Bored n restless...

Chemo on thursday. then reached home, slept... woke up for dinner, fell asleep again... then only woke up the next day ard 12. mayb slept too much, tt's y from then on, i feel energetic.

on friday, i went grocery shopping with my mum. ystday, tried some recipies with my mum again. at nite, dear came over to watch world cup qualifiers with me. today, slacked the whole day at home with dear, eating porridge my parents bought back n watching F1. at nite, went grocery shopping again...

bored, restless, bored, restless... tt's me for the past few days...

for the past week, 2 news "shook" the world. Bali attacked by suicide bombers n south asia hit by a 7.6 earthquake. wht in the world is the world coming to? here i am, fighting to live, battling with health. here there r, pple, fighting to live against mother nature. yet we got idiots who simply have no regards for life, bombing others to death. wht ironic contrast.

Failed carrot cake...

I think i found a new love...
...
mayb not, its a love affair revived...
...
but i'll never ever leave my current bf...
...
but this attraction is too strong...
...
so i decided the best solution is to yi jiao ta liang chuan (one leg step two boats)...
...
dear, pls dun blame me. pls forgive me.
not that i wana cheat on u...
...
but its only cooking n trying new recipies!
k, i admit its damn cheesy... but since i'm rotting at home, might as well try recipies from the loads of recipies my mum n i keep. last week, we've already tried banana cake. today we did some cookies n carrot cake. the cookies were easy so i'm not gonna talk abt it.

let's tok abt the carrot cake instead... now i understand y cafes charge an avg 5 bucks for a slice of carrot cake, either that or its at least 50 cents more expensive then the other cakes. the preparation is crazy...
first, u have to grate the carrots. then u have to cut the walnuts n raisins into smaller pieces. all these took me 2+ hours. luckily it was done last nite.
then u had to beat the eggs first then add oil, sugar n vanilla essence. after that, u add in detergent. that was wht my mum did... she tot the yellow liquid in the measuring cup still had oil. which in fact was detergent i put in to rid the oily oil.
so we had to weigh the sugar n start all over again... so beat the eggs first then add oil, sugar n vanilla essence. then after blending them, add in flour, cinnamon powder, salt n bicarbonate of soda. n then, blend again... then after that u add in the carrots, walnuts n raisins.
so many thens, cannot all add in at one go... tt's y the preparation very troublesome, even minus away the detergent part. then we still had to prepare the icing with sugar, butter n maple syrup.
honestly i consider the the cake a failure, even the icing is also a failure. the cake is too moist n oily. have to squeeze n drain the juice out from the grated carrots the next time round n cut down the oil. the icing was too sweet. before weighing the sugar for the icing, my mum told me to cut down the sugar given in the recipie, but it was still too sweet. so we might b trying the carrot cake again next week.

oh yah, din do chemo on monday cos white blood cell count was low. doc gave me booster jab n 3 day course of antibiotics. so tmr i'm back for a blood test. blood count ok, chemo. not ok, i guess its another booster n return on friday...

Tributes

Tossing n turning in bed, no idea y i can't get to sleep. no idea y sleepless nites often happen the nite before my chemo! maybe i'm too excited? maybe i'm too worried? mayb i'm thinking too much? no idea...
as usual, tmr i'll have to take blood test first. can chemo, do... cannot, take booster, return the next day...

while i was reading my study bible just now (its a bible accompanied with paras explaining certain verses), i came across some paras n reminded me about this stranger, a stranger whom i'd call B for now, someone who i believe is very kind. so since i cant sleep, i might as well come n type something in here that i was thinking about.

i know of some frds who know of my condition but chose to keep quiet cos i guess they dunno wht to say. i got a poly frd whom left a very short friendster msg saying "get well soon". i got other friendster msg n smses with similar meanings, some even offering visits. regardless of whether its just 3 words or a wholesome lot, i really appreciate cos battling alone is boring n no fun.

B, someone whom i dunno, left me a friendster msg that left me touched n pleasantly surprised. knowing a stranger that knows of my condition even spurs me on further to fight. i'm no attention seeker n its not that i wish everyone knows of my condition. but pple who knows me knows that i'm d sorta type of person who dun like frds to get upset or worried over me. so u can actually imagine how i felt whn i was hearing one of my jie meis crying over the phone whn she called me once i discovered i was sick. my heart almost broke then while crying along with her n while pretending to be strong. because of all these "so-called" attention, because of all these loving concerns, its only spurs n urges me to fight n win the battle. so i was really touched when B left me the friendster msg, cos it was a person whom i hardly knew, urging me on to fight n win!

now it just leads me to ponder how many more of my frds out thr actually know i'm sick. and also who was that fella called Noire who pm-ed me on irc (yes, i still "play" irc cos there's a great trivia channel) while i was 'parking' (a term for staying on the channel but not talking n no 'movement') saying "jas, be strong and cheerful even when the going gets tough.. when your heart is light and joyful and your head is clear.. your body might feel better and heal faster. I will pray for you all the time." this fella knew my name, but i had not seen this nick b4. if by any chance any of u who knows i'm sick but yet to contact me, or anyone who knows who's Noire or if you're Noire, pls do b kind, drop me an sms or a friendster msg to let me know i'm still alive n on my way to victory. call me a sucker for attention, call me thick skin, call me whtever. letting me know u're out there really lets me know that i'm still alive n kicking n that i'm still human. pls let those sms or friendster msg keep coming in.

another person really deservering mention is my loving dearest dear dear. although i look like a freak now, balding n super freakishly skinny, he still says that he loves me deep deep n that i'm still the most beautiful gal in d world. hehe...

to everyone else who has been thr all along letting me know i'm still alive, thanks so much n God will definately bless your kindest soul.

Shimbashi Soba revisted...

After an out-of-the-wordly-horrible lunch at Ramen Ramen ystday which kinda spoiled my day, everything was made rite again with dinner at Shimbashi Soba. muahahahaha! yes, i was at Shimbashi again! even my dad said the 70+ bucks we spent there compared to the 30+ earlier in the day was more worth it.

i went with my parents n we ordered Set A, Set B, Gumoko Soba n Chicken Crepe Salad. the sets are avaliable daily from 2.30pm onwards. whereas the Gumoko Soba and Chicken Crepe Salad are only avaliable this month cos they are monthly specials. yummy...... still savouring the taste now... set A was teriyaki tori, salmon sashimi, fish cutlet with noodles (soba or udon, chilled or warm). set b was soft shell crab, agedashi tofu, beef (done the yoshinoya beef bowl way) with noodles (soba or udon, chilled or warm). i took set a, my dad set b, my mum gumoko soba. as my dad dun take beef n i had to stay away from anything uncooked (to prevent any infections), i traded my sashimi for my dad's beef.

everything was as good as expected but the beef, i tell you, was better then expected. think yoshinoya beef bowl, but no beefy smell n thicker, tastier gravy. if shimbashi decided to do cheaper take-away bentos for lunch-time office crowd n introduce teriyaki chicken bowl n beef bowl like yoshinoya, yoshinoya would be outta business in no time. which actually, would b quite a pity cos i love yoshinoya too. but honestly, i love Shimbashi better! hehe...

if anyone gog to Shimbashi this month to try food, pls pls try their monthly specials. the monthly specials this month all sound damn good because the menus all comes with descriptions of what you are ordering (unlike at Ramen Ramen whr u hardly c pics or any descriptions - ok, i know i'm slamming them again, but i cant help it).

Another comparision i'm gonna make for Shimbashi is Ichiban Boshi. I've been to Ichiban Boshi 4 (or issit 5) times already, but the urge to keep going back is not as strong as Shimbashi. Maybe its the specials menu that's y i would wana go back n try the food. Ichiban also serves specials at different outlets although i'm not too sure how often they change the specials menu. however, the urge to check back the specials n try them is definately not as strong as Shimbashi.

i think now, if anyone feels like treating me for lunch or dinner, the 1st place i'd name would be Shimbashi. if anyone dunno whr to eat and asks me to suggest a place, i'd name Shimbashi. if anyone wans to celebrate any occasions, i'd name Shimbashi. I LOVE SHIMBASHI!!!

p.s: anyone (who loves japanese food, esp soba) reading this blog entry, i beg u, pls go try!!!

Ramen Ramen

Total writeoff... unless its the only food left in singapore then i'll go eat it. compared to Ajisen, i dunno who's worse. Looks like now i still can find a good ramen place in singapore. think i'll stick to my Shimbashi soba still...

Thumbs down: The ACOUSTICS was damn bad, everything was echo-y n u cant hear the staff properly. the lights are dim but luckily bright enough to make out what you are eating. place is blardi small (no wonder for the long qs). seats are damn blardi hard too.
Redeeming factor: the AROMA of the tonkotsu soup fills the place yet you dun walk out smelling like a piece of pork.

Thumbs down: The NOODLES were damn bland. we ordered a sweetcorn ramen, a chisu ramen (which was chasu ramen with cheese), tori karaage n grilled codfish. besides the noodles, the browish overnite beansprouts in the bowls of ramen were a big turnoff, all my appetite n anticipation to enjoying a bowl of ramen disappeared as soon as they appeared. the ramen came with the soup warm, not piping hot, on another tot, maybe even lukewarm. the tori karaage's batter was overly flourly n the chicken bland. the grilled codfish had a fishy smell.
Redeeming factor: the SOUP was tasty even when its cold. although the tori karaage's batter failed me, the chicken inside was bland, the chicken came piping hot n juicy.

I would think that's all i would comment on ramen ramen. by the way, their speciality, ramen ramen ramen is just plainly chasu ramen... compared to ajisen, sigh, each has its own thumbs down factors... ajisen's noodles are nicer on its own, even without the soup n they boost a wider variety, if only they maintain their standards for every bowl, every outlet...

3rd round on the way...

Had my chemo started again on Monday. As usual, the last few days, blur blur lying around, restless...

as i watch a red ant struggle on the computer table because i crushed it, i feel half guilty half happy. guilty as these small little creatures have lifes too... happy caused they r damn bloody irritating. these few months, my house is infiltrated with them. dunno where the hell they crawl out from. u cant find a trail of them, just one in about every 2 hours, crawling around. places they are discovered included my room wall, my room table, on the hall's sofa, on my parent's room toilet bowl (extremely huge, queen-looking ants, 2 times), on the bathroom wall, on the kitchen counter, and once in the morning, in MY cup!!! damn these ants! since they dun leave a trail, its hard to track where the stupid nest is. damn these ants...

my mum n i trying a new recepie we saw in a cookbook today. its called semur, otherwise, its stewed beef with some spices... the aroma is making me hungry. actually glad we got rid of beef in the house. my mum's frd bought it for us cos i need red meat as a source of protein. but she bought quite a lot, n my parents dun take beef, only me... my sis, another irritating one, only take beef like yoshinoya's beef bowl or in the form of burgers. no more raw beef in the fridge, as what my mum puts it, taking up space...

Pushed back yet again...

May be counting Mondays instead of Fridays if nothing goes wrong again... For the past week, nothing went wrong, except on Friday.

The actual plan was, blood count at clinic, CT scan of abdomen/ liver, brunch, collect scan n go back to the clinic to c my doc. doc will use the scan n blood test n determine how the following courses of chemo will go.
but what happened was, my white bood cell count was low (as usual, nothing new). cannot CT scan! so scheduled to do the scan ystday.

n again, the actual plan ystday was, blood test at clinic, CT scan, brunch, collect scan, back to c doc n since my blood test passed, start 3rd cycle of chemo on monday.
but what happened was whn i collected back the scan, my doc already left.

So now, monday i'll have to go back to c her instead. n most prob a blood test to c if i can start the 3rd cycle on monday. if i fail blood test, 3rd cycle will begin on tuesday instead.

y isnt there a day where things can go as planned. everytime fail blood test. white blood cell count low, cannot chemo, have to take booster jab n chemo next day. red blood cell count low, have to take jab n iron drip. platelets count low cannot do chemo, luckily this haven happen to me yet. but everytime my chemo keeps pushing back n gets delayed, sometimes really start to wonder whn i can really finish my cycles of chemo...

haiz... ren suan bu ru tian suan (human plan but heaven have another plan)... leave it up to God to decide when i can start my 3rd cycle of chemo already...

Shimbashi Soba

Been to this place twice already. located at the basement of Paragon, it boosts the best soba (japanese buckwheat noodles) i've ever eaten in singapore! Although the average price of 15 to 17 per bowl of soba may seem a bit steep, here are the following reasons why its not.

its HAND MADE. there is this poor japanese guy standing, kneading the dough, cutting the noodles even before the restaurant opens. somehow or rather, he kinda looks like an exhibit, standing behind a glass wall doing his stuff, while pple like me ogle at his skills.

its VARIETY. u cant say its a lot, nor can u say its little. you can choose from either chilled/ dry or warm/ soup soba as usual. but they have different broths/ flavours to choose from. for example, if u're craving for duck, they have soba with duck, either chilled or warm. honestly, i rarely seen japanese restaurants/ eateries serving duck!

the portion is HUGE. its like ordering a 5 bucks char kuay teow, hokkien mee or char tau kuay n eating it yourself. each portion can serve 1 n a half persons.
if u are a small eater, get another small eater along with you, order a bowl of soba and some sides, which i would suggest trying their teriyaki chicken. but actually, i finished the entire bowl myself, rite down to the last drop of soup... haha...

its TASTE. like i've said above, i finished the entire bowl myself, rite down to the last drop of soup. its very different.
firstly, it does not taste like its all shoyu (soy sauce) n nothing else, some places' noodles taste just like that.
secondly, it does not taste like the broth is made using those bottled/ packaged/ already prepared ones. i've tried making soba at home, using those "instant" noodles n soup bought from the supermarket. after eating at Shimbashi, it made those "instant" ones inedible...

its FLEXIBILITY. dun worry if u do not like soba, u can request for yr meal to be changed to HAND MADE udon for u. so if u're a udon lover, u still can enjoy the goodness of the broth n soups. oh yes, their udon is also damn good! its very "q" n springy!

its SPECIAL OF THE MONTH. each month, the chefs will add to the menu a few dishes. but sadly, its only for that particular month. so be sure to check the menu monthly (they have it displayed outside the restaurant) for those specials.

its STAFF. they are very friendly n polite. if u dunno what to eat, ask them for recommendations, they will gladly n patiently attend to you. they even teach you how to eat n enjoy your soba!

its LONG Q during lunch n dinner hours. it does prove that its worth a try.

Now that i've found a fantastic soba/ udon place, its still kinda pity there isnt a ramen place in singapore that i can billed it as fantastic yet.

The problem with Kytril & Motilium...

a very long entry which starts its story from last Thursday...

Thursday: white blood count low as usual. given booster as usual.

Friday: chemo as usual. my 12 course "meal"...

Saturday: feeling a bit tired as usual...

Sunday: i woke up at 5pm n missed a dosage of Kytril & Motilium. Didn't feel too good already. somehow or rather, something not rite, tot was because i slept too long. Then i took my medication as usual n started on my dinner. not much appetite. then HELL BEGINS.... i started to vomit. even after later when i took water, i threw up... so i went to lie n rest in bed n slept.

Monday: woke up at 12 noon. still dun feel quite good. no appetite still but still took my medication n managed to eat a bit. only to have HELL CONTINUING... i threw up again. took water also throw. every time i try to ingest, i throw. think it was abt a total of 4 times then i got my mum to call the clinic to see if doc ard. wanted to ask if it was because i miss that dosage of Kytril. instead i was asked to go down asap. my mum called a cab n we went down.
on the way down from my house, in the lift, on the cab, along the way, reached Mount E medical centre, to the clinic's door, i threw up a total of 3 times, even though i had NOTHING in my stomach! i think i ended up throwing up my gastric juices n loads of air... dun ask me how i threw up air, i just did, it was something like burping, only that it had more "depth" n "power" n it came up the body fast.
i was given an injection for stopping vomitting immediately. then i was given some milo to warm n soothe my churning stomach n took a dosage of Kytril. reached home only to throw again. took only some porridge water for dinner. i just cant eat cos whenever i open my mouth, i feel like throwing. doc told me to take another dosage of Kytril at bedtime. so i went to rest n lie in bed n took my Kytril quite early.

Tuesday: Had to sit while bathing cos i really had no energy to stand after throwing for 2 days. After i bathed, i threw up air again. then HELL CONTINUES STILL! i had a tummyache n needed to shit. since i have no energy, i couldnt squat n shit. i had to use the toilet in my parents room. my mum had to hold on to me while we walked from toilet to toilet.
before i could even reach the door of my parents room, i started seeing white patches. i had a gut feeling i was almost blanking out. true enough, even before i could step into the toilet, i felt faint n lost strength in my legs. my mum had to pull me up to the bed to lie down. there i was, heart beating fast, breathing fast, breaking out in cold sweat. once i could see clearly again, i proceeded to the toilet to shit.
but before i could totally empty my bowels, i begin to feel light headed again. i immediately cleaned myself n screamed for my mum. time was a huge factor here. so no time was wasted wearing back my underwear n shorts, instead a towel was used to wrap myself up. true enough, before i could lie on the bed, i was already seeing white patches again.
since i had no appetite n had no strength to chew or eat, i spent a whole great afternoon lying there. my mum comes in every one n a half hour or 2 hours to feed me meal replacement drinks or water thru a straw n i would try as hard as i could to dilligently sip the contents into my stomach. it was liquid diet the whole day, even dinner. by evening, i had the little strength to move out to sit in the hall instead.
i tot my throwing had completly stopped, but i was wrong. in a bid to get rid of the thick mucus that refuses to come out thru the proper channel which is the nose, i have no choice but to sniff it in n spit it out through the mouth. in that making-myself-a-little-better act, i choked a little, coughed a little n vomitted out my watermelon juice... had to keep ensuring my shocked mum that it was nothing. but i did not take any Stemetil the whole day cos i really dun have the energy to swallow anything.

Wednesday: woke up early n had breakfast which consisted a small cup of the meal replacement drink n my childhood fave, bread spreaded with condensed sweetened milk. but all i could managed was a quarter of the bread slice but i finished my drink. of cos, i had my Stemetil first as usual. maybe i had not much energy left in me, so usually one Stemetil would not put me to sleep, this time it did.
woke up at lunchtime. mum made a quick meal of beehoon soup with veggies. i finished half a bowl. again, Stemetil put me to sleep real soon. but after this 2nd nap, i woke up feeling great as i normally would. full of energy, not needing anyone to pour water for me, not needing anyone to help me to the toilet, sitting up straight n watching tv. appetite regained during dinner time, n i ate quite a plenty.

Thursday: nothing much happened.

Friday: went back to doc for blood test. white blood cell count was damn low, standing at 0.7... the lowest i ever recorded. doc ordered one booster jab n start of a course of antibiotics. to go back the next day.

Today: Morning was burger king breakfast. chose a secluded corner to avoid pple. luckily we were still early so not much pple ard. not many pple at the clinic. was sitting at the blood testing chair waiting to wait blood, until... i was told... no blood test... straight away 2nd booster jab...

right now, all i can do is wait for my white blood cell count to rise...

Fridays instead of wednesdays

Wednesday: no chemo cos white blood cell count too low. doc wanted to save money for me n did not give me the booster jab. she wanted my white blood cell count to rise up by itself. Then she ask me to go back on friday to check if i could do chemo.

Friday: no chemo too cos white blood cell count too low again. Given the booster jab.

Saturday: at last i could start on my 2nd cycle. besides the normal drugs i had to be given, another iron drip was given too as my red blood cell wasnt looking too good too.

Next thursday i'm gog back for blood test cos as exprienced, my white blood cell count is always on the low. so thursday's blood test is a gauge. if white blood cell count low again, at least i can take the booster n do chemo on friday. so now, instead of counting wednesdays, i'm counting fridays...

feeling sleepy already, due to the stemetil... yawn...