last 2-3 weeks of doing stuff, i decided today that i have to get my life back in order just like the days before i was sick. i jotted out the things i have to do and things i have to buy (waredrobe needs upgrading) and gave a timeline for each. First things to put in place is a temp job before i start classes cos i dun wana rot at home and book final few lessons and driving test before my advance theory test "expires" in Nov... Just now, I was looked through the papers and JobsDB, updated my resume and sent them out. Tmr, i'll have to continue the job search. I've also booked my driving lessons, hopefully i'm not "rusty". Right now, i'll have to renew my PDL. The rest like updating of my spreadsheet on makan places and typing of recipes can do bit by bit slowly...
Let's get organised!
On V day, Dear came to fetch me with a bouquet! As we walked around during the day, i still found my bouquet is the nicest and if i had not left it at home, the gals would envy me! haha... I left it at home cos i didn't want to carry it around and end up spoiling it cos i wanted to dry the roses.Then we proceeded down to Marina Sq for lunch at Changing Appetites. Its a cafe/ restaurant with Cafe Cartel's pricing. It has 200 items on its menu from starters and soups, to main courses, to pastas, to drinks
and mudpies! It's a slight change of taste from the norm foods we eat day in day out. Although its not extremely fantastic, the food's still average. The foods are more westerned with a Japanese touch. Dear and i both ordered pastas and the serving was larger then those at Pastamania's. Dear ordered a Cabonara while
i got a salmon pasta... And together we shared fish fillet and mussels. The fish
wasn't very fresh, but it was light and flaky. The mussles were slightly overcooked but still very yummy due to the Hollandnaise sauce and cheese... Later we shared a mudpie. The top layer was macadamia nuts gelato and the bottom layer was chocolate gelato. It tasted as if it was kept too long as you can taste the crystals of ice in the mudpie.Went to get my pressed powder at M.A.C at Isetan Scotts and concealer at Anna Sui Isetan Wisma Atria cos they're running out. Dear wanted to get me a bag and wanted me to choose a colour, so we went down to Taka to take a look 1st. The bag was a bit "aunty" looking and we passed the tot of buying a bag. Went down to Cineleisure to take pic and watched Fun with Dick and Jane. it was such a fun movie! After the movie, we went to my place to pack my stuff to spend the nite at his place. Then we went out for a late dinner cos i needed to have my medication 8 hours apart. Still, Dear didn't know wht to get for me while I toyed with the idea of having a pair of Levi's square cut jeans.
Next day after waking up, i told Dear about the jeans and he said ok. we went down to Levi's boutique at Ngee Ann city to take a look. There i saw some ladies' style jeans. its considered one of Levi's newer range of jeans for ladies. The cutting and designs are very very good but the price of each is about $170. Dear said if i want, i can have a pair instead of the square cut one which is about $140. but i think its too expensive as he had just finished his contract and still on a lookout for a job. If he's still working, at least $170's still much more affordable. So after trying the jeans i got it measured for the length to be altered. Collected the jeans the next day and got Dear's Battlechest.
After the last 2-3 weeks of doing stuff, i decided today that i have to get my life back in order just like the days before i was sick. i jotted out the things i have to do and things i have to buy (waredrobe needs upgrading) and gave a timeline for each. First things to put in place is a temp job before i start classes cos i dun wana rot at home and book final few lessons and driving test before my advance theory test "expires" in Nov... Just now, I was looked through the papers and JobsDB, updated my resume and sent them out. Tmr, i'll have to continue the job search. I've also booked my driving lessons, hopefully i'm not "rusty". Right now, i'll have to renew my PDL. The rest like updating of my spreadsheet on makan places and typing of recipes can do bit by bit slowly...
Let's get organised!
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
The Ultimate Truth...
Last Friday, i had a scheduled checkup at Dr. Hwang's clinic to check if I've any side effects to the oral drugs and to collect the next dosage. I asked her the question i had wanted to ask for so long. when she heard the question, she let out a laugh, smiled and said "months lah, months"...
Was out the whole day with dear and only went home at night. when i told my parents about it, it was only then i knew about the ultimate truth. while i was having my 1st chemo session, Dr Hwang got my parents into her room and explained my condition, just like how usually its acted out in the serials. Apparently, i was in a critical condition and had only 2 to 6 months left. chemo is to definately prolong my life and cos my cancer is very aggressive, there's no gauruantee i would be cleared. thus, being cured is only an option.
when i heard tt, i held back my tears. i was fed up and angry at my parents for not telling me the truth and letting me get prepared for the worst. there's a chinese saying that goes, xi wang yue da, shi wang yue da (the bigger the hope, the bigger the disappointment). I bathed and hid in the toilet to cry. after that i called dear cos i just didnt want to stay at home and i cant face my parents cos i really hate pple who lie to me. i needed to be away from them to calm down.
dear explained to me that even if i know the truth, it might not be good for me, cos i may had lost the spirit to fight the battle. its true, but i felt it was unfair for the both of us cos we're not prepared for the worst. dear then said that when he saw the scan, he was already prepared for the worst, but since everything's ok now, i shouldn't be angry with my parents. true, true, but i really needed to be away from them to calm down so i slept over at dear's place.
the next day, i woke up quite late and dear asked if i wanted to go home. i didn't want cos i still dunno how to face them. we spend the whole evening out playing dota, and since the place was quite noisy, i didn't even bother to check my hp to c if anyone called. for that moment, i just didnt want to talk to anyone. We played till about 1am, that's when i checked my hp to find 7 missed calls and 2 sms from my parents. but since it was so late, i didnt bother replying. reached home to watch the man u match but dad was still up. how i wished he was asleep already. luckily, he went to sleep soon...
the gals came over on sunday for mahjong, yu sheng and we had steamboat for dinner. chatted quite a bit too... too bad winn wasn't ard...
Was out the whole day with dear and only went home at night. when i told my parents about it, it was only then i knew about the ultimate truth. while i was having my 1st chemo session, Dr Hwang got my parents into her room and explained my condition, just like how usually its acted out in the serials. Apparently, i was in a critical condition and had only 2 to 6 months left. chemo is to definately prolong my life and cos my cancer is very aggressive, there's no gauruantee i would be cleared. thus, being cured is only an option.
when i heard tt, i held back my tears. i was fed up and angry at my parents for not telling me the truth and letting me get prepared for the worst. there's a chinese saying that goes, xi wang yue da, shi wang yue da (the bigger the hope, the bigger the disappointment). I bathed and hid in the toilet to cry. after that i called dear cos i just didnt want to stay at home and i cant face my parents cos i really hate pple who lie to me. i needed to be away from them to calm down.
dear explained to me that even if i know the truth, it might not be good for me, cos i may had lost the spirit to fight the battle. its true, but i felt it was unfair for the both of us cos we're not prepared for the worst. dear then said that when he saw the scan, he was already prepared for the worst, but since everything's ok now, i shouldn't be angry with my parents. true, true, but i really needed to be away from them to calm down so i slept over at dear's place.
the next day, i woke up quite late and dear asked if i wanted to go home. i didn't want cos i still dunno how to face them. we spend the whole evening out playing dota, and since the place was quite noisy, i didn't even bother to check my hp to c if anyone called. for that moment, i just didnt want to talk to anyone. We played till about 1am, that's when i checked my hp to find 7 missed calls and 2 sms from my parents. but since it was so late, i didnt bother replying. reached home to watch the man u match but dad was still up. how i wished he was asleep already. luckily, he went to sleep soon...
the gals came over on sunday for mahjong, yu sheng and we had steamboat for dinner. chatted quite a bit too... too bad winn wasn't ard...
Friday, February 03, 2006
Chinese New Year 2006
Chinese New Year's angbow collection so far so good, hope to get more! hehe... everyone would wish to have loads of big fat angbows for new year... 1st and 2nd day of CNY was on Sunday and Monday. 1st 2 days's "schedule" is usual and almost routined, no exception this year too...
1st day: 1st grandaunt's place, thn mum's pa's friend place, thn 4th grandaunt's place, thn granduncle's (Mum's side) place then last stop is aunt's (dad side) place. But this year, b4 gog over to aunt's place, we went over to mum's mum place first...
2nd day: Lunch at mum's mum place then in the afternoon, granduncle (Mum's side) and family would come over. After they leave, we would then call to see who's at home then we would go visiting. usually would call my nanny or some of dad's friends, but this year, they're not at home. in the end decided to go over to my uncle's (mum's side) place.
3rd day: Woke up at only 3+ cos I haven't had enough sleep the last few nites. supposed to meet some poly coursemates at suntec marche, but i had a headache. they came over instead and we ordered pizza. it's been a long long time since i met them. chatted and really got to know what's happening to other coursemates, who's doing what and how's everyone. Then i went over to dear's place to sleep.
4th day: Woke up, had lunch and went to central to get some stuff before gog home to meet my 2nd granduncle and wife and 6th grandaunt and daughter, who drove out from malaysia on the 3rd day. 5th grandaunt's daughter treated all of us for dinner at East Coast Long Beach. saw her 2 sons for the first time. elder one, Timothy is about 2, younger one, Joshua is just a few months old. Both very active, bubbly, cheerful kids, always smiling, just like the mum and grandma... Stay up to watch blackburn score 4 goals against man u, gave up n went to bed...
Today: woke up n bathed. when was about to fix lunch for myself, dear called and told me the final score for the man u match was 4-3. well, man u got 2 goals back, but not enough to even get a point... after lunch and medication, filed my nails cos 2 chipped and repainted them. dad fetched sis and me over to uncle's (mum side) place to meet my malaysian relatives and grandma b4 heading out for dinner at No Signboard Seafood at Geylang. granduncle said over dinner that when he returns to malaysia, he had to run a few more rounds cos we have been having seafood for the past 2 dinners. haha...
1st day: 1st grandaunt's place, thn mum's pa's friend place, thn 4th grandaunt's place, thn granduncle's (Mum's side) place then last stop is aunt's (dad side) place. But this year, b4 gog over to aunt's place, we went over to mum's mum place first...
2nd day: Lunch at mum's mum place then in the afternoon, granduncle (Mum's side) and family would come over. After they leave, we would then call to see who's at home then we would go visiting. usually would call my nanny or some of dad's friends, but this year, they're not at home. in the end decided to go over to my uncle's (mum's side) place.
3rd day: Woke up at only 3+ cos I haven't had enough sleep the last few nites. supposed to meet some poly coursemates at suntec marche, but i had a headache. they came over instead and we ordered pizza. it's been a long long time since i met them. chatted and really got to know what's happening to other coursemates, who's doing what and how's everyone. Then i went over to dear's place to sleep.
4th day: Woke up, had lunch and went to central to get some stuff before gog home to meet my 2nd granduncle and wife and 6th grandaunt and daughter, who drove out from malaysia on the 3rd day. 5th grandaunt's daughter treated all of us for dinner at East Coast Long Beach. saw her 2 sons for the first time. elder one, Timothy is about 2, younger one, Joshua is just a few months old. Both very active, bubbly, cheerful kids, always smiling, just like the mum and grandma... Stay up to watch blackburn score 4 goals against man u, gave up n went to bed...
Today: woke up n bathed. when was about to fix lunch for myself, dear called and told me the final score for the man u match was 4-3. well, man u got 2 goals back, but not enough to even get a point... after lunch and medication, filed my nails cos 2 chipped and repainted them. dad fetched sis and me over to uncle's (mum side) place to meet my malaysian relatives and grandma b4 heading out for dinner at No Signboard Seafood at Geylang. granduncle said over dinner that when he returns to malaysia, he had to run a few more rounds cos we have been having seafood for the past 2 dinners. haha...
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I Love God!
It's a long day. Went to sun moulin bakery at isetan scotts to get my sis n me, our fave cheese mochi. then got an sms from chee, gotta know a frd's mum had passed on n arranged to go to the wake with her later in the evening. walked over to tangs to help my mum get a handbag she saw. walked over to dr hwang's clinic to pass them some new year cookies.
its dear's last day today and he can go off by lunch time cos he only needed to give some product training. but some stuff cropped up about salary matters and he can't leave tt early. anyway i was still early and needed to get a top to change to wear to the wake cos i was wearing pink. so from mt. elizabeth, i walked over to (guess where else...) taka's mango to look for a top. of 3 not so colourful and bright tops i chosen, the cutting of 2 were slightly big although i took the smallest size, so i was only left with 1 choice. i wanted to buy a few (anyway, wake or not, i would buy a few if they could fit) so dear could help me see which one was more suitable. i also targetted a few more to buy during the sales period cos the pricing for those pieces were quite high and i find the designs ok, can buy type, not wah, very nice type... i also saw a pair of knee length pants, which i prefer to call bermudas cos they look like one, which was, in wht i called in my own lingo, 2 way wearing. i can pair it with a baggy t-shirt and slippers and wear them to market. i can also pair it with a nice smart casual top and a pair of heels and walk around in town, looking in vogue. so i bought 1 top n 1 bottom in the end.
i then walked over to wisma atria isetan's mango to look for other designs i can choose from. i once said in here that not all designs are found in all outlets. some designs can only be found in certain outlets. tried a racer back top, but the arm hole was a tad too big, so it looked a bit baggy... then dear called to say he's leaving and will mit me and his frd at cineleisure burger king. so while walking in the air-con from wisma atria to taka, i decided to pass by m)phosis. tried a black top but it was too longish for my liking, din buy in the end, so i continued my walk over to cineleisure.
had a chicken whopper jr for lunch and showed dear the top. he said it's quite ok, but a bit "happening". i kinda understood wht he meant cos the top had pictures on it. we proceeded to level 9 for dota, i'm starting to learn how to play already, but still need loads more training sessions. initial plan was for me to play for 1 hour then go home to change, put the down stuff, rest for a while then go down for the wake. but after playing for the hour, i got lazy n decided to stay n watch n learn the game. while watching dear play, i got to know more characters and their "special powers". i changed and at abt 6.15 we left and i took a cab down to mit chee at the wake.
this frd of ours, her mum passed away due to something which i really dislike now. its cancer, colon cancer. 2 immediate family members of my frds had passed on due to cancer, a few more other frds have immediate family members who have fought the battle and in remission. a few of my mum's friends also have fought the battle and now in remission, one more frd is still fighting. both my grandma's had their breasts removed. the person closest to myself, which is me myself, is also fighting the battle. y issit another cancer case?! haven't i heard enough?! so many institutes and organisations over the world are doing cancer research, haven't they researched enough to find a total cure?! this frd's mum was in remission but the cancer came back! having cancer is just like having a damn fucking irritating time-bomb in the body! fucking hell, u just dont know when it'll come back to haunt you.
but still, i take it in stride. As a Christian, i must believe in God's plans for me and have faith in him. as i was telling my frd, God has already made plans for us. if he wants me to call home earlier to him, i will. if he wants me to stay here longer, i will. but He will not show us the entire plan, just like how our insurance agents show us the entire insurance saving plan in details at one full glance how much we would have at certain ages. so, i gotta take it in stride and live strongly day by day, and like wht aunt elizabeth says after she removed her breast, she thanks God everyday when she wakes up for granting her another day.
but there's something i realise i need to learn, tt's to really believe whtever God does, its for the best for me. Just like now, I'm starting to believe wht PJ said, God's giving me this hurdle to bring me back to him cos i backslided way too much and am wandering around like a lost sheep. Today's memorial service and wht the pastor said about knowing God as our Saviour only echos wht PJ says. Honestly, it was only thru this ordeal, i started reading the bible again and slip into His arms like a lost child looking for comfort, love, support and forgiveness for being wilful and running away. n i know He had never ever given up on this lost sheep cos during these 9 months of ups and downs, i can see Him healing and guiding me to full recovery n listening to my prayers for giving me more time here. Most of all, i can feel His warm loving embraces and sayang-ing me. I have never felt so dependent on Him for such a longest time already.
anyway, back to the long day issue... after attending the wake, i went down to esplanade to mit dear for supper at glutton's square. but today no mood to talk about food... only in the mood to reflect n embrace in God's love... :-)
its dear's last day today and he can go off by lunch time cos he only needed to give some product training. but some stuff cropped up about salary matters and he can't leave tt early. anyway i was still early and needed to get a top to change to wear to the wake cos i was wearing pink. so from mt. elizabeth, i walked over to (guess where else...) taka's mango to look for a top. of 3 not so colourful and bright tops i chosen, the cutting of 2 were slightly big although i took the smallest size, so i was only left with 1 choice. i wanted to buy a few (anyway, wake or not, i would buy a few if they could fit) so dear could help me see which one was more suitable. i also targetted a few more to buy during the sales period cos the pricing for those pieces were quite high and i find the designs ok, can buy type, not wah, very nice type... i also saw a pair of knee length pants, which i prefer to call bermudas cos they look like one, which was, in wht i called in my own lingo, 2 way wearing. i can pair it with a baggy t-shirt and slippers and wear them to market. i can also pair it with a nice smart casual top and a pair of heels and walk around in town, looking in vogue. so i bought 1 top n 1 bottom in the end.
i then walked over to wisma atria isetan's mango to look for other designs i can choose from. i once said in here that not all designs are found in all outlets. some designs can only be found in certain outlets. tried a racer back top, but the arm hole was a tad too big, so it looked a bit baggy... then dear called to say he's leaving and will mit me and his frd at cineleisure burger king. so while walking in the air-con from wisma atria to taka, i decided to pass by m)phosis. tried a black top but it was too longish for my liking, din buy in the end, so i continued my walk over to cineleisure.
had a chicken whopper jr for lunch and showed dear the top. he said it's quite ok, but a bit "happening". i kinda understood wht he meant cos the top had pictures on it. we proceeded to level 9 for dota, i'm starting to learn how to play already, but still need loads more training sessions. initial plan was for me to play for 1 hour then go home to change, put the down stuff, rest for a while then go down for the wake. but after playing for the hour, i got lazy n decided to stay n watch n learn the game. while watching dear play, i got to know more characters and their "special powers". i changed and at abt 6.15 we left and i took a cab down to mit chee at the wake.
this frd of ours, her mum passed away due to something which i really dislike now. its cancer, colon cancer. 2 immediate family members of my frds had passed on due to cancer, a few more other frds have immediate family members who have fought the battle and in remission. a few of my mum's friends also have fought the battle and now in remission, one more frd is still fighting. both my grandma's had their breasts removed. the person closest to myself, which is me myself, is also fighting the battle. y issit another cancer case?! haven't i heard enough?! so many institutes and organisations over the world are doing cancer research, haven't they researched enough to find a total cure?! this frd's mum was in remission but the cancer came back! having cancer is just like having a damn fucking irritating time-bomb in the body! fucking hell, u just dont know when it'll come back to haunt you.
but still, i take it in stride. As a Christian, i must believe in God's plans for me and have faith in him. as i was telling my frd, God has already made plans for us. if he wants me to call home earlier to him, i will. if he wants me to stay here longer, i will. but He will not show us the entire plan, just like how our insurance agents show us the entire insurance saving plan in details at one full glance how much we would have at certain ages. so, i gotta take it in stride and live strongly day by day, and like wht aunt elizabeth says after she removed her breast, she thanks God everyday when she wakes up for granting her another day.
but there's something i realise i need to learn, tt's to really believe whtever God does, its for the best for me. Just like now, I'm starting to believe wht PJ said, God's giving me this hurdle to bring me back to him cos i backslided way too much and am wandering around like a lost sheep. Today's memorial service and wht the pastor said about knowing God as our Saviour only echos wht PJ says. Honestly, it was only thru this ordeal, i started reading the bible again and slip into His arms like a lost child looking for comfort, love, support and forgiveness for being wilful and running away. n i know He had never ever given up on this lost sheep cos during these 9 months of ups and downs, i can see Him healing and guiding me to full recovery n listening to my prayers for giving me more time here. Most of all, i can feel His warm loving embraces and sayang-ing me. I have never felt so dependent on Him for such a longest time already.
anyway, back to the long day issue... after attending the wake, i went down to esplanade to mit dear for supper at glutton's square. but today no mood to talk about food... only in the mood to reflect n embrace in God's love... :-)
Friday, January 20, 2006
Live Strong!
I was watch The Oprah Winfrey Show on Star World just now. Her interviewee this time round was Lance Armstrong. Dun ask me how long ago this was recorded cos it was only mentioned he won Tour de France 6 times, not 7... The entire episode made me cried cos I was inspired and touched.
Lance got testicular cancer when he was just at the emerging peak of his career. His doctors gave him 40%-50% chance of survival only cos the cancer has spread to the lungs and brain. 3 months later, he was in remission and started training on his bike all over again. he went on to have 3 lovely children and 7 Tour de France titles. Oprah asked him if he hadn't had cancer, would he have won. his reply was something like (I cant remember the excate words) that if he had won cancer, Tour de France was nothing. I share the same sentiments. Although i always forget and never had the chance to ask dr. hwang how far i was away from death, I knew i was close enough. But I knew since I could escape death on God's blessings and battled death, I knew any other future obsticles would be easier to clear.
Then Sheryl Crow came onto the show. Sheryl Crow, a singer is Lance's gf. Sheryl's much older, but you could sense their love and affections for each other, and it was deep. Photos were shown of Sheryl at Tour de France supporting Lance during the comeptition. It just just like how dear stood by me the entire time during this battle, this competition, this struggle, this hurdle against death, against cancer.
Then it was revealed that Lance's mum, Linda was a single mum, giving birth to Lance at the age of 17. Against all odds and family and friends asking her not to keep the baby, she did. During this time when her son got cancer, she was by his bedside all the time. accompanying him all the time thruout the treatments. just like my mum. accompnaying me to and fro, being there at the clinic while i'm having chemo, waking me up and making me sure to take my medications, always being there... just like my dear too, accompanying me to and fro, waiting for me to finish my radiotherapy at the hospital...
Lance's a huge inspiration. to him, cancer was the best thing it happened to him. I'm still not brave and strong enough to say cancer was the best thing that happened to me. But it was this "lesson", i learnt to be stronger and learnt to treasure and appreciate life more. But there's one thing i couldn't not agree with him, that's "Live Strong", which i will and adhere strongly!
Now, its time to get the yellow band, anyone knows where to get one? I dun wan pirated one... I want one which the proceeds goes to the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help in cancer research and education...
Lance got testicular cancer when he was just at the emerging peak of his career. His doctors gave him 40%-50% chance of survival only cos the cancer has spread to the lungs and brain. 3 months later, he was in remission and started training on his bike all over again. he went on to have 3 lovely children and 7 Tour de France titles. Oprah asked him if he hadn't had cancer, would he have won. his reply was something like (I cant remember the excate words) that if he had won cancer, Tour de France was nothing. I share the same sentiments. Although i always forget and never had the chance to ask dr. hwang how far i was away from death, I knew i was close enough. But I knew since I could escape death on God's blessings and battled death, I knew any other future obsticles would be easier to clear.
Then Sheryl Crow came onto the show. Sheryl Crow, a singer is Lance's gf. Sheryl's much older, but you could sense their love and affections for each other, and it was deep. Photos were shown of Sheryl at Tour de France supporting Lance during the comeptition. It just just like how dear stood by me the entire time during this battle, this competition, this struggle, this hurdle against death, against cancer.
Then it was revealed that Lance's mum, Linda was a single mum, giving birth to Lance at the age of 17. Against all odds and family and friends asking her not to keep the baby, she did. During this time when her son got cancer, she was by his bedside all the time. accompanying him all the time thruout the treatments. just like my mum. accompnaying me to and fro, being there at the clinic while i'm having chemo, waking me up and making me sure to take my medications, always being there... just like my dear too, accompanying me to and fro, waiting for me to finish my radiotherapy at the hospital...
Lance's a huge inspiration. to him, cancer was the best thing it happened to him. I'm still not brave and strong enough to say cancer was the best thing that happened to me. But it was this "lesson", i learnt to be stronger and learnt to treasure and appreciate life more. But there's one thing i couldn't not agree with him, that's "Live Strong", which i will and adhere strongly!
Now, its time to get the yellow band, anyone knows where to get one? I dun wan pirated one... I want one which the proceeds goes to the Lance Armstrong Foundation to help in cancer research and education...
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Tributes
To all my ever dearest friends,
Thank You so very much for standing by me and supporting me throughout these 8 long months. Thank You for being there thru any of these stages when I went thru ups and downs, hopes and disappointments. After 35 sessions of radiotherapy from 2nd June 2005 till 20th July 2005, I thought I was ok already, but I had pains in my waist area and fevers that refused to go away. My GP and radiotherapy oncologist then found out thru a PET scan after my radiotherapy that the cancer cells actually spread to my bones and liver. Now after 6 courses/ cycles of chemotherapy from 10th Aug 2005 till 27th Dec 2005, my chemotherapy oncologist has given me the all clear. As I officially announce that chemotherapy is over and done with, I’ll still be on mild oral chemotherapy drugs for another year or so, thus, battles not won yet officially.
Thank You for expressing your care, love and concerns in one way or another. Friendster has alerts telling me who had visited my profile and I know some of you have kept quiet all the while. But nevertheless, I know you guys are there silently giving me moral support.
And please join me in applauding these very very special people in this roll call who let me know I wasn’t fighting this battle alone throughout this entire time Thank You for your visits, msn messages, sms-es, emails and calls! (pls pls forgive me if I forgot to mention your name, anyway, you guys know who you are right?)
My lovely, beautiful, ever always there group of sisters: Winn, Ange, Yue and PJ
My secondary school mates: Jessie, Chee, Dasin, Jingxing, Saofiah, John, Keat,
My fellow crazy NP softballers: Jan, Qi, Zhenyao, Colin, Jen, Ben, Stella, Sarah
My FSVians: Dilys, Michelle, Yati, Angel, Neil, Alvin, HL
My EM colleagues: Bob, Jai, Ah Da, Faridah, Lina, Jerry, Rani, Weixiang, Vincent, Yin Fun, Roy, PKae, Ron, Big, Kung, Faai, Jo, May, Dulaya, Micheal, Terance, Bessie, Sani
My IRC trivia mates: eSpie, Bluewolf, Sarius, MI5, CuzZ, Sniper, gosh
Others like: Angela, Shenwee, Bern, Kewen, Kenneth Goh, Jen, Kenneth Choo, Zhiguang & Chris and the entire family, Ah Seng, Jester, Deva, Peilin, Serena, Pei Shuen, Ping, Wing Sum
Last but not least my dearest Mum, Dad and Sis. I love you guys so much!
And also, how can I ever forget to thank my loving, dearest Hubby. Thanks dear, I love you deep deep! Muacks!
Thank You so very much for standing by me and supporting me throughout these 8 long months. Thank You for being there thru any of these stages when I went thru ups and downs, hopes and disappointments. After 35 sessions of radiotherapy from 2nd June 2005 till 20th July 2005, I thought I was ok already, but I had pains in my waist area and fevers that refused to go away. My GP and radiotherapy oncologist then found out thru a PET scan after my radiotherapy that the cancer cells actually spread to my bones and liver. Now after 6 courses/ cycles of chemotherapy from 10th Aug 2005 till 27th Dec 2005, my chemotherapy oncologist has given me the all clear. As I officially announce that chemotherapy is over and done with, I’ll still be on mild oral chemotherapy drugs for another year or so, thus, battles not won yet officially.
Thank You for expressing your care, love and concerns in one way or another. Friendster has alerts telling me who had visited my profile and I know some of you have kept quiet all the while. But nevertheless, I know you guys are there silently giving me moral support.
And please join me in applauding these very very special people in this roll call who let me know I wasn’t fighting this battle alone throughout this entire time Thank You for your visits, msn messages, sms-es, emails and calls! (pls pls forgive me if I forgot to mention your name, anyway, you guys know who you are right?)
My lovely, beautiful, ever always there group of sisters: Winn, Ange, Yue and PJ
My secondary school mates: Jessie, Chee, Dasin, Jingxing, Saofiah, John, Keat,
My fellow crazy NP softballers: Jan, Qi, Zhenyao, Colin, Jen, Ben, Stella, Sarah
My FSVians: Dilys, Michelle, Yati, Angel, Neil, Alvin, HL
My EM colleagues: Bob, Jai, Ah Da, Faridah, Lina, Jerry, Rani, Weixiang, Vincent, Yin Fun, Roy, PKae, Ron, Big, Kung, Faai, Jo, May, Dulaya, Micheal, Terance, Bessie, Sani
My IRC trivia mates: eSpie, Bluewolf, Sarius, MI5, CuzZ, Sniper, gosh
Others like: Angela, Shenwee, Bern, Kewen, Kenneth Goh, Jen, Kenneth Choo, Zhiguang & Chris and the entire family, Ah Seng, Jester, Deva, Peilin, Serena, Pei Shuen, Ping, Wing Sum
Last but not least my dearest Mum, Dad and Sis. I love you guys so much!
And also, how can I ever forget to thank my loving, dearest Hubby. Thanks dear, I love you deep deep! Muacks!
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